Discussion How suicidal are you? On a scale of 1-10.

[Quinlor]

I thought 10 or 9, but now that I have the SN and antimedics I think I am 5 or 6 because I can't go forward...

It's different of a hanging failed attempt or cut yourself because it's pretty sure that if I follow all the steps, when I drink the SN, I will dying

 

[Moonicide]

It fluctuates throughout the day for me, as well as events / triggers. In the afternoon I was a solid 8 and now we're at a 5 in the evening.

 

[Green Destiny]

On a less than pleasant day and or week it's around a 7 or 8. Every now and then it can dip to a 4 or a 3.

 

[JustHeckinKillMe]

A strong 10

 

[LuzurPhagget]

2....8....1....9....7....2....1....9....1....9

a typical day nowadays :-(

Fuck bro! That's my phone number! Pretty trippy!

 

[amnotreal]

7.5 more from physical pain and being a burden than wanting to die. i just want the pain to end and to not be so miserable i am bad company. i am living for my pets and my kids and to some degree spouse and friends.

 

[CyanideSoup]

8 maybe 8.5 right now

 

[MsMaudlin]

8/9....tired of my existance

 

[not.happy201]

I have ringing in the ears, which keeps worsening at a slow, but steady tempo. In the past 5 months, it's been about 3/10 every day. In the recent weeks, it's been about 4/10 or 5/10.

I hope that my suicidal drive will keep increasing, so that I will be able to attempt suicide, like many people on this forum.

 

[Deleted member 13227]

Depends on the day, usually 5

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Fuck bro! That's my phone number! Pretty trippy!

I'm gonna give you a call

 

[k75]

If 10 is the worst, I'm about an 8 right this minute. I'm trying to find a distraction to keep it in check.

 

[Cutepoison]

9. I'd say 10 but given I'm still alive, it's a 9

 

[TAW122]

I am about a 4/10 right now, but there are times where I am at 8 or 9/10, and sometimes all it takes is a series of one major catalyst of a catastrophe to push it to 8 or 9/10, or even 10/10. Normally, I go around 3/10 to 5/10, averaging 4/10.

 

[Thanatos]

5-6 as I'm currently weighing the struggle of life vs acheiving death. Death just got a lot more simple though so think I'll ctb

 

[Foresight]

3

 

[Pallf]

It fluctuates for me but I've been in the lower numbers for some time now. I should get my meds switched soon because I believe the meds are losing some effectiveness.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Sitting around 7/8, it fluctuates but never dissipates.

 

[waterbottleman]

8 or 9 right now at the present moment. Was at a 10 2 weeks or so ago.

However my suicidal ideation ebbs and flows. However in the long run it gets worse and worse. Sooner or later I'm going to "pull the trigger" so to speak. I already have my SN in my possession so technically I could ctb at any moment if I really wanted to.

 

[throwaway123]

hell It's fucking 10. if it wasn't for my lack of method I would have already ended this shit.

 

[Flume]

10. I am going to die because of suicide, somehow someway it'll happen there's no avoiding it.

 

[oxymoron]

I gotta say, I think I'm less than a 1! It's so trippy. How life can turn around. Medication/medicine can help SO much. Sometimes our brains/minds just get stuck or parts of it just get fucking turned off. That's how it felt for me. Damn.

But I gotta admit. I never truly hated life. In spite of all the crazy, demoralizing, maddening shit I've experienced, I still acknowledged there were SO many beautiful things in this world. So many kind, compassionate people in this world. Sometimes, possibly, even to a fault.

I feel like so many people on this site are so stubbornly stuck on their negative viewpoints of life. It's just impossible to change their minds. No matter how much you try to persuade them, they'll fight back just as hard to cling onto their beliefs. Is crazy. Maybe they're too stuck in the past and are afraid of getting their hopes up again...just to have them let down? I know that feeling. Almost like you're being taunted. To be honest, I still feel that way sometimes. But I have faith life/the universe doesn't work like that. Life doesn't always give you what you want...but maybe it gives you what you need? To like, grow and shit? And as for people being stuck in the past/dealing with real major assholes/bad times, why allow punishing yourself? Let the past go. And from a different point of view, why let those assholes "win?" Wouldn't you like to prove them wrong? And when something REALLY good comes along, when you look back, those "bad things" will just look detours in the long run.

Anyway, it's really amazing what medicine/medication can do for people who WANT to get better and can still see the beauty in life and are willing to give life another chance. I think this applies to more people than most people think. Sadly, some of these people might have to find this out the hard way. It's sad

11

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Sober- 7-10 (fluxes)
Stoned- 4

This. I just wish I could maintain being stoned all the time. I'm really comfortable when get below 5.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Between 4 and 6. I assume 10 it's when a person just will use everything to kill themselves at any given time.

 

[Conker]

6-8, if it ever gets to 10 then I am speeding up my departure date. Being on drugs probably would make the urge calm down to a 3.5

 

[kiki666]

At the moment I am a 0 I never tried

 

[dyingtodie]

Was at 9 few hours ago. Being on this forum a little while got me down to a 6-7 maybe. Trying to hold on til I am courageous enough to take a big dose of mushies again as that always helps...for a time. It's 7:31 now. I wish it were as easy as typing STOP. Where's help when you need it? Glad y'all are here.

You have reached Samaritans Text. Type STOP at anytime to cancel. Standard message & data rates may apply.


Message by ‪(877) 870-4673‬: The Samaritans volunteer will be with you as soon as possible., Thursday, December 26 2019, 6:14 PM

 

[brokenengine]

I vacillate between 8 and 4 usually......even when I'm really suicidal I'm too afraid of pain and to really do it. Sometimes I'm down to a 1 when I get a sudden burst of motivation. Right now I'm not sure where I am. Maybe a 6.

 

[56709]

8

I'm ~90% determined to it, once I have a reliable and peaceful method with no chance of interference...

The 10% is the probability I find a stable source of income and get my health to a managable level or make significant steps towards independence in the next 7 months...

 

[MysticPerception]

I have to go with 7 I guess. If given a solid opportunity to just magically have everything I need to to do it I'd do it right now no problem. But I'm still able to smile and enjoy some aspects of life. Honestly I'm not depressed I just don't want to keep living. I don't need any medication or anything, I can enjoy life just fine as I am. I just want to speed up the process and not have to drag myself through the rest of my days filled with dread at the idea of only dying due to old age.