Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,648
This is beyond a joke. How is it possible that I wake up from one day to the next with a chronic illness that nobody can explain or treat? Our society does not allow for anomalies or people with bad luck. You can't work or get your stuff together 100% by yourself? Then too bad, you're on the scrap heap. "Get help!" they say. Sure, except I can't get diagnosed. Get mental health treatment? Okay, with what money? I can't earn anything to support myself so how am I supposed to get enough together to treat myself? I mean, I could go seek mental health treatment, pretend I can pay, and then ultimately don't. But what does that even get me? A giant follow-up bill, inevitable patronization, snide remarks and woefully inadequate "help" from the so-called professionals. Being rebuked by my nasty and childish psychiatrist for not following the program is a humbling experience when I can't even afford to complete it and I'm at the end of my rope anyway. Tell you what super bitch, just forget it. Like I even want to be in your office in the first place. Either way, I can't move, I'm eternally stuck. Plagued by illness and horrible anxiety that spikes all the time and with no good solutions for any of it.
All day long I read about garbage news issues and people getting worked up over dumb things that don't have any bearing on people's real-world situations. Idealogies, politics, shocking or offensive news items, blah blah blah. Who cares? We can't even get the basics right in our society. We don't look after each other, we just shrug, watch our crummy TV shows and say "not my problem." Well whose problem is it then? Mine, just for having the bad luck that keeps me trapped in a situation I can't escape?
I'm so tired of it all. Of trying to make an effort, trying to work through my symptoms every day, trying to pretend I care about things I'm supposed to care about but don't. Tired of people's empty, vapid bullshit, of promises that "they care" or that "I'm important". It's all hollow, self-serving nonsense that sounds good and helps people feel better about themselves. Because if it were about helping me, surely I'd be the one feeling better by now?
I dunno guys. I'm not feeling at all well in any aspect. I'm sorry to the people I've been writing on here too, because I'm shit at replying due to depression etc. I just need to rage right now.
All day long I read about garbage news issues and people getting worked up over dumb things that don't have any bearing on people's real-world situations. Idealogies, politics, shocking or offensive news items, blah blah blah. Who cares? We can't even get the basics right in our society. We don't look after each other, we just shrug, watch our crummy TV shows and say "not my problem." Well whose problem is it then? Mine, just for having the bad luck that keeps me trapped in a situation I can't escape?
I'm so tired of it all. Of trying to make an effort, trying to work through my symptoms every day, trying to pretend I care about things I'm supposed to care about but don't. Tired of people's empty, vapid bullshit, of promises that "they care" or that "I'm important". It's all hollow, self-serving nonsense that sounds good and helps people feel better about themselves. Because if it were about helping me, surely I'd be the one feeling better by now?
I dunno guys. I'm not feeling at all well in any aspect. I'm sorry to the people I've been writing on here too, because I'm shit at replying due to depression etc. I just need to rage right now.
