Discussion Why haven’t you committed yet?

[teajay1]

thought about it for years. tried before with random medicine when i was very young. sad everyday. never been so serious about wanting to until the last year or so.

the only thing stopping me rn is being afraid of violent methods, and the inability to get SN in the US. i wish i could die rn :(

 

[Hated By All]

Wdym? Like what happens after death?

Yes.

 

[sserafim]

Yes.

What do you think comes after death?

 

[CypherB]

I actually almost sent myself to the ER with my SN accidentally. After that I tried it but yeah I didn't go all the way through and just got rid of everything.

Right now I don't even know why but I'm not suicidal or anything like that even though I would prefer to not-exist right now but not to die. I don't know why I'm not suicidal considering my life drastically became worse but I guess that it's a good thing at last?

 

[Hated By All]

What do you think comes after death?

Maybe a reincarnation, some kind of afterlife or nothing. What do you think?

 

[burglarlydante]

Basically because I'm not ready, yet, or because my family is on my shoes, stopping every attempt I start, It's kinda shitty because they think I'm a selfish person for thinking about that, but it's precisely the opposite, I'm thinking of ctb'in cuz I'm a burden for all my loved ones, so I think my suicide is going to help everyone I love with living theirs lives without some depressive and suicidal adult by their side!
Sorry, my phone ran out of battery and I've got to charge it back, but my life's basically pain and regrets I'm not ready for it's challenges and struggles, I'm not ready for this world, this weight, this pain that inherents this world, all the injustice, wars, violence, poverty and cruelty, is enough for me to barely live a day without feeling this weight and pain that carrys this world apart, I'm sick of this world, sick of this people, sick of this pain, sick of my past struggles and sick of this existence!
If I can't barely handle the worlds struggles, how could I handle mine's too?
Anyway, I'm faking a recovery, just to gain my mother's trust and finally CTB to get my rest and get my loved ones the most wonderful and restful life!

 

[sserafim]

Maybe a reincarnation, some kind of afterlife or nothing. What do you think?

Reincarnation or nothing

 

[calebzz1]

I'm holding out that there will be a cure for my symptoms and have to gather the rest of the items necessary for the SN route.

 

[Final_Choice]

I've had passive thoughts for a long time but it wasn't until a couple years ago that I started thinking more about it. Main reason I haven't done it yet is because I want to try everything before committing for sure and I want to try to do everything possible to minimize the emotional damage it would cause to those around me.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

Same. That would suck. I hate how ctb is so risky

I don't want to be left disabled if I fail an attempt. I would hate to be paralyzed or stuck as a vegetable. That's the main reason why I haven't attempted yet

Me too. Terrified. But every moment alive is HORRIFYING.

 

[sserafim]

Me too. Terrified. But every moment alive is HORRIFYING.

Every moment alive is horrifying, but I think that living is the lesser of two evils for me

 

[Amnesiac_88]

I haven't chosen the right method, i'd like to use a gun but don't have one i'm also afraid of failing and feeling too much pain or even worse surviving my attempt. I wish i could simply stop existing in a peaceful and fast way

 

[melancholymallory03]

I tried to take a bottle of aspirin at age 12 because my mother had always been conservative with giving me nsaids because of "reye's syndrome." I thought that could kill me if I took a bottles worth. I'm 32 now and have tried a few more times. Never had the resources for a painless way... so looking for a partner now. Can't post about partners in the Discussion, which is dumb; and the "Megathread" is a virtual ghost town.

What do you mean by ghost town? Sorry If I sound dumb

 

[DefinitelyReady]

What do you mean by ghost town? Sorry If I sound dumb

No I must be because that line has not connected lol. I just mean no one goes there it seems, or at least to me, because I never see any new posts or responses.

 

[Patches]

I'm afraid of failing.
Its not death that scares me.

If I had access to a firearm, I'd likely have gone for a long walk in the woods already.

 

[karmaisabitch]

I'm looking for resources it's not like you click and here you go dead!!

 

[painIess]

Fear of hell... Pure and simple

 

[melancholymallory03]

No I must be because that line has not connected lol. I just mean no one goes there it seems, or at least to me, because I never see any new posts or responses.

Oh okay. My main thing was that when posting I couldn't find a location category? Like it's not beneficial for me because I can't travel long distances and I see a lot of people from Europe etc but not many people near me ;(

No I must be because that line has not connected lol. I just mean no one goes there it seems, or at least to me, because I never see any new posts or responses.

I also always randomly read people's stories to to know what to look for in an unserious partner / or someone who is a bit predatory :/ :(

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Too lazy too plan out my desiredcmethod. I think I might just bite the bullet and go with the second simplest way. Just get a noose and be done with it.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Oh okay. My main thing was that when posting I couldn't find a location category? Like it's not beneficial for me because I can't travel long distances and I see a lot of people from Europe etc but not many people near me ;(

I also always randomly read people's stories to to know what to look for in an unserious partner / or someone who is a bit predatory :/

Oh okay. My main thing was that when posting I couldn't find a location category? Like it's not beneficial for me because I can't travel long distances and I see a lot of people from Europe etc but not many people near me ;(

I also always randomly read people's stories to to know what to look for in an unserious partner / or someone who is a bit predatory :/ :(

Yeah if you ask, someone will reply to you with the link for the "Megathread" partner section. But like you said, they're all overseas and no one is really willing to follow through, which is fine, I just will people were invested when they reply to me because I need help. I would even go first. You should say what state you're in just in case and put it on your profile.

 

[melancholymallory03]

Yeah if you ask, someone will reply to you with the link for the "Megathread" partner section. But like you said, they're all overseas and no one is really willing to follow through, which is fine, I just will people were invested when they reply to me because I need help. I would even go first. You should say what state you're in just in case and put it on your profile.

truue I might need a few weeks to mentally prepare myself to post on there. And how my method could be done with a partner, supported by a partner and together with a partner. We're on the fence still I guess /: but it seems like a good way to manage SI too.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Oh okay. My main thing was that when posting I couldn't find a location category? Like it's not beneficial for me because I can't travel long distances and I see a lot of people from Europe etc but not many people near me ;(

I also always randomly read people's stories to to know what to look for in an unserious partner / or someone who is a bit predatory :/ :(

And as far as I know they are no location categorizes. This place needs to be more organized but they will definitely delete your "partner" thread in the Discussion forum. Like what does it matter? Makes it harder for people to find partner's and exchange their similar interests having to sift through old crap and old responses to find just one recent response. Not cool.

truue I might need a few weeks to mentally prepare myself to post on there. And how my method could be done with a partner, supported by a partner and together with a partner. We're on the fence still I guess /: but it seems like a good way to manage SI too.

Yeah. Like Im not ready this moment. But I dont want to wait months or a year. Most people talk about it and get it out of there system and it makes them feel better, which is fine. Im just not in that place. I want to go, but I dont want to take anyone with me by any means.

 

[melancholymallory03]

And as far as I know they are no location categorizes. This place needs to be more organized but they will definitely delete your "partner" thread in the Discussion forum. Like what does it matter? Makes it harder for people to find partner's and exchange their similar interests having to sift through old crap and old responses to find just one recent response. Not cool.

Yeah. Like Im not ready this moment. But I dont want to wait months or a year. Most people talk about it and get it out of there system and it makes them feel better, which is fine. Im just not in that place. I want to go, but I dont want to take anyone with me by any means.

Aw I wish there was a location filter atleast:/

And as far as I know they are no location categorizes. This place needs to be more organized but they will definitely delete your "partner" thread in the Discussion forum. Like what does it matter? Makes it harder for people to find partner's and exchange their similar interests having to sift through old crap and old responses to find just one recent response. Not cool.

Yeah. Like Im not ready this moment. But I dont want to wait months or a year. Most people talk about it and get it out of there system and it makes them feel better, which is fine. Im just not in that place. I want to go, but I dont want to take anyone with me by any means.

Wishing you peace

 

[Franken_1517]

Interesting question to ask y'all how long have you all been suicidal for how long have you genuinely considered or planner it and why haven't you gone through with it yet?

Hope? Fear? Lack of resources? Not knowing or having a way to go?

What are your reasons i'm just genuinely curious

My mother. The moment she's gone I'm out of here.

 

[Arachno]

Lack of means to do it, other than that there isn't anything else keeping me back right now, I wanna CTB by firearm but I don't have access to any and I haven't planned out anything yet either. I would probably fail at hanging and don't have the courage or places to jump from. But I'm sure I will get there.

 

[Eudaimonic]

The primary reason is that most methods are currently inaccessible to me for one reason or another. The few that are not are less reliable or require an unreasonable amount of effort. It is for this reason that attempting before I can move out would likely be imprudent. It's not worth the risk of failure. The secondary reason is that I'd like to plan, prepare, and deliberate as much as possible beforehand and to lessen the burden on others (e.g. by writing a note).

 

[lament.]

Right now I kinda just lack the energy to do anything, I can barely get out of bed each day, but in the past it was SI and lack of privacy that was in my way. It blows my mind that I have been on this site for almost a year now, time flies when you are wallowing in despair I guess.

 

[BardBarrie]

Because I don't actually want to do it, but I feel I have to because I do not wish to live and death is the only alternative to life.

I'm scared of the trauma involved with my chosen method (hanging), so I'm procrastinating.

If humane euthanasia was legal in my country, I'd go in a heartbeat.

 

[J&L383]

Decisions of any kind always difficult. Not wanting to traumatize people that I care about and that probably still care about me. Thinking, well maybe, things will change.

 

[justcallmeJ]

I kept trying to recover over and over again. Not anymore now tho, its impossible