Random thoughts

[Xerxes]

Another tense argument with wife and I had the impulse to down some benzos and norco. instead i ran myself into the wall head first several times and then thought of ctb later this weekend.

 

[Letting Go]

The god of attraction wants to see me dead and she will get her wish.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I broke off my engagement tonight. I am unhappy and have no business making any big future plans because I don't know if I will ctb. In any case, I am twice divorced already and I just know it would be another disaster. Also, her family doesn't like me and we are currently living with them due to financial difficulties, so it's all very suffocating. I feel so miserable.

 

[worldexploder]

I been up for an hour and just realized it's evening not morning.

 

[Trashcan]

I hope I don't fail the exit bag.

 

[sadsoul]

I just wanted to say that most people on this forum are so sweet and pure. You could say they are purer than the purity needed for a lethal dose of SN.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I like to eat chicken with the skin on but then I feel bad for the chickens that died so I could have a delicious chicken meal *sighs* But they sure were tasty <3

 

[Schopenhauer]

Two days to live. Death beckons.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I'm in line waiting for the fucking valet to pick my car. That's reason enough to ctb. I want to have lunch already! :p

By the way, I love my car. So silent, comfortable and powerful. I'm going to drive around aimlessly before I go back home.

 

[Xerxes]

happy wife happy life right? yeah keep on telling yourself that xerxes...

 

[invisiblycrippled]

The fact that I'm expected to participate in Christmas bullshit is enough to make me want to kill myself all on its own. I hate Christmas.

I used to love Christmas as a child. It was so magical. But nowadays it's nothing but a nuisance, the magic sucked right out of it. :(

 

[Xerxes]

this forum, this place feels like a hospice...people come and go all the time. Cannot get attached.

 

[Throwaway563078]

I just wanted to say that most people on this forum are so sweet and pure. You could say they are purer than the purity needed for a lethal dose of SN.

This is so adorable :). I like everyone on here too. So many thoughtful loving people.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I've cleaned my desk, all my financial affairs are in order now. I've shredded so much paper that the shredder has jammed.

It's amazing how much trash you accumulate over the years. So much useless crap in life: financial statements, tax returns, car insurance policies, health care policies, prescriptions, property taxes... How did I put up with it for so long? I'm happy I'll be gone soon. I'm feeling contented right now.

 

[invisiblycrippled]

this forum, this place feels like a hospice...people come and go all the time. Cannot get attached.

Too late.

 

[sadsoul]

Too late.

Yeah, too late. People are too lovely to not get attached. Fuck.

 

[sadsoul]

I've cleaned my desk, all my financial affairs are in order now. I've shredded so much paper that the shredder has jammed.

It's amazing how much trash you accumulate over the years. So much useless crap in life: financial statements, tax returns, car insurance policies, health care policies, prescriptions, property taxes... How did I put up with it for so long? I'm happy I'll be gone soon. I'm feeling contented right now.

I'm glad you can find peace soon :)
You've probably already said this somewhere else, but what is your method?

 

[Schopenhauer]

I'm glad you can find peace soon :)
You've probably already said this somewhere else, but what is your method?

N. I'll leave this world Saturday morning.

Operation Killself is active!

I found that as the day approaches I'm feeling lighter and happier. A little nervous, too, I admit, but nothing major.

Edit: you remind me of my younger self.

 

[sadsoul]

Edit: you remind me of my younger self.

How so? :)

 

[Schopenhauer]

How so? :)

Nothing definite, but your general outlook on life, and the way you view things.

It's not a good place to be, and I never really left :(

 

[littlelungs]

Too late.

No kidding. Way too late. Fuck.

 

[Letting Go]

You know your life sucks when work is the most tolerable part of it at the moment.

 

[Trashcan]

I really hope inert gas asphyxia works this Sunday. I have SN as a backup plan if it does not. I will order the appropriate antiemetics if the exit bag doesn't work. Then my new date will hopefully be November 25 (hoping the antiemetics would have arrived by then). But I'm hoping that won't be necessary.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Just got back from a long drive. I love driving on the highway at night. There's nobody around, it's all empty and dark, like a post apocalyptic world. I was blasting Devo and drinking Cherry Coke :)

I haven't felt so good for a long time. By the time I was heading back home, I could feel the tears lurking behind the joy... tomorrow I'll let them flow. I have so many regrets, so much to cry about...

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Just got back from a long drive. I love driving on the highway at night. There's nobody around, it's all empty and dark, like a post apocalyptic world. I was blasting Devo and drinking Cherry Coke :)

I haven't felt so good for a long time. By the time I was heading back home, I could feel the tears lurking behind the joy... tomorrow I'll let them flow. I have so many regrets, so much to cry about...

I imagine pretty much everything will go through your mind between now and Saturday. Good luck processing everything. Coming to terms with ctb is always going to be exceptionally difficult when push comes to shove.

I just put my details into a life expectancy calculator. It says I am exactly halfway through my life. I don't know whether to be excited or depressed.

 

[Roulette]

Does anyone else hide in their room when someone invites a guest over :/

Just came home and theres a guest over.. so now im waiting around the side of the house, but these groceries need to go in the fridge. Sigh how pathetic

 

[Aesthler]

Took my first metoclopramide

 

[Schopenhauer]

Does anyone else hide in their room when someone invites a guest over :/

Just came home and theres a guest over.. so now im waiting around the side of the house, but these groceries need to go in the fridge. Sigh how pathetic

I was like that, when I lived with my parents.

Currently I live in an apartment. When I see that there are other people in the elevator I always take the stairs. And I wait in the garage, inside my car, until everyone else has gone up.

 

[2211264]

I just wish I could have gone back in time and lived at an earlier time in history. I so know that I would have still kms but I would be able to last longer.

 

[worldexploder]

Rhode Island is the smallest state in America.
Prince Edward Island is the smallest province in Canada.

But Rhode Island isn't an island at all!