Venting Being ugly is unreal

[quiet.rabbit]

I want to preface this with reiterating this is a vent post. It's also not related to dating. I can't even dream of that. don't care if you believe lookism is a thing or not. I don't care if you're pretty and your life still sucks this is about mine and how my uglyness worked with other issues in my life to fuc me up. How it stunted my personal growth and how isolating it is.

Really fuckign hate my body and how it has prevented me from growing past my shitty childhood, taken any chance at me having family care about me and gave me literal PTSD from the endless ostracism and bullying and casual harassment I have received my whole life. I've lived in 2 countries and switched schools a couple of times and **every single time** I am immediately targeted. I'm not a murderer, I've never even gossiped or done other "casual" bad things to people. Tried to do all my work in school despite being suicidal since I was 10. I'm not a bad person yet people accuse me of random sht and treat me like scum without me even saying a word.

Some days I wake up and think to myself that this can't be real. Like I can't be real. And I feel the deep sensation of how truly alone I am. My family is done with me. They gave up on me as soon as I began middle school. Recently my brother told me that the reason he ignored my problems all these years was because thinking about them made him want to die. My family knows there is nothing that can be done about my situation. Yet they get angry the 3 times suicide was brought up and refuse to admit it would be better for me to die.
I feel like a famished pet whose owners are too ashamed of seeking help for and is just hidden off somewhere, everyone secretly hoping and waiting for it to take it's last breath.

I feel so stupid for believing in myself when it's true I can't even imagine getting a job and keeping it seeing how people love to use me as a scapegoat and you need connections make enough to be able to live by yourself. Can't have roommates, they would harass me too.

And forget asking for help with physical things. I struggle a lot taking out the trash sometimes and my neighbors just laugh at me openly. When I'm with family though they are completely different people.

People are chameleons. That's why when someone tells me "oh me and my friends would never do that!!! Change your environment! >:(" Or my brother vouches for someone I am just bitter. My whole life I have yet to be proven wrong. Without fail, they all either enable the bullying or start it.

Can't even cope with movies or games. They perpetuate lookism through character designs.

I'm tired

 

[teajay1]

your feelings are completely valid!! lookism exists and it's amplified by the high standards put on society by how movies, tv, and social media portray people.

it breaks my heart to read the struggles that those with simply less fortunate genetics go through. i feel like i don't deserve to have my face and body, i had a shitty life and im born with depression. to read that people like you would have fared so much better in life with better looks really breaks my heart. considering not even 'pretty privilege' or whatever could have made me happy. you deserve better.

god i feel narcissistic for saying that but i promise i'm not trying to be. i hate the unwanted attention. i'm always feeling like i need to cover up or else i'm gonna get catcalled and degraded for the 5 millionth time

 

[yearsoflonliness]

Absolutely valid. Just ask anyone that used to be overweight, but managed to lose it. It's brutal, how much your looks influence how other people treat you. Yes, people will deny it to no end but it's true. They do it subconsciously. I'm sorry that's how it is.

I am not really ugly, but I am overweight. One of the reasons why I haven't lost my weight is because I know if I ever did, suddenly people would treat me differently. And learning first hand how shallow the world is would just make me even more depressed. So I continue to enjoy my food, and get ignored. It's just life.

 

[CheekyPhobia]

I want to preface this with reiterating this is a vent post. It's also not related to dating. I can't even dream of that. don't care if you believe lookism is a thing or not. I don't care if you're pretty and your life still sucks this is about mine and how my uglyness worked with other issues in my life to fuc me up. How it stunted my personal growth and how isolating it is.

Really fuckign hate my body and how it has prevented me from growing past my shitty childhood, taken any chance at me having family care about me and gave me literal PTSD from the endless ostracism and bullying and casual harassment I have received my whole life. I've lived in 2 countries and switched schools a couple of times and **every single time** I am immediately targeted. I'm not a murderer, I've never even gossiped or done other "casual" bad things to people. Tried to do all my work in school despite being suicidal since I was 10. I'm not a bad person yet people accuse me of random sht and treat me like scum without me even saying a word.

Some days I wake up and think to myself that this can't be real. Like I can't be real. And I feel the deep sensation of how truly alone I am. My family is done with me. They gave up on me as soon as I began middle school. Recently my brother told me that the reason he ignored my problems all these years was because thinking about them made him want to die. My family knows there is nothing that can be done about my situation. Yet they get angry the 3 times suicide was brought up and refuse to admit it would be better for me to die.
I feel like a famished pet whose owners are too ashamed of seeking help for and is just hidden off somewhere, everyone secretly hoping and waiting for it to take it's last breath.

I feel so stupid for believing in myself when it's true I can't even imagine getting a job and keeping it seeing how people love to use me as a scapegoat and you need connections make enough to be able to live by yourself. Can't have roommates, they would harass me too.

And forget asking for help with physical things. I struggle a lot taking out the trash sometimes and my neighbors just laugh at me openly. When I'm with family though they are completely different people.

People are chameleons. That's why when someone tells me "oh me and my friends would never do that!!! Change your environment! >:(" Or my brother vouches for someone I am just bitter. My whole life I have yet to be proven wrong. Without fail, they all either enable the bullying or start it.

Can't even cope with movies or games. They perpetuate lookism through character designs.

I'm tired

Well written post! I don't really know what else to say other than i hear you and I'm sorry you've had to experience that. You aren't delusional or "just too negative", it's a real thing that happens and that you've experienced. I'm sorry life's been like that for you.

Absolutely valid. Just ask anyone that used to be overweight, but managed to lose it.

People who had large growth spurts are another example I've witnessed.

I am not really ugly, but I am overweight. One of the reasons why I haven't lost my weight is because I know if I ever did, suddenly people would treat me differently. And learning first hand how shallow the world is would just make me even more depressed. So I continue to enjoy my food, and get ignored. It's just life.

I can remember distinctly as a child having the very naive view of "why not just stop eating so much" as a solution for overweight people. Sure, mechanically that argument is sound, but there's so many other small but important factors. Stress eating for comfort, abusing alcohol to cope with poor circumstances, etc.

 

[eatantz]

All my mum does is complain about me but when i ask her to help me to ctb she gets angry even tho she threatens to throw me onto the streets. My life is meaningless yet no one can help me

 

[Red Moon]

It's true that people are going to be treating you better if you're good looking and bad if you're ugly. I think it's in our brains to gravitate towards good looking things. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to be seeking validation and feel like a narcissist.

It wouldn't have mattered too much if I was good looking or ugly since I have autism and I would have still struggled with people socially regardless.