If you read my previous answers, I stated that women enjoy the chase.
Did you even read what I said? Of course even the stuttering ones managed to find someone for them because even if you're mid looking and shy af as a woman, even then you'll get people attracted to you and chasing you, that doesn't happen to men. I'm 19 years old and there wasn't a single time a woman tried to hit on me, that just doesn't happen unless you are a 10/10. This is just how dating works, women can sit on their ass and just post a couple of photos of them online in order to get more attention than average man in a whole year. Men are the ones that are expected to chase women and get their interest. Y'all are living life on easy mode, but you are too proud to admit that.
Yes I read it, and I answered "even men that stutter may find a loved one".
Yeah, maybe if you are really rich or attractive, then maybe. Any other time that just doesn't happen.
Yeah, I've heard it like a million times and it's a complete fucking lie. If I couldn't get someone to even be slightly interested in me for whole 19 years, then that just won't happen in the future. Years of loneliness, playing with my feelings, being used and lied to has done irreparable damage to my mind and not even the best therapist will help me overcome all of this. At this point every girl I encounter already has a partner, this is something that had to be done in adolescense, now it's too late for that. Face it, some people are just destined to die alone, without knowing what it's like to be truly loved by other person.
Exactly. And you can't convince me otherwise. And if you think I'm wrong, you are just looking in the wrong places.
Dear beloved 95% of gals (& their bluepill simps): let's level up on manosphere basics. Especially when helping suicidal people
Yeah, you're valued on physical beauty, so you can escape poverty by sleeping with men. Guys typically don't have a similar career path. We're more valued on performance. So we'd better cultivate: strength, daring, intelligence, dedication
Yeah. Decent boyfriends can erode many of a gal's problems. So wtf can't gfs do the same?
I have in fact considered this. That's why I'm concerned that my waffling around due to inexperience may have turned her off which again, is the result of my inexperience. It's also possible she could be thinking all kinds of things about me perhaps fueled by whatever her friends could be speculating on me. All bad things I assume.
I wouldn't be CTB'ing because of one unrequited love, I'd be doing so because of every unrequited love that ever happened to me and to prevent all of the ones I'd mess up in the future. I'm not going to fall in love just because someone bumps into my shoulder it usually takes me years just to get over someone and I'm sick of it. You're also starting to contradict yourself. So I'm supposed to stay alive because I'll happen to find love someday but I also have to be the one to actively pursue it? Which is it?
I'm way ahead on you there, my underlying problems are mainly self esteem related and I've actually been told that a relationship can help at least give me the push to work on theee things that being alone can't possibly achieve. Unfortunately these people overestimated my ability to get into one. I know you're trying to subtly push "work on yourself, bro lol" but clearly that hasn't worked for me yet.
Isn't that what I'm doing already? What more can be done to, as you've so vaguely described, "put yourself out there"? Like what does that really mean? Because all I can imagine when hearing that is turning into some chauvinist jerk that constantly puts the moves out on every woman in sight. Now even if I did decide to do that, then how? Where do I start? What's the first, second, third, and fourth and so on steps even look like? How would I know any of this if I didn't already experience it in my adolescent years when this kind of behavior was more acceptable? Oh silly me for thinking that wasn't the proper way to act back then.
Yeah, I'd be content going through the rest of my life without a romantic partner. I have more choice and control over how I spend my time. It's selfish, but that's just how I see it.
What I meant was that people don't decide when, where, how it happens. It just happens, I'm aware it requires time in order to nurture your feelings but what else would you expect? That's how it works.
You have your right choice to deal with things however you please, it's your life.
That wasn't my intention. I couldn't possibly know what you're struggling with, I was bringing attention to the fact that if one has mental health issues, he/she should focus first on themselves as the relationship is likely to become toxic. That's all.
All that can be done is meeting new people. Again women don't drop from the sky. Talking stages may sound hellish as a suggestion, but it's really the only way that can lead to a relationship.
Yeah. That's the problem. Individuals are weak. Even just cognitively. Hyper-individualism is a major pressing problem to solve
Yeah, everyone has approach anxiety. There's advice on overcoming it. Including deeper reasons why we feel it
Yeah, I mean a lot of people I've met almost talk as if the number 1 goal of life is to find romantic love and I'm just like, I want more time for my hobbies and passions lol. Also, I guess I meant selfish as in I like to spend a lot of time by myself because I can control what I want to do or not do. Selfish to me doesn't have to be negative, just an explanation. I guess I don't really know what it's like to be lonely. I have family, friends interests, and my pet gecko so I'm alright.
I will say though, there are days where I do feel lonely and my friends are too busy or just don't want to hang out. Just gotta stick it out until I go to work or something and get my mind off of it. Staying in the house can drive me mad
Why do you act like I was expecting them to materialize out of nowhere? And what even is a talking stage? Nobody taught me this stuff has to happen in stages? What if I've already messed up this stage and nobody ever thought to tell me exactly where I went wrong? Also you seem to be forgetting that I am actively trying to fight for someone right now. Love already happened for me when I didn't expect it to. Before catching these feelings I was already set on killing myself sometime this year before I turn 30 but now that I have fallen this way I've run out of time and even if she rejected me and saved me from this uncertainty right now I'd still have to wait in order to have all my plans ready.
Thank you. This actually seems quite helpful but what he is saying is to get experience, which makes sense, but I still feel like it's too late for me to have the experience I'm supposed to be having at my age which is the initial problem this whole thread has been about. I guess that it would have helped if instead of spending my teens and 20s waiting for women to consensually approach me and make their intentions clear I should have just been ignoring their feelings and prioritizing my own by approaching them? Now I feel like it's too late to develop these skills in a reasonable amount of time unless I had a Time Machine or something… I'll try some of these tactics right now though but I doubt it will take enough time.
point is, no one knows if they fucked up or not. Dating comes with insecurities and risks. Hence the phrase "put yourself out there", find the answers you're looking for.
Yeah I suppose this could all be alleviated if I could just talk to her for more than bursts of two minutes midshift and find some way to let her know how inexperienced I am. Maybe she just can't believe I have no experience (many of my other coworkers and friends are shocked that I've never been in a relationship before even though I find the reasons for it quite obvious). At least at that point it would explain any behavior I did that she found unusual and if she doesn't like that aspect of me I guess it's done for once and for all. Another failed relationship that I'd take 8-10 years to get over although I intend to definitely CTB before that could ever happen but at least no one can say I didn't try.
I hope things will turn out good.
Normie privilege. And what if it doesn't just "happen"? That's what SN is for!
Good for you for being volcel. But the views might change with time.
I'm scared to text her again since last time I tried I didn't actually get a response. I've also come to realize that my friends are always the ones who text me first and I've almost never had any reason to initiate a conversation with anyone even for friendly purposes. I'll try to message her in the morning hopefully but I said I would do that before and didn't because I chickened out. It just doesn't seem fair that I have to be the one putting all this effort just to stop myself from wanting to die when I've already wanted that for so long. I'm at the point where I'm more scared of sending a single text message than I am of dying and it's terrifying all around.
Interesting, haven't you grown less inhibited with years? That's how I feel - even though I have no clue how to use it in my case. And can't you find anyone else? Have you tried Tinder/Badoo? Just message hundreds of people to lower your sensitivity?
I've been on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, OKCupid, and even Facebook Dating. Rarely do I even get matches and never have they even evolved to a point where I developed enough attraction to them to get this emotionally riled up over them. One woman on Tinder literally told me that the fact I had never been in a relationship before at 27 was a genuine red flag. I told her she had a good point and she left the conversation after that. I'm almost 30 now so I feel like it's even more of a deterrent to women in general. She was honestly right and it's not difficult to understand why no woman would actually want someone like me which is why I am continuing to hate myself for even letting things get this far with someone new.
What about betabuxxing? Don't you have a source of income to attract that kind? Or SEAmaxxing? I'd try it if I weren't enslaved.
Had to look up what that is. I'm not too familiar with all the incel terminology despite being one. I don't think I could sustain that either because I still live with my mom and I just got a shitty part time job a few months ago and most of it ends up getting spent on the rising costs of food and gas (thanks Californian inflation).
Hmm, maybe cultivate seeing things in people, generally being curious about what they want, practicing helping them get it?
normal privilege? What does that even mean lol
Start with silly stuff, ask her how her day went, what she's up to and see how it evolves from there. You can make it, just give it a try and don't overthink.
I can definitely relate. I also find this being a healthy approach, often times people seek sex but that will just leave them feeling empty.
