Discussion Why haven’t you committed yet?

[homesoon.]

I've had suicidal thoughts and ideations of self-harm for about 14-ish years, but I always managed to talk myself out of it (for the most part). Anymore, though, I'm starting to realize that it's really just guilt and fear/survival instinct that's been holding me back.

 

[Chacha]

I am rehearsing and setting a date. This is my only goal in life if my demands are not met.

 

[glitteryaliens]

Cowardice and this false glimmer of hope it will get better. There's some idiotic, childish part of me that thinks I will finally be saved by someone/something and it will give a purpose and blah blah. But no ones coming.

 

[Guy089001]

9 attempts, last was yesterday. Difficult to die peacefully, and at the moment, because I'm pushed in the direction of there being hope during the intermittent periods I'm getting ready to try again. It's like standing at a train station, waiting for a train, getting ready to turn and leave saying "fuck it", but that feeling if you wait for just a few minutes before, it'll come along and you don't have to walk.

 

[straydog]

Lacking an effective/preferred method is the only thing holding me back. My death might upset my family, but I know they'll move on. I don't know where to get SN despite looking for over a year now, guns aren't easy to get where I live, I've failed at hanging myself, and I don't have access to any places to jump from the minimum recommended height. I'm currently scouting out potential train locations and considering drowning - both are far from ideal but they're the only options I have left, it seems.

 

[RawPremadePizza]

Deep down...I want to live and be happy...but the pain of living like this keeps me in a state of confusion and when it gets unbearable I resort back to wanting to die, it's so hard to break the loop, and I get so tired of trying. And when I am deciding to die, I get thrown back by the fear of failing and the pain I'll suffer as I die. It's very complicated.

 

[Chacha]

9 attempts, last was yesterday. Difficult to die peacefully, and at the moment, because I'm pushed in the direction of there being hope during the intermittent periods I'm getting ready to try again. It's like standing at a train station, waiting for a train, getting ready to turn and leave saying "fuck it", but that feeling if you wait for just a few minutes before, it'll come along and you don't have to walk.

Good Luck, there is nothing in this earth only parasites are helped people who really want to be productive are left on their own

Lacking an effective/preferred method is the only thing holding me back. My death might upset my family, but I know they'll move on. I don't know where to get SN despite looking for over a year now, guns aren't easy to get where I live, I've failed at hanging myself, and I don't have access to any places to jump from the minimum recommended height. I'm currently scouting out potential train locations and considering drowning - both are far from ideal but they're the only options I have left, it seems.

Have you think in Medically assisted death for mental illness. I would like to go to Switzerland. This year was supposed to be effective in Canada but the dumb politicians delay for 3 more years. I am working on my death and I would love your suggestions. The isolation is killing me and I want to leave this earth the sooner the better.

Lacking an effective/preferred method is the only thing holding me back. My death might upset my family, but I know they'll move on. I don't know where to get SN despite looking for over a year now, guns aren't easy to get where I live, I've failed at hanging myself, and I don't have access to any places to jump from the minimum recommended height. I'm currently scouting out potential train locations and considering drowning - both are far from ideal but they're the only options I have left, it seems.

Have you think in Medically assisted death for mental illness. I would like to go to Switzerland. This year was supposed to be effective in Canada but the dumb politicians delay for 3 more years. I am working on my death and I would love your suggestions. The isolation is killing me and I want to leave this earth the sooner the better.

 

[henry22]

The only thing holding me back is the pain of dying by the methods available to me.

 

[steppingoff]

Interesting question to ask y'all how long have you all been suicidal for how long have you genuinely considered or planner it and why haven't you gone through with it yet?

Hope? Fear? Lack of resources? Not knowing or having a way to go?

What are your reasons i'm just genuinely curious

It's just a matter of finding the right times and the final courage to do it

 

[Skynights]

Interesting question to ask y'all how long have you all been suicidal for how long have you genuinely considered or planner it and why haven't you gone through with it yet?

Hope? Fear? Lack of resources? Not knowing or having a way to go?

What are your reasons i'm just genuinely curious

Lack of resources not knowing or having a way to go. I am reading about the CTB methods used here and they really confuse me so my only resort is slitting my throat and hanging.

 

[keg-ireland]

I can overcome SI but 2 main things that stop me are:

1) The devastation I would bring to my family.

2) My Dog who is my best buddy in life.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I have no plans to CTB in the foreseeable future because I still have to get my revenge against my dad, who sexually abused me when I was a kid. I'm not going to take any direct action. I'll be using the North American healthcare system, which is great at staving off death but terrible at giving patients quality of life, to punish him. I also have to stay alive to see my mom suffer the consequences of her inaction. She was emotionally abusive but it was her apathy toward my plight that hurt me the most. When both my parents kick the bucket, I get a significant insurance payout and inheritance. By that time, maybe life might improve to the point where I won't even want to CTB anymore.

 

[chocolate]

For me, I've been in a bad way mentally for years, but the past 5 months I've really been wanting to end everything. A few things stopping me:
I'm so stressed that I can't begin to think about getting my stuff together. I want everything to be organised sorted, with a written will before I die. But mentally that's so much effort so I'm stuck. I can barely get out of bed let alone sort everything out.
And secondly the thought of a failed attempt leaving me in a worse position than I'm in now

 

[tankapi]

Guilt and lack of resources.

 

[dkrw]

guilt towards my family
and a small minuscule spark of hope

 

[fleshgarden]

only because I don't have a reliable method, and I'm mostly unable to. I'm under a state of suicide watch for a while. I feel like it will always be hard to find a method even when I eventually move out. I hate people, I wish it wouldn't take this long.
I'm not scared really, I feel like for a long while I've been ok with my last moment being every moment since then.. I'm not wanting to experience more of this life

 

[Placo]

Too busy studying a decent method with the little means I have.

 

[dopaminenthusiast]

Interesting question to ask y'all how long have you all been suicidal for how long have you genuinely considered or planner it and why haven't you gone through with it yet?

Hope? Fear? Lack of resources? Not knowing or having a way to go?

What are your reasons i'm just genuinely curious

i think the first time i thought about ctb was when i was around 15, I'm 21 now. I had a few "attempts", thought about my mum and friends and decided it wasn't the time, i think i was just scared and had hope of things getting better. Now I'm more mature, i think i have another perspective of life in general, I don't think 24/7 about ctb as before but i do know it won't get better, I'll do it but I'm just trying to have some nice experiences before and just preparing everything so I don't fail.

 

[lovedread]

Im stalling. Big time.

 

[Heartaches]

I don't know. I guess I'm just very lazy when it comes to acquiring all the things needed to CTB.
I guess I also fear I may regret it but wouldn't know how to stop or as for help. What if I really wanted to die and now I fucked over all my future chances?
Sometimes, when I'm in bed at night, I have an existencial fear of never waking up and not knowing what will happen. When life is eveything you know, death feels so...enigmatic, frightening. My mind still holds so hope for a good future, I'm not sure why, it seems irrational and unfounded.

A lot of mixed feelings.​

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

I think mostly because of my cat.

I've been feeling very apathetic towards my family (how they would feel/deal with it) maybe because the reminder that they're human beings. They can process grief and all of that (most of them, at least.)
But not my cat.
I remember when my father moved out, he stopped eating. He didn't ate for two days, and barely had any water. He was really depressed for a while, and honestly, I'd bother me to think he'd feel even remotely like that if I was dead. Also one of the reasons I don't plan for my body to be found at my apartment-I don't want my cat to accidentally see me in a deranged state.

Am I becoming numb?

 

[GoneFromRevolution]

I wrote this in an earlier thread, though I'd like to share again; If I go, at least one other member of my immediate family (two parents, two siblings) would go with me. Honestly, I can see a scenario for each of the four to take their own lives, even if I stay. This is especially so for my siblings. I don't really want to cause a cluster, you know?

 

[henry22]

The only thing stopping me is fear of the process and pain of dying.

 

[dumbfukloser]

For a while I've just been aimlessly hoping my life would somehow improve. A few months ago I had a great career and everything in balance. I hit a mental breaking point and threw it all away. I lost everything, my home, my job, everything I worked for. I'm currently staying at a friends house until I "get back on my feet" but even now I can't see a point in living. There is nothing in the future, it's just an endless void of trying and trying. I look around and see so much potential in life but not this life I've been given. I'm so ready to end it all, everyday I wake up ready to die but for some reason I keep telling myself some miracle is gonna come along that awakens my senses and gives me a thrive to survive. It's not coming and I'm a fool to believe there ever was one. I guess at the end of it all I'm afraid of the unknown and the suffering. Like so many others I've suffered tremendously throughout my life and I want an easy and peaceful way out. I realize that's not gonna happen and I'm forced to suffer to survive until the inevitable end. I'm giving LIFE a 2/5 stars. It gave me the most incredible mother and awesome friends but the rest is pure unfiltered SHIT