Random thoughts

[FTL.Wanderer]

Should I go to Subway for another spinach salad today or should I get that spicy-sweet broccoli/tofu stir fry from the Chinese restaurant by the supermarket?

It is really amazing how random life is. Being at the wrong spot at the wrong time and boom you're life is ruined. I can't really believe it.

I seriously can't believe it. Getting into a deadly encounters is getting more and more common in my area. At this point I've tried a lot of routes to avoid these kinds of situation but people are getting more and more angry. Where am I supposed to go? I want to move town but I'm too poor for that and I would have to give up my school education. Well I guess going to school is more important to my parents than ending up as a vegetable.

There used to be a few parts of town I avoid now I avoid all of them. Not kidding. This always happens when I go home from school. And do you know why? Because when I get home from school is the only time I am outside the house. There are reasons why I am afraid.

Today there was this guy who yelled at me, he came right into my face, looked me in the eye and then fucked off. There was a police car not far from me. I figured this is the reason he didn't attack me. Only later I realized he wasn't alone and he had a beer bottle in his hand. He wanted to throw that against my head. That would've ruined me. I still can't believe I got so lucky this time. I don't know what to do next time when there isn't a police car around.

A few weeks ago there were those two guys with knifes in their pockets. I am behind them casually trying to walk past them but I slowly start to realize that they start walking more and more slowly and they keep looking over their shoulder over to me. In the end I take a completely different route home. I was really scared that day.
That wasn't the only time. It has happened twice so far.
I can not defend myself. My body is weak because my mind is and even if I was able to defend myself. What would I do? Fight back and I'll end up in prison. Do nothing and I end up in a hospital. All I have is run away but my stamina is weak.

At this point I figure it is just a matter of time until I get into another confrontation. I am seriously starting to consider moving. I have been for a while now.

The reason I get into situations like this so often is because of my skin colour. People don't like "foreigner" here. Even though I was born here people consider me to be a foreigner.

I don't know where to move. Most parts of the country are bad. Maybe I could move to another country but that is so hard. Fucking parents and their shit.

Mind sharing your country?

 

[Memento Mori]

end it now or never

feels like being caged in a waiting loop on the telephone, no chance to skip this shit to see if its worth it. i just wanna flip a coin and stfu

 

[HappyEnding]

Here's a random thought of mine. It has always been my dream as a child to bite into whole a cake or pie as if it were a cookie. Well I got to do that today! Actually, it was a mini pie but it was stuffed with cherry filling and it tasted absolutely amazing! So in a way, I still made my dream come true. I'm going to do it again tomorrow, for I have no shame in having another!

 

[Life sucks]

"Fucking healthy eating and exercising" my ass. It just make depression 1000% if not more

 

[AhG]

"Fucking healthy eating and exercising" my ass. It just make depression 1000% if not more

Just depends on the diet

 

[Life sucks]

Just depends on the diet

Nope, depends on the person

 

[AhG]

Nope, depends on the person

And that

 

[DeadlyLiving]

I still feel like the child I was 6 years ago. I had to grow up so fas that my whole world view is fucked up.

 

[Alecsa]

Two weeks ago I needed to update my prescription lenses. For some reason I now have 5 new eyeglasses frames and still 0 prescription lenses. Worse part is I think I'll stick to my current frames.

I hate what i do when I get depressed - buying useless shit. Now i have too much of what i don't need and none of what i need. And less monies in my pocket. Getting sad again resisting the urge to impulse buy. It's a vicious cycle.

 

[Memento Mori]

oooh great. the world shits a big fat turd on me today, more and more, on every fucking possible way. CMON BASTARD BRING IT ON i love it.

 

[Barzakh]

I've always wanted to see a UFO..

 

[Zer0]

Today i woke up afraid of losing a close friend and i'm still thinking about it

 

[mattwitt]

I just walked 3 miles. I wasn't planning on eating anything for the rest of the day after that but someone had to go and buy me a whopper lol
So I ate it and will probably walk 3 more miles before I go to bed tonight because I'm pissed I ate it. I'm trying to lose some weight and lower my blood sugar and blood pressure levels by walking, eating less and somewhat better, and drinking water only.

Edit: I did walk 3 more miles and I'm thinking about walking 9 miles tomorrow. : )

 

[Memento Mori]

Today i woke up afraid of losing a close friend and i'm still thinking about it

i feel bad for liking the thought that someone would miss me if i go now


i also miss the feeling of "now would be a good time to ctb", it changed to something strange, but not enjoyable
future will be very cruel to everyone of us. am i really one of them who pull trough this? soon, my dear...
i definitely need to trip, its time for some fun exploring like in the good old days of first consumptions of psychedelics. i was clean for years now, i dont feel ready for it but maybe this is not as important as it seems.

 

[Redt2go]

I can't find my notebook with my suicide plans in it and I am freaking out... I think I just need to clean my room... I've been feeling very exposed

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I am finally a red duck, guys. I don't see myself ever making it to pink though. Probably just as well, too girly for me.

 

[missdistress]

Yesterday on a whim, I went to the local movie theatre to watch Us. I found it thoroughly entertaining and enjoyable. "Disappointed" critics don't @ me

 

[Nihil]

Had a three and a half hour interview this past Monday. Four interviews squeezed into one, grilled by eight company executives, one of which was the vice president and CFO. Hit it off very well, and despite it being hard, I thought I succeeded. I even asked for feedback and their opinions on how I did, and they all gave me positive feedback. And during one of the questions to get to know me more, one of them remarks I look a lot more feminine than the average guy, and considering what I thought to be an open and diverse workplace, I stupidly admitted to being trans, and that I intend to socially and legally transition to female in a few months. Got a small look, but brushed it off.

Today I got the news that they didn't want to go any further with me and that's it. No other explanation or anything else of the sort. I was the only candidate there, and they needed someone badly to start this week to cover another employee who'd be going on maternity leave. I really thought I nailed it, especially with my MBA and all my previous work and academic experience, but yeah...being me is a giant no-no in this society it seems. Have to be a lie and be something I'm not to stay alive. Whelp, yay for more unemployment hell in a discriminatory environment and neverending job application submissions. Fuck...that feel when depression is hitting me something fierce right now.

 

[Random]

Why do people post lyric videos on YouTube without the song

 

[Lonely Twin Angel]

Two weeks ago I needed to update my prescription lenses. For some reason I now have 5 new eyeglasses frames and still 0 prescription lenses. Worse part is I think I'll stick to my current frames.

I hate what i do when I get depressed - buying useless shit. Now i have too much of what i don't need and none of what i need. And less monies in my pocket. Getting sad again resisting the urge to impulse buy. It's a vicious cycle.

I understand how that feels. I always spend too much on things I never need or wouldn't use because I think it gives me something in the moment. When I get really depressed, I do things like this to make me feel better; but it always seems stupid afterward or it makes me feel worse for making not so bright decisions.

I am finally a red duck, guys. I don't see myself ever making it to pink though. Probably just as well, too girly for me.

What's a red duck?
I'm watching TV and I realize all the brainwashing or hidden agenda messages are on my screen right now. Whether or not I agree with them doesnt matter but I didnt notice them until this particular episode

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I wish I could give you all a big hug and take away all your pain. Hold you when you can't do it anymore and desperately need someone. You are such kind and wonderful people, so understanding, non-judgmental and absolutely lovely. Knowing this community is such an honor. And it makes me so sad that you're suffering so much :( I want to cry but I can't. So instead I'll send all my love and appreciation to you <3 I wish you could all become happy and never feel this pain again. Life isn't fair at all and you don't deserve this. Please never forget how amazing and loved you are, even when you don't feel like it. Hugs <3

And the same always goes to you, my dear, even if your mind doesn't always tell you so

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Finished going through yet another "no fathering children for me" breakdown yesterday. They're getting easier, it seems.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Finished going through yet another "no fathering children for me" breakdown yesterday. They're getting easier, it seems.

Please feel free to message me if you need/want any support, I'm always available to talk

 

[Barzakh]

In Russia the sun is always smaller.. so we ask the tanned children .. how did you get so dark ? listen closely and the will say " our hearts are not big enough for your sympathy "

 

[AhG]

I'm drinking and thinking about you right now and it makes me sick to think I lost you to my stupid mistakes... I miss you, I hope you come back...

 

[Redt2go]

Starting to lose my sense of taste again... Tired of being depressed...

 

[Alchemist]

I just feel so lonely, yet I can't reach to anyone.

 

[Psilo]

Uuuuuuhhhhhh

 

[dayseeker]

I'm just so tired

 

[Alchemist]

Why am I so disgusting?