Discussion How long have you been suicidal?

[Epikur]

I have been suicidal since I was a teenager. Waves coming and going. Several attempts. Always failed. Some years were better, but it was always on my mind. I hate myself for not having the guts just to do it. Always thinking of others.

 

[Fade2Blk0809]

Most of my life, since I was in elementary school…amazing that I lasted this long tbh

 

[M4rii]

10 years. but since 8 years permanently

 

[purple417]

the first time i felt any suicidal ideation was when i was 10. i was fine when i was 11. 12-14 i think it was on and off depending on if i was in a depressive episode. 15-19 it was just constant depression and suicidal ideations. the depression just never went away after i turned 15 idk y. its sometimes worse and sometimes a bit better but its always there now

 

[brokeandbroken]

2+ years.

 

[revontulet]

7-8 years. At the age of 25 I thought i'm going to die within 5 years. This was 6 years ago.

 

[deathtakeme]

My whole life bc of self hatred but seriously considering it the past 5. Would have done it 5 years ago but i stuck around to rot some more.

 

[Moniker]

When I was around nine years old I got bullied a lot in school, teachers included. I remember drawing sketches on these little sheets of paper of people jumping off of buildings and stuff - hardly recognizable since a nine year old drew them. No serious attempts to ctb and self harm until I was like eighteen though.

 

[Pessimist]

When I was around nine years old I got bullied a lot in school, teachers included. I remember drawing sketches on these little sheets of paper of people jumping off of buildings and stuff - hardly recognizable since a nine year old drew them. No serious attempts to ctb and self harm until I was like eighteen though.

I used to do the same. Very dark sketches.

 

[banger12]

Surprised to see so many relatable stories here. Most "experts" claim that people can't be suicidal for long periods of time because it goes against human survival instinct.

Do they really say shit like that? Absolutely heartless and disgusting of them if true.....

 

[pariah80]

^

Since I was about 8.

 

[banger12]

I turn 22 soon-ish. I've struggle with mental health since my early teens and crossed the line into being suicidal when I was 15. Since then I've been on and off suicidal but I think it's significant that I have consistently kept returning to this place (mental place, not here; I'm new to the forums) for 7 years now. Also, with the past 8 months a number of things have happened which have irreversible impacted my quality of life now and will inevitably into the future, which deepens the need to CTB.

 

[juna]

Since I was a child(6 years old), and then I have been suicidal on and off over the years. So, would say at least since 20 years. Currently I am extremely suicidal and don't think I will be able to survive another year or 2.

 

[ramon]

I think I first thought about it when I was in elementary school. I can't quite remember, but probably between 7 and 9 was when I started fantasizing. Of course, at that age, you don't even really have a fully realized personality, so it questionable what it means to be suicidal at that age. But I started seriously wanting to starting in middle school and it's gone up and down since then, with the past couple months being the worst (best?) it's ever been. Usually in the past it was a more abstract misery and depression, but this time I have been thinking more clearly. Although it was set off by a traumatic, extremely emotional event, it made me realize a lot of things about myself and the world. The key thing being that the world really fucking sucks and the amount of effort that is required for me to keep battling my everything isn't exactly worth it considering what the future looks like.

So about 20 years.

My story is similar to yours... without the traumatic event you (sadly) went through.

Pressure at school (school bullies, teachers, parents), at college (roommate bullies, parents), at home (relative bullies, parents), at work (workplace bullies, parents). I'd always shrug it off as an obstacle that had to be defeated... then on 2022, I realized all of my efforts were pointless: Unemployed, entrepreneurial failure, candidate for developing dementia, unhappy most of my life, somebody's bitch... the list goes on.

If nothing can turn out right for me, at least, I hope my attempt to CTB won't be another failure.

Quick, maybe not easy, and painless.

We'll see how it turns out.

 

[HazelTheGhost]

Since I was 12, I'm 25 now so around 13 years

 

[spirittheyregone]

Id say around 8 years now ever since the trauma reprocessed and the genetic mental health issues kicked in lol

 

[possessed]

The idea of offing myself came to me about 7-8 years ago, been actively considering it for more than 1.5 years.

 

[BasilThePlant]

Not sure the exact timeframe. When I was 12, I harmed myself, thinking it would make me ctb. But, since I was 15, and when family stuff happened, I was seiriously depressed and suicidal.

 

[Pessimist]

.

 

[Juliaishere]

^

Since I was maybe 6 or 7

 

[Oyasumidanny]

since i was 13, now im 18 and idk how yall are like 32, im scared, please tell me it gets better

 

[Gabbi_Station]

Since I was a child; probably all of my life.

I think the only reason I stuck around so long was people constantly telling me that it would get better but it never has; now I am 32 and still horribly depressed

 

[DeusVult]

Since a young age, never belonged anywhere, always felt lonely. It never got better.

 

[milknife02]

Since I was 11, I'm 20 now

 

[GuessWhosBack]

10+ years.
Too fucking long is the answer.

 

[whywere]

Since day 1. Mental health issues run in my "dads" side, as I have had 1 aunt who used a shotgun on herself and another aunt who was in a government run facility all her life. Not to mention that my "dad's" boat had all the oars, but they hardly ever touched the water, but he was always steadfast in the belief that he was superior to others. YIKES!

Walter

 

[Pessimist]

Since day 1. Mental health issues run in my "dads" side, as I have had 1 aunt who used a shotgun on herself and another aunt who was in a government run facility all her life. Not to mention that my "dad's" boat had all the oars, but they hardly ever touched the water, but he was always steadfast in the belief that he was superior to others. YIKES!

Walter

What do you mean by a "government-run facility"?

 

[freakshow]

ever since puberty around 13 yrs old, i attempted hanging when I was 15 wish i had succeeded

 

[whywere]

What do you mean by a "government-run facility"?

That the state that I live in here in the U.S., the state owns and runs a mental health facility, some may call it by other definitions, long tern mental health institution or hospital, but it is a place that houses folks with long term or permanent mental health issues for life.

So, all the money to run house the folks and all the upkeep comes either or usually it is a combo of state and federal money here in the U.S.

Like me, after my 2nd attempt, I had a nasty court fight where the state that I live in here in the U.S. wanted to put me in a state-run mental health institution, I won, thank GOD, but it is along those lines. For me, at least what I somewhat heard and can remember, it was back in 2015, it would have been at least 1 year. I would have lived there, and I could NOT go out of the place on my own, for like a walk, so glad it did not come to pass.


Walter

 

[Gstreater]

Around eight years now with a few attempts through the years with being stuck in a mental ward making it worse.