Fly Me to the Moon -- Goodbye, my love.

[Carina]

Second dosage of Meto taken almost half an hour ago, the fasting begins. The situation that I was troubled with earlier has been fixed and dealt with which means I'll be going through with my ctb tonight. I've already started getting ready by putting on my makeup and I've already have a dress picked out. I'll be going out in style, lol.

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Really cute for outfit. Still going to really miss you. But want it to go smoothly for you too.

 

[Moonicide]

I'll miss you Moonicide, I've enjoyed your posts though we've never talked, for which I'm sorry. It''s tragic you are going and so unfair. I wish you could stay but I've read your posts and I can respect your decision. There comes a point when there is just exhaustion.
May your journey to the clearing at the end of the path be peaceful.

Thank you, love. Leaving you all is one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.

So sorry you are leaving. We will miss you! ❤❤❤

And I will miss you all too.

It's a lovely dress. I still don't want you to go.

Thank you, love. I'm glad I have your approval on the dress!
You're such a sweetheart and all the kind words I've received almost makes me want to stay, but the bus is calling me. It's time.

Please be sure you're not going to be caught if you go through with this, it sounds like you live at home - as that would be traumatic. Your dress looks very pretty, I'm sure you will look lovely.

Thank you for your kind words and concern, love. My house has 2 floors. I have the second floor to myself and nobody looks for me except my mother and it's usually by 4:00 P.M. - 5:00 P.M... Considering I'll be ctbing while everyone is asleep and will be alone for about 16 hours or so, it should be fine. The person that will be finding me is my mother and that's simply because I know she'd want to find me rather than having me disappear or ctb in a hotel. My mother deserves to hold her daughter one last time and I'm going to give her that.

Oh god, I haven't even really spoken to you but this is getting teary. Who brought onions?! Beautiful dress, love the urn idea. I will stay awake as long as I can so we can all be with you towards the end. I'm so sorry it's all come to this, even slightly jealous I'm not joining you to be honest. Please, keep us up to date as much as you feel your able to. Spread your wings tonight and fly high into the stars

Aw, love. The amount of onions that have been chopped in here is insane. And thank you! You don't have to stay awake for my departure, by all means please rest, but I also understand there are many people here that will be here with me waiting for that moment. Which means so much to me... I'll see you on the other side. Until then take care of yourself. I'll try to keep the night sky bright for you all.

I have been lurking here for a while now, and always loved seeing your posts. I hope you find peace.

Thank you.

You have been on my mind all day, as I have been keeping up with this thread for the last couple of days.
I have to say that dress is beautiful and I plan to go out with style as well :)
It will deeply sadden me to see a line through your name, but if you will finally be at peace then I will be happy for you.
I hope that you feel all the peace that you deserve ! You've been a light around this forum and helped so many of us we will miss you,
but you will not be forgotten mooni <3

Thank you so much for your kindness and warmth, love. I'm glad to hear I won't be the only one going out in style, totally do it up when it's your time. I've been sitting here imaging what it would look like having my name crossed out. How would that feel? How would others feel? My heart aches just thinking about that... Please know I never wanted to leave you all behind like this. My heart is with you all. The main focus is I will be at peace soon enough and that's all that matters. Or at least that's what I've been trying to tell myself. I am glad I was able to provide light even in the darkness we all share during my time here. I will miss you too, love. I will not forget you.

That keyboard is absolutely stunning!

I've only been lurking for a bit, but I really wish you the best.

Thank you, love! My keyboard has always brought me joy, lights and all. Very aesthetic.

Really cute for outfit. Still going to really miss you. But want it to go smoothly for you too.

Thank you, love. And I will miss you too.
Let's hope things work in my favor tonight, fingers crossed.

 

[Saddad]

Good luck and peaceful trip

 

[Jean4]

How are you doing with the fasting?

 

[Moonicide]

I've been putting off my goodbye thread until you leave... because this time is for you my dear, and you alone.

I'm sorry for your struggles and that this life has been so damn unfair to so many.
I hope you find an easy passage and come to a place of peace, calm and love.

I had to LOL at your wardrobe choice.
Here you are putting on make up and a lovely, flirting little dress … and I'm sorting out my long underwear, favorite jeans, touques and which of my thick wool socks are the warmest.

I'm glad I was able to make you laugh during my final moments. I really was proud of my choice of attire. I call it my death dress, LOL.

I haven't been for long here, but reading your old posts makes me emotional like I haven't been in a long, long time. I've never experienced the kindness that resonates in me through your words. It's saddening, if only to know such kindness is to be gone soon. I hope you finally find peace.

Hearing that makes my heart happy. I'm glad I was able to touch your heart in some shape or form. Thank you so much for that, love.

How are you doing with the fasting?

About 8 hours.

 

[Nnana]

I must confess I'm jealous of you. In a few hours, you'll find eternal peace. It will be over forever. Death is our home, you are going back home. Rest in peace.

 

[Jean4]

I must confess I'm jealous of you. In a few hours, you'll find eternal peace. It will be over forever. Death is our home, you are going back home. Rest in peace.

That was beautiful. Thank You.

 

[S1mpleme]

Being drunk allow me to write, that I want you sincerely to survive your attempt. Whoever you're, I appreciate you and I want you to be happy, being alive, not dead.

 

[Alec]

That's a really beautiful dress. And don't know if you want to hear this, but if SN will make your skin look blue it will look really beautiful with the black color of the dress in my opinion.
I don't think we ever really talked, but I have read many of your posts and comments and relies, I had a good feeling about you as a person, plus I always loved your profile photo lol, and I share your love for the moon.
I walked outside tonight when it was already dark and caught of guard by how beautiful the moon is tonight. It seemed to be so close to me and so big, it's the first full moon of the year. I'm happy it's hear for you tonight. I later went up on the rooftop and spent some time starring at it and listening to music. It's was beautiful.
there are really no words, are there? I suppose I just really really wish for you to find whatever will make you the happiest, you deserve it, and you deserve the peace from pain and suffering. I hope you'll know that I'm with you, and thinking of you and about what you are going through right now, I hope that at least in some way it will make you feel less lonely, I hope you don't feel lonely at all. We will all go there one day, one way or another, some us sooner rather than later(like me). I'm sorry it has to be in such a way for you, you deserve better! But I'm with you.
Whatever you decide and do tonight, I'm with you, and it's alright, it's gonna be alright.
I love you, forever

 

[TowerUpright]

After reading these posts, I am reminded about how many people love, if not, care for you here.

Now that you made a decision, I hope it goes peacefully. And let me just say how close to tears I was, when you shared some of your most intimate feelings in the forms of your letters and pictures. If you were a close friend nearby, I'd rush over to give you a supportive hug. Instead, you'll have to settle for forum support from your online friends.

Peace, sister.

 

[Sunshine]

It's really sad that life leads us to this. I hope you will be okay. :(

 

[Jean4]

Thinking about you and missing you already. I still want you to stay.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Thinking about you and missing you already. I still want you to stay.

Me too

 

[Shero]

Sad seeing you go, you had some positive aura in this forum, despite your burden.
The Nezuko profile picture fitts your attitude perfectly. Protecting and caring what is your dearest.
I wish you a peaceful crossing.

 

[Moonicide]

That's a really beautiful dress. And don't know if you want to hear this, but if SN will make your skin look blue it will look really beautiful with the black color of the dress in my opinion.
I don't think we ever really talked, but I have read many of your posts and comments and relies, I had a good feeling about you as a person, plus I always loved your profile photo lol, and I share your love for the moon.
I walked outside tonight when it was already dark and caught of guard by how beautiful the moon is tonight. It seemed to be so close to me and so big, it's the first full moon of the year. I'm happy it's hear for you tonight. I later went up on the rooftop and spent some time starring at it and listening to music. It's was beautiful.
there are really no words, are there? I suppose I just really really wish for you to find whatever will make you the happiest, you deserve it, and you deserve the peace from pain and suffering. I hope you'll know that I'm with you, and thinking of you and about what you are going through right now, I hope that at least in some way it will make you feel less lonely, I hope you don't feel lonely at all. We will all go there one day, one way or another, some us sooner rather than later(like me). I'm sorry it has to be in such a way for you, you deserve better! But I'm with you.
Whatever you decide and do tonight, I'm with you, and it's alright, it's gonna be alright.
I love you, forever❤

If anything, it's a compliment regarding the dress. Thank you, love. The moon has always been very beautiful to me and I've related to it before my diagnosis of Bipolar. The moon goes through phases and I really related to that. I still do. It's always been very dear to me. It has provided me with comfort when I had nothing else... I am glad you had a beautiful night. And how can I be lonely when you've provided me with such sweet words and warmth? Thank you so much. You are such a sweetheart for stopping by and visiting me for a little while. I appreciate it greatly.

I'm with you too and I'll be seeing you when it's your time to fly.

 

[Sunshine]

If anything, it's a compliment regarding the dress. Thank you, love. The moon has always been very beautiful to me and I've related to it before my diagnosis of Bipolar. The moon goes through phases and I really related to that. I still do. It's always been very dear to me. It has provided me with comfort when I had nothing else... I am glad you had a beautiful night. And how can I be lonely when you've provided me with such sweet words and warmth? Thank you so much. You are such a sweetheart for stopping by and visiting me for a little while. I appreciate it greatly.

I'm with you too and I'll be seeing you when it's your time to fly.

Did you believe you could be saved somehow until this moment? A little part of you? Just curious, I try to understand how others feel.

Also, what would say you is the worst thing about life that makes you want to die? Do you think you would want to carry on if you had something like a job or a loving partner?

 

[Moonicide]

After reading these posts, I am reminded about how many people love, if not, care for you here.

Now that you made a decision, I hope it goes peacefully. And let me just say how close to tears I was, when you shared some of your most intimate feelings in the forms of your letters and pictures. If you were a close friend nearby, I'd rush over to give you a supportive hug. Instead, you'll have to settle for forum support from your online friends.

Peace, sister.

I really wanted to share my very final moments with you all and I wanted it to be intimate. I wanted to offer more than words, I guess. For this lovely community that has been home to me to see what I'm seeing with my own eyes throughout the day. It may be weird, but taking pictures and sharing them with you made me feel like you were all here with me. Still are. Even if you aren't here physically, I am able to feel the warmth, love, and support from your response and it feels just like a hug. Thank you, love.

Peace!

It's really sad that life leads us to this. I hope you will be okay. :(

I hope I will be too. I will stay with you guys until I've drank the SN and the side effects kick in.

Thinking about you and missing you already. I still want you to stay.

You're going to make me cry! I'll forever stay with you and this community. You all have my heart... Even if it's not physically, I will be here providing love in my own way. I'll be here.

Me too

I must confess I'm jealous of you. In a few hours, you'll find eternal peace. It will be over forever. Death is our home, you are going back home. Rest in peace.

And I hope one day you can find eternal peace too, love. I can't wait to go home and patiently wait for you all on the other side.

Sad seeing you go, you had some positive aura in this forum, despite your burden.
The Nezuko profile picture fitts your attitude perfectly. Protecting and caring what is your dearest.
I wish you a peaceful crossing.

Thank you so much for your kind words, love. It means so much to me to know I have been light and positivity for this community as it's all I've ever wanted to do and be. I care for you all and if I could shield you all from the pain and suffering life has brought your way, I'd gladly do it in a heartbeat.

 

[Carina]

I only hope we have been able to bring some happiness to you like you have to us. So at least your final days and hours have been at least enjoyable. As... odd... as that may seem.

 

[SinisterKid]

I wanted to wait until I knew what your plans were with regard to earlier problems. But I can now respond, better late than never huh.

I dont interact with many people here, you are one of them. But I read so much of the content here, I get to "know" people without that interaction. All I have ever seen from you is warmth and empathy for everyone here, which is greatly appreciated I can assure you. You deserve far more than this life has given you. Hopefully, you find the peace you are seeking. Good people will be here with you through it all and that calms me to know that.

Safe travels Luna Child, may you find your place amongst the stars and shine brightly.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

From last night.

 

[Moonicide]

Did you believe you could be saved somehow until this moment? A little part of you? Just curious, I try to understand how others feel.

Also, what would say you is the worst thing about life that makes you want to die? Do you think you would want to carry on if you had something like a job or a loving partner?

It's too late to be saved. I don't want to be saved at this point in my life. But if it was a few years back, if I was still the girl that had a bit of life and spark left in her eyes, then yes. I would have wanted to be saved. I actually spent so much of my youth wanting to be saved, but realized in the end only I can save myself. Only I can live for me. No one else.

As for having a job and a relationship, well... I'm currently living on disability checks as well as food stamps due to the severity of my mental illness. Been living with and struggling with mental illness for 15 years, in treatment, in therapy, on medication. Have been to programs like PHP / IOP to learn skills in order to cope. But even so, I struggle with taking care of myself on a daily basis and have gone months without leaving the house. When I have walked out into the real world, I realized it wasn't meant for me. Life wasn't meant for me. I just couldn't connect with people or the real world, no matter how hard I tried. A lot of it has to do with the trauma I've experienced as a child. I spent most of my years being abused and controlled, which stunted my growth and it has made me incapable of living a normal life. I can not support myself or live on my own. I have tried looking into Section 8 as well as low income housing, but was met with being denied left and right. I've filled out applications. But the thing is, getting into Section 8 or any sort of low income housing can take years. There is a huge waiting list. The system is absolutely messed up... I have also looked into going to a safe house to see if they can provide me with a room and have them find me a permanent place to say. They basically told me that there were booked as of right now, but I was more than welcome to stay with them for about a month. But if there weren't any openings they'd have to kick me out. So either a shelter or back home again. Very, very painful.

As for the relationship aspect... I'm currently in a relationship that has lasted 3 years, but it has run its course. My significant other has grown tired of me and the severity of my mental illness. He said if I couldn't support myself financially then it was over. Some of the things he's said to me has always stuck with me... "Where's your ambition? Where's your drive? I worry about you, and I just want you to have something you can live for." I couldn't answer him. I couldn't find anything I wanted to do or enjoyed. I've been nothing, but a burden to him. Yes, we were in love and it was nice while it lasted. But it's over now. He isn't aware that I will be taking my life tonight and I haven't spoken to him in about a week, because it's too painful to hear his voice. He was my everything and I adored him so much. I feel bad over the fact that he's going to find out his girlfriend took her own life, but it is what it is. My life isn't sustainable for myself, or anyone for that matter. I can't even hold a proper relationship due to how messed up I am. I am very exhausted and done with life at this point. There's no return from this.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Safe travels. You will be missed.

 

[overandout]

Beautiful dress, and beautiful soul. May you have a safe and peaceful journey.

 

[Moonicide]

I wanted to wait until I knew what your plans were with regard to earlier problems. But I can now respond, better late than never huh.

I dont interact with many people here, you are one of them. But I read so much of the content here, I get to "know" people without that interaction. All I have ever seen from you is warmth and empathy for everyone here, which is greatly appreciated I can assure you. You deserve far more than this life has given you. Hopefully, you find the peace you are seeking. Good people will be here with you through it all and that calms me to know that.

Safe travels Luna Child, may you find your place amongst the stars and shine brightly.

Thank you so much for your kind words. It means so much coming from you and I am glad you decided to stop by and talk with me a bit. I really do appreciate it... I really am happy to know I have accomplished my goal here in this community, as all I ever wanted was to love, support, and reassure people they aren't alone in this battle. I can go peacefully knowing that. This community has been everything to me. Absolutely everything. My heart and my soul. Thank you so so so much.

 

[Nyanpasuu]

What a beautiful dress!, I wish you a peaceful journey, you'll be missed
Hope I can join you soon

 

[OneBigBlur]

Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for on the other side.

 

[OrangeLounge]

We've never talked but I've seen you around and you have such a wonderful aura about you. I can't help but wonder if you were some kind of healer/helper in a past life, maybe.
I wish things turned out different and I'm sorry that it had to end like this. Sleep well.

 

[BabyYoda]

I love your outfit and keyboard and your Nezuko picture

 

[Moonicide]

We've never talked but I've seen you around and you have such a wonderful aura about you. I can't help but wonder if you were some kind of healer/helper in a past life, maybe.
I wish things turned out different and I'm sorry that it had to end like this. Sleep well.

Thank you, love. I'd like to think I was a healer or helper in a past life, that would have been nice. I've always wanted to help people to the best of my ability, but have always struggled with helping myself. I had love for everyone, but never for myself. And I wish things would have gone differently too...

I love your outfit and keyboard and your Nezuko picture

Thank you! I actually have smiled a few times coming across you. How can I not when you're Baby Yoda? So adorable.

 

[Jean4]

In a little over an hour you stop fluids. You don't have to do this and I want you to stay.