Discussion How long have you been suicidal?

[Praestat_Mori]

About 5-6 years passively but was active last year. Currently I'd say more passive than active but in the worst case I would have method.

 

[UKscotty]

25 years

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that in my case I've never wished for something so undesirable as existence, to have the ability to exist is a dreadful and futile imposition forced on us by those who so cruelly decided to procreate. Existing is just meaningless suffering and I've always preferred the sound of the true peace of non-existence, my wish to die is a result of having awareness and I've always and only ever found comfort in death.
To me suicide is all that feels rational, I have no interest in suffering for decades in this existence that was always so pointless in the first place just to inevitably be tormented by old age, more than anything I wish I never existed at all.

 

[Theresnoescape]

35 years or so.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

I am 37 Years....since 17....

Regrets to have lived 20 Years...

Same

 

[BlockHammer]

Around 4 years ago, abd it keep getting worse

 

[Defenestration]

Pour moi, c'est vers 3 heures

Hour?

 

[Suicidal_manlet]

Hour?

No year

 

[dinosavr]

Passively, for 5 years. Actively, for 8 months.

 

[Pessimist]

I've always felt like I had to wait for certain people in my life to die first.

Very relatable. I feel like I have to wait for my mom to die first.

 

[Deathismyfriend]

Well since 2009 but that was on/off and then since 2015 very much.
2020 when covid hit the world suicide is the only thing on my mind.

 

[SeekingPeace164]

I've had suicidal ideations since middle school but only started having actual plans since January

 

[etherealspring]

since i was 11, so about 8 years

 

[AmberianDawn]

Suicidal ideation 17 years ago, aprox. I never had a suicide attempt. I would like to plan it well so that it is not just an "attempt" and becomes a fact without regrets.

 

[Pessimist]

Surprised to see so many relatable stories here. Most "experts" claim that people can't be suicidal for long periods of time because it goes against human survival instinct.

 

[Neon Grave]

Started when I was about 12. I'm 29 now. Wish I would've gone through with it then, when I didn't feel anchored down to this world by one single family member. Now I'm stuck in this miserable existence waiting for them to either die or cut me off.

 

[redeeming_butterfly]

For about 20 years, sometimes more, sometimes less. I've always found compromises to deal with my circumstances. That's over now.

 

[kyhoti]

Since 1982.

 

[Pessimist]

Since 1982.

That's a very long time. Do you mind sharing more?

 

[willitpass]

Since I was 9/10. I'm in my 20s now.

 

[Gangrel]

ever since i remember thinking for myself so around being a teen like 13-15 i already knew i would ctb, i felt inadequate, different,

 

[Lewliette]

Thinking of it, around 6 years. Already planning it, like 2 and a half years

 

[kyhoti]

That's a very long time. Do you mind sharing more?

That was the first time I tried to CTB. I was 12. It was feeble and I was caught. From that I learned how I was viewed, as unstable and broken, an embarrassment to my family. I found chemicals at that point and started down the pathway of sewer-slide on the installment plan. I was "put away" at 18, as the family said it was "for the best". I learned to mask, hiding my symptoms as best I could. Series of overdoses followed, all pathetic failures of my ultimate goal. I tripped up and convinced myself that I could be a human being. That led to a family, which was a horrible thing for me to do. They did not deserve the inevitable chaos I brought, what with addiction, mental illness etc. Thankfully, they fled. Now I am physically ailing, with no hope of recovery, so I have nothing left. There you have it.

 

[Hotel]

On and off about 10 years. I always want to die but I don't class that as suicidal because I'm not making plans or thoughts of harming myself.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Ever since I turned 13 years old.

 

[bluejelly]

First attempt was 19 years ago, I'd been thinking about it for about a year.

 

[Exitwings]

Depending on your definition/what counts:

I'm not – I don't want to die nor do I believe death is The End. I've given up on This Life but not Living In General/Existence.

A year and a half – Actively intending to CTB once I find a method + have attempted twice so far.

3 years – Knowing I'll need to CTB if I don't find a surgeon who will do the thing before my symptoms progress past the point that I can continue searching. (Was living on Determined Spiteful Hope.)

7 years (about 25yrs old) – Keeping CTBing as an "absolutely last solution" in the back of my head. I kind of need escape routes or I freak out (I'm cleithrophobic), so.

18 years (young teen) – Genuinely feeling as though I won't have a future + feeling like I've got an unknown countdown/like I'm living on borrowed time. (Could have been trauma or chronic illnesses idk). Idk if I thought I was gonna CTB eventually or what.

 

[vadim]

Last three years. University ruined me.

 

[Pessimist]

.

 

[Steff1337]

On and off for more than a decade.