Weeping Garbage Can
ਕਿਰਪਾ ਕਰਕੇ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਭੁੱਲ ਜਾਓ ❤️
- Oct 31, 2018
- 320
Aww, please feel free to message me if you want to talk/vent/have support from someone
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Hey Guest,
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I wish I had my SN. I want to go tonight. My "bf" is an ass and doesn't care. I rather he find me vs my family. Every day I realize ctb is the only answer for me.
I feel my brain/mind is clogged right now. Can't think well now. Its sad that despite how much I think, many times my brain is oppressed biologically and psychologically. So many times I don't use much of my brain power, not an egotistical statement, just describing the shitty stuff happening and how my brain/mind feel like it doesn't work at all. Its weird and annoying.
I can measure somehow by a strange method. I compose or reply music and songs in my head all the time. If there is nothing or forcibly just generate simple or lead part only, then its working very low or not working at all. (I'm not musician Btw and know nothing about music but I create stuff in my mind).
Sorry for what it may look like strange nonsense but I'm just trying to describe.
I can measure somehow by a strange method. I compose or reply music and songs in my head all the time. If there is nothing or forcibly just generate simple or lead part only, then its working very low or not working at all. (I'm not musician Btw and know nothing about music but I create stuff in my mind).
Sorry for what it may look like strange nonsense but I'm just trying to describe.
Dark and nothing in here.. i'll say how it is
I am watching a stage-play.. I see, experience the sadness, pain and happy moments in it like it is my own. Some people in it pull me inside and demand that I should too play in it. But I have no role in it. If I don't act act they act as if I am robbing them off something they deserve. I am the only one watching that play. If there is a lot of mess going on there and people are crying, I feel like my heart is sinking inside.. there is nothing I can do but to fall down to ground and cry... I have no control over the play. My life is a boat lost in a ocean.
Its like.. my life came to a still and I am watching everything going around me like its a movie. I feel like I am speaking a different language to the people around me. I am here for a long time, basically stuck inside my head from the time I got consciousness.why isn't there atleast a person around me who has seen the same as me. Why should I be the only one to know how this vacuum feels. I don't want other person to experience this shit but I want to know how a person had dealt with this, gotten out of this.
I have a gift.. I can't express everything of what I feel properly.. may be I am a bit retarded or I feel like its not worth it. When I see some people around me crying while going through some things, my inside voice says .. this is the same thing I have gone through before crying inside myself. Why didn't get a thought that it is a shareable thing.
Why should I be the only one crying? Give me a answer!
I am watching a stage-play.. I see, experience the sadness, pain and happy moments in it like it is my own. Some people in it pull me inside and demand that I should too play in it. But I have no role in it. If I don't act act they act as if I am robbing them off something they deserve. I am the only one watching that play. If there is a lot of mess going on there and people are crying, I feel like my heart is sinking inside.. there is nothing I can do but to fall down to ground and cry... I have no control over the play. My life is a boat lost in a ocean.
Its like.. my life came to a still and I am watching everything going around me like its a movie. I feel like I am speaking a different language to the people around me. I am here for a long time, basically stuck inside my head from the time I got consciousness.why isn't there atleast a person around me who has seen the same as me. Why should I be the only one to know how this vacuum feels. I don't want other person to experience this shit but I want to know how a person had dealt with this, gotten out of this.
I have a gift.. I can't express everything of what I feel properly.. may be I am a bit retarded or I feel like its not worth it. When I see some people around me crying while going through some things, my inside voice says .. this is the same thing I have gone through before crying inside myself. Why didn't get a thought that it is a shareable thing.
Why should I be the only one crying? Give me a answer!
Kikoo Loool
Enlightened
- Feb 25, 2019
- 1,128
littlelady774
running on empty
- Dec 20, 2018
- 708
Came here to sob.
I'm so sad
. Today, one of my TAs said my answer was "Terrible" in front of the whole class. I was so embarrassed. I have enough trouble as it is talking in front of groups, but if we don't volunteer to answer we lose points.
So I gathered up the courage to answer something and it was called terrible.
I feel like such a stupid idiot. The rest of the class was getting it somewhat fine. Not me.
Oh well, I guess it just gives me more motivation to ctb :(
I'm so sad
. Today, one of my TAs said my answer was "Terrible" in front of the whole class. I was so embarrassed. I have enough trouble as it is talking in front of groups, but if we don't volunteer to answer we lose points.So I gathered up the courage to answer something and it was called terrible.
I feel like such a stupid idiot. The rest of the class was getting it somewhat fine. Not me.
Oh well, I guess it just gives me more motivation to ctb :(
Kikoo Loool
Enlightened
- Feb 25, 2019
- 1,128
Don't give a damn to teachers and schollmates, school only lasts a little time compared to your whole life.Came here to sob.
I'm so sad
So I gathered up the courage to answer something and it was called terrible.
I feel like such a stupid idiot. The rest of the class was getting it somewhat fine. Not me.
Oh well, I guess it just gives me more motivation to ctb :(
AhG
La vie est tout sauf un rêve
- Jan 24, 2019
- 313
Your face is like a melody, it won't leave my head...
Memento Mori
shambling garbage
- Jan 24, 2019
- 573
and drive me insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane
props to you
Memento Mori
shambling garbage
- Jan 24, 2019
- 573
Sounds cringe but I feel that noone understands me.
Memento Mori
shambling garbage
- Jan 24, 2019
- 573
i have a hard time remembering what day it is. shoul i feel bad because its weekend and i'm alone or should i feel useless because its the middle of the week and i'm doin just nothing motivation is gone again. at least these days aren't the worst ones
motivation is gone again. at least these days aren't the worst ones
brighter
Warlock
- Jan 22, 2019
- 718
I'm starting to like my demons. They're loyal to me. I think in their own twisted way they love me.
marcusuk63
CTB
- Mar 24, 2019
- 1,735
My house is 140 years old , that means every single human on the plant who where alive when it was built are now dead ! lucky bastards
And I smile, yes I smile as they're taking me over
And if I can not sleep for the secrets I keep
It's the price I'm willing to meet
The end of the night never comes too quickly for me"
"When faced with my demons, I clothe them and feed them
And I smile, yes I smile as they're taking me over
And if I can not sleep for the secrets I keep
It's the price I'm willing to meet
The end of the night never comes too quickly for me"
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I just got a call that they're going to stop my disability cause I am not proactive enough (I can barely get out of bed in the morning despite meds and therapy and stuff). My anxiety is through the roof and I want to take my Fentanyl OD right now.
Still have the feeling of not wanting to hurt my family though. I am literally so stuck right now and I just don't know what to do anymore.
Wait is this even a random thought or am I being annoying posting this here. Sorry.
Still have the feeling of not wanting to hurt my family though. I am literally so stuck right now and I just don't know what to do anymore.
Wait is this even a random thought or am I being annoying posting this here. Sorry.
WOODESITY
Experienced
- Mar 15, 2019
- 217
You're not being annoying to me , post whatever comes on your mind :)
enzyetee
Member
- Mar 21, 2019
- 23
throwaway777
一人、部屋で、独り。
- Oct 3, 2018
- 641
A centimeter is a hundredth of a meter.
A decibel is a unit of measurement for sound.
A decimeter is ten centimeters and a tenth of a meter.
A centipede is a creature with, roughly, a hundred legs.
This, however, suggests another two creatures - the pede, which has 10000 legs, and is as long as a hundred centipedes connected ass to mouth, and a decipede, only ten centipedes ass to mouth, and a thousand legs.
There is also a bell that is ten decibel loud, and is stashed in a secret location due to its importance to sound technicians.
A decibel is a unit of measurement for sound.
A decimeter is ten centimeters and a tenth of a meter.
A centipede is a creature with, roughly, a hundred legs.
This, however, suggests another two creatures - the pede, which has 10000 legs, and is as long as a hundred centipedes connected ass to mouth, and a decipede, only ten centipedes ass to mouth, and a thousand legs.
There is also a bell that is ten decibel loud, and is stashed in a secret location due to its importance to sound technicians.
Alecsa
Potater
- Jan 21, 2019
- 94
So angry again. I feel dumb for believing my cheating ex. How can someone act that way. I'm just always so angry, mostly at myself and at the situation. I just want to heal.
Seaghost
Specialist
- Apr 14, 2019
- 305
I need to go shopping. Just everyday things.
But I can't. I don't want to leave my warm and safety bed. Don't want to see and hear people. My heart feels so tight :/. Hoping it stops beating.
But I can't. I don't want to leave my warm and safety bed. Don't want to see and hear people. My heart feels so tight :/. Hoping it stops beating.
chlorine
I am free, therefore I am lost.
- Apr 12, 2019
- 217
Had some thoughts this morning and wrote this stupid cringy thing. I'm sorry I can't write
How is life a circle,
If a circle has no end?
One moment you own a universe,
The next you're rotting flesh.
People always hasty,
they like the chaos, they like the frenzy
Of living in a million pieced puzzle
but there's no soul, there's only muscle.
And in this self inflicted spiral
of self abuse, of self denial;
I wait and think of things
that make me sick,
But there's no trick
If we choose to stay awake
we choose to ache, we choose to shake
Cause all the shivers
down our spines
They all remind us
we're still alive
though we really don't know why
For I can't bare the pain
of living in a skin coated cage,
So I just can't wait to see
my own world apocalypse.
How is life a circle,
If a circle has no end?
One moment you own a universe,
The next you're rotting flesh.
People always hasty,
they like the chaos, they like the frenzy
Of living in a million pieced puzzle
but there's no soul, there's only muscle.
And in this self inflicted spiral
of self abuse, of self denial;
I wait and think of things
that make me sick,
But there's no trick
If we choose to stay awake
we choose to ache, we choose to shake
Cause all the shivers
down our spines
They all remind us
we're still alive
though we really don't know why
For I can't bare the pain
of living in a skin coated cage,
So I just can't wait to see
my own world apocalypse.
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Memento Mori
shambling garbage
- Jan 24, 2019
- 573
back on benzos again yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeessssssssssss
but this shit feels empty, maybe i reached a level where i need heroin to relax lol...
if u read this have a nice day filled with sunshine and baby kittens!
but this shit feels empty, maybe i reached a level where i need heroin to relax lol...
if u read this have a nice day filled with sunshine and baby kittens!
If only someone could donate $1,000,000 to me
Koal
Student
- Dec 16, 2018
- 101
Some people actually enjoy being alive!? This is shit!
Seaghost
Specialist
- Apr 14, 2019
- 305
Been shopping. Felt like there was a bubble around me. Strange humans. Living humans.
I was multiple times close to tears. Just exhausting.
The shop got no charcoal. Thats the biggest problem.
Maybe tomorrow...
I was multiple times close to tears. Just exhausting.
The shop got no charcoal. Thats the biggest problem.
Maybe tomorrow...
