Discussion How likely is it that you are going to CTB? On a scale of 1-10.

[sserafim]

8-9 but 9 is more likely

99.99999% certain.

Nothing on this planet can be 100%. One must always account for the "unknown unknowns".

, and Murphy's Law: what can go wrong, will go wrong

 

[DefinitelyReady]

only 2 days left, booked a hotel room and everything. cant wait to go!!

What's your method?

 

[Amnesiac_88]

Very likely, i'm still afraid of attempting but i don't want to keep suffering, so suicide is the only option for me

 

[Abyssal]

I'm a solid 7. I think it'll be how I go eventually but for now I'm doing good. I just know myself well enough to know I'm never going to be free from these thoughts.

 

[koalahymm]

I'm a solid 9. Going to be homeless in a few days and I'd rather be dead.

 

[Labyrinth]

I'm very depressed today. I barely have the breath to write. I marked the second option (2) external possibility

 

[worthIess]

9, it's inevitable for me. i can't cope with my life, i'll never be content and truly happy. i have no desire to work and things like that. no desire to try and save myself, because it can't happen. there's no hope or future for me. i can't be treated or saved and i'm fine with that. my only salvation is death, and i'm fine with that, as long as it's not painful. i plan to go in the next year or 2, unless something really bad happens before that.

 

[Denza]

8
I don't know how Im gonna do it but I cant take any of this shit anymore.
Just waiting for one last push from my ex (if I see her with another guy)

 

[JaJu]

Realistically I probably would have voted 3-4, but I don't believe my problems will be fixed, so 5-6. Still somewhat hopeful, but I do think about and wish for my existence to cease almost every hour of the day.

 

[fiftyfiftyclown]

7. I am planning on this Sunday, but it's likely I will chicken out. I have two ideas, one is jumping from a bridge near me and the other is partial hanging at my bf's apartment (he won't be back until the next day) - because he's a dick idc if it traumatizes him and i'd rather him than my innocenct housemates to find me

I have written my letter to my parents, one for him, and I need to move some savings I have into my main account so that my parents can access it. I am not in denial of the fact that this will destroy them. I am the only kid. Has nothing to do with them, i have great parents. I haven't seen them in a bit and it will be sad but if I go to say goodbye i think it will weaken my resolve. But I really can't do this anymore. I am going to the hardware store to look for rope tomorrow and I'll practice in the next few days.
I am struggling between the two because I imagine jumping onto a busy road will cause a lot of issues and be worse as far as traumatizing others goes. And I feel like it's easier to chicken out of. But I also don't want to cause issues for him finding my body dealing with police etc. But then also why would I worry about this if I actually die lol. Survival instinct is a bitch

 

[Dark Window]

7. I am planning on this Sunday, but it's likely I will chicken out. I have two ideas, one is jumping from a bridge near me and the other is partial hanging at my bf's apartment (he won't be back until the next day) - because he's a dick idc if it traumatizes him and i'd rather him than my innocenct housemates to find me

I have written my letter to my parents, one for him, and I need to move some savings I have into my main account so that my parents can access it. I am not in denial of the fact that this will destroy them. I am the only kid. Has nothing to do with them, i have great parents. I haven't seen them in a bit and it will be sad but if I go to say goodbye i think it will weaken my resolve. But I really can't do this anymore. I am going to the hardware store to look for rope tomorrow and I'll practice in the next few days.
I am struggling between the two because I imagine jumping onto a busy road will cause a lot of issues and be worse as far as traumatizing others goes. And I feel like it's easier to chicken out of. But I also don't want to cause issues for him finding my body dealing with police etc. But then also why would I worry about this if I actually die lol. Survival instinct is a bitch

Just make sure you're absolutely sure it's what you want and you've thought it through.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

7. I've got my SN prepared, now trying to make sure my cats will be taken care of, and there is still a bit of hope. Other than that, nothing is going to keep me here.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

5. I wish it were higher but there is a 50% chance that I find true love and happiness in the next few months and decide to give up on CTB or maybe I'll just chicken out instead. That 5 is a really strong 5 though. Let's hope this coin flip is a little weighted in CTB's favor.

 

[cemetorium]

Somewhere around 7-9. I have the method and supplies ready, but I don't have a location or date. I don't know if I'll CTB within this year or in 10 years but it'll happen eventually.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't really know anymore. Sometimes I tend to think that the pro lifers have me in checkmate and that I'm forced to live until a natural death due to how hard suicide is. However, I also feel like I'll be even more mentally broken now from work than I am right now which could probably make me ctb despite society's checkmate on me right now

 

[Tommysway]

Around 7. Used to be a lot lower. In the pass few months something 'clicked' within my head and I'm beginning to take steps to ctb. I used to just fantasize about it and it made me feel comfortable that I always had a way out. But now it feels like something that I should do.

 

[Agon321]

9.

Unless something very unexpected happens, I will 100% do CTB.

I am now completely convinced.
The only question is when.

I'm waiting until I hit a wall and have no choice.
My clock is ticking faster and faster.

 

[usernamenoonecares]

I am still trying, get my hands on creating Youtube content or maybe something interesting. Just want to fill up the emptiness. But if things get worse in a year, the possibility will go up.

 

[fiftyfiftyclown]

Just make sure you're absolutely sure it's what you want and you've thought it through.

I am sure. It's weird, like it used to trouble me, thinking what if my dad takes his own life after me? But as much as I love him I don't care much what happens after. It's horrible but I've passed some turning point lately. It doesn't keep me tethered anymore.

 

[Dark Window]

I am sure. It's weird, like it used to trouble me, thinking what if my dad takes his own life after me? But as much as I love him I don't care much what happens after. It's horrible but I've passed some turning point lately. It doesn't keep me tethered anymore.

Apathy probably caused by depression and emotional burnout. Right there with ya.
Thanks for all the responses everyone.

9.

Unless something very unexpected happens, I will 100% do CTB.

I am now completely convinced.
The only question is when.

I'm waiting until I hit a wall and have no choice.
My clock is ticking faster and faster.

Sounds more like an 8 for you.

Somewhere around 7-9. I have the method and supplies ready, but I don't have a location or date. I don't know if I'll CTB within this year or in 10 years but it'll happen eventually.

Sounds like an 8 then. You have the supplies ready to make you feel like you've got a way out but you're not absolutely certain you'll do it, but maybe you just don't see any hope.

9 is when you're certain you're going to CTB, probably quite soon, but simply just don't have it planned yet.

8 is when it's very likely, and you don't really have any hope, but are not 100% certain you're CTBing.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

I mean, eventually? Like 9.9 or something. Even if I didn't have my current mental problems I have no desire to be old what so ever and I'm getting close unfortunately.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

99.999 limit 100 or whatever the notation is.

 

[cupcakesandmilk]

99.999 limit 100 or whatever the notation is.

limₓ→₁₀₀ f(𝑥) = 𝑥 (where 𝑥 stands for your likelihood of CTB.)

 

[unabletocope]

9. I have some SN to go, a lot of conflicted feelings and acutely aware it will fuck up my parents but yes I'm quite set on this, a few days ago I reached the point in my head where I realised I'm not going to suffer any more, of course I am still working through all the ways I am hurting internally but that's as far as it goes, nothing is coming to hurt me any more and now I can just focus on dying, starting to write out some feelings a bit as well as a kind of suicide journal, will organise what I can before I die

 

[PurpleMorality]

I honestly don't know, but it seems pretty likely. I know how I plan to do it if/when I do decide to, but I'm giving it some more time. For over a decade I was certain that was how I was going to go, but then I had a period of recovery for a couple years. Now, for the last year, I've been increasingly certain I will eventually make the final decision to ctb. But I can't do it as long as my dog is alive, because while I know it will hurt the humans in my life I can at least explain to them and they will know what happened; my dog is an animal, she has strongly bonded to me, and there is no way to explain to her what I did and why. If she weren't here, I'm pretty sure I would be making arrangements to ctb imminently.

Because I've had a period of recovery I recognize that I may recover during again during my dog's life and change my mind, even though it seems very unlikely. But I don't expect that to happen, so right now I'm at the point where when she goes, I go. I know that will hurt my parents and my girlfriend deeply and I genuinely hate that and wish it weren't the case, but I also don't think it's sustainable to live indefinitely for another human being for decades on end. My elderly dog won't keep me around for decades, so I can suffer through the misery for her as long as she's here, but humans with decades left themselves are a whole different situation.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

9. I will do it, the one rational act of my life.

Everything is not fully planned out or solved yet but getting close. I will undo their imposition no matter what even if everything is not fully planned. To freedom / salvation/ non-existence soon

 

[gorexzxz]

8 for me. There are still thing I need to figure out and getting a hold of my preferred method is my main stopping point.

 

[Eudaimonic]

8-8.5 in my case. I don't have anything planned yet, but I am consistently miserable and hopeless, so it's almost a certainty I will attempt once I'm able to, and likely fairly soon. I'd say it is effectively certain that I will do it eventually. I might hold on for my family for a bit once I have planned it and acquired a method, but not indefinitely unless things improve drastically (which will never happen).

 

[Dark Window]

9. I have some SN to go, a lot of conflicted feelings and acutely aware it will fuck up my parents but yes I'm quite set on this, a few days ago I reached the point in my head where I realised I'm not going to suffer any more, of course I am still working through all the ways I am hurting internally but that's as far as it goes, nothing is coming to hurt me any more and now I can just focus on dying, starting to write out some feelings a bit as well as a kind of suicide journal, will organise what I can before I die

So you're 100% definitely doing it?

 

[4everDone]

Solid 10. I'm done.
Can't believe I will finally set myself free from this madness