Random thoughts

[ArtsyDrawer]

after good 2 decades i picked up a pencil and drew a thing. something relatively simple, though I'm not entirely sure I can even mention what it is because webcrawlers.
9.5 hours. it took 9.5 hours to draw.

 

[Echo]

I'm thinking that patience is a virtue.
If i keep repeating i'm patient… i'm patient.. it will become true, right? Only a few more months…

 

[noname223]

I ordered something on the internet. And I had so fucking much bad luck. The tracker was wrong. I was too inpatient bought it in a shop nearby. A friend wanted to buy it from me. We both locked at the tracker. It said the delivery will take a lot of time. My friend lost patience too and bought it in a shop: (Just today) And then suddenly the package was here. Like 1-2 hours after he bought it.

I am really stingy person. But this was so much bad luck I had to laugh about it.

 

[http-410]

From deep dissociation into severe depression. What a shitty, miserable cycle.

 

[angelfeather]

Why is it when you are really unwell mentally you are told to reach out? Then when you do reach out for help there is no help…?!

 

[throwaway123]

I can't believe it's been more than a year since I last posted.
I just came here to say that nothing has changed at all. Literally not a thing. I tried out a bunch of stuff but it just made it worse. I'm doomed to live a miserable life.

I had a dream once about my future where I was very miserable and that was about it. I've been trying to escape that fate ever since but no matter what I do I just steer towards it instead of improving my life. Strange how fate gets you.
I see other people have such perfect lives. Sometimes I'm upset but sometimes there are these moments where I wonder. Does any of it matter?
No matter what I do I'll always be a loser doomed to think otherwise. I think the coping mechanisms are the only thing keeping me alive. It's always been that way. Maybe I should look for better coping mechanisms.

Also rip to millefeui and all the others. You guys escaped a ton of misery. See you in heaven one day.

 

[Enigmatic Sailor]

It's getting more and more difficult to see beauty in life. With each passing day it feels like I'm trapped in a dull room with nothing but grey drywall to be there to keep me company.

It feels like my love and passion for what I used to do to occupy my mind just feels like an "alien dream". I wish I can break this vicious cycle of ruminating about lost time and missed opportunities. I've come to the indefinite conclusion that suffering is a default mode of life. There is no turning back and the only place to go from here is forward and pray you feel some sort of relief.

We hate change, but it's necessary for us to find new love and meanings for things. We should live in the moment and take nothing for granted. The one thing that is sure to help me is to empty my brain out on long walks.

I think we should appreciate more of what we have and make the most of it.

"Time enjoyed being wasted is time well spent."

 

[thatguyakira123]

Don't wait. I have and all reality has ever done is made me regret it. I am 32 now and was supposed to ctb at 30. I regret staying alive.

 

[http-410]

Oh my, I didn't know @sadworld ctb... That makes me really sad right now. Hopefully they have found peace.

 

[NotGonnaLast]

I try to get better but I still end up back here. My life never truly began for it to end, so why do I feel like I'm already dead?

 

[Lostandlooking]

I sometimes wonder about people who say they fall asleep the moment they hit their pillow. Absolutely unimaginable to me. How wonderful that would be. It sounds like a superpower. How are such different experiences even possible amongst a species. Same goes for something like sensitivities surrounding temperature. A lot of people really hate the hot weather, others are very sensitive to cold. Not a genuine question, I know humans are very complex creatures. Just a random thought for the random thoughts thread.

 

[WOODESITY]

Back to here, i haven't posted for quiet long time here, this is probably just something that has been on my mind recently, today i woke up and needed to go to store for cigarettes, royal farms where girl who rents room in my house works,she stopped talking to me over something, and it's always hard to go to that store where other girl that works there seems to be spreading lies about me, i went there anyway and parked my bike back of the store, then comes this other girl and i saw and took my bike and went to front entrance, didn't wanna interact with her, i come in and i hear this girl says to other workers: I'm not gonna steal your bike, i work here and everyone started laughing, that girl too and says come over because she knew i wanted to buy something, and after all that i heard everyone pretending nothing is wrong, i just walked out of store and it reminded me how narcissists do smear campaign and telling lies, i will never go to that store ever, i should never went there in the first place, but this is literally how my day started

 

[thatguyakira123]

I am convinced that I wasn't born in the right reality. Tho I'm an atheist, it too much of a coincidence that bad things always happen to me. I spiraled out Friday. All the stuff I do in my mind to make sure my mental disorder doesn't stop me from functioning normally was gone becuase of the year I had. I talked it out with a few people and was able to regain some control for a few days until today happned.

I go out to skate today, rain. Spent hours cleaning the yard and waiting for it to dry. Goes out, rain, skates anyways cuz light drizzle so it dries a bit fast this time, then I had 21 mins left again, rain. Everytime I go out to skate someone or the weather interrupts me which is hindering my progress and causing me to rumate to a point of spiraling out. Not to mention the fact that skateboards can't get wet, it destroys it and I don't have money for a new one becuase I am jobless.

I don't normally put on my computer early, but every time I do power goes out. I put it on early today cuz I have important stuff to download on it and I won't have time to do it later cuz I was skating then. I put on pc, 48 mins later power goes out for 10mins. That's the 20th time it's happened this month, 5 of those times it was major power outage. Tho I have a surge protector, my PS is giving weird noises and the most I can do is clean and put it back on becuase I live in a country where women as well as black people (because they are the marjority race in Trinidad and Tobago and is responsible for electing the local equivalant of the Republican Party) are more likely to get jobs than indian men.

Becuase I'm indian, a man and short, people in all jobs I've been too always assume I can move faster and stronger than machines. Becuase I'm a man and an introvert people at work always verbally abuse me. Becuase from an extrovert who happens to be black's point of view a quiet Indian man is racist and from an extrovert who happens to be indian's point of view a quiet indian is a spoiled one, despite the fact that I work my fingers to the bone more times than I can count. This is why I can never keep a job cuz it messes with my mental disorder and causes me to spiral out a quit after a few months

And the stupid government doesn't want to evolve the job market. Instead it wants to pocket money ment for inforstructure and updating employment oportunites and denying gay people such as myself rights in Jesus name, yet the PNM will always win becuase most of the people in it are black and the majorty race in this country is black. One of their political attack ads towards their opposition was "We can't let the treasurey be spent on rum and roti" that's like if Mitt Romey was to run a political attack ad againest Obama saying "We can't let the Federal Reserve be spent on fried chicken and water mellon.

God the tribalistic mentallity of humans sicken me. It's so obvious that I'm not compatable with this world. Maybe if i was born 2000 years from now, it would've been better.

 

[S like suicide]

All i can think is about my suicide,i'm so ready for it and it makes me happy thinking about me finally dead.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I always fantasise about my death, but think it's unfair that I have to do it.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I wonder if I open my wrist then anyone would respect my boundaries.

 

[Circles]

Whatever happens after death I hope I don't have to be with my fucked up family for eternity in any way, shape or form. A lifetime of this shit is enough let alone forever.

 

[noname223]

The gif or profile picuture of @Gonnerr reminds me of my youth. When I was a suicidal teenager I started to watch gore. I might have started with suicides on youtube where the content was not that explicit. The gif of this member shows a short clip of a video I once watched on youtube. It showed how several people jumped from a bridge it might have been the Golden Gate bridge. The gif shows a guy dressed fully in black and he did it in kind of an aesthetic way. I could not find the video anymore on youtube maybe there are nowardays stricter rule about such content.

I can remember small details. He looked so 100% determined, without any doubts, his body was in full tension, he seemed to be without any fear, he did not hesitate a second, he jumps by falling from his back first. Not sure how to describe that.

I can remember as a fucking teenager asking myself whether I would be able to pull that off. And I thought hell no. I still share that opinion. I could never do that. As a teenager I had the feeling my life might end with suicide. But now in my mid-twenties I am very certain there is no way around.

Thank you @Gonnerr for giving me this (admittedly weird) nostalgia. Suicide was quite abstract for me that age. Now I know the hell of facing death.
Is there like a bug in this thread. I posted something but it is shown as if i posted it several months ago??

 

[Gonnerr]

The gif or profile picuture of @Gonnerr reminds me of my youth. When I was a suicidal teenager I started to watch gore. I might have started with suicides on youtube where the content was not that explicit. The gif of this member shows a short clip of a video I once watched on youtube. It showed how several people jumped from a bridge it might have been the Golden Gate bridge. The gif shows a guy dressed fully in black and he did it in kind of an aesthetic way. I could not find the video anymore on youtube maybe there are nowardays stricter rule about such content.

I can remember small details. He looked so 100% determined, without any doubts, his body was in full tension, he seemed to be without any fear, he did not hesitate a second, he jumps by falling from his back first. Not sure how to describe that.

I can remember as a fucking teenager asking myself whether I would be able to pull that off. And I thought hell no. I still share that opinion. I could never do that. As a teenager I had the feeling my life might end with suicide. But now in my mid-twenties I am very certain there is no way around.

Thank you @Gonnerr for giving me this (admittedly weird) nostalgia. Suicide was quite abstract for me that age. Now I know the hell of facing death.
Is there like a bug in this thread. I posted something but it is shown as if i posted it several months ago??

This is the documentary about suicide jumper at golden gate. He jump around 1:25:30

 

[Circles]

I guarantee it that the Suicide Squad movies/franchise were made solely to act as a way to block people from finding anything suicide related.

 

[Morpho]

I want to die

 

[Circles]

Once you've touched the bottom of the abyss it's hard to get back up.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Inside me there are two wolves: one is excited for what the Nintendo Direct coming up in two hours could show. The other wolf hopes that I won't be interested in any of the games so that I'll have less reason to delay my suicide.

Edit: Good thing the only game they announced that I am even remotely excited for is the South Park Snow Day game and I might not even get that on Switch AND it comes out next month so I don't have to actually wait that long.

 

[blueming]

I just accidentally told my cat to shut up and now I feel like a total asshole :((

 

[sserafim]

I can't believe I got banned from that shit site again. They must've tracked my IP, otherwise how would they know that it was an alt. I hate them so much. Fuck you Neets.net

 

[blueming]

I just accidentally told my cat to shut up and now I feel like a total asshole :((

Just wanted add some context on the circumstances because I'm overthinking everything as usual and I feel like I made it sound quite bad >< - he's been meowing nonstop day and night recently because he hasn't been allowed to go outside since he got injured. I was trying to focus on some work and he had been meowing in my face for the past 10 minutes so I absentmindedly told him to shut up I immediately felt so bad and apologised so I hope he forgave me ><

 

[soulkitty]

Every chapter of my life has a different feeling, taste, scent. It almost has a personality of its own. i have no idea how to describe this lmao, i hope that makes sense. I wonder what the next chapter is going to feel like, I want to know but also dont want to know

 

[Mirrory Me]

I wonder if our souls connect to our relatives while we are in sleep... Usually I just dream all by myself, but sometimes there are other people and enteties that aren't the typical ones.

 

[HereTomorrow]

After changing to healthy eating, I find it difficult to enjoy junk foods and candy. I can see how they taste good, I used to down soda and candy a lot just a few years back.

Nowadays I make my own food with lowfat modifications. Egg drop soup with egg whites, macaroni and cheese with lowfat cheese, and Halo Top ice cream in general are a few examples.

It must be a placebo or the feelings after eating. I enjoy foods that makes me feel great and energetic, and junk foods make me feel miserable and sleepy.


...I still love butter heavy fried rice though.