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Lookingtoflyfree

Lookingtoflyfree

Specialist
Jan 11, 2024
360
Is anyone else here autistic or suffers from PCOS? I feel like I was both mentally and physically fucked over in my chances of socialising with people. Aside from not having any good male role models in my life n all the traumatic things, the way men (throughout high school, college, etc) treat me for being an unattractive and autistic woman has made me lose desire for a heterosexual relationship. Assuming that there was any in the first place. I've found it difficult to mask and fit in with any of my male or female peers for my entire life to the point where I just think there's no point living in a world where you need to socialise to survive.
autism (and being AuDHD) is ruining my life. It's not just the trauma from relationships - this thing never goes away. I'm starting to realize how much of the pain in my life is tied to having this brain and I feel trapped. I see why unaliving is a choice for so many of us. After decades it's just exhausting. It's hard enough under capitalism but combining that and how ableist and horrible most people are - it's too much.
 
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OutOfThisBody

OutOfThisBody

What kind of cruel god would put me in this body?
Aug 5, 2024
149
Idk why people say women are more supported with mental health problems (especially comsidering most are shamed and considered crazy bitches for having mental illness) because my parents didn't help me with my anxiety and depression when I presented those as a kid, they didn't even know that's what it was, and I realised I had to figure it out my mental problems on my own. Which meant alot of suppression. I even looked up anxiety online once and showed them it and said maybe I have anxiety and my mom just acted upset and like if I didn't mention the problem it didn't exist. Which really helped. And meant I didn't go to other people for help on that front anymore for a long time.
 
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C

ConfusedClouds

Arcanist
Mar 9, 2024
445
PMDD: anyone who has this...

Do you have like an immediate sense of feeling lighter (mentally) at all the moment you actually start your period?

It doesn't happen every cycle but occasionally I have some of my worst outbursts and am stubbornly continuing being a dickhead for days until suddenly one day when I come on and almost instantaneously things feel calmer and I can barely see back to how or why I was acting and reacting as I was.

Its the fact is so irregular (the outbursts) that I have written off PMDD before but the level at which I suddenly calmed down and cleared up last night has really confused me. And thats kinda been a similar case after some big outbursts in recent years. Or at least its the closest thing to a 'pattern' or 'reason' that I can pick up on...

Any input/ideas/experiences very welcome
 
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sunbleachedfliess

sunbleachedfliess

they/she
Oct 21, 2024
35
PMDD: anyone who has this...

Do you have like an immediate sense of feeling lighter (mentally) at all the moment you actually start your period?

It doesn't happen every cycle but occasionally I have some of my worst outbursts and am stubbornly continuing being a dickhead for days until suddenly one day when I come on and almost instantaneously things feel calmer and I can barely see back to how or why I was acting and reacting as I was.

Its the fact is so irregular (the outbursts) that I have written off PMDD before but the level at which I suddenly calmed down and cleared up last night has really confused me. And thats kinda been a similar case after some big outbursts in recent years. Or at least its the closest thing to a 'pattern' or 'reason' that I can pick up on...

Any input/ideas/experiences very welcome
yep, i sometimes immediately feel better once i get my period and i go insane for 2 weeks beforehand. i wouldn't write off PMDD as the cause tbh, i haven't been diagnosed but i suspect that's what i have as well
 
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Whale_bones

Whale_bones

A gift to summon the spring
Feb 11, 2020
439
PMDD: anyone who has this...

Do you have like an immediate sense of feeling lighter (mentally) at all the moment you actually start your period?

I don't have PMDD, but even I have an immediate easing of symptoms when my period finally starts. All my worst symptoms build and build, then when it starts it's like a fever finally breaking. Kind of like my body is now doing what it's supposed to and I can get somewhat back to normal.

These are physical sensations for me, but I think any intense experience your body is going through has an inevitable effect on your mental experience as well. And like I say this is without PMDD, so I can only imagine how much harder it is to deal with then 🫂
 
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C

ConfusedClouds

Arcanist
Mar 9, 2024
445
Thanks so much for the replies! Thats so comforting to hear your experiences.

I don't (knowingly) have PMDD but wondered if my experience fitted along those lines. I thankfully very very rarely have physical symptoms in my cycle (and then only very very slight). And this mental 'relief'/build up/absolute tantrum has only seemed to be at this heightened level infrequently, yet my cycle itself is fairly regular. So I am not sure how that works that symptoms might be so significantly different month on month. I have been trying to track my cycle for over 5 years trying to see if this is a pattern that 'fits' as an explanation but it really doesn't show up to me. So frustrating something so 'routine'/'regular' might not be at all.

Any further insights and experiences always welcome 🫂




Also anyone else find it kind of embarrassing not understanding their own cycle? I'm mid 30s and still barely making sense of any of it. That's near on 20 years of monthly 'cycles' that surely I would be familiar with by now. (Though maybe 2-3 years with various pills and 9 years of (3 x back-to-back) implants to mix it up too - but now nothing for 2+ years and although I'm more regular than ever, the symptoms just don't match up still either) 😩😔

Made even worse if I encounter people (or content) where comments are thrown around like 'you will know your own body' or 'whats normal for you'. And even more embarrassment where someone much younger is all confident about their routine/cycle/affects etc, especially when I've tried tracking (including symptoms) and theres just too many variables for anything to add up. Chicken and egg/cause and effect - can never tell.
 
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I

idelttoilfsadness21

I need a moment right now
Jan 6, 2025
650
I hate that I wanna try again for love or sex when my libido and emotions are high... I like this new guy in the place I'm hot and he talked to me yesterday while helping me out with a situation, yet I feel this around guys in general, and he looked his best yesterday, as I have seen him the past week and didn't seen him before until today. I don't know if I should ask him for sex since im not in the mood to date anyone, yet I truly feel like it could work with me and him, but I look like a toad and hate that I look like a boy :((

He's so damn cute too... What should I do 😭😭🥹

Also, hello, girls... I'm new here 🙈😅
Thanks so much for the replies! Thats so comforting to hear your experiences.

I don't (knowingly) have PMDD but wondered if my experience fitted along those lines. I thankfully very very rarely have physical symptoms in my cycle (and then only very very slight). And this mental 'relief'/build up/absolute tantrum has only seemed to be at this heightened level infrequently, yet my cycle itself is fairly regular. So I am not sure how that works that symptoms might be so significantly different month on month. I have been trying to track my cycle for over 5 years trying to see if this is a pattern that 'fits' as an explanation but it really doesn't show up to me. So frustrating something so 'routine'/'regular' might not be at all.

Any further insights and experiences always welcome 🫂
Also anyone else find it kind of embarrassing not understanding their own cycle? I'm mid 30s and still barely making sense of any of it. That's near on 20 years of monthly 'cycles' that surely I would be familiar with by now. (Though maybe 2-3 years with various pills and 9 years of (3 x back-to-back) implants to mix it up too - but now nothing for 2+ years and although I'm more regular than ever, the symptoms just don't match up still either) 😩😔

Made even worse if I encounter people (or content) where comments are thrown around like 'you will know your own body' or 'whats normal for you'. And even more embarrassment where someone much younger is all confident about their routine/cycle/affects etc, especially when I've tried tracking (including symptoms) and theres just too many variables for anything to add up. Chicken and egg/cause and effect - can never tell.

Lol, nope... I never understood how to count my periods when it first came (loved my own experiences though), and even at 21, I still feel like I will personally never get it or it being irregular 🙃

I'm so sorry btw, you've struggled through this 🥲 I wish I knew what to say and to share :((
 
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Whale_bones

Whale_bones

A gift to summon the spring
Feb 11, 2020
439
I don't (knowingly) have PMDD but wondered if my experience fitted along those lines.

I don't know enough about PMDD to offer any advice, but I know the effects are very intense and real, so I think it's definitely something to consider. You could ask your doctor if you have one you feel comfortable talking to, and hopefully others here can answer as well!

Also anyone else find it kind of embarrassing not understanding their own cycle? I'm mid 30s and still barely making sense of any of it. That's near on 20 years of monthly 'cycles' that surely I would be familiar with by now. (Though maybe 2-3 years with various pills and 9 years of (3 x back-to-back) implants to mix it up too - but now nothing for 2+ years and although I'm more regular than ever, the symptoms just don't match up still either) 😩😔

Oh 100%! I'm in my mid-30s as well, my period symptoms have always been variable, I think it's a reality for a lot of people, it's just not talked about very much! I've also had changes where my body never "went back" to how it used to be, like after pregnancy, after a particular type of BC, etc. Even though the expectation seems to be that things will return to how they used to be after you're done, it just hasn't worked like that for me.

And I know exactly what you mean about phrases like "you will know your own body". I think for some people it's natural that things line up for them, they feel in tune with it. But it's just as natural to not feel natural about it, if that makes sense, it's an uncomfortable, sometimes intense, sometimes downright painful thing our bodies are going through. There's no shame for those that feel in tune with their body, but there's also no shame for those of us that feel like a mess during it :))
 
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S

Silently Dying

Member
Jan 27, 2025
92
What a great idea! I'm 63 yo new here hoping to make a friend before I ctb
 
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C

ConfusedClouds

Arcanist
Mar 9, 2024
445
You could ask your doctor if you have one you feel comfortable talking to, and hopefully others here can answer as well!

Sadly I dont have a gp (nightmare to register anywhere where I am), and also the main thing thats prevented me bothering bringing it up is the thought that they'd send me away to go track it all and make notes to help them spot a pattern and I've been unable to do that.

I guess if I have another few 'clear cut' examples like this month it could be worth taking that forward. Its just they don't happen frequently nor predictably so would just be wasting the gp time 'I think I have this thing but its less often than I don't have it - it sucks, but by the time I'd realise its 'a thing' (or by the time I'd get an appt), its all over after a few days or week or two and all is ok again naturally' 🤷‍♀️
What a great idea! I'm 63 yo new here hoping to make a friend before I ctb
Welcome!!
 
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Blueberry Panic

Blueberry Panic

The Angel of Death
Jan 5, 2025
433
I have moments of ptsd from being raped and from my ex boyfriends death . It's hard to live when you turn agoraphobic and you can't get out of bed.
 
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grapevoid

grapevoid

Mage
Jan 30, 2025
529
PMDD: anyone who has this...

Do you have like an immediate sense of feeling lighter (mentally) at all the moment you actually start your period?

It doesn't happen every cycle but occasionally I have some of my worst outbursts and am stubbornly continuing being a dickhead for days until suddenly one day when I come on and almost instantaneously things feel calmer and I can barely see back to how or why I was acting and reacting as I was.

Its the fact is so irregular (the outbursts) that I have written off PMDD before but the level at which I suddenly calmed down and cleared up last night has really confused me. And thats kinda been a similar case after some big outbursts in recent years. Or at least its the closest thing to a 'pattern' or 'reason' that I can pick up on...

Any input/ideas/experiences very welcome
Every.single.month. For me, the week before my period is awful, in time it has become unbearable and I believe it's the main basis of my depression. I think the endless cycle has worn on me over time. I started a birth control that has eased the symptoms a little bit. But the week before my period, I am so suicidal and sad and completely out of control. I think there is a high probability I will eventually ctb during that week, even though I have a lot of things planned out it will be mostly erratically due to how low I get right before my period.
Thanks so much for the replies! Thats so comforting to hear your experiences.

I don't (knowingly) have PMDD but wondered if my experience fitted along those lines. I thankfully very very rarely have physical symptoms in my cycle (and then only very very slight). And this mental 'relief'/build up/absolute tantrum has only seemed to be at this heightened level infrequently, yet my cycle itself is fairly regular. So I am not sure how that works that symptoms might be so significantly different month on month. I have been trying to track my cycle for over 5 years trying to see if this is a pattern that 'fits' as an explanation but it really doesn't show up to me. So frustrating something so 'routine'/'regular' might not be at all.

Any further insights and experiences always welcome 🫂




Also anyone else find it kind of embarrassing not understanding their own cycle? I'm mid 30s and still barely making sense of any of it. That's near on 20 years of monthly 'cycles' that surely I would be familiar with by now. (Though maybe 2-3 years with various pills and 9 years of (3 x back-to-back) implants to mix it up too - but now nothing for 2+ years and although I'm more regular than ever, the symptoms just don't match up still either) 😩😔

Made even worse if I encounter people (or content) where comments are thrown around like 'you will know your own body' or 'whats normal for you'. And even more embarrassment where someone much younger is all confident about their routine/cycle/affects etc, especially when I've tried tracking (including symptoms) and theres just too many variables for anything to add up. Chicken and egg/cause and effect - can never tell.
Your hormones change with age as well, so it's not fair to expect woman to just know. My periods were like clockwork, always light, very easy with close to no symptoms until around age 31 (I just turned 36) and since then they have been completely unmanageable and often times not exactly on schedule coming up to a week early and even up to 10 days late. I track it religiously to try to control my mental break down that comes every month before my period to no avail 😅🤣
 
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YandereMikuMistress

YandereMikuMistress

you say falling victim to myself is weak, so be it
Apr 26, 2023
625
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KariNya

KariNya

(Dark) Magical Girl
Sep 19, 2024
15
It's unreasonable to expect a hug from my husband when i feel like shit (and it's quite evident)? Or that at least that he lisents to me? And not to be told "and you are sad only because of that"? I am autistic and i have an anxiety disorder, and he knows that. At least he doesn"t hit me anymore i guess...
Oh how i wish i was a lesbian and not bisexual 💔 cis men are horrible 😭
 
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Lookingtoflyfree

Lookingtoflyfree

Specialist
Jan 11, 2024
360
It's unreasonable to expect a hug from my husband when i feel like shit (and it's quite evident)? Or that at least that he lisents to me? And not to be told "and you are sad only because of that"? I am autistic and i have an anxiety disorder, and he knows that. At least he doesn"t hit me anymore i guess...

Oh how i wish i was a lesbian and not bisexual 💔 cis men are horrible 😭
He hits you? Are you in danger?
 
C

Corvette90

Student
Jan 2, 2025
125
Every.single.month. For me, the week before my period is awful, in time it has become unbearable and I believe it's the main basis of my depression. I think the endless cycle has worn on me over time. I started a birth control that has eased the symptoms a little bit. But the week before my period, I am so suicidal and sad and completely out of control. I think there is a high probability I will eventually ctb during that week, even though I have a lot of things planned out it will be mostly erratically due to how low I get right before my period.

Your hormones change with age as well, so it's not fair to expect woman to just know. My periods were like clockwork, always light, very easy with close to no symptoms until around age 31 (I just turned 36) and since then they have been completely unmanageable and often times not exactly on schedule coming up to a week early and even up to 10 days late. I track it religiously to try to control my mental break down that comes every month before my period to no avail 😅🤣
This! I have PCOS its a nightmare 😔. physically and mentally exhausting
 
YandereMikuMistress

YandereMikuMistress

you say falling victim to myself is weak, so be it
Apr 26, 2023
625
Being told to just basically shut the fuck up and be quiet while I listin to my partner on the phone with there friends and there friends are only talking about there hate for women rn first talking about how women have better support then how women are all whores and think like men?! What and then how they aren't? Like they aren't smarter and can't be smarter then men when women fear speaking up more then men do so they are therefore less smart apparently then talked about how they run on fear and that's just how they were made thenn going on to talk about pulling up a picture of a girl and just quote "just rape her pull up a picture of some girl and just use a a wooden pole and smash it"

I hate being a women.
 
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Whale_bones

Whale_bones

A gift to summon the spring
Feb 11, 2020
439
Being told to just basically shut the fuck up and be quiet while I listin to my partner on the phone with there friends and there friends are only talking about there hate for women...

There's no right way to be a woman in the minds of sexist men. Women are too slutty or they're a frigid bitch. Too bossy (smart) or they're dumb. Too bold or too quiet, too skinny or too fat, too this or too that. Men that think like that only care about how they can use a woman to make them feel better about themselves. They don't see us as human beings and they're constantly caught in their contradictions because women are both objects of desire and objects of hatred.

It's awful that you had to sit there and hear that garbage. If you can't get away from your partner, I hope you can atleast get some space from him when he's spewing this stuff. I know it's near impossible to be unaffected by that when someone who's supposed to care for you is the one agreeing with and adding to it. But being a women makes you absolutely NONE of the bullshit stuff they said. I know it's just from the internet, but we got your back 🌻
 
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