Discussion How suicidal are you? On a scale of 1-10.

[LuzurPhagget]

I gotta say, I think I'm less than a 1! It's so trippy. How life can turn around. Medication/medicine can help SO much. Sometimes our brains/minds just get stuck or parts of it just get fucking turned off. That's how it felt for me. Damn.

But I gotta admit. I never truly hated life. In spite of all the crazy, demoralizing, maddening shit I've experienced, I still acknowledged there were SO many beautiful things in this world. So many kind, compassionate people in this world. Sometimes, possibly, even to a fault.

I feel like so many people on this site are so stubbornly stuck on their negative viewpoints of life. It's just impossible to change their minds. No matter how much you try to persuade them, they'll fight back just as hard to cling onto their beliefs. Is crazy. Maybe they're too stuck in the past and are afraid of getting their hopes up again...just to have them let down? I know that feeling. Almost like you're being taunted. To be honest, I still feel that way sometimes. But I have faith life/the universe doesn't work like that. Life doesn't always give you what you want...but maybe it gives you what you need? To like, grow and shit? And as for people being stuck in the past/dealing with real major assholes/bad times, why allow punishing yourself? Let the past go. And from a different point of view, why let those assholes "win?" Wouldn't you like to prove them wrong? And when something REALLY good comes along, when you look back, those "bad things" will just look detours in the long run.

Anyway, it's really amazing what medicine/medication can do for people who WANT to get better and can still see the beauty in life and are willing to give life another chance. I think this applies to more people than most people think. Sadly, some of these people might have to find this out the hard way. It's sad

 

[OreoWellington]

10. I just barely started on antidepressants and I feel myself a little more calmer, but still 10.

 

[Azzy69]

8

 

[Lotus1818]

When I'm high on my tramadol a 4 I guess? But after those magical 6 hours it's back to a 7?

Shit changes allot especially my mood. I'm all over the place. Some days my physical pain is worse and then it's def an 8

 

[Taylored]

I'm at a 1. Anymore I feel nothing no sadness or happiness. Just existing and going with my routine

 

[Lotus1818]

I'm at a 1. Anymore I feel nothing no sadness or happiness. Just existing and going with my routine

Having no purpose or goal sucks. Trying to find your happiness is hard

 

[Sensei]

I gotta say, I think I'm less than a 1! It's so trippy. How life can turn around. Medication/medicine can help SO much. Sometimes our brains/minds just get stuck or parts of it just get fucking turned off. That's how it felt for me. Damn.

But I gotta admit. I never truly hated life. In spite of all the crazy, demoralizing, maddening shit I've experienced, I still acknowledged there were SO many beautiful things in this world. So many kind, compassionate people in this world. Sometimes, possibly, even to a fault.

I feel like so many people on this site are so stubbornly stuck on their negative viewpoints of life. It's just impossible to change their minds. No matter how much you try to persuade them, they'll fight back just as hard to cling onto their beliefs. Is crazy. Maybe they're too stuck in the past and are afraid of getting their hopes up again...just to have them let down? I know that feeling. Almost like you're being taunted. To be honest, I still feel that way sometimes. But I have faith life/the universe doesn't work like that. Life doesn't always give you what you want...but maybe it gives you what you need? To like, grow and shit? And as for people being stuck in the past/dealing with real major assholes/bad times, why allow punishing yourself? Let the past go. And from a different point of view, why let those assholes "win?" Wouldn't you like to prove them wrong? And when something REALLY good comes along, when you look back, those "bad things" will just look detours in the long run.

Anyway, it's really amazing what medicine/medication can do for people who WANT to get better and can still see the beauty in life and are willing to give life another chance. I think this applies to more people than most people think. Sadly, some of these people might have to find this out the hard way. It's sad

I agree. Mostly. I think many if not even the majority of the members of this forum don't need death and oblivion. They need a good therapist or perhaps only a shoulder to cry on. I don't want to encourage anyone to go beyond the veil by saying this, but it's more difficult for people suffering from serious illnesses, be they mental or physical. No positive thoughts can make the illnesses go away, although they can admittedly make it easier to cope with the pain. It's also difficult for people suffering from extreme trauma, because even though it's been proven again and again that it's possible to recover with psychotherapy, it takes a very long time and it's very demanding. That's my impression anyway.

As for how suicidal I am, it's difficult to give a concise answer as I'm emotionally instable. Most of the time it's 1-5 with spikes at 9 at times.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Currently 5-6. 4 on a good day.

 

[AlexM]

I'm at a 1. Anymore I feel nothing no sadness or happiness. Just existing and going with my routine

Same here. I started taking meds three months ago when was on 10 level after fail attempt. Actually now for me no matter I'm dead or alive but CTB - nope. I just live and hope (maybe not in a week or in a month) in future I could feel emotions just like before. I don't see any value in my life right now, ok, I´m in therapy, I´ll see that in future, maybe. My depression won't kill me more, I want to win, my meds are working.

 

[YukiFox]

The scale is confusing since you don't put the parameters, but assuming that 1 is low risk and 10 is maximum, I'm in a 5 right now.
I'm struggling with myself to achieve a better life focusing on my gender transition and spend time at my pagan / magic beliefs, also meditating to avoid the death thoughts.
At the same time, I'm kinda nihilist in my way of thinking. I believe that at any moment I can choose to CTB without regrets because I don't expect anything wonderful to my life. I drop any fear or objections to anyone who choose to die, including me. I want to live another couple years - if the Apocalypse doesn't come first - but if my existence becomes unbearable at any time I'll take the rope at first opportunity.
Also I have problems to figure out myself as an elderly so I don't want to suffer at that age because of the lack of jobs .

 

[Boochky]

I was ready to go tomorrow but I'm back down to a 7.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I'm at a 1. Anymore I feel nothing no sadness or happiness. Just existing and going with my routine

I was happy reading the first sentence...then I read the rest lol. What are you on?

I agree. Mostly. I think many if not even the majority of the members of this forum don't need death and oblivion. They need a good therapist or perhaps only a shoulder to cry on. I don't want to encourage anyone to go beyond the veil by saying this, but it's more difficult for people suffering from serious illnesses, be they mental or physical. No positive thoughts can make the illnesses go away, although they can admittedly make it easier to cope with the pain. It's also difficult for people suffering from extreme trauma, because even though it's been proven again and again that it's possible to recover with psychotherapy, it takes a very long time and it's very demanding. That's my impression anyway.

As for how suicidal I am, it's difficult to give a concise answer as I'm emotionally instable. Most of the time it's 1-5 with spikes at 9 at times.

Oh fuck man, I know. I don't think any amount of meditation and positive thinking could have taken me out of that place. It sucks I/we have to rely on chemicals at times to aid us but...at the end of the day, we ourselves are nothing but a vast array of atoms too, nomsayin.

And eh, I think most of the therapists I've had were pretty useless (but some of them were pretty good though). It's nice to have someone to talk to about things sometimes, but for me, personally, I prefer keeping shit to myself and solving my own problems if I can. Self-empowerment is a good thing.

 

[LMLN]

I'd say I'm a 9. Sometimes I go to a 7. Working on meds and therapy but nothing is helping. I'm here because of my son. If not for him I'd be gone by now.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm at 7 or 8 level suicidal. I want it all over, but I am holding out to try a few medications and to write my will and farewell letters. This morning I fantasised about shutting myself in a cupboard with CO - I really really want this over.

For me, I don't want to rain on this parade - but I had years of therapy and all it did was cost me a LOT of money - including during times when I had no money for shoes. I remember being in therapy and looking at the state of my shoes. The therapy cost me from £40 to £80 per hour depending on which therapist. All of which would have bought me shoes. Honestly I would now take new shoes over therapy any time.

My best therapy is calling the Samaritans, because they listen and accept it when I tell them how much I want to die, and it is a relief to talk to them about it.

My friend is now trying to offer to pay for me to have more therapy - which is very generous - but I don't see a point. He is a psychologist himself, so he thinks this stuff works. He said to me yesterday that people would be devastated if I killed myself without taking him up on this offer. For me though, it is a lot of travel when I am exhausted already and can barely get anything done, so I can go and talk to someone in a room about how I want to die every day. I really don't see a point.

The evidence that is out there around therapy suggests it can be most helpful in combination with medication.

I'm sorry if this is brusque - the depression makes me really grumpy too. I am not any kind of person I would want to be. I want it all over.
ps no therapist I ever had referred me to a psychiatrist! Even though I was crying every single day.

I gotta say, I think I'm less than a 1! It's so trippy. How life can turn around. Medication/medicine can help SO much. Sometimes our brains/minds just get stuck or parts of it just get fucking turned off. That's how it felt for me. Damn.

Anyway, it's really amazing what medicine/medication can do for people who WANT to get better and can still see the beauty in life and are willing to give life another chance. I think this applies to more people than most people think. Sadly, some of these people might have to find this out the hard way. It's sad

what are these magical meds you are on?!!! I have tried two meds so far, and scared of trying more...

 

[Jean4]

7 is my baseline on meds and medical marijuana. It is usually over.

 

[Weakling666]

9.6

 

[Tearygirl]

10. Since yesterday. There's no reason to live.

 

[youonlydieonce]

9

 

[LMLN]

I'm at 7 or 8 level suicidal. I want it all over, but I am holding out to try a few medications and to write my will and farewell letters. This morning I fantasised about shutting myself in a cupboard with CO - I really really want this over.

For me, I don't want to rain on this parade - but I had years of therapy and all it did was cost me a LOT of money - including during times when I had no money for shoes. I remember being in therapy and looking at the state of my shoes. The therapy cost me from £40 to £80 per hour depending on which therapist. All of which would have bought me shoes. Honestly I would now take new shoes over therapy any time.

My best therapy is calling the Samaritans, because they listen and accept it when I tell them how much I want to die, and it is a relief to talk to them about it.

My friend is now trying to offer to pay for me to have more therapy - which is very generous - but I don't see a point. He is a psychologist himself, so he thinks this stuff works. He said to me yesterday that people would be devastated if I killed myself without taking him up on this offer. For me though, it is a lot of travel when I am exhausted already and can barely get anything done, so I can go and talk to someone in a room about how I want to die every day. I really don't see a point.

The evidence that is out there around therapy suggests it can be most helpful in combination with medication.

I'm sorry if this is brusque - the depression makes me really grumpy too. I am not any kind of person I would want to be. I want it all over.
ps no therapist I ever had referred me to a psychiatrist! Even though I was crying every single day.


what are these magical meds you are on?!!! I have tried two meds so far, and scared of trying more...

Yes, I understand. I would rather have it all over but I am trying some things first. I'm trying to give myself a little more time. I'm seeing my doctor Monday and asking if I can see a psychiatric nurse. My therapist says that many people she knows have had a better experience with the nurse than the psychiatrist.
I know the devastation my suicide would cause. So I really am trying. It's a terrible battle as you all are well aware. I'm so thankful for this place. Its kept me here longer than I would have otherwise. ❤

 

[epic]

I gotta say, I think I'm less than a 1! It's so trippy.

I am happy for you. I hope you remain there till the end of your natural life.
I have been a 6 for many months now.

 

[Squiddy]

Currently at a 7 right now, but I'm hoping the new medicine I was prescribed brings it down

 

[Final Escape]

I had a brief moment of suicidal ideation a moment ago, but then came back to my senses. It's so disturbing to have that feeling of sudden hopelessness. All your problems seem really huge for that moment. It's like a paralysis overtakes me. I'm not sure where I'am on the scale bc it changes so dramatically. This morning I was upset about someone not texting me back soon enough and I was beginning to unravel experiencing the typical borderline abandonment pain. Not rational just don't know how to handle when I worry that I might have pushed someone away. They texted and instantly the extreme feelings went away lol! Such a nightmare.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

On a scale of 1-10, mine's over 10 every day

 

[Scarlett00]

Attempted to CTB 3 times the past 3 months with a solid 8-10 every day. But I think it's slowly starting to decrease and I'm more an average of 6-7 these past couple of weeks

 

[SlackJim]

For me it varies a lot, not been below a 5 recently though, somedays gets up to a 9, I will say never a 10 because I guess if thats the top of the scale then 10 means I'm gone

 

[NeCkDeEp]

It's today since weeks a 6 but it was yesterday a 10. Last week has been a 10 everyday so it's good to struggle less at the moment to avoid breakdowns at work

 

[LonelyHopelessDude]

For me it varies a lot, not been below a 5 recently though, somedays gets up to a 9, I will say never a 10 because I guess if thats the top of the scale then 10 means I'm gone

Basically the same for me

 

[mediocre]

about 150

 

[Ross]

The scale is confusing since you don't put the parameters, but assuming that 1 is low risk and 10 is maximum, I'm in a 5 right now.
I'm struggling with myself to achieve a better life focusing on my gender transition and spend time at my pagan / magic beliefs, also meditating to avoid the death thoughts.
At the same time, I'm kinda nihilist in my way of thinking. I believe that at any moment I can choose to CTB without regrets because I don't expect anything wonderful to my life. I drop any fear or objections to anyone who choose to die, including me. I want to live another couple years - if the Apocalypse doesn't come first - but if my existence becomes unbearable at any time I'll take the rope at first opportunity.
Also I have problems to figure out myself as an elderly so I don't want to suffer at that age because of the lack of jobs .

you said assuming 1 is low and 10 is high you're a 5.... so it didn't matter What way 1 and 10 were :)

 

[MeltingHeart]

10 & although OP has some valid points & I am glad they r feeling better-and I hope many people will in time- however many of the points & things said really over simplify things & doesn't take into account the truth of some people's lives. Some nice sentiments- that are sadly not applicable to everybody & all situations.