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leavingthesoultrap

leavingthesoultrap

(ᴗ_ ᴗ。)
Nov 25, 2023
983
Yikes, I scored one of the lowest (which would be even lower if two of the requirements weren't having covid 19 and saying "I love you" to basically anybody which includes being forced to say it to family due to social pressures as a kid). I think I know what that insinuates for me...
not saying it is a rule and an accurate scale of looks tho
 
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sserafim

sserafim

머리 아프다
Sep 13, 2023
6,952
@ijustwishtodie Are you single and ready to mingle? I'll be your girlfriend if you're looking for a Pringle 🤣
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,772
Well that's me lol. Anyways, it's not like I chose to be Asian haha. I honestly wonder why my soul decided to be Asian in this life, and in America of all places. Why not Asian in Asia? It doesn't make any sense to me. The only guy that I want is my crush though, and he just happens to be white. I think my previous crushes were white too lol
Just wanna be clear that I was being sarcastic and I too have tended to only be interested in white people despite being Asian although the first girl I liked was the same kind of Asian as me. In case it wasn't clear already at least.

I have a feeling my soul probably wanted to be of Japanese ancestry instead but got lost on its way to earth and ended up being of Chinese ancestry instead.
 
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sserafim

sserafim

머리 아프다
Sep 13, 2023
6,952
Just wanna be clear that I was being sarcastic and I too have tended to only be interested in white people despite being Asian although the first girl I liked was the same kind of Asian as me. In case it wasn't clear already at least.

I have a feeling my soul probably wanted to be of Japanese ancestry instead but got lost on its way to earth and ended up being of Chinese ancestry instead.
Oh lol. I'm of Chinese ancestry as well. I'm also only interested in white people despite being Asian. All of my crushes have been on white guys. I've never liked any Asian guys except for kpop guys haha. I have a feeling that I was European in my past life, probably Western European. I don't know what my soul wanted to be. Maybe it was looking for a change
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
2,298
@ijustwishtodie Are you single
Yes
and ready to mingle? I'll be your girlfriend if you're looking for a Pringle 🤣
No, I think I'm okay with being single haha. I'm trying to get used to being alone as I know I have to die alone. Although, I may reconsider it if you're the barbecue flavour of pringles as those are tasty 479504 1042280527
 
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surroundedbydemons

surroundedbydemons

Student
Mar 6, 2024
172
Yes, looks IS attraction. You can not be attracted to someones personality. You literally fall in love with someones looks. It's all biochemical reactions. You see someone who has a well-developed and good-looking face and you immediately becomes attracted to it. That's why love at first sight is actually a real thing.
I agree with you that "looks IS attraction," but I believe I may be an exception to the rule that you cannot be attracted to someone's personality. Of course, I get biologically aroused when I see an attractive person; I do not think it is entirely correct to reduce attraction as a whole only to visual attraction (I suspect sexual in this context).

Personally, I find myself drawn to certain psychological traits in people I've had the opportunity to get to know. I like ambitious, open, compassionate (empath type?), honest people in general.

I might be subconsciously thinking about it this way. If I were selecting a mate for procreation, I would not only be looking for visual attraction; I would also consider traits that are beneficial for raising children and could potentially be passed down genetically so that my bloodline prospers in the long run.

I'm simply offering my perspective, not suggesting that others should share it.

Alluding to the post I made in this thread before:
They only care about your race until they get to know you personally because of positive and negative biases associated with each race. It's the same as appearance...
When people get to know each other, those biases fade away, and no one will care about your race/looks/etc.
I believe that as long as you give someone a chance, you will have time to associate a concrete person's looks with the personality they exhibit.



~~~
But again, if you are talking about "BOOOBA WOOOHOOO SEXOOOOO" then yeah... personality does not matter...
 
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Oliver

Oliver

Experienced
Feb 28, 2024
237
I agree with you that "looks IS attraction," but I believe I may be an exception to the rule that you cannot be attracted to someone's personality. Of course, I get biologically aroused when I see an attractive person; I do not think it is entirely correct to reduce attraction as a whole only to visual attraction (I suspect sexual in this context).

Personally, I find myself drawn to certain psychological traits in people I've had the opportunity to get to know. I like ambitious, open, compassionate (empath type?), honest people in general.

I might be subconsciously thinking about it this way. If I were selecting a mate for procreation, I would not only be looking for visual attraction; I would also consider traits that are beneficial for raising children and could potentially be passed down genetically so that my bloodline prospers in the long run.

I'm simply offering my perspective, not suggesting that others should share it.

Alluding to the post I made in this thread before:

I believe that as long as you give someone a chance, you will have time to associate a concrete person's looks with the personality they exhibit.



~~~
But again, if you are talking about "BOOOBA WOOOHOOO SEXOOOOO" then yeah... personality does not matter...
It might help if the person is already somewhat attractive but if the person was ugly, then I doubt you'd feel any more attracted to her. You might view here as a better person, but attraction-wise I highly doubt it. The thing we look for the most in termes of procreation is good genes (looks) - it's just a harsh reality.
 
derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
150
I heard that attractive and successful white guys usually go for white girls, not Asians, so I think that I unfortunately have no chance 😢
Don't know where you heard that lol. I'm not going to say I'm super attractive or anything, but I'm not unattractive and I'm a reasonably successful white guy in a relationship with an asian woman. It's a preference for many white men. White male asian female is both popular and hated by people who aren't in such a relationship for a reason.
 
sserafim

sserafim

머리 아프다
Sep 13, 2023
6,952
It might help if the person is already somewhat attractive but if the person was ugly, then I doubt you'd feel any more attracted to her. You might view here as a better person, but attraction-wise I highly doubt it. The thing we look for the most in termes of procreation is good genes (looks) - it's just a harsh reality.
I'm pretty sure that my crush wanted to procreate with me but unfortunately, I didn't realize it at the time. This is just rubbing salt in the wound
Don't know where you heard that lol. I'm not going to say I'm super attractive or anything, but I'm not unattractive and I'm a reasonably successful white guy in a relationship with an asian woman. It's a preference for many white men. White male asian female is both popular and hated by people who aren't in such a relationship for a reason.
His past girlfriends that I know of were Northern European then Turkish. I don't think he's into Asian girls
 
Oliver

Oliver

Experienced
Feb 28, 2024
237
I'm pretty sure that my crush wanted to procreate with me but unfortunately, I didn't realize it at the time. This is just rubbing salt in the wound

His past girlfriends that I know of were Northern European then Turkish. I don't think he's into Asian girls
Most people have a racial preference. It's just an undeniable fact and there is nothing we can really do about it. However, most white guys would rank asian woman quite high on the "attraction-scale", so if you want a white boyfriend, it shouldn't be too much of a problem. :))
 
derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
150
I'm pretty sure that my crush wanted to procreate with me but unfortunately, I didn't realize it at the time. This is just rubbing salt in the wound

His past girlfriends that I know of were Northern European then Turkish. I don't think he's into Asian girls
A preference doesn't mean an absolute. You have an pretty idealistic idea of relationships, putting this guy on a pedestal as being absolutely perfect in every way. It's not necessarily a bad thing. These romantic feelings of having a crush are some of the strongest you'll ever feel, even if they're bittersweet, so I wouldn't resent them.

Really, though, immediate compatibility is really a minor thing. Just because he dated white girls before doesn't mean he'd only consider them. It also doesn't even mean he prefers them. I'm willing to bet - since you are in America - he's not surrounded by mostly asian women.

Men aren't nearly as picky as women are. This is shown in scientific studies. You show women 100 guys and ask them to rate them on a scale of 1 to 10, women will put about 80% of them at 5 or lower, and then the very attractive ones at 9 and 10. Do the same for men, you get close to a perfect bell curve, and men will typically date women that are below their "score." (eg, a 10 will date someone they consider to be a 6 or 7.) This is biological, and your crush isn't immune to it.

My guess would be that these girls were simply more aggressive in trying to get him in a romantic relationship. That has nothing to do with race. It also means you could still have a chance someday.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,772
His past girlfriends that I know of were Northern European then Turkish. I don't think he's into Asian girls
I hate giving this advice because I know it has never helped me when I've received it, but maybe you'd wield it better than I and have more fortune on your side to back it up:

I think you might just have to "put yourself out there", "move on", "expand your horizons", etc.

Or you could do what I did but I don't recommend it. It took me almost ten years to move on from my high school crush who had no interest in me and I was only able to move on because I found a fictional character that I hyperfixated on and began to treat as a real love interest. This is super not helpful for obvious reasons because I'm still alone.
 
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surroundedbydemons

surroundedbydemons

Student
Mar 6, 2024
172
The thing we look for the most in termes of procreation is good genes (looks) - it's just a harsh reality.
Well, you are partly right again.

Both looks and personality matter. I think you place it higher just because good looks can always be used to put a foot in the door, whereas you cannot do that with your personality.

To put it bluntly: no one will deal with a shitty person for long even if he looks top 0.00001% perfect, literally greek god/goddess with better than zyzz physique.

~~~
More autistic answer:
As long as a person is not below the threshold for being considered objectively unattractive, their looks will only take them so far.

I mentioned a similar idea in my post about objective attractiveness and biases: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-hate-being-ugly.156858/#post-2415562

Personally, I think there are some thresholds for being beautiful in your environment (like culture, social media, college, etc.). The only problem is that if you are below the lower threshold (i.e., ugly), you will most likely be excluded, but if you are above the higher threshold (literal goddess/god), your returns will be marginal at best.
 
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Oliver

Oliver

Experienced
Feb 28, 2024
237
Well, you are partly right again.

Both looks and personality matter. I think you place it higher just because good looks can always be used to put a foot in the door, whereas you cannot do that with your personality.

To put it bluntly: no one will deal with a shitty person for long even if he looks top 0.00001% perfect, literally greek god/goddess with better than zyzz physique.

~~~
More autistic answer:
As long as a person is not below the threshold for being considered objectively unattractive, their looks will only take them so far.

I mentioned a similar idea in my post about objective attractiveness and biases: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-hate-being-ugly.156858/#post-2415562
I think a lot of people will adapt to/keep up with a shitty person if the person is extremely attractive. However, some won't of course, so yeah you usually need to be a "good person" etc. to be in a relationship with someone long term, but you are right that there certainly is a threshold in terms of looks which needs to be exceeded - that's just how human nature works, unfortunately.
 
L

LifeIsCrazyNemb

Arcanist
Jan 21, 2024
403
For sure, @FuneralCry is the hottest user here

she is also very happy about this kind of thread. lol

 
Proteus

Proteus

Oceanic Member
Feb 6, 2024
300
For sure, @FuneralCry is the hottest user here

she is also very happy about this kind of thread. lol

So this is the thread she was talking about. I expected to be sexual predators, or something, lol.
 
4am

4am

there’s nothing for you.
Dec 14, 2023
987
For sure, @FuneralCry is the hottest user here

she is also very happy about this kind of thread. lol


funeral cry whenever something not suicide related is posted:

1712272635092
 
Linda

Linda

Member
Jul 30, 2020
1,135
I'm above average and I got my crush's attention, but he stopped talking to me after he got a girlfriend. How do I get his attention again? I only want his, no one else's
You can't get his attention again, short of taking all your clothes off in front of him, and even then you would only have his attention short term. Obviously, his feelings for you are not the same as your feelings for him.

If is was possible to spend your life with your crush when his feelings for you are much less than yours for him, I would be together now with someone I met at school, not the man I met when I was 30 and who is now my husband. (Knowing what I know now about life, I'm far better off with my husband than I would have been with my crush, but that's another matter.)

The way to move on from your crush is to get out into the world and meet someone else.
 

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