Discussion How long have you been suicidal?

[sweetcreep]

i remember not wanting to be alive at around age six but i started attempting in high school. i stopped after about three failed attempts. it's always been in the back of my mind, but i spent a lot of years trying to better myself and find reasons to live. now i'm 30 and i have no reason to keep going.

 

[Pessimist]

At least since I was 7 maybe a bit earlier than that. So a bit over 37 years now. Hopefully it'll be over before too much longer.

That's a long time. Do you mind sharing more?

 

[rih]

since about 15, on and off meds and various activities to cope/deal, i'm 28 now

 

[Heartaches]

Around 11, I'd say. I've never had an attempt but have suffered enough periods of suicidal depression that have made it hard for me to achieve anything in life. My existence is a waste of time, space and oxygen.​

 

[Inf]

For me, it's around 3

Same

 

[Nemo94]

To be honest, I lived in Asia, in the year when "Psycho" was defined as "Crazy".
I used a knife to cut my hand, pull my hair when I found out my mother and father were divorced.
Then when I was eight years old, I tried to jump off the building of my Elementary School, because I was afraid to go home when I got 7/10 on my test.
Then there were many attempts to overdose, but at least at that time, choosing to live was still good.
But not now, when the Military Service (mandatory) is behind me from this state system.
9/10 people in this country know, or have known, that going to the military only takes 2 years of your life (or worse, die there by suicide).

Edit:
Maybe add or subtract, but from the time I was eight years old I probably had suicidal thoughts and a few failed attempts, but each time I failed I wanted to do something to make a splash, and make this country look at itself, or just create chaos.
It would be around 7-8 years.

 

[lnlybnny]

10 years

 

[rih]

Around 11, I'd say. I've never had an attempt but have suffered enough periods of suicidal depression that have made it hard for me to achieve anything in life. My existence is a waste of time, space and oxygen.​

Sorry you feel that way.. on an off topic Hazbin hotel is great

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

I'm 22, thinking about it since 2016.

 

[allmessedup]

The past three years. One major shitty life event that I can't/won't move past. I lost something I choose not to live without.

 

[attheend13]

On and off my whole life. First serious attempt was at 16 then dozens of failures 2 years in a psych ward and then I just learned to live with the ideation. I tried Prozac and I did what you're "supposed" to do. Got married to a narc who treated me and then my girls as narcs are known to do. Child protective services came in and finally I left. Hit the restart button. Now all I think about is jumping off the balcony. I gave up on hope or happiness. I can't ctb now because it would destroy my girls. I'm waiting for MAID to include depression and I will apply then. If a lifetime of depression isn't enough then I don't know what is

 

[justamirror]

About 6 years. I've had periods where I was hopeful and a walking depressive type though. But I tried 6 years ago and the reasons why I tried are the same reasons as today basically. Not much has changed.

 

[AmIForReal]

30 years but with very long periods that I didn't think about it

 

[exitingtothevoid]

20 years on and off.

 

[gayayi4811]

3 years. My plans to achieve the good life I thought I was destined to have been progressively proved wrong. After accepting this, the age decay clock keeps ticking.

 

[Pessimist]

.

 

[Danby]

About five years, with more intensity the last couple. I'm tired of being sad and depressed all the time, and my world is about to fall apart.

 

[pain6batch9]

I can't remember that far back.

 

[moonoverthesea]

Strongly, as in "learning how it's actually done and imagining how I'd actually do it", just one year. Longer if we consider stuff like "Welp I'd sure love it if a car hit me!".

Looking at everyone else's time, I feel a bit like a baby..

 

[_Minsk]

Almost half of my life, im in my late 20's now

 

[Holu]

Suicidal? Since 11 or 12(I'm 21 currently). Depressed? Off diagnosis since 9. Been in therapy since 6 for self harm and anxiety, spent most my life in and out of the mental healthcare industry.

 

[GetReadyy]

Since I was raped

 

[anxious_depressive]

Ever since I was 17.
I tried to kill myself then.

I'm 31 now.

 

[uglyugly]

Since I was six. I wanted to die before I really understood what the ramifications of death were. So, that makes just over a half century for me wanting to die and still not having enough guts to ctb. There have been times when I haven't been as bad of shape as I am in, I guess that makes a huge difference as to why i am still unfortunately here.

 

[genie]

Since I was 13. I went to the wrong type of school and feel like it messed up my entire life. I'm 32 now and been suicidal my whole life with respite now and then. I always like to keep it as an option in case things go very wrong, but I have been unemployed permanently, no ambition and no purpose in life. I'm not depressed, more nihilistic. Nihilism actually brings me some happiness.

 

[justkatie]

I'm not sure if I want to ctb, there's just no way my life can be at a standard I'm happy to live with.

Very mixed feelings here.

 

[Bapremp]

Regular suicidal thoughts since i got my rare neurological disorder in early -21, but i got on a medication that took away the worst of my symptoms, gave a part of my life back and made me functional again, but the remaining ones that it didn't do much for, like the visual disturbances and tinnitus kept these occasional thoughts around. Then after a little over two years down the road i built a tolerance to it and my entire life fell in to ruins again, couldn't/can't work, barely read or watch TV, impaired cognition, constant strong DPDR makes me feel like i'm about to go nuts at any second etc and we've tried pretty much everything that potentially could help, but without success.

So for about the past nine months it went from thoughts to planning, since there's no life with this disorder, only 24/7 agony. The reason it hasn't been done yet is the impact it will have on my close ones, especially my better half. It will ruin her life for years, and i'm actually scared that she'll eventually end up doing it herself. But it's come to the point now were i can't endure this for others anymore. It's too bad that you can't erase yourself from someones memories to spare them the pain.

Anyways, it sure sucks since i loved life prior to getting this and there was so much i still wanted to do, and this despite having quite a few other problems that i struggled with (injuries/chronic pain, GAD, etc). A day hasn't actually passed since i got this that i haven't been day dreaming about bodyparts i would've traded to be free from this or some other illness that's more known about, like MS, cancer. Life sure ain't fair, that's for sure...

 

[ayanti]

Ever since I was young, I didn't really want to be alive. Would always wish something would happen to me and I'd die. Suicide didn't really enter my mind until late middle school. It persisted intermittently since. Heightening in high school and has remained somewhat constant in the back of my head. However, now, suicide has come back to the forefront of my mind due to my current living circumstances.

 

[Pessimist]

Regular suicidal thoughts since i got my rare neurological disorder in early -21, but i got on a medication that took away the worst of my symptoms, gave a part of my life back and made me functional again, but the remaining ones that it didn't do much for, like the visual disturbances and tinnitus kept these occasional thoughts around. Then after a little over two years down the road i built a tolerance to it and my entire life fell in to ruins again, couldn't/can't work, barely read or watch TV, impaired cognition, constant strong DPDR makes me feel like i'm about to go nuts at any second etc and we've tried pretty much everything that potentially could help, but without success.

So for about the past nine months it went from thoughts to planning, since there's no life with this disorder, only 24/7 agony. The reason it hasn't been done yet is the impact it will have on my close ones, especially my better half. It will ruin her life for years, and i'm actually scared that she'll eventually end up doing it herself. But it's come to the point now were i can't endure this for others anymore. It's too bad that you can't erase yourself from someones memories to spare them the pain.

Anyways, it sure sucks since i loved life prior to getting this and there was so much i still wanted to do, and this despite having quite a few other problems that i struggled with (injuries/chronic pain, GAD, etc). A day hasn't actually passed since i got this that i haven't been day dreaming about bodyparts i would've traded to be free from this or some other illness that's more known about, like MS, cancer. Life sure ain't fair, that's for sure...

What disorder? It sounds very difficult.