Discussion How suicidal are you? On a scale of 1-10.

[mattwitt]

I think I hover around 6 most of the time. Often times I will spike up to 7 or 8 I've hit 9 a few times in the past couple of years which means I came super close to attempting. The highest I ever was would be a 9.5 I haven't hit 10 yet but almost. If I ever hit 10 it means I made a serious attempt with no intention of failing.

 

[RainAndSadness]

9. Maybe it drops back to 7 or 8 in very good days but I never experience non-suicidality. It's my default mood. And I'm almost 9 or 10 all the time. I fucking WISH I knew how it feels like, not being suicidal, but I've been suicidal for such a long time, I really don't know anymore.

 

[mediocre]

it's a 10 and it's been a 10 for a long while. I don't have OK days anymore. It's either painful, very painful, or unbearably painful. Add to this my constant 24/7 feeling of despair.

 

[6ixxy]

A solid 13, I fear I can't hold on to my promises anymore & my end is a lot closer than I expected

 

[LMLN]

A solid 13, I fear I can't hold on to my promises anymore & my end is a lot closer than I expected

I'm so sorry. ❤
Today I feel the same :(. I seem to get worse and worse.

 

[6ixxy]

I'm so sorry. ❤
Today I feel the same :(. I seem to get worse and worse.

No need to apologise, mainly self inflicted, no ones fault but my own :)
I'm ready for it if anything.
Stay strong sending love

 

[mattwitt]

I've been an 8.5 since I woke up about 8 hours ago.

 

[134340]

Only about a 4/10 so far today. Not sure why.

 

[porfin1234]

9

 

[Rena rossy]

10

 

[RedVioletBleeds]

Currently I would say things are about a 4? They're going okay for once. Things seen to be getting better which I'm grateful for. Though when things slip, usually I can go to 10. I haven't had an incident since November so I'm hoping to stay strong :)

 

[coffeehouse]

I am usually at a 10, sometimes I can be at an 8 but usually im a 10.

 

[Tinhoo]

8 in good days
10 most of the days

 

[Shinbu]

10. I think about it very much. I wish there was a on and off switch to living. I would of flipped the switch to off a long time ago if it was that easy. I always hated living since the time I found out what living means to me. To live is to suffer, and living isn't free. Death would liberate me from all the unfortunate things that comes with living. I don't enjoy being human. The only thing that is decent of being human is that I can communicate with someone, and show love, other than that I don't enjoy anything else really much.

 

[mattwitt]

I got up to 9 today and it made me decide/hope to be dead before the end of the month.

 

[Maravillosa]

Lately, I have been at 2 to 3, but right now I think I am at 5. I probably need some sleep

 

[Numbtopain97]

10

 

[greencoat111]

About a 5 at the moment. The thoughts are there in the background but I know I won't act on them

10. I think about it very much. I wish there was a on and off switch to living. I would of flipped the switch to off a long time ago if it was that easy. I always hated living since the time I found out what living means to me. To live is to suffer, and living isn't free. Death would liberate me from all the unfortunate things that comes with living. I don't enjoy being human. The only thing that is decent of being human is that I can communicate with someone, and show love, other than that I don't enjoy anything else really much.

I so agree with everything you said and feel exactly the same way xx

 

[Lefty]

7-8/10 right now. On good days maybe 3/4 out of 10.

 

[SenMorta]

Right now and it changes I'd say 6.5/10.

I've come to terms with my survival rates and can be brave to a natural death.

In fact, I'd much rather death than vegetation

 

[woxihuanni]

Sounds like a manic episode.

 

[BettyBear]

9

 

[porfin1234]

10

 

[BooGirl]

I'd say a 6 or a 7.

 

[Egddios]

I was seriously thinking of laying in the tub this afternoon and stabbing myself multiple times in the neck. Feeling fucking crushed. So, I'm at a 12 I guess?

My mother died on 11/2/19 and I'm more certain than ever I have finally reached the end. My brother's Bday is January 18 (next weekend) - after that, I estimate I'll be gone by May at the very latest.

At my last psychiatrist appointment, the doctor told or advised me not to let rape "define me", and it made me angry and frustrated. I'm not defined by rape, I rarely discuss it. Those appts are 20 mins, barely enough time to really get into anything. Anyway, I was walking home from that appointment with the realization that after all, I likely won't find genuine, empathetic "professional help" and I'm exhausted to continue trying. I've accepted it, and I've lost all hope.

 

[Pale Blue Dot]

Based on the emotion, 1 or lower usually(zero thoughts about suicide). When it goes bad, varies 4 to 10. My emotion is pretty stable tho.
For me, CTB is just as same as trying another painkiller. Not a significant decision in my life or whatever.

 

[BooGirl]

I was seriously thinking of laying in the tub this afternoon and stabbing myself multiple times in the neck. Feeling fucking crushed. So, I'm at a 12 I guess?

My mother died on 11/2/19 and I'm more certain than ever I have finally reached the end. My brother's Bday is January 18 (next weekend) - after that, I estimate I'll be gone by May at the very latest.

At my last psychiatrist appointment, the doctor told or advised me not to let rape "define me", and it made me angry and frustrated. I'm not defined by rape, I rarely discuss it. Those appts are 20 mins, barely enough time to really get into anything. Anyway, I was walking home from that appointment with the realization that after all, I likely won't find genuine, empathetic "professional help" and I'm exhausted to continue trying. I've accepted it, and I've lost all hope.

My God, I'm so sorry. If my mother died I'd go kill myself in about 5 seconds. You're extremely strong.

 

[Roberto]

2 now. Two days ago I was 5-6 ... unpredictable, too anxious.

 

[porfin1234]

6
Too many happy memories have popped up
And kind of in denial of my reality right now
I feel like there's a part of my brain that believe the last 9 months were not real and I'll wake up anytime soon at my old job and home and I feel happiness from that
Other part of me feels I'm running out of time before everything comes crumbling down (debt job home)

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I just want to sleep forever