How could I discuss a DNR with family members without hinting about my suicide plans?

[Jason0941]

Hi, guys. I'm planning to end my life via nitrogen gas, soon. I want to get a DNR, because just in case this method fails: I wouldn't want to live with permanent brain damage or be put into a medically-induced coma. I need witnesses when signing the DNR & a person who would have the power of attorney. The only people who could fulfill these roles are family members, who know that I'm suicidal. They could connect the dots and realize that I want a DNR because I'm planning to kill myself. How can I have this discussion with them, in a way that would prevent them from coming to that realization?

 

[SadBumblebee]

That's tricky, because you need two witnesses for a DNR order (I think) so you're going to have to convince multiple family members. Are you sure there's no one else you can get to witness?

 

[jazzcat621]

I don't think you would get any help from having a DNR. On top of convincing family to be ok with it, it's not 100% fool proof and certain medics can ignore it.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Sometimes a notary will suffice. A notary is simple and inexpensive. Banks have them or even many UPS stores.

The below quote is from a FAQ about DNRs' from the Texas Department of State Health Services (DSHS). Look into your state laws. The power of attorney is a bit more tricky. Perhaps leave a sealed envelope with their name and appropriate documents. There's always the chance they throw it away if they don't want to act on your wishes.

"A notary public can witness the signature of the person filling out the form in lieu of two witnesses. If two witnesses are present, the form does not need to be notarized."

*citation

 

[Jason0941]

That's tricky, because you need two witnesses for a DNR order (I think) so you're going to have to convince multiple family members. Are you sure there's no one else you can get to witness?

Yep, I'm sure. The only people I could get as witnesses are the family members who know that I'm suicidal. Maybe a public notary is an option for that. I'm not sure about that, though.

 

[SadBumblebee]

Sometimes a notary will suffice. A notary is simple and inexpensive. Banks have them or even many UPS stores.

The below quote is from a FAQ about DNRs' from the Texas Department of State Health Services (DSHS). Look into your state laws. The power of attorney is a bit more tricky. Perhaps leave a sealed envelope with their name and appropriate documents. There's always the chance they throw it away if they don't want to act on your wishes.

"A notary public can witness the signature of the person filling out the form in lieu of two witnesses. If two witnesses are present, the form does not need to be notarized."

*citation

It really just depends on the state doesn't it?

 

[CatLvr]

It really just depends on the state doesn't it?

That is my understanding, also. And also that medical professionals do not have to honor a DNR if it goes against their personal moral code -- At least in my state.

 

[Raindancer]

DNR's are tricky. I am lucky in that because of my health issues I have one. But when I researched them in regards to when you've tried to catch the bus, doctors do not have to honor them and in fact they usually do not. In addition, if paramedics are called and they can not get the DNR in their hands, they will do whatever is necessary. My mom had a DNR but it wasn't displayed. When she had an episode my dad called the paramedics and they intubated her. From that point even though she had a DNR it was a fight to get her extubated.

 

[TBONTB]

DNR's are tricky. I am lucky in that because of my health issues I have one. But when I researched them in regards to when you've tried to catch the bus, doctors do not have to honor them and in fact they usually do not. In addition, if paramedics are called and they can not get the DNR in their hands, they will do whatever is necessary. My mom had a DNR but it wasn't displayed. When she had an episode my dad called the paramedics and they intubated her. From that point even though she had a DNR it was a fight to get her extubated.

Agree with this. DNR is mostly useful for a terminally ill patient in a hospital, just confirming "let nature take its course". I don't think one will be useful for someone young in a medical emergency.

 

[looking4partner]

Just agreeing that I've read that even when people have them - a DNR - & follow all the legal requirements, providers still ignore them anyway.

People have even gotten tattoos that say DNR, but I don't think it helped.

 

[CatLvr]

DNR's are tricky. I am lucky in that because of my health issues I have one. But when I researched them in regards to when you've tried to catch the bus, doctors do not have to honor them and in fact they usually do not. In addition, if paramedics are called and they can not get the DNR in their hands, they will do whatever is necessary. My mom had a DNR but it wasn't displayed. When she had an episode my dad called the paramedics and they intubated her. From that point even though she had a DNR it was a fight to get her extubated.

You are exactly right. I have some personal experience here, now, unfortunately.

My husband had a DNR. He was in the emergency room and had an "event". They brought him back, even though the DNR had been in his file for YEARS.

He recently became ill again, and had to take another ambulance ride to the ER again. This time I got there before he flat-lined. Even with a DNR in his file, they started resuscitation efforts. I had to tell them to stop and even then the nurse doing CPR didn't stop until the doctor came in, spoke briefly with me, and then told the nurse to stop.

I do not understand the point of telling you YOU have the choice and then when the very thing you do not want to live through happens and they do what THEY want anyway. It both saddens AND angers me.