Discussion How suicidal are you? On a scale of 1-10.

[TowerUpright]

3 on a good day. 7 ton8 on a bad day. I just don't have a good place that I can be alone for 4 hours that wouldn't fuck up my family or their property.

Also, the impact it would have on one son in particular and the missus holds me back sometime. At least until she makes a snarky smart ass comment about me.

 

[porfin1234]

10

 

[EmptySteph62]

Normally an 8 but tonight a 10, I was doing so good but I've started making plans again.

 

[mesohappy]

2....8....1....9....7....2....1....9....1....9

a typical day nowadays :-(

Through the holidays I was a 10 now im better.Maybe 7.Wheres the scale?..Anyway,practicing with gun..Trying with the belts.Im pretty much gonerz.

 

[Lostbetweenworlds]

Well I guess by default it is 5 which would be a good day.. meaning "Meh, I wouldn't mind getting run over now to be honest, but let fate decide", on a bad day there are instances where I get a 10 impulse and attempt to hang myself, but I always half ass it during impulses to which I am glad because I wouldn't want to die without being sure.. at the moment though I am on a solid 9 here, which basically is me looking through suitable methods, and avaliblity of the things needed.. basically a rational planning right now, but that's because insomnia hits me hard today too.. I will probably do better once I've slept again.. maybe not.. not sure.. it's a constant surprise.. basically like spinning a wheel of misfortune and seeing what happens..

 

[Jean4]

I was seriously thinking of laying in the tub this afternoon and stabbing myself multiple times in the neck. Feeling fucking crushed. So, I'm at a 12 I guess?

My mother died on 11/2/19 and I'm more certain than ever I have finally reached the end. My brother's Bday is January 18 (next weekend) - after that, I estimate I'll be gone by May at the very latest.

At my last psychiatrist appointment, the doctor told or advised me not to let rape "define me", and it made me angry and frustrated. I'm not defined by rape, I rarely discuss it. Those appts are 20 mins, barely enough time to really get into anything. Anyway, I was walking home from that appointment with the realization that after all, I likely won't find genuine, empathetic "professional help" and I'm exhausted to continue trying. I've accepted it, and I've lost all hope.

Waving hand. Therapist here who knows all too well about incest and rape. If you want or need to talk, I'm here.

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

I'm at a 5. Just a bit below the middle. Suicidal ideation is like a background noise for me. Most of the time I don't notice it, but when it gets quiet and nothing is going on, I could "hear" it.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I was seriously thinking of laying in the tub this afternoon and stabbing myself multiple times in the neck. Feeling fucking crushed. So, I'm at a 12 I guess?

My mother died on 11/2/19 and I'm more certain than ever I have finally reached the end. My brother's Bday is January 18 (next weekend) - after that, I estimate I'll be gone by May at the very latest.

At my last psychiatrist appointment, the doctor told or advised me not to let rape "define me", and it made me angry and frustrated. I'm not defined by rape, I rarely discuss it. Those appts are 20 mins, barely enough time to really get into anything. Anyway, I was walking home from that appointment with the realization that after all, I likely won't find genuine, empathetic "professional help" and I'm exhausted to continue trying. I've accepted it, and I've lost all hope.

I'm sorry to hear.

I've been sort of rethinking Western society's thoughts on mental illness and therapy and stuff. Just the idea that when shit goes down, you have to go to a STRANGER to discuss shit with to help YOU with YOUR problems. In an ideal world, we should ALL be able to solve our own problems. I mean, being given a helping hand here and there is nice and all, but to have somebody else just fix all YOUR problems for you kind of just takes away your own power and kind of screws you over in the long run; can't rely on others forever.

Reading some posts on Facebook just makes me cringe. Posts about how "we're a safe place. Anytime you need somebody to talk to and share a nice cup of coffee with, we're here." Pffft! Fuck outta here. You take a quick glance at their lives and can see how tenuous their "happiness" is (shitty relationship, shitty job etc). They say shit like that because it sounds nice and would probably hope somebody would reciprocate such an act (it's not an entirely bad thing, just kind of silly). But at the end of the day, after they've "helped" a bunch of people with their coffees and hugs, they'll eventually have run out of energy and when somebody REALLY needs help, they'll just coldly, flatly tell you they can't help you. Everyone's got to help themselves. I know people might tell me I'm cold, but at this point, my opinion of myself is the only one that really matters. And what's that saying: give a man a fish and he'll feed for a day. TEACH him how to fish and he'll feed for a lifetime.

Anyway, kind of rambled on I guess. Tl;dr to hell with all those "professionals." You can help yourself if you really want to.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

8

 

[Emily_Numb]

I have to go with 7 I guess. If given a solid opportunity to just magically have everything I need to to do it I'd do it right now no problem. But I'm still able to smile and enjoy some aspects of life. Honestly I'm not depressed I just don't want to keep living. I don't need any medication or anything, I can enjoy life just fine as I am. I just want to speed up the process and not have to drag myself through the rest of my days filled with dread at the idea of only dying due to old age.

It's as though I wrote those words myself. I'd say I too definitely fluctuate between a 6-7. For me, 10 would be 'Everything is in place and I have a date set'. I've never been there, which is why I'm still here I guess.

 

[porfin1234]

11
I want out now but don't have everything I need
So done. Sick of myself.

 

[issyishere]

Was 5 in october, been steadily increasing to an 8 right now. chronic pain is hell.

 

[BabyYoda]

10
I think I deserve to die, really.

 

[trouble]

Currently a 7 I'd say.
Not too severe, but also, I wouldn't hesitate to bite down on a poisonous plant if I had the chance to.

 

[Thereisnothing]

10
I think I deserve to die, really.

Oh no.........sending you massive, comforting cuddles to you ((((((((((BabyYoda)))))))))))) xx You dont deserve it, nor do I, its nasty life that has made us think it. I will be kind to you on your behalf. xx

 

[BabyYoda]

Oh no.........sending you massive, comforting cuddles to you ((((((((((BabyYoda)))))))))))) xx You dont deserve it, nor do I, its nasty life that has made us think it. I will be kind to you on your behalf. xx

Thank you.

 

[porfin1234]

8. Unfortunately too scared and don't have what I need.

 

[bhav]

5

 

[Dwnwrdsprl]

10. I pick up my SN tomorrow.

 

[Polly]

9. Could be 10 in a heartbeat.

 

[nailcat]

usually a two but just lately a seven

 

[3xplo]

7. If I had a gun or N, I would ctb

 

[Kundalini Guy]

1

 

[wanttodie]

10 all the time

 

[BojackHorseman]

I go back and forth depending on things.

Right now I'm feeling about a 6, but I feel a panic attack coming on so I might be an 8 or 9 by the time the night is done.

If 10 is considered actually attempting, I haven't done that in years, but I have had plenty of 9's. Some days I'm a 0, some days I'm a 9, most days I'm somewhere in between. I've noticed my work dramatically affects my mental health, I hate my job. Im currently at work right now and getting upset and feeling a panic attack coming on, so I thought coming here to talk might keep me sane enough to get through my shift. Thanks everyone for being here and being brave enough to share your story.

 

[Lake]

Today, I am at a 5, which means that it is trending higher(once again).

The scale tends to rise/fall in cycles and, each 'peak'(9), brings myself closer to CTB; it can be an unbelievably frustrating process.

The frequency of "cycling" appears to be increasing. I'll go through week-long periods of staying at an 8-9 and, if I manage to not CTB, I'll come out of 'the fog', have a week that revives my hope and, briefly, live with a powerful internal strength/resolve.

For one week, I'll be totally determined to continue fighting but, suddenly, the world becomes dark and reality completely shifts. I'm trying to find out how to be aware of the increases.

Once 'the darkness' envelops my consciousness(7+), I cannot see any 'light'. It's a miracle that I've come out of 'the dark hole' at all, let alone multiple times.

The "cycling" used to be very drawn out; I'd normally have several months in-between falling back into 'the darkness'.

The last time that the scale reached 10, was the closest that I've ever come to CTB. Alcohol, ironically, actually saved my life on that blackened night.

 

[poached]

or perhaps only a shoulder to cry on.

I!m a middle aged male that broke down in front of my mom on Thursday. Just having that shoulder to cry on dropped me from a 9 to a five or six.

My dad died in 2022 and it feels like there has been one problem after another and that I'm not able to take care of everything.

Having someone to confide that in and comfort you means a lot.

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

6/7

 

[mashka9]

i think i might've alr replied on this thread when i got released from the psych ward, but i'm at a good 8 right now. my planned date is in exactly one week!!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

4-5. pretty low for me since a couple of days, still weird, somehow, idk.