I'm 20m living in America. Coming from a half white half Indian background(Indian father white mother). Throughout school when I was younger I was always bullied and ostracized. My parents split up around 7-8. They kept it a secret and I didn't know they split up. At 13 my family moved to California. While here me and my father constantly argued and got into multiple screaming matches. I got caught doing drugs and Got sent away to Troubled teen industry program at 13. While here for 6 months I endured all sorts of abuse. I got bullied and went through sexual trauma. This caused me to develop hypersexuality in addition to my already present OCD. Once I came back my father started giving me substances to try and "make up" what happened to me such as marijuana and alcohol. I was isolated and didn't get the chance to do things most children get to do. My father acted more like a friend and didn't set any boundaries in my life at all. I struggle a lot with compulsive behaviors and intrusive thoughts and was never given proper help for these issues. Everyday I think about the past. I have intrusive sexual thoughts and urges. And at 17 I started abusing adder all and meth. My father never allowed for me to be a teen and never wanted to be a parent. I'm 20 and still don't know how to do anything people my age know how to do. I've been in and out of institutions, psych wards, and jail as an adult. I'm barely able to function on a day to day basis. I'm fully supported financially by my father, but the past is stuck in my head, thinking on what I could've done differently and being angry at my family for not treating me right. I don't know if I'm making a rash decision, but I don't see much getting better for me. I think I'm too far gone. Is 20 too young to CTB? It makes me even more sad I made a lot of my mistakes so young. I'm not ok with myself
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Valky
Petulant Child
- Apr 4, 2023
- 1,302
I am sorry for all the terrible things that happened to you.
At the end of the day, no one can make that decision for you but if you ask yourself that question then you are probably not ready.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with giving life another chance.
As someone your age however, I know that things can drastically change. There are many new possibilities that could change your life in a good way.
At the end of the day, no one can make that decision for you but if you ask yourself that question then you are probably not ready.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with giving life another chance.
As someone your age however, I know that things can drastically change. There are many new possibilities that could change your life in a good way.
You are 20 as well? I just feel I'm wasting my whole youth. I don't know how to do anything. I struggle a lot in life. Everyone's working on their careers and doing stuff with life. I'm not able to. My father cares now, but I'm just stuck in bed all day. All day everyday stuck in bed.
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 18,969
At the end of the day, it's up to you but if you do decide to do it and your father cares as much as you say he does, you'd better do your best to cover your tracks and make sure all your ties to this site are completely gone otherwise you're just going to create another opponent who's gonna jump on the anti-choice bandwagon.
If you're still having doubts then maybe consider what you'd need to turn things around and recover and how you can get them.
If you're still having doubts then maybe consider what you'd need to turn things around and recover and how you can get them.
Valky
Petulant Child
- Apr 4, 2023
- 1,302
Yes, I am 20 too :). Obviously I did not go through anything similar so claiming that I 100% understand you would be unfair but I had my own things to deal with and I understand well how you feel right now due to my experiences.
I would love to talk if you want to. Feel free to shoot me a pm! :)
While I do agree with you, I don't think that that is the main priority at the moment.
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 18,969
I'm aware, but it's something that everyone here should be keeping in the back of their mind especially if they happen to be adults still living with their parents.
sserafim
消えたい
- Sep 13, 2023
- 7,400
I heard that you should wait until 25 because apparently that's when the brain fully matures. I'm 23 though and I'm set on ctb, nothing will change my mind
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sserafim
消えたい
- Sep 13, 2023
- 7,400
ASD, capitalism, adulthood, having to eventually work for a living if I don't ctb, not wanting to be an adult, not wanting to be a slave to the system, etc. The *main* reason is Asperger's/autism though. I'm just fundamentally unfit for this world and I don't want to try to live in it. It's not meant for me. It's like I'm on the wrong planet
EternalShore
Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
- Jun 9, 2023
- 723
I'm sorry for all the horrible things that have happened to you :( especially getting exposed to drugs at such a young age and being s*xual abused! >_< Those sound truly horrible for anyone! D: Let alone, a child! :((( perhaps, that's just my good life until 14 speaking up, but it just sounds so awful! :(((
I would say that you should keep trying to make your way in the world until you completely give up~ You're only 20, and a lot of your life's issues appear to come from the past, meaning that your present and future can still change~ :) You don't really get a second chance after all~ That being said, just as everyone else says, it is your choice :)
I would say that you should keep trying to make your way in the world until you completely give up~ You're only 20, and a lot of your life's issues appear to come from the past, meaning that your present and future can still change~ :) You don't really get a second chance after all~ That being said, just as everyone else says, it is your choice :)
Blackpepperpancake
Help me to breathe
- Nov 22, 2023
- 47
I'm so sorry for all the horrible situations you have been through, life is never easy and I'm sure most ppl feel the same about how to function properly in this madness world, no matter how much you want to CTB or you might change your mind, in the end we all are going to die, it depends on you whether you want to choose your own ending or continue living until the end.
rosenwasser
per ardua ad astra
- Sep 9, 2023
- 127
I'm 25 and waited around and I have to tell you, my brain feels the same autistic misery inside a capitalist hellhole as I've felt for at least the last 10 years. Not saying people shouldn't give life a chance, you can always ctb later. If you see a chance of your circumstances becoming better or healing whatever is hurting you, I can encourage you to give it a shot. For me, I just can't live with the way the world is.
