Random thoughts

[Life+me=error]

SS is my 'happy' place.

 

[RM5998]

Meetings are uncomfortable things. Especially when people bring up your name.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

so lost 20 pounds in the 6 weeks. woohoo. got hit on by a guy on the bus on the way home.. boo :-( and was called weird again.. so yeah. ups and downs.. gah my life....

I met my ex on a dating website. His first message to me was "You seem weird." At first I was a little offended but then I decided to take it as a compliment and replied "You seem weird too." We had a lot of good times. Just saying...

 

[blanketyblk]

I met my ex on a dating website. His first message to me was "You seem weird." At first I was a little offended but then I decided to take it as a compliment and replied "You seem weird too." We had a lot of good times. Just saying...

so true. i guess i should embrace being weird. but it's always been used as an insult to me. hard to turn it around. and would of kept talking to them if it was a girl. but i don't do guys.

gah. read this on my news site and neerly was sick.

Suspected rapist ‘castrated’ by dog

WARNING: Graphic

www.news.com.au

i mean the guy could be a rapist and if he was then good. but what if he was innocent. shudder. what a eek world we live in

 

[woxihuanni]

I cannot wait to have my stuff. I invited them to something and the answer is thank you. Not thank you I'd like to but cannot because x, or no I just don't want to. Hs always been the same. I never seem to deserve a clear answer to anything.

 

[Numbtopain97]

Man I hate my country so much.I wish I could move.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I can't stop the anxiety. The panic is rolling over me in waves. It's just a biopsy, they do these every day. Me being this scared is ridiculous. I can't breath though.

 

[woxihuanni]

I can't stop the anxiety. The panic is rolling over me in waves. It's just a biopsy, they do these every day. Me being this scared is ridiculous. I can't breath though.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

But, life is a cruel comedy, because worlds would be mine if I had biopsies to undergo.

 

[Donewith_]

In silence..
You can remember all the things, dig up all the things,
Silence is a bit scary for me.
When you dig up all the things...thats when reality hits you hard and realise that you are stuck.
You can't move an inch..
I don't like this unknownness.

Isn't it the same shit tomorrow too

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

I can't stop thinking of suicide this has been going on for months!

 

[kkatt]

My N expired and I dispensed of it last week.
I've been standing at the bus stop for a VERY long time. But a while ago,my daughter told me she wanted to have kids and that I could be involved.
That really changed everything. But today she told me she DEFINITELY won't be having any.
She knows I'm only really here because of her.
Now all I have to do is wait for my dad to pass on. He has been through so much. I can't do that to him.
How quickly things change.

 

[blanketyblk]

I can't stop the anxiety. The panic is rolling over me in waves. It's just a biopsy, they do these every day. Me being this scared is ridiculous. I can't breath though.

Hang in there girl!! i got all fingers and toes crossed it will be fine!!
Hugs

 

[woxihuanni]

My fury is not going anywhere, not with a nap, not because of exhaustion. Can hardly stop myself from doing something socially destructive.

 

[irrelevant_string]

Memoization... what a silly word. I don't know how to pronounce it. When I do, it sounds like the way a person who can't pronouce r would pronounce memoRization. That's probably my greatest discovery for today.
Uh I can't think anymore but this freaking brain won't shut down even at 4am and it's not even doing anything useful. Well I blame amitriptyline withdrawal.

 

[Stan]

if fluff stops collecting in my belly button, is it a glitch in the matrix?

 

[RM5998]

Memoization... what a silly word. I don't know how to pronounce it. When I do, it sounds like the way a person who can't pronouce r would pronounce memoRization. That's probably my greatest discovery for today.
Uh I can't think anymore but this freaking brain won't shut down even at 4am and it's not even doing anything useful. Well I blame amitriptyline withdrawal.

Dynamic programming is one of the few useful things I learned in my last 2 semesters at college (mostly because I attended the classes when it was being taught, instead of lying in my room and drowning in self pity). It also led to some of the most convoluted programs I've ever seen or written. Fun times. At least it never seemed like someone pulling out a more optimized algorithms out of their ass (looking at you, Strassen).
Damn, it feels good to be able to vent about CS and how stupid it can be at times. Especially with a shitty teaching faculty.

 

[your pathologist]

Weary of you now i will forever be

 

[irrelevant_string]

Huh I was actually dping some graph algorithms and then decided to go deeper and took Cormen's textbook and now I can't stop until I go through it all. I don't attend lectures so I have to self teach like this which sometimes proves to be more harm than good.

At least it never seemed like someone pulling out a more optimized algorithms out of their ass (looking at you, Strassen).

Oh my god! That's exactly what Strassen does! Plus it made me spend an entire freaking day trying to figure out how to partition a matrix in constant time(I know it doesn't affect the overall assymptotic time) and then I decided to simply use a different represantation for submatrices that accepts the range of indices in conatructor and override the entry access(or whatever it's called) function but it's kind of language specific and something makes me think that that's not exactly what they had in mind but I'm so done with it.
The book also hinted at the existence of a better algorithm but I didn't bother to look yet.
Now I'll try to figure out how to parenthesize a matrix product for the least number of scalar multiplications, yesterday I was stuck calculating the number of different possibilities that can be done( and then just looked up the solution).
God I feel so stupid for taking this long...

 

[Quase Nada]

I wrote in my profile today I would like to share these my thoughts with
all of you.(Sorry for the mistakes I don't write the English language so well)

- What makes you live?
- I have to live.
- Why do you have to live?
- People want me alive.
- Why are you crying?
- I feel alone.
- Where are the people who want you alive?
- I do not know.

 

[woxihuanni]

I wrote in my profile today I would like to share these my thoughts with
all of you.(Sorry for the mistakes I don't write the English language so well)

- What makes you live?
- I have to live.
- Why do you have to live?
- People want me alive.
- Why are you crying?
- I feel alone.
- Where are the people who want you alive?
- I do not know.

Society in a nutshell.

 

[burnedCookie]

The only people with whom I've had some kind of real connection in my life are non-standard people/weirdos/freaks whatever the name society gives them.
The two loves of my life were among other things bipolar. Most of the time they were so exhausting that I couldn't even think about my own problems :) But when they love you...they truly love you.

 

[blanketyblk]

I wrote in my profile today I would like to share these my thoughts with
all of you.(Sorry for the mistakes I don't write the English language so well)

- What makes you live?
- I have to live.
- Why do you have to live?
- People want me alive.
- Why are you crying?
- I feel alone.
- Where are the people who want you alive?
- I do not know.

soo very very true!

 

[Donewith_]

The same tomorrow

 

[your pathologist]

I have the ego of this untouchable flawless badass bitch, but then i have the emotional stability of a homeschooled emo trash
So basically i just end up mad at myself for feeling emotions so intensely or disassociating constantly like this disgusted who even is this asshole feeling about myself

 

[Morphinekiss]

Fentanyl is one hell of a drug. I'd like some more of this. Biopsy done, tada

 

[waived]

Anyone else heading into the colder months and feeling the urge to drink but like before. It's the only way I can connect with the past.

 

[ReverendGreen]

Daniel Johnston died today. He was a musician who suffered from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and wrote + recorded extremely personal songs about hope, life, etc by himself onto cassettes. I've been crying since I found out.
No other album perfectly captures the feeling of mental illness like this one does. Listening to it has helped me feel less lonely so many times in my life.

 

[Alchemist]

I truly hate and makes me mad when people lie to you, specially when they try to pretend to be nice.

 

[AhG]

Just got back from the looney-bin. Just made me want to die even more tbh, but it helped somewhat.

 

[JulienSorel]

I was just thinking how in math, we solve mathematical terms by equating it to another similar term, and through series of equations we arrive at a term that pertains to our purpose. Ultimately, it is done through equations.

The only literature I have read that exemplifies this concept most clearly is the Bible. Christ taught using parables, equating one story to another, and through series of stories that equate to each other in some abstract way, we arrive at a better understanding of the world.

Kinda like solving math equations. I feel that when I do math, I am doing God's work. I also hear screams of people who have purposely tried to antagonize me for a feeling of temporary superiority, and all the hate every thrown on to me by every person. I also feel anger at myself for not defending myself when the moment called for it, but I have lived a life where people were allowed to break my spirit for sport.

As much as I respect and appreciate math, it sometimes does truly feel like crying and gnashing of teeth, because every mental capacity is being exercised to its full capacity, and every transgression we suffer diminishes that capacity.

I envy people who can practice math for long periods in peaceful solitude.