Moral Stances

[Anotheryou]

I've just got out of an abusive marriage. I find myself unable to rationalize the moral pit that my codependency allowed me to be in. I'm unable to find help because I'm too afraid to talk to anyone that I know or could go to, so now I'm here asking if any of you find your self in a similar position and if that is why you are here.

I've just got out of an abusive marriage. I find myself unable to rationalize the moral pit that my codependency allowed me to be in. I'm unable to find help because I'm too afraid to talk to anyone that I know or could go to, so now I'm here asking if any of you find your self in a similar position and if that is why you are here.

Hopefully I didn't post this in the wrong place. I think it's in the right place, but I've also lost my sanity.

 

[bravotess]

I am here because of a failed relationship. Cheating, gaslighting, emotional abuse. It's overwhelming to try to accept that who I thought he was, he is not. How I thought the rest of my life would go, it will not. It all feels very hopeless.

 

[Anotheryou]

I am here because of a failed relationship. Cheating, gaslighting, emotional abuse. It's overwhelming to try to accept that who I thought he was, he is not. How I thought the rest of my life would go, it will not. It all feels very hopeless

I feel that. We have broken up eight times. The night I left was one of the worst night and the timing was cosmic. I stopped feeling like taking my life once I got here.
People do their best and it sucks sometimes. My husband did his best and it was beautiful and painful, I couldn't help him, he could barely help me. We loved each the most we were able to love another person, but it just didn't work.
Narcissist, gaslighting, emotional abuse and neglect, and love bombing. All sorts of bits.
I keep reading your third sentence and each time it hits home so hard. I don't think I was wrong. I was taught to see the best in people and love them for it, but it came to me how messed up everything was when I finally came back to reality and socialized with an old friend for two weeks to figure out how messed up the situation was. I love you for all that you are and all the love he couldn't. Just like my husband, he will know what he let go of when the hard times come his way.

 

[bravotess]

I feel that. We have broken up eight times. The night I left was one of the worst night and the timing was cosmic. I stopped feeling like taking my life once I got here.
People do their best and it sucks sometimes. My husband did his best and it was beautiful and painful, I couldn't help him, he could barely help me. We loved each the most we were able to love another person, but it just didn't work.
Narcissist, gaslighting, emotional abuse and neglect, and love bombing. All sorts of bits.
I keep reading your third sentence and each time it hits home so hard. I don't think I was wrong. I was taught to see the best in people and love them for it, but it came to me how messed up everything was when I finally came back to reality and socialized with an old friend for two weeks to figure out how messed up the situation was. I love you for all that you are and all the love he couldn't. Just like my husband, he will know what he let go of when the hard times come his way.

I love you girl!! I'm glad you are at a place where you have accepted he's not good for you. Everytime I get to that place he pulls me back in. We were together for 16 years. We have a kid together. He just walked in the front door one day in February and told me he was leaving. He wasn't "in love" with me. He'd been miserable for years. He didn't want to work it out. I was blindsided and devastated. I begged him, on my hands and knees, to stay. Promised I'd change. He still left, saying he wanted to be alone. Turns out he already had a girlfriend (10 years younger than him). We tried to work it out a few times over the last 6 months but it never stuck. I've recently found out that he met his girlfriend on a "sugar-baby" website. There are a million awful things he did. And a million lies he told. He is a monster that I don't even recognize. He used to be a wonderful man. And a good dad. I don't even know him anymore. But to be honest, as embarrassing as it is, all I want is him (the old him) to come back home to our family.
Do you guys have kids together? I'm seriously contemplating suicide for 2 reasons.
1. To demonstrate to him how much he means to me and how his actions are literally killing me.
2. Trying to manage a household and raise kids and pay bills all by myself, when I signed up for this life with a partner, is not sustainable.
School starts here on September 8th. The kids will be doing school from home. We did the home school thing for a few months last spring. No way I'm doing it alone again. I ordered SN, it should be here Monday or Tuesday. I'll be using it before September 8 unless some miracle happens.

 

[Dookieshoes]

@Anotheryou

I'm in a different boat. I ended a physically and mentally abusive marriage after thoughts of suicide started to enter my mind as an escape vehicle. It scared me into clarity. Within two weeks I began the divorce proceedings.

Now, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, and I can focus on myself. I can pursue my interests, I can go where I want, I can see who I want and I only answer to myself.

I have chosen not to view the experience as a failure. I will use the experience and derive lessons from it. I know what I did not like in a partner. I know what I need out of a relationship (the things I craved most at my lowest points). So far, I have not been this happy in a long time.

I ended up here due to different circumstances. If you want to talk I'm happy to make time.

 

[Dookieshoes]

I don't think I was wrong. I was taught to see the best in people and love them for it

It is admirable to look for the best in others. Not so much when you forget to care for yourself. I do not say this lightly or with any judgement, it took me many years and a complete reevaluation of my own belief system to understand what I needed to do, and how to heal.

 

[BPD Barbie]

As someone currently in an abusive relationship, I commend anyone who's able to get out of it. I'm trying but unfortunately have nowhere to go and suicide just feels like the only option.
Stay strong OP. You're an amazing woman for having the strength to walk away, same goes to anyone who's able to do it. Well done. Sorry to see you on here though, I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[Anotheryou]

I love you girl!! I'm glad you are at a place where you have accepted he's not good for you. Everytime I get to that place he pulls me back in. We were together for 16 years. We have a kid together. He just walked in the front door one day in February and told me he was leaving. He wasn't "in love" with me. He'd been miserable for years. He didn't want to work it out. I was blindsided and devastated. I begged him, on my hands and knees, to stay. Promised I'd change. He still left, saying he wanted to be alone. Turns out he already had a girlfriend (10 years younger than him). We tried to work it out a few times over the last 6 months but it never stuck. I've recently found out that he met his girlfriend on a "sugar-baby" website. There are a million awful things he did. And a million lies he told. He is a monster that I don't even recognize. He used to be a wonderful man. And a good dad. I don't even know him anymore. But to be honest, as embarrassing as it is, all I want is him (the old him) to come back home to our family.
Do you guys have kids together? I'm seriously contemplating suicide for 2 reasons.
1. To demonstrate to him how much he means to me and how his actions are literally killing me.
2. Trying to manage a household and raise kids and pay bills all by myself, when I signed up for this life with a partner, is not sustainable.
School starts here on September 8th. The kids will be doing school from home. We did the home school thing for a few months last spring. No way I'm doing it alone again. I ordered SN, it should be here Monday or Tuesday. I'll be using it before September 8 unless some miracle happens.

Thank you. It's been brutal. We do not have kids together. We have tried for the entirety of our relationship, but I am currently infertile. I feel the sting of resentment on your #1 reason for sure. If you are able, you may do well to have them go to class in person, teach them sanitation stuff, and get them effective masks. I'd come help you if I could, but I'm not much help right now given my lack of vehicle and lack of job. I understand the unsustainability too. I'd also lose my mind. Yes, I get it. I hope that a solution comes through to you. It's awful that he has treated you this way. Do you have any other solutions?

As someone currently in an abusive relationship, I commend anyone who's able to get out of it. I'm trying but unfortunately have nowhere to go and suicide just feels like the only option.
Stay strong OP. You're an amazing woman for having the strength to walk away, same goes to anyone who's able to do it. Well done. Sorry to see you on here though, I hope you find what you're looking for.

Thank you. I actually was in your place not too long ago. Like I guess a month ago when I joined this website and found no way out, but I called the right person at the right time and I was finally ready to move forward. It's cosmically crazy. If I hadn't come here, I would have taken my life already. My friend was a miracle. Have you considered a house of Ruth or somewhere similar?

@Anotheryou

I'm in a different boat. I ended a physically and mentally abusive marriage after thoughts of suicide started to enter my mind as an escape vehicle. It scared me into clarity. Within two weeks I began the divorce proceedings.

Now, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, and I can focus on myself. I can pursue my interests, I can go where I want, I can see who I want and I only answer to myself.

I have chosen not to view the experience as a failure. I will use the experience and derive lessons from it. I know what I did not like in a partner. I know what I need out of a relationship (the things I craved most at my lowest points). So far, I have not been this happy in a long time.

I ended up here due to different circumstances. If you want to talk I'm happy to make time.

That's beautiful. I feel like I am almost there. My friend asked me," How much is your freedom worth?" I told him I didn't know. Now, I know that I will embrace the freedom that I have and move forward with it. It's kind of weird because I love him so much that I am unable to hate him or even really be mad at him. I came to this website about a month before we separated, so I can relate to the suicidal thoughts in the marriage. I'm happy to chat sometime.

 

[feast or famine]

I've just got out of an abusive marriage. I find myself unable to rationalize the moral pit that my codependency allowed me to be in. I'm unable to find help because I'm too afraid to talk to anyone that I know or could go to, so now I'm here asking if any of you find your self in a similar position and if that is why you are here.

Hopefully I didn't post this in the wrong place. I think it's in the right place, but I've also lost my sanity.

I'm so sorry you've experienced this. I can relate. I was with an abusive sociopath/narcissist for a very long time and it was an absolutely soul crushing "relationship". The trauma that I experienced within that relationship has changed me forever. Please don't blame yourself for any abuse you may have endured. You are very courageous for getting out and you should be proud of yourself even if you don't feel that way now.

 

[bravotess]

Thank you. It's been brutal. We do not have kids together. We have tried for the entirety of our relationship, but I am currently infertile. I feel the sting of resentment on your #1 reason for sure. If you are able, you may do well to have them go to class in person, teach them sanitation stuff, and get them effective masks. I'd come help you if I could, but I'm not much help right now given my lack of vehicle and lack of job. I understand the unsustainability too. I'd also lose my mind. Yes, I get it. I hope that a solution comes through to you. It's awful that he has treated you this way. Do you have any other solutions?

the kids school is allowing them to go for 2 days a week, better than nothing but no good enough. I've been trying to find a high school girl I'll come over and sit with my daughter and do homework for a few hours on the three days she's not in school. No luck yet. Of course I would also have to figure out a way to pay her.

kids are over-rated. Mine want dinner. Every. Night.

 

[Anotheryou]

I'm so sorry you've experienced this. I can relate. I was with an abusive sociopath/narcissist for a very long time and it was an absolutely soul crushing "relationship". The trauma that I experienced within that relationship has changed me forever. Please don't blame yourself for any abuse you may have endured. You are very courageous for getting out and you should be proud of yourself even if you don't feel that way now.

Thank you. The hardest part is the infinite love I have for him And yet I was pushed away at one of the most physically weakened points in my life.

the kids school is allowing them to go for 2 days a week, better than nothing but no good enough. I've been trying to find a high school girl I'll come over and sit with my daughter and do homework for a few hours on the three days she's not in school. No luck yet. Of course I would also have to figure out a way to pay her.

kids are over-rated. Mine want dinner. Every. Night.

You may do well to find a college student to move in and help with bills and you can discount their bills slightly so they will watch your kids while you are gone. Maybe an education Or child development major? You wouldn't have to pay her to do it either, she would pay you in labor for her rent and help out with some bills and monetary supplements. Like I said, I'd do it, but i don't expect we live in the same state.