How are you really doing? Where on the Emmengard Suicide Scale are you?

[NZkiwi]

credit to user @Gild-Holm-'Ur for mentioning it on another thread

I guess we are all here cause we are a little suicidal, some want to recover, others want to ctb and everything im between.

Its hard to know how "suicidal" you are, sometimes you feel like a fraud.

On this scale, I was a 9/10 last week. ie started buying what i need

This week I am a 8/10 - im engaging with the public health menthal health so i we have agreed that I would not buy sn/straps/etc whats needed for me to kill myself. Not going to pickup what I have ordered. Daily phonecalls/messages and weekly appointments for now. Ergo im in the real world and not locked in a psych ward.

Curious to how SaSu is feeling.

As to not overload the group recovery thread ive posted here for a change

@ConfusedClouds
@Cloud Busting
@UltraAlter
@StarsAbove
@LRkin
@Meretlein
@never mind me
@ladybird jones drew
@ColorlessTrees

No obligation to reply
Have lovely week, no matter where you are on this

Source: https://emmengard.com/2019/05/07/suicide-scale/

 

[Lost in a Dream]

It's honestly surprising to me that lately I have been at a 4-5 on this scale, considering how many times I've been at a 9 or 10 in the past... I still have days where I get up to a 6 sometimes, but it isn't every day, and it probably only happens on occasion.

 

[LRkin]

Um... 6, I guess

 

[Set Real Goul]

I'd say around 4–5 for now, but if my sleep problems don't get any better by spring, I'll probably jump up to a 10

 

[homunculi]

i'd say 5 or 6 the past couple of days

 

[oilsaniok]

credit to user @Gild-Holm-'Ur for mentioning it on another thread

I guess we are all here cause we are a little suicidal, some want to recover, others want to ctb and everything im between.

Its hard to know how "suicidal" you are, sometimes you feel like a fraud.

On this scale, I was a 9/10 last week. ie started buying what i need

This week I am a 8/10 - im engaging with the public health menthal health so i we have agreed that I would not buy sn/straps/etc whats needed for me to kill myself. Not going to pickup what I have ordered. Daily phonecalls/messages and weekly appointments for now. Ergo im in the real world and not locked in a psych ward.

Curious to how SaSu is feeling.

As to not overload the group recovery thread ive posted here for a change

@ConfusedClouds
@Cloud Busting
@UltraAlter
@StarsAbove
@LRkin
@Meretlein
@never mind me
@ladybird jones drew
@ColorlessTrees

No obligation to reply
Have lovely week, no matter where you are on this

Source: https://emmengard.com/2019/05/07/suicide-scale/

View attachment 206735

6.5

 

[t8129]

this scale doesnt really work for me somehow my thoughts dont really get consumed like this anymore

 

[never mind me]

For me this scale doens't fit I think. I don't do risky behaviours even if I am actively planning to end my life and due to SI and a wish to have control over what happens to me I still avoid harm from outside sources even if I am feeling suicidal.
Also I rarely have intrusive thoughts about suicide, but for the most part I actively engage in them.
And I can also be unhappy or stressed without considering suicide. That's where I am at the moment, although I can imagine myself change back to being suicidal, if my health problems get worse again/ don't improve further for a long time. But for now I am hopeful enough to not wish to die.

 

[unluckysadness]

8/10

 

[bagel12]

credit to user @Gild-Holm-'Ur for mentioning it on another thread

I guess we are all here cause we are a little suicidal, some want to recover, others want to ctb and everything im between.

Its hard to know how "suicidal" you are, sometimes you feel like a fraud.

On this scale, I was a 9/10 last week. ie started buying what i need

This week I am a 8/10 - im engaging with the public health menthal health so i we have agreed that I would not buy sn/straps/etc whats needed for me to kill myself. Not going to pickup what I have ordered. Daily phonecalls/messages and weekly appointments for now. Ergo im in the real world and not locked in a psych ward.

Curious to how SaSu is feeling.

As to not overload the group recovery thread ive posted here for a change

@ConfusedClouds
@Cloud Busting
@UltraAlter
@StarsAbove
@LRkin
@Meretlein
@never mind me
@ladybird jones drew
@ColorlessTrees

No obligation to reply
Have lovely week, no matter where you are on this

Source: https://emmengard.com/2019/05/07/suicide-scale/

View attachment 206735

this is a helpful scale! it's more approachable and less clinical than typical ctb risk scales.

i have mostly been at 5-6 for the last couple months, with some better days. it is difficult to convince myself to seek help because it doesn't feel serious enough yet to be worth the effort. but it is impacting my life a lot, and i know it'll get worse if i don't seek help soon.

if i was the creator of this scale, one thing i would change is that it assumes the individual will make a plan. but a lot of ctbs are impulsive and unplanned. someone could go from 4 to 10 in a second, without warning signs like reckless behavior or saying goodbyes. this is what i worry about for myself.

@NZkiwi i wish you the best of luck with the mental health professionals

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's a mix of 2, 3 and 4.
In the last couple of months I rarely had suicidal thoughts.

 

[NZkiwi]

without warning signs like reckless behavior or saying goodbyes. this is what i worry about for myself

when that happened to me they were often "failed" attempts eg. overdose, ending up in ED

I guess I "learned" my lesson and was planning a lot more carefully now (until i started engaging with the public mental health service)

@NZkiwi i wish you the best of luck with the mental health professionals

thank you
they're actually great people, and kind
i'm not sure if it will "Fix me" but i'll give it a try

 

[ConfusedClouds]

4-6ish for me, but plus risky behaviours and a few other higher elements sometimes. So like others, I'd say it doesn't really fit. I think the main caveat for me is that I am in my stalemate autopilot isolated bubble in life, which has meant there's less negative thinking and leas positive thinking and less any thinking. Just a robot.

 

[ScarletTanager]

I don't know.
But my therapist told me I'm at moderate risk of suicide. He gave me some mandatory test.
Then on my next visit he said I'm arrogant because I'm having trouble working full time and tries to push me out meds.
So I'm not going back to therapy.
And I won't be taking any more "suicide scale tests" to determine whether aim suicidal as it's no anyone's business and I'm no longer seeking help anyway.

 

[throwawaygirl]

I think 7-8 for myself, Im not sure how well the scale resonates with me.

 

[Argent]

5-6. I was dancing between 8-9 last week.

 

[Cloud Busting]

3-4, hovers around there depending on the day. I remember finding that scale when I was at a 7-8 and climbed up to 10. Bad bad memories, bad times. I hope I never go there again. Figuring out I have PTSD was the key that unlocked everything. I no longer have suicide as a comforting option anymore for the first time in my life. (: but stress is still so high. So i still think about it sometimes, yet I think I'll make it through. I wouldn't wish the hell of suicidal thoughts on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

 

[nayomi]

5-6

 

[roastedpotato5230]

6.5, its not like i have overwhelming thoughts though

 

[dungeon keeper]

4 or 5. I don't think about it deeply enough. I know I have few more years, because I'm waiting for my dad to go first. Such a pure and gentle soul should never have to bury a child. That could cause him more suffering than I have ever known.

 

[Gild-Holm-’Ur]

I would say I am at a 4 right now - it's more of an escape hatch for the future. I reconnected with a friend from the Prime Material Plane (D&D reference to the physical world). She is someone who has struggled in the past but is doing well right now. Unfortunately, I kind of started in the middle of my train of thoughts so it took a couple of days to get to the point of saying I am doing well.

 

[Spider-Man]

I was a 10 this weekend but a 9 today, my attempts failed and now i don't know what to do to be honest. i will call my GP tomorrow to see if Assisted Suicide is an option but that takes 1-2 years in my country and 80% gets rejected so i do not have any hope.

 

[ConstantPain]

8-9
I am struggling to come up with a plan but absolutely want to die. I'd rather it be a natural or accidental thing that takes me out but I can't go on much longer like this. There's no person left to live for and there are people who I actually want to hurt. As much as the cats rely on me, maybe my husband will step up and take care of them. If he can manage to sober up once in a while you never know.

 

[melon-melancholy]

8-9
I am struggling to come up with a plan but absolutely want to die. I'd rather it be a natural or accidental thing that takes me out but I can't go on much longer like this. There's no person left to live for and there are people who I actually want to hurt. As much as the cats rely on me, maybe my husband will step up and take care of them. If he can manage to sober up once in a while you never know.

I've recently been about an 8 but usually I'm between 3-5. How many cats do you have and why aren't you sure your husband will take care of the the cats?

 

[ConstantPain]

I've recently been about an 8 but usually I'm between 3-5. How many cats do you have and why aren't you sure your husband will take care of the the cats?

My husband is an alcoholic and abusive to me but genuinely loves the cats. We have 6, 5 of which were kittens that just showed up on our property (since 2020). Lately he's been drunk or passed out more often than not. He still manages to work from home because he's been with the company for 25 years. He doesn't pay attention to their food and water dishes or the litterbox and there are some that will not go to him. It's impossible to know if he'll handle their care when I'm not here.

 

[hughmun9]

Feels like I've been at 7-8 for the past 3 months. Now that I've got sn for the past few days I'm finding myself staring down my sn and playing with it for 2-3 hours, seriously considering starting the protocol then I talk myself out of it. I genuinely convince myself to give life another shot for 6 months, then 5 hours later I'm again seriously considering starting my fast and taking my first meto pill. I've talked myself out of it for the 3rd time today and called the samaritans, am kind of stuck in a loop...

Thing is I'm not in some temporary critical impulsive mood that will lift with a bit of talking or a hug, I'm just genuinely undecided and fighting the temptation to get the relief I believe death would offer.

I am fairly certain I won't do it right now but I've thought these thoughts yesterday too and somehow I keep finding myself seriously considering starting the protocol down the line again. Being so undecided in the first place should be a sign that I shouldn't do it to begin with I suppose. But my indecision is based on my belief in the afterlife which isn't strong, as there's a decent chance that the afterlife isn't real, no one can know for sure. So I do technically feel ambivalent about it, but my ambivalence will likely never lift in my lifetime. I will always believe in the possibility of an afterlife, so what does that mean, I should never CTB, because of this ambivalence?

I guess it's been a dream of mine to CTB for so long and it's so within reach that it feels so so so tempting. If I didn't believe in the possiblity of an afterlife I'd CTB tommorow.

Edit: Although to be fair, as I've had this back and forth in my head, I have found reasons besides my belief in my afterlife that anchor me towards living, so I guess I'm trending away from the 7-8

 

[hurts2b]

5 today

 

[SilentVelvet]

At around a 6–7. Last week, I was at an 8

 

[Chili]

I've never seen this before, but I really like it. I'd say I'm a 7 right now.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

8 or 9