I want to kill myself because I will never find a girlfriend

[groucho]

Even on this forum there are engaged people who say relationships are overrated.

I'm worse than I thought.

I don't care about friends, with all due respect.

I want a woman who likes me, with whom I can be together and share life and sexuality, no one has ever wanted me in 32 years of my life.
Almost all of you say he's overrated, but meanwhile you've had relationships, I've never had any.

Relationships are, in my experience, nice but they have their own issues. The perfect couples where they stay in love for decades are so vanishingly rare that they are like lottery wins. Most relationship I've had or seen last a few months to years with both parties getting bored of each other fairly quickly. I do think it's possible to deliberately build a relationship that is more caring and supportive but I think the affection and sex with inevitable deminise over time.

In the end most people end up with someone who doesn't want sex with them, or they don't want sex with. At very best you'll end up with a great friend. So yes most people who have had relationships know they are somewhat overrated but I appreciate if you've never had one you still want to find out for yourself and get that validation. If you're super lucky you maybe one of those lottery people and find the perfect match. If you have other issues relationships won't fix them, so you may want to get some therapy.

 

[tunnelV]

I really hope you aren't watching those podcasts, redpill etc.

You can't know if you will find someone in the future. You also can't expect women to come knocking at your door. Too many men expect things to be like the movies or porn. I think you have a chance. Maybe improve yourself, focus on things that improve yourself as an individual. That way at least you feel happier with yourself and it's not all based on women. Being a virgin isn't a bad thing for a man or woman of any age. That's just a stereotype in this morally bankrupt society.


I don't know what country, city, state you're in. That can make a huge difference when dating.

I oftentimes find myself regrettably ever dating anyone. Brought more shit drama that wouldn't have been there if I was alone. I have a lot of bad memories for it. Most of it ties into my family having me in poverty. Getting kicked out 2 weeks after high school. I happen to be considered attractive so it was financially better for me to date men. As I mentioned no matter your gender or looks the state and city really does matter.

Additionally, the prostitute thing. There are risks to your well being as far as being robbed or getting an STD. The sex part, I've heard they aren't very judgmental and definitely have seen and experienced worse men than you. You'd probably be one of the most normal ones.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

so getting back to the real world is key. if you can manage to do that, it is possible to find a girl that you like in less than 30 minutes.

if you are serious about investing time and energy in a relationship, all you need is "confidence" in the way you talk and communicate, which can be practiced. what is initially needed is a firm decision. you decide, and get into action, persistence will guarantee success.

If it's possible within 30 minutes how come I haven't even come close in 30 years?

And I don't mean I'm 30 years old, I mean I've wanted a girlfriend for 30 years

 

[Adûnâi]

Might be controversial to say, but I think not having these experiences when you're supposed to is one of the biggest reasons to ctb. Biologically you have been rendered useless. Your very essence, your genes have been determined as unworthy of reproducing themselves. Unworthy of feeling a womans warmth. Unworthy of hearing the words 'i love you', unworthy of hearing your child say their first words, unworthy of seeing them take their first steps.

See, this is where I disagree with. We have not been deemed unworthy by biology, or by women. We have been discarded by the Christian industrial feminist system here, to the West of the Bosporus. I would've been a generic peasant in the pre-1789 world just fine. And nothing would have stopped my Hindu mom from showering me with possible brides had I been born in Hindustan. Inceldom is a specifically US/EU/RU issue, due to the abolition of arranged marriage.

Of course, this doesn't solve the issue of socialisation, or the general uncomfiness of life. But it's not inceldom. And it's definitely not biology. Our ancestors multiplied without having chiselled chins or neurotypical traits. The only real requirement was not dying in infancy. And I did that, as my mom tells me, hadn't gone sick until I was 5 or whatever.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Scrolling through the thread, I find it interesting that even on a forum like this, people will ridicule the idea that missing out on essential socio-sexual experiences during crucial periods of development is detrimental to living a normal life. Yet there are people here who want to ctb because they lost a job and now have to sign onto unemployment benefit. Laughable.

Many people also seem baffled as to why OP cares about what other people think of him. Maybe he cares about what society thinks because he lives in one?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm less than two weeks away from turning 30 and being in this exact situation. I'm trying my damnedest to remedy this, even letting myself fall in love with someone from my
Workplace to see if I can trick myself into staying alive longer out of spite. Even when I'm trying to get into a relationship with someone who I thought genuinely showed an interest in me, I keep fearing that she expects me to act like I know what I'm doing from previous experience which I just don't have and my lack of experience is seemingly causing me to fumble more and more with this woman as time goes on.

If things don't go well with her though it's off to CTB for me because I don't think I can handle another year let alone two of this tragedy I've endured for almost three decades already. One million seconds is 11 days, but one billion seconds is about 31.7 years and if I were to really have made it to a billion seconds while still being a dateless kissless holdhandsless virgin I think that killing myself really is the only way forward.

 

[Adûnâi]

I keep fearing that she expects me to act like I know what I'm doing from previous experience which I just don't have and my lack of experience is seemingly causing me to fumble more and more with this woman as time goes on.

1. What about gaining experience with an escort first?
2. What about the soon advent of AGI singularity?

 

[deedeme]

OP, many women out there are in your same spot.

It's a matter of interaction, finding common ground and trust.

No one will come knocking at your door, just as no one will come knocking at those women's doors.

Unfortunately (?) or fortunately, whatever one's perspective is, one must go out there to find their future partner. It's just how it is.

Have you tried different environments? Forums with people sharing your similar experience? I read of women being in their 40s and still virgins.

I too believe that in order to sustain a real relationship one must first seek some kind of healing, otherwise it just becomes destructive.

 

[Adûnâi]

OP, many women out there are in your same spot.

No one will come knocking at your door, just as no one will come knocking at those women's doors.

There's a reason why sexual harassment only goes one direction.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

1. What about gaining experience with an escort first?
2. What about the soon advent of AGI singularity?

1) I mean more like just the experience in talking with women in general in a way that encourages a relationship like I have had many female friends and it was easy to talk to them since I felt no attraction but when I am attracted to someone I find it impossible to say the proper words. I suppose an escort could be good practice for that but it seems like kind of a waste of money which I don't exactly have enough of. Also what if this girl actually would have been excited at the prospect of deflowering me and I robbed her of the chance just to gain a needless bit of confidence? Idk if that's likely but the possibility still bothers me.

2) I think if AI reaches human-level intelligence they would probably still not like me at all.
I suppose if AI wives that could recreate both the physical and emotional aspects of humans were a real thing and able to like me then it would all come down to whether I can afford one but maybe I'd eventually find a way to mess that up for me too.

 

[deedeme]

There's a reason why sexual harassment only goes one direction.

There's a reason why sexual harassment only goes one direction.

Sexual harassment can go on both directions if we're being real.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

OP, many women out there are in your same spot.

It's a matter of interaction, finding common ground and trust.

No one will come knocking at your door, just as no one will come knocking at those women's doors.

Unfortunately (?) or fortunately, whatever one's perspective is, one must go out there to find their future partner. It's just how it is.

I am literally trying to pursue a woman who I thought showed interest in me at first but everytime I try to initiate conversation with her it's awkward because I don't know what to properly say due to my lack of experience and sometimes I can feel her frustration that I'm not saying the right thing. I still don't even know if she actually likes me or not and wish she'd just tell me. I'm not saying she has to or that society should have to force her to be more upfront but it would just be nice if I could be more sure whether or not she actually likes me or whether I'm just a victim of my ego manifesting delusions to make me feel better or whether I've already damaged this potential relationship beyond repair simply by being too inexperienced. There are so many moments where I stop myself from saying how I feel just because I'm afraid of being reported for harassment and it feels like a very real threat because she is from my workplace and I've known actual people who've been written up before for just trying to confess to someone who didn't like them back.

 

[deedeme]

I am literally trying to pursue a woman who I thought showed interest in me at first but everytime I try to initiate conversation with her it's awkward because I don't know what to properly say due to my lack of experience and sometimes I can feel her frustration that I'm not saying the right thing. I still don't even know if she actually likes me or not and wish she'd just tell me. I'm not saying she has to or that society should have to force her to be more upfront but it would just be nice if I could be more sure whether or not she actually likes me or whether I'm just a victim of my ego manifesting delusions to make me feel better or whether I've already damaged this potential relationship beyond repair simply by being too inexperienced. There are so many moments where I stop myself from saying how I feel just because I'm afraid of being reported for harassment and it feels like a very real threat because she is from my workplace and I've known actual people who've been written up before for just trying to confess to someone who didn't like them back.

I'm sorry and I can empathise with you. However, if you feel this type of fear it may be rational (?)

I never heard of such instances when a woman would report someone just for confessing, I heard about crazy stories for sure, so I understand the difficulty that comes with trying to express one's interest towards the opposite gender.

I'm saying it may be rational because I know that when a woman develops some kind of interest, she will try to make it clear. If they're doubtful trust your guts, there is a reason (trying to be transparent here).

If for any reason you doubt your perception, you may rely on further interacting with her until you are somewhat sure that the feelings are reciprocated.

Again, dating comes with its risks. Men may fear accusations, women may fear abuse.

Are you willing to try?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm sorry and I can empathise with you. However, if you feel this type of fear it may be rational (?)

I never heard of such instances when a woman would report someone just for confessing, I heard about crazy stories for sure, so I understand the difficulty that comes with trying to express one's interest towards the opposite gender.

I'm saying it may be rational because I know that when a woman develops some kind of interest, she will try to make it clear. If they're doubtful trust your guts, there is a reason (trying to be transparent here).

If for any reason you doubt your perception, you may rely on further interacting with her until you are somewhat sure that the feelings are reciprocated.

Again, dating comes with its risks. Men may fear accusations, women may fear abuse.

Are you willing to try?

Unfortunately my evidence is split right down the middle. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance in either direction when it comes to her. I also can't consider my own analysis rational since I'm clearly too emotionally compromised but when I considered only the facts they still raise too many possibilities that are open to interpretation. Scholars could spend weeks studying the interactions I've had with her and debating them for years to come until I get a definitive answer at least. For example, she said she "loves and appreciates me" twice and also said "I love you" to me twice in response to me helping her. Now part of me thought that was good enough and you might think so too right? Wrong! What if she really meant it platonically or what if she did before but now she doesn't because I didn't act on it properly? There are many other dimensions to consider too like what are her unique experiences in this field and what about the tone or inflections of her voice when she said these? What if she only said those statements to get me away from her or what if she really doesn't know what they mean? And that's just one set of interactions I've had. It's been about a couple months since I really started being into her and it's just been a lot of nothing because of how uncertain it all is. Another example where I thought she must really not like me happened a couple weeks ago where she encountered me in the break room but instead made it a point to say good night to the guy sitting next to me as she was leaving. Was that really for me or wasn't it? Maybe she just didn't notice I was there? Maybe she actually was upset at me for some reason? The guy who she did speak to is someone I became friends with so I have nothing against him but I was still upset enough over it to want to lock in my CTB for sure. I just have no idea. I'm willing to try until I get a definitive answer but I really don't want that answer to end with me being written up or worse, losing my job. Even if she says no and doesn't do that I would respect her wishes but I'm still definitely going to CTB at that point.

Like I said, this would all be so much easier if I just had previous experience so that I could read between the lines better. I'm sure it must be obvious to anyone who's ever had decades of teen love or at least the drama that comes with it. These are all so new to me that my experience might as well make me 8 years old when I am about to turn 30 soon. I know many women actually find men in their 30s more attractive than those in their 20s but even they will admit that that's mostly because of all the experience with relationships and talking that they have by then which I simply just don't have.

 

[deedeme]

Unfortunately my evidence is split right down the middle. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance in either direction when it comes to her. I also can't consider my own analysis rational since I'm clearly too emotionally compromised but when I considered only the facts they still raise too many possibilities that are open to interpretation. Scholars could spend weeks studying the interactions I've had with her and debating them for years to come until I get a definitive answer at least. For example, she said she "loves and appreciates me" twice and also said "I love you" to me twice in response to me helping her. Now part of me thought that was good enough and you might think so too right? Wrong! What if she really meant it platonically or what if she did before but now she doesn't because I didn't act on it properly? There are many other dimensions to consider too like what are her unique experiences in this field and what about the tone or inflections of her voice when she said these? What if she only said those statements to get me away from her or what if she really doesn't know what they mean? And that's just one set of interactions I've had. It's been about a couple months since I really started being into her and it's just been a lot of nothing because of how uncertain it all is. Another example where I thought she must really not like me happened a couple weeks ago where she encountered me in the break room but instead made it a point to say good night to the guy sitting next to me as she was leaving. Was that really for me or wasn't it? Maybe she just didn't notice I was there? Maybe she actually was upset at me for some reason? The guy who she did speak to is someone I became friends with so I have nothing against him but I was still upset enough over it to want to lock in my CTB for sure. I just have no idea. I'm willing to try until I get a definitive answer but I really don't want that answer to end with me being written up or worse, losing my job. Even if she says no and doesn't do that I would respect her wishes but I'm still definitely going to CTB at that point.

Does she try to make any kind of physical contact? That has to be looked into as well, because words can be often overlooked.

I understand where you're coming from, that is why you should prioritise your own feelings and decide whether it's worth a try or not.

Women tend to be more emotional, they often expect being "chased" (I don't care what anyone else says, that's the truth. Let's face it.)
Nonetheless, majority tries to make their intentions known. I'm aware they often aren't clear, so your alternatives are to either ask her out, or wait for any developments to occur.

Your choice.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Does she try to make any kind of physical contact? That has to be looked into as well, because words can be often overlooked.

I understand where you're coming from, that is why you should prioritise your own feelings and decide whether it's worth a try or not.

Women tend to be more emotional, they often expect being "chased" (I don't care what anyone else says, that's the truth. Let's face it.)
Nonetheless, majority tries to make their intentions known. I'm aware they often aren't clear, so your alternatives are to either ask her out, or wait for any developments to occur.

Your choice.

She doesn't try anything physical that's true but we're usually in public and there are often customers or other coworkers/managers around plus I don't try anything like that either on her.

My own feelings are begging me to just kill myself and let these emotional bursts of anxiety end, but the other half of me still clings on to hope and finds some sick twisted delight in the thrill of it all even though it still fears the result.

I mentioned this in a thread I made detailing how I would ask her out but I actually did sort of ask her out yesterday and I deliberated endlessly on whether to make that choice first. I brought up the possibility but she seemed open to hanging out on Wednesday even though she's not sure how much free time she'll have. Unfortunately the ball is still back in my court because I promised I'd chat with her later about it but I don't actually have any idea how to do that either. She already gave me her discord so I can message her a while ago but when I did try to send her a message three weeks ago she ignored it and yet she seems completely responsive still at work do you not see what kind of conflicting mixed messages I'm dealing with? This would all be so much easier if I had had prior experience with this kind of thing as a teenager or at least in my early 20s.

 

[imanaya]

I'm 32 and I'm a virgin guy. I've never touched or kissed a girl and never had sex.
I'm not particularly good looking, I'm not rich or interesting, no one wants me.

This situation has made me a pathetic little man who never grew up. I look around, I see teenage couples and I realize that I'm just wasting my time.
It's late now, late to find love, late to satisfy a girl, late to discover sex for the first time, late for the first kiss, late for everything.
These are things I had to do in adolescence, and now that train is lost forever.

I can only go with a prostitute to experience what it feels like, but I no longer have the courage or desire to do so.
It might be a stupid reason for CTB, but I'm tired of not enjoying the pleasures in life that are normal for all other people.

I only live to work, there is no woman for me on this Earth, so why live? I'm tired of being alone.
Having no one who loves you is the worst sentence.

I relate a lot. I'm in my early 20s and have absolutely zero experience with girls.
A lot of people say that a girlfriend won't fix your problems, but I disagree. If I had a relationship with a girl that truly loved and cared about me, it might influence me in positive ways. Not just because I could finally feel what it's like to be loved and fulfill my desires, but also because she could help me better myself. She could encourage me to work harder, to improve my miserable situation and to better myself. She could give me a reason to live. Because without her I don't have any. I'm existing just for the purpose of existing. I have nothing to strive for. I never had any hopes or dreams. A cute girl that loves me could give me a reason to endure the suffering of existence.

The thing is that such relationships do not seem to exist in the real world. I have an idealized image of love because I consumed too much fiction.
And even if they did exist, I would have zero chance of getting any girl to love me.

 

[The Schizoid]

The problem here is not that you don't have a relationship.

The problem here is your self worth being placed it the wrong place.

If you think that all couples are these happy happy people who are just loving their deep blissful romance 24/7 like in a romance film then you are mistaken.

I'd highly suggest placing your focus somewhere else and recognising there's so much in life to enjoy outside relaitonships.

 

[Adûnâi]

A cute girl that loves me could give me a reason to endure the suffering of existence.

Be the girl you want to see in the world (xd)

 

[deedeme]

She doesn't try anything physical that's true but we're usually in public and there are often customers or other coworkers/managers around plus I don't try anything like that either on her.

My own feelings are begging me to just kill myself and let these emotional bursts of anxiety end, but the other half of me still clings on to hope and finds some sick twisted delight in the thrill of it all even though it still fears the result.

I mentioned this in a thread I made detailing how I would ask her out but I actually did sort of ask her out yesterday and I deliberated endlessly on whether to make that choice first. I brought up the possibility but she seemed open to hanging out on Wednesday even though she's not sure how much free time she'll have. Unfortunately the ball is still back in my court because I promised I'd chat with her later about it but I don't actually have any idea how to do that either. She already gave me her discord so I can message her a while ago but when I did try to send her a message three weeks ago she ignored it and yet she seems completely responsive still at work do you not see what kind of conflicting mixed messages I'm dealing with? This would all be so much easier if I had had prior experience with this kind of thing as a teenager or at least in my early 20s.

A grown up woman sending mixed signals doesn't sound ideal.

I don't want to interfere so, I will only tell you this:

You live your own reality, no one is able to tell you what is really going on. We can only suggest you to take the right steps towards your own well being (and this takes into account any sort of will considering we are being pro choice here).

However, please consider the following:

-just as you are invested into this situation, someone else may be wondering the same things about you. Have you considered that?

-ctb because of unrequited love isn't such a good idea. Why? Because you may find your loved one just around the corner, exactly the day when you feel most hopeless. People bump into each other all the time without expecting it.

-let's suppose things work out with her. Do you have any underlying struggles? If she won't be able to take it, she may leave and worsen your current status.

-everything needs effort, sometimes so big that you may feel hopeless facing it. If the desire (meeting a potential partner) is stronger than your wish to ctb, face your fears and put yourself out there. You have to analyse your current situation to the best of your ability.

I honestly think we all have that special someone around the world. Some people don't find it enough as a reason to survive, others hold tight on that possibility of meeting them. Take that into consideration.

 

[Adûnâi]

If the desire (meeting a potential partner) is stronger than your wish to ctb, face your fears and put yourself out there.

Can't talk for the addressee, but in my case, I have no idea what these words even mean.

 

[deedeme]

The problem here is not that you don't have a relationship.

The problem here is your self worth being placed it the wrong place.

If you think that all couples are these happy happy people who are just loving their deep blissful romance 24/7 like in a romance film then you are mistaken.

I'd highly suggest placing your focus somewhere else and recognising there's so much in life to enjoy outside relaitonships.

Exactly that. Relationship are romanticised way too much. Of course, they can be one of the best things happening, but there are some downsides too and if already susceptible to difficulties, it can end really really bad.

 

[Adûnâi]

The problem here is not that you don't have a relationship.

The problem here is your self worth being placed it the wrong place.

At this point, why not say that trying to live is a false priority? Life is a meaningless, crazy charade. Every day you're not drinking SN, you're deluding yourself with copes at best, being a silly abused clown at worst.

 

[deedeme]

Can't talk for the addressee, but in my case, I have no idea what these words even mean.

If your willing to live revolves around bumping into a potential partner, face the world and experience being rejected until you will find the right one.

They will stick with you until your last day. If you have such strong desire to find love, don't give up because of your current state. People always show up in a way or another.

 

[Adûnâi]

face the world and experience being rejected until you will find the right one.

I have no idea what that means, again. I have no social skills. I've been effectively mute my whole life (aside from talking to my mom and teachers).

Apologies if this is detracting from the OP. After all, I can't even leave my room in the foreseeable future anymore due to the Kiev régime thugs, so all I can do is rot and wait for AI. Or drink SN.

 

[deedeme]

I have no idea what that means, again. I have no social skills. I've been effectively mute my whole life (aside from talking to my mom and teachers).

Apologies if this is detracting from the OP. After all, I can't even leave my room in the foreseeable future anymore due to the Kiev régime thugs, so all I can do is rot and wait for AI. Or drink SN.

That is ok. Communication skills can be worked on with time but you would need to find the right environment for that.

I too have little to none social skills. I pushed myself to learn and while I did improve, it seems that isn't enough to society.

It sucks, but you can find common ground with people that went through the same thing.

 

[Adûnâi]

Communication skills can be worked on with time but you would need to find the right environment for that.

Where and how? And no matter what you reply, it probably doesn't apply to the Ukraine anyway.

 

[deedeme]

Where and how? And no matter what you reply, it probably doesn't apply to the Ukraine anyway.

That's why I believe in the importance of the environment. It may be easier somewhere else, what do I know.

 

[Meteora]

I get that you really want to make this experience, that s natural. In which country do you live? Sometimes it has to do with our own expectations that are to high.
32 is not old at all. I had a very good friend who had sex the first time at 28 and is now married to a woman and has 2 beautiful girls. Nothing is impossibe in this sense.

I'm tired of not enjoying the pleasures in life that are normal for all other people.

Not everyone is able to enjoy these pleasures. There s a lot of sexually abused women and they re sexuality has been ruined forever. Know what I m talking about. So they can seemingly be happy with a boyfriend but inside they re dead and broken forever.

 

[Codename_Joryu]

No one will come knocking at your door, just as no one will come knocking at those women's doors.

That's bullshit, and you know that. Men were always expected to make the first step, no matter the times or circumstances. I know the most autistic and awkward women, that were so socially anxious that they couldn't even order a fucking meal in KFC without stuttering, and all of them managed to get themselves a boyfriend. And yet I know men who are really good looking, in good shape, really mature and intelligent, and they have absolutely no chance in the dating pool just because they lack confidence. If that doesn't tell you anything, then I doubt anything will.