Fly Me to the Moon -- Goodbye, my love.

[Moonicide]

Woke up to our sink being extremely backed up to the point it might flood our place if we don't take care of it... Hopefully we can fix it later on in the morning, because if it starts flooding then I might have to cancel my ctb tonight and I'm going to be extremely upset if that's the case. Most of the stores that have the chemicals and materials we need are currently closed, so we're going to have to wait it out... I feel like it's a fucked up way of life trying to keep me here. But we'll see.

 

[56709]

Woke up to our sink being extremely backed up to the point it might flood our place if we don't take care of it... Hopefully we can fix it later on in the morning, because if it starts flooding then I might have to cancel my ctb tonight and I'm going to be extremely upset if that's the case. Most of the stores that have the chemicals and materials we need are currently closed, so we're going to have to wait it out... I feel like it's a fucked up way of life trying to keep me here. But we'll see.

Odd...
Our fridge is broken and one of the things I feel obligated to do before I ctb is fix it. There are so many things that need to be fixed here...
I would have never expected home maintenance to be the thing that deterred me from ending my life, but here we are.

 

[Moonicide]

Sucks how little things like this can effect plans...
Our fridge is broken and one of the things I feel obligated to do before I ctb is fix it. There are so many things that need to be fixed here...
I would have never expected home maintenance to be the thing that deterred me from ending my life, but here we are.

I know! I was not expecting this at all. How frustrating it must be to have things like this hold you back... I'm sorry to hear you're kinda in the same boat as me. I shouldn't give a fuck, but I also don't want to ctb while our house might start flooding due to that darn sink. The last thing they need to deal with is a clogged up sink AND a dead body, lol.

 

[Moonicide]

A glimpse of some of my notes and urn, along with what I'd like to be planted with.

 

[Fiadh]

I don't know you but I wish you nothing but peace and love in your travels.

 

[deathbyginger]

I've been absent on this forum recently, and unfortunately haven't had the chance to speak with you. Although, reading through this post and your goodbye notes has touched my heart. You seem like a really sweet person, and it saddens to see you have made your final decision.

I see that your sink has been backed up, please take this as a chance to rethink your decision. During my first attempt, I had a call-our to me very similar that had made me stop and think. I understand that you may be under a great deal of anxiety right now, as taking your life is one heck of a big deal. But just remember there is no pressure to follow through with anything, even if you had followed your regime through. I had followed mine through up to the point of almost drinking SN, and then decided to give life another shot.

I'm not saying this to steer you away from your decision, as I truly don't know the extent of your pain and circumstances. I just wish whatever decision that you make is right for you, and that you find peace doing so.

If you need something to talk to, feel free to PM me as I hope to provide some comfort for you and providing you with encouragement with whatever path you pick. Remember, this is a pro-choice forum. We neither push suicide, or life, we just respect your decision in the fullest honour.

Hugs to you

I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

Yours truly,
ginger xo

 

[Moonicide]

Just took today's first dose of Meto. Still unsure of what the night holds given the situation that has popped up this morning, but I am still following the regime... And also enjoying a red velvet pound cake, lol.

 

[Jean4]

Thinking of you the second I woke up. Know I want you to stay, and you do not have to do this. If you do decide, you aren't alone and we are here for you.
In case you need it so he is with you. He will be waiting

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[Moonicide]

I've been absent on this forum recently, and unfortunately haven't had the chance to speak with you. Although, reading through this post and your goodbye notes has touched my heart. You seem like a really sweet person, and it saddens to see you have made your final decision.

I see that your sink has been backed up, please take this as a chance to rethink your decision. During my first attempt, I had a call-our to me very similar that had made me stop and think. I understand that you may be under a great deal of anxiety right now, as taking your life is one heck of a big deal. But just remember there is no pressure to follow through with anything, even if you had followed your regime through. I had followed mine through up to the point of almost drinking SN, and then decided to give life another shot.

I'm not saying this to steer you away from your decision, as I truly don't know the extent of your pain and circumstances. I just wish whatever decision that you make is right for you, and that you find peace doing so.

If you need something to talk to, feel free to PM me as I hope to provide some comfort for you and providing you with encouragement with whatever path you pick. Remember, this is a pro-choice forum. We neither push suicide, or life, we just respect your decision in the fullest honour.

Hugs to you

I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

Yours truly,
ginger xo

Hey, love. Thank you for your kind words, they mean so much to me... If things don't work out in my favor tonight, that's okay. I'll be disappointed, but I'll be trying again tomorrow if that's the case. I'm at peace with my decision and can't wait to fly. I've been feeling so much lighter and happier knowing it's almost my time to go. And when you start feeling that way, it's time. I know it's time for me. The love and support I've been surrounded on this forum is absolutely unreal and I am so grateful. I am so grateful you took the time to sit here and chat with me, especially when you didn't have to. I don't see it as you steering me clear from my decision, what I see is someone that cares and wants to make sure the individual they care about is aware there may be other options for them. I appreciate that, love.

Unfortunately, there isn't any other option for me. I'm very much tired... I've lived and battled with mental illness for 15 years, grew up in an abusive and controlling household that I haven't been able to leave even now. I live off of disability checks and food stamps. I have applied to Section 8 and low income housing to see if I could break free, but the waiting list is so long and it could take years. My insurance is shit and I can't branch out to do further tests or try more beneficial medications. I am not mentally stable to provide for myself, let alone take care of myself. And that is such an awful life to live... I can't even hold a proper relationship due to how sick I am. My life isn't sustainable in the least. My mother is getting older and older, I can see how tired she is by looking at her face. She has done so much for me, but it's time. I don't want to live a life where I always have to be taken care of, where I always have to take so much medication day in and day out to feel a bit of normalcy. At 29 years old, I just can't keep going on like this.

But I am glad to hear you have decided to give life another shot, love. That is very brave and strong of you to do and I am so proud of you. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find peace wherever you go, because you deserve it so much. You are such a sweetheart. Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm sending you all of my love until the very end.

Thinking of you the second I woke up. Know I want you to stay, and you do not have to do this. If you do decide, you aren't alone and we are here for you.
In case you need it so he is with you. He will be waiting

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

Thank you, love. It means a lot coming from you as you have always been a kind soul to me and this community. You're in my thoughts too and have been since I've been here. Trying not to cry right now... But thank you for everything, truly. You are so lovely. If I decide to stay I'll definitely let you guys know.

 

[deathbyginger]

Happy to hear back from you, @Moonicide.
It provides me great peace to my mind, knowing that you haven't rushed your decision. I can truly tell you've thought this through to the point of which you feel at ease with passing. You're right, when you feel that way - you know it's your time to go. I had once felt the same way, fluttered with excitement to leave this world and the evils present in itself. Which is the only reason I wanted to let you know that it wasn't too late, as someone had said to me as well on my good bye post and it made the world of a difference to me. I hate to see a kind soul like yourself leave this place, but based your circumstances, I understand fully and want nothing but happiness and peace for you in the end. Life is one big fucked up (excuse my language, but I believe it's appropriate in this subject) game that sometimes you had to take the power in your own hands to put it to an end. You're doing something strong that a lot of others can't do, so don't feel disappointed if it doesn't happen tonight. Your time will come and there's never a reason to rush it. I hope to be able to continue to provide comfort for you in what seems to be your last 48 hours you're here, and cherish the goodness in the world that exists with people like you.

I just wanted to touch lightly on your circumstances; do you fear of hurting your mother? I just wanted you to know, that this is something that I feared the most, but it's important that you know that her love is so strong for you that she will understand that you will be in a happier place: drinking Starbucks with the angels, free of pain and full of peace.

I truly appreciate your kind words, I hope to live as long as the world continues to accept me. Which unfortunately doesn't seem long, so I may be joining you in the near future to share a cup of coffee. I thought that I deserved a second chance, but the people in my life had all left me when I came back for one. I am learning to develop self-love, but to my prevail of illness and chronic pain I will likely fail.

Cheers to a peaceful ending, as we all deserve tranquility no matter the form

 

[LittleJem]

Sending you love and peace for your journey.

 

[Moonicide]

Happy to hear back from you, @Moonicide.
It provides me great peace to my mind, knowing that you haven't rushed your decision. I can truly tell you've thought this through to the point of which you feel at ease with passing. You're right, when you feel that way - you know it's your time to go. I had once felt the same way, fluttered with excitement to leave this world and the evils present in itself. Which is the only reason I wanted to let you know that it wasn't too late, as someone had said to me as well on my good bye post and it made the world of a difference to me. I hate to see a kind soul like yourself leave this place, but based your circumstances, I understand fully and want nothing but happiness and peace for you in the end. Life is one big fucked up (excuse my language, but I believe it's appropriate in this subject) game that sometimes you had to take the power in your own hands to put it to an end. You're doing something strong that a lot of others can't do, so don't feel disappointed if it doesn't happen tonight. Your time will come and there's never a reason to rush it. I hope to be able to continue to provide comfort for you in what seems to be your last 48 hours you're here, and cherish the goodness in the world that exists with people like you.

I just wanted to touch lightly on your circumstances; do you fear of hurting your mother? I just wanted you to know, that this is something that I feared the most, but it's important that you know that her love is so strong for you that she will understand that you will be in a happier place: drinking Starbucks with the angels, free of pain and full of peace.

I truly appreciate your kind words, I hope to live as long as the world continues to accept me. Which unfortunately doesn't seem long, so I may be joining you in the near future to share a cup of coffee. I thought that I deserved a second chance, but the people in my life had all left me when I came back for one. I am learning to develop self-love, but to my prevail of illness and chronic pain I will likely fail.

Cheers to a peaceful ending, as we all deserve tranquility no matter the form

I laughed at Starbucks angels, thank you for that. I sure do love me some coffee, like a lot of coffee. I'm a caffeinated woman that will be bouncing around when the bus is here.

As for my mother, we had casually discussed our struggles and the topic death came about. She told me when she was my age she had always wanted to kill herself and would often tell her mother that. I've been vague, but have given her the notion that one of these days I might not be around anymore. She worries about me, but deep down she wouldn't want me to suffer like I have been. I know she'd understand, it doesn't make it any less painful. But she wouldn't be angry at me for making this decision... My mother also grew up in abuse and so have I. We're very much connected and relate very much so.

I'm sorry things didn't pan out like you had hoped for, love. I know what it's like to have people leave you and it's behind painful. It's downright soul crushing, and you didn't deserve that. Nobody ever does. But I'll stay here with you, along with the whole community. We are here for you and you are so loved, please know that. And absolutely! I'll have a delicious cup of coffee waiting for you.

 

[easywayout]

It's cool if you want to delay it, you can always ctb tomorrow.

 

[deathbyginger]

I laughed at Starbucks angels, thank you for that. I sure do love me some coffee, like a lot of coffee. I'm a caffeinated woman that will be bouncing around when the bus is here.

As for my mother, we had casually discussed our struggles and the topic death came about. She told me when she was my age she had always wanted to kill herself and would often tell her mother that. I've been vague, but have given her the notion that one of these days I might not be around anymore. She worries about me, but deep down she wouldn't want me to suffer like I have been. I know she'd understand, it doesn't make it any less painful. But she wouldn't be angry at me for making this decision... My mother also grew up in abuse and so have I. We're very much connected and relate very much so.

I'm sorry things didn't pan out like you had hoped for, love. I know what it's like to have people leave you and it's behind painful. It's downright soul crushing, and you didn't deserve that. Nobody ever does. But I'll stay here with you, along with the whole community. We are here for you and you are so loved, please know that. And absolutely! I'll have a delicious cup of coffee waiting for you.

Glad you were able to get some humour out of it aha :) Coffee is one the most amazing things we have here on this earth, next to nature in my opinion.

It's great that you and your mom have that special connection. Me and my mom very much have a similar connection, as my father never took place in my life so naturally I clinged close to her as a role model. However, I've never had a conversation about my wish to die with her, she just knows it's pre-wishing based on my previous attempt. She had told me she would hate to bury her child but that is out of her hands and it is only up for me to decide what peace means. This touched my heart very dearly.

I'm very appreciative of the amazing community hosted here on SS, without it, I wouldn't still be here today. You are one of the people here that make it such a great place, thank you!

May our decisions lead us to nothing but peace

 

[Scooby-Doo]

Like many, I've read a few of your posts and you come across as a warm, caring and intellectual person. You stand out from most and give uplifting advice, warmth and comfort. I don't post much(shy even on here) and not on goodbye threads but feel compelled to on yours. I hope a miracle happens and you change your mind. If not I wish you a peaceful transition and hope the other side is all and more you can wish for. You deserve it.

 

[RestingGirl23]

I know it's selfish of me, but the more responses I've read from everyone on the forum here, the more I don't want you to go. You've touched so many people's lives by being so caring and intelligent. However, I want you to be happy in whatever you decide. If something happens that stops you from going through with it, it will be relief for me. It you successfully pass over, then I will be happy you are at peace. You have everyone's love Moonicide.

 

[Moonicide]

Like many, I've read a few of your posts and you come across as a warm, caring and intellectual person. You stand out from most and give uplifting advice, warmth and comfort. I don't post much(shy even on here) and not on goodbye threads but feel compelled to on yours. I hope a miracle happens and you change your mind. If not I wish you a peaceful transition and hope the other side is all and more you can wish for. You deserve it.

The fact you went out of your way to wish me farewell despite how shy and reserved you are means a lot. It's nice to hear from you and read your words filled with kindness, love, and warmth while saying goodbye to me. Thank you so much, love. May you find peace too.

I know it's selfish of me, but the more responses I've read from everyone on the forum here, the more I don't want you to go. You've touched so many people's lives by being so caring and intelligent. However, I want you to be happy in whatever you decide. If something happens that stops you from going through with it, it will be relief for me. It you successfully pass over, then I will be happy you are at peace. You have everyone's love Moonicide.

Aw, love... I understand and my heart goes out to you. I know saying goodbye is never easy. Even though this thread has been up for a while now, it's still difficult to respond to these messages without tearing up. And you aren't the first person that has urged me to rethink things over. It almost makes me want to stay, but I can't continue to stay for others. It's too painful at this point. Thank you for making me feel so loved and reminding me there is always a spot here for me. You have my love.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'll miss you Moonicide, I've enjoyed your posts though we've never talked, for which I'm sorry. It''s tragic you are going and so unfair. I wish you could stay but I've read your posts and I can respect your decision. There comes a point when there is just exhaustion.
May your journey to the clearing at the end of the path be peaceful.

 

[LMLN]

So sorry you are leaving. We will miss you! ❤❤❤

 

[Moonicide]

Second dosage of Meto taken almost half an hour ago, the fasting begins. The situation that I was troubled with earlier has been fixed and dealt with which means I'll be going through with my ctb tonight. I've already started getting ready by putting on my makeup and I've already have a dress picked out. I'll be going out in style, lol.

 

[Jean4]

Second dosage of Meto taken almost half an hour ago, the fasting begins. The situation that I was troubled with earlier has been fixed and dealt with which means I'll be going through with my ctb tonight. I've already started getting ready by putting on my makeup and I've already have a dress picked out. I'll be going out in style, lol.

View attachment 24314View attachment 24315

It's a lovely dress. I still don't want you to go.

 

[Daffodil]

Please be sure you're not going to be caught if you go through with this, it sounds like you live at home - as that would be traumatic. Your dress looks very pretty, I'm sure you will look lovely.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Oh god, I haven't even really spoken to you but this is getting teary. Who brought onions?! Beautiful dress, love the urn idea. I will stay awake as long as I can so we can all be with you towards the end. I'm so sorry it's all come to this, even slightly jealous I'm not joining you to be honest. Please, keep us up to date as much as you feel your able to. Spread your wings tonight and fly high into the stars

 

[helIboy]

I have been lurking here for a while now, and always loved seeing your posts. I hope you find peace.

 

[enlightened_suicide]

You have been on my mind all day, as I have been keeping up with this thread for the last couple of days.
I have to say that dress is beautiful and I plan to go out with style as well :)
It will deeply sadden me to see a line through your name, but if you will finally be at peace then I will be happy for you.
I hope that you feel all the peace that you deserve ! You've been a light around this forum and helped so many of us we will miss you,
but you will not be forgotten mooni <3

 

[BooGirl]

View attachment 24314

That keyboard is absolutely stunning!

I've only been lurking for a bit, but I really wish you the best.

 

[Skyview]

 

[Farmmaa]

I've been putting off my goodbye thread until you leave... because this time is for you my dear, and you alone.

I'm sorry for your struggles and that this life has been so damn unfair to so many.
I hope you find an easy passage and come to a place of peace, calm and love.

I had to LOL at your wardrobe choice.
Here you are putting on make up and a lovely, flirting little dress … and I'm sorting out my long underwear, favorite jeans, touques and which of my thick wool socks are the warmest.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

I haven't been for long here, but reading your old posts makes me emotional like I haven't been in a long, long time. I've never experienced the kindness that resonates in me through your words. It's saddening, if only to know such kindness is to be gone soon. I hope you finally find peace.

 

[WaitingAround2Die]

I will miss your soulful posts. Sweet dreams and safe travels.