M1sT
Life Is War & Wars Are Pointless!
- Sep 30, 2023
- 46
Never have I ever felt what people describe as "feeling happy" or "cheerful" blah blah! My family never abused me physically although they do speak words like spears which pierce me mentally often times.
They provided me with the best - Education, Clothes, Gadgets and all other stuff! But there was no real emotion from both sides. I always pretend that I am grateful and they do the same... Pretend!
Having good material than the 90% of the people around me never gave me the sense of happiness, I just thought to be that person who was just born in a stable family? I had a bad childhood which I don't like sharing nor talking about!
My Dad tells me that I have a "Happiness Disorder" and says that I have never felt what sadness is. He is right logically to the person who genuinely had never felt depressed but my case is just the opposite. There is so much sadness and emptiness that I have killed the hope of ever feeling happy or just... Good? The World around me is a lie, I wake up and see it collapsing bit by bit but I am powerless and it doesn't even matter in the end. I had pushed myself to socialize but all the people around me just wanna be friends for benefits! Just can't stop hurting myself and others around me! Can't escape without killing myself! I never felt loved instead I was always neglected because all of that was stolen by my siblings who are at a better place than me!
My psychosis is getting worse day by day and I just want to shoot myself in the head to make it stop. Stop the flashback and torture.
To me, Happiness is nothing but a Drug looked by the whole population for a better high and ofc I am going to offend a whole lot of people who say "I just want to be happy" but it's the truth. It doesn't exist and even if it did, it's like just any other drug which fades after some time and then you feel like shit again! It's the thing to keep you trapped in this rat race and suffering!
The things we do, we carry are nothing because it is absolutely nothing after dying!
Dying is like a 0 which automatically multiplies to your actions once you die!
I see these fuck wads on the internet who say that "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" but isn't it the cure what people want over prevention?
These religions, all they want and talk about is "P.E.A.C.E". By terrorism and wars, they will get their "peace" cause no one will be left and that's good cause no one will suffer!
Just don't read this bullshit if you want. I just exploded ( I am sorry )
"Inexistence is Perfection, Nothing Perfect can come from a reality full of flaws."
They provided me with the best - Education, Clothes, Gadgets and all other stuff! But there was no real emotion from both sides. I always pretend that I am grateful and they do the same... Pretend!
Having good material than the 90% of the people around me never gave me the sense of happiness, I just thought to be that person who was just born in a stable family? I had a bad childhood which I don't like sharing nor talking about!
My Dad tells me that I have a "Happiness Disorder" and says that I have never felt what sadness is. He is right logically to the person who genuinely had never felt depressed but my case is just the opposite. There is so much sadness and emptiness that I have killed the hope of ever feeling happy or just... Good? The World around me is a lie, I wake up and see it collapsing bit by bit but I am powerless and it doesn't even matter in the end. I had pushed myself to socialize but all the people around me just wanna be friends for benefits! Just can't stop hurting myself and others around me! Can't escape without killing myself! I never felt loved instead I was always neglected because all of that was stolen by my siblings who are at a better place than me!
My psychosis is getting worse day by day and I just want to shoot myself in the head to make it stop. Stop the flashback and torture.
To me, Happiness is nothing but a Drug looked by the whole population for a better high and ofc I am going to offend a whole lot of people who say "I just want to be happy" but it's the truth. It doesn't exist and even if it did, it's like just any other drug which fades after some time and then you feel like shit again! It's the thing to keep you trapped in this rat race and suffering!
The things we do, we carry are nothing because it is absolutely nothing after dying!
Dying is like a 0 which automatically multiplies to your actions once you die!
I see these fuck wads on the internet who say that "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" but isn't it the cure what people want over prevention?
These religions, all they want and talk about is "P.E.A.C.E". By terrorism and wars, they will get their "peace" cause no one will be left and that's good cause no one will suffer!
Just don't read this bullshit if you want. I just exploded ( I am sorry )
"Inexistence is Perfection, Nothing Perfect can come from a reality full of flaws."
