Discussion Why haven’t you committed yet?

[Ayyoooooo._]

First time I've ever thought about committing was in 2020.

The only thing that is keeping me here now is fear and guilt.
Before I knew how I could safely commit, I wanted to do it so so bad. So I researched and found this site, found methods that are safe and easily done (in comparison).
Now I am scared. I still want to commit, but I can't bear the thought of my parents at my funeral. It just doesn't sit right with me
Honestly, I am just waiting to have another episode that ends in an attempt, that lets me forget about this.

 

[thealteredmind]

Survival instinct, it's crazy to think that if I just sat still for 5 minutes I wouldn't be here right now. I was 5 minutes away from death.

what... happened there?

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Jesus christ we've actually gotten into the second page of this thread now i was never expecting this to blow up the way it did. Can't promise I'll be able to respond to everyone but i'll be sure to respond to as many as i can

 

[soulkitty]

Just survival instinct otherwise I would definitely be dead

 

[Mi Mi]

Interesting question to ask y'all how long have you all been suicidal for how long have you genuinely considered or planner it and why haven't you gone through with it yet?

Hope? Fear? Lack of resources? Not knowing or having a way to go?

What are your reasons i'm just genuinely curious

I've attempted so I know I can get passed SI
But I've failed and failing again is very heavy and scary on me

I'm afraid of becoming a vegetable and I have cognitive issues so most the methods on here are to confusing to figure out and SN in USA seems impossible to get

You're so right about the confusing part.
I literally stare and just get exhausted and zone out.

 

[Ligottian]

Waiting for when things become truly, truly unbearable to carry on.

 

[Softwind]

Not having the proper knowledge, and after my first attempt one year agoI was afraid of having to go back to the psych ward.

 

[Unicr0n]

Dog. He didn't ask to be born into this world so I am giving him the best life he can ask for. Everyone else's dogs around me are morbidly obese, have rotting teeth, and don't get tasty raw meat nor exercise. Once my little guy is gone, then I can sleep. Been experiencing suicidal ideation since 2006 at least.

 

[BackToLobby]

Sadly, I can't find SN and Im afraid of scammers. I tried to hang but SI are too strong.

 

[terra.nuvo]

A little bit of both hope and fear but mostly fear. Sometimes I have hope for the future and that things will get better but most times I just feel like theres no point to life. Im also really afraid of the unknown aspects of CTB. Not knowing what happens after death both on in the physical world like with my family and also in the spiritual sense really is what keeps me here I think.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Interesting question to ask y'all how long have you all been suicidal for how long have you genuinely considered or planner it and why haven't you gone through with it yet?

Hope? Fear? Lack of resources? Not knowing or having a way to go?

What are your reasons i'm just genuinely curious

I tried to take a bottle of aspirin at age 12 because my mother had always been conservative with giving me nsaids because of "reye's syndrome." I thought that could kill me if I took a bottles worth. I'm 32 now and have tried a few more times. Never had the resources for a painless way... so looking for a partner now. Can't post about partners in the Discussion, which is dumb; and the "Megathread" is a virtual ghost town.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm here because there isn't a peaceful, guaranteed way for me to die which I can access. All the suicide methods I can access (i.e. only drowning) are risky and can lead to permanent damage which is something I'm terrified of. I want to be dead for certain, not have to risk the idea of failing the attempt and ending up with worse pain. I want to avoid pain, not experience more of it

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

The horrific incredulity of what's become of my life. But it's almost time. I've been trying to find partner to go with, but it may not come to pass. In which case I'll be alone.

 

[melancholymallory03]

been thinking/wanting to for years and have gotten to the planning stage a few times and am just never satisfied with the options. like I've suffered so much already, i don't want to suffer as i die, too. but the main reason i haven't is my pets. i refuse to abandon them the way everyone has abandoned me. idk what I'll do when they're all gone... sometimes i sort of look forward to not having anymore reasons to stay, though

Pets are such a fair point. This is also on my mind for my childhood cat, I watched a podcast that said cats leave their bodies tho so maybe they can see how depressed we are?
Maybe I'm a little marbles losing.
I hope you find peace

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I tried to take a bottle of aspirin at age 12 because my mother had always been conservative with giving me nsaids because of "reye's syndrome." I thought that could kill me if I took a bottles worth. I'm 32 now and have tried a few more times. Never had the resources for a painless way... so looking for a partner now. Can't post about partners in the Discussion, which is dumb; and the "Megathread" is a virtual ghost town.

I'm looking for someone too

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I'm looking for someone too

Mssg me.

 

[Twiceler]

Pusillanimity, cowardliness.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Mssg me.

I tried, but because I followed this page for a while and not posted anything, I don't think I have the ability to

 

[plumelo]

I failed several times because I didn't have the right resources. Now I have SN, I have to test it to be sure not to get scammed. Then, I have to wait until I can be alone.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Mssg me.

I was just granted access to this page a few hours ago, so I don't know what the protocol is here. Sorry I can't message you. I don't know if you would be able to direct message me, but I can't do anything at the moment

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Ah okay. I also thought you were in the US :/ Good luck to you.

Ah okay. I also thought you were in the US :/ Good luck to you.

Yeah I don't remember the protocol. Have to be logged in 24hrs? Post a certain amount of mssgs too?

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Mssg me.

It looks like the forum rules are that I have to be active on here for at least 24 hours and have a certain number of interactions, so I don't know if I have enough interactions but I've only been on here for a couple hours even though I've been reading things and wanted to contact people for days

Ah okay. I also thought you were in the US :/ Good luck to you.

Yeah I don't remember the protocol. Have to be logged in 24hrs? Post a certain amount of mssgs too?

I am in the US, but I didn't have an active account on here until a couple hours ago.

Ah okay. I also thought you were in the US :/ Good luck to you.

Yeah I don't remember the protocol. Have to be logged in 24hrs? Post a certain amount of mssgs too?

I am in the US, but I didn't have an active account on here until a couple hours ago.

Ah okay. I also thought you were in the US :/ Good luck to you.

Yeah I don't remember the protocol. Have to be logged in 24hrs? Post a certain amount of mssgs too?

Sorry I won't be able to talk to you until tomorrow, every second feels like an eternity in this for me. I don't know what your situation is and why it's so urgent for you but I understand urgency

I tried to take a bottle of aspirin at age 12 because my mother had always been conservative with giving me nsaids because of "reye's syndrome." I thought that could kill me if I took a bottles worth. I'm 32 now and have tried a few more times. Never had the resources for a painless way... so looking for a partner now. Can't post about partners in the Discussion, which is dumb; and the "Megathread" is a virtual ghost town.

I didn't know we weren't allowed to talk about partners in the forum? I hope I don't get thrown off, I didn't know that

I tried to take a bottle of aspirin at age 12 because my mother had always been conservative with giving me nsaids because of "reye's syndrome." I thought that could kill me if I took a bottles worth. I'm 32 now and have tried a few more times. Never had the resources for a painless way... so looking for a partner now. Can't post about partners in the Discussion, which is dumb; and the "Megathread" is a virtual ghost town.

I didn't know we weren't allowed to talk about partners in the forum? I hope I don't get thrown off, I didn't know that

It looks like the forum rules are that I have to be active on here for at least 24 hours and have a certain number of interactions, so I don't know if I have enough interactions but I've only been on here for a couple hours even though I've been reading things and wanted to contact people for days

I am in the US, but I didn't have an active account on here until a couple hours ago.

I am in the US, but I didn't have an active account on here until a couple hours ago.


Sorry I won't be able to talk to you until tomorrow, every second feels like an eternity in this for me. I don't know what your situation is and why it's so urgent for you but I understand urgency

I didn't know we weren't allowed to talk about partners in the forum? I hope I don't get thrown off, I didn't know that

Ah okay. I also thought you were in the US :/ Good luck to you.

Yeah I don't remember the protocol. Have to be logged in 24hrs? Post a certain amount of mssgs too?

I guess just try to message me this time tomorrow or vice versa

 

[justdontknow]

All my life. But in the past 2 years I am extremely suicidal as there is nothing for me on this earth. I am almost 60 year old, I do not have friends, family, a job, decent income, proper home and I have worked very hard, helped other people and nobody cares about me only I received destructive criticism. I cannot stand people being happy meanwhile me I am hopeless and the only individual that does not deserve a second chance. In Canada this past March it was planned to have medically assisted death for mental illness, but they delayed 3 more years, shame on politicians and health care system. THey are a bunch of hyprocrits. they want recognition of their job by let people suffer. THis was my only chance to open up about assisted suicide, and was taken away from me. The only goal I have in this life is to die I will not live past 60. I am rehearsing my death as there is nothing for me in this earth as long as my demands are met.

I am with you. But now I no longer care, even being permanently damaged I will try to manage on my own until I am gone

I was waiting for the same thing, politics shouldn't have any say! I planned it then boom ripped away.
I now can't figure out how to do myself without being violent I never would want someone to have to clean a mess up, why does someone else have to be traumatized? I'm not depressed I've had a very different life..lol I just need help on how!!!

 

[CannabisMuncher]

Interesting question to ask y'all how long have you all been suicidal for how long have you genuinely considered or planner it and why haven't you gone through with it yet?

Hope? Fear? Lack of resources? Not knowing or having a way to go?

What are your reasons i'm just genuinely curious

i tried. then was brought to the hospital for two months and now im here. So

 

[Hated By All]

The lack of methods available, guns are banned in my country. Hanging is risky and I can become a vegetable, lethal drugs are not available and I'm a little worried what comes after this.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

It looks like the forum rules are that I have to be active on here for at least 24 hours and have a certain number of interactions, so I don't know if I have enough interactions but I've only been on here for a couple hours even though I've been reading things and wanted to contact people for days

I am in the US, but I didn't have an active account on here until a couple hours ago.

I am in the US, but I didn't have an active account on here until a couple hours ago.


Sorry I won't be able to talk to you until tomorrow, every second feels like an eternity in this for me. I don't know what your situation is and why it's so urgent for you but I understand urgency

I didn't know we weren't allowed to talk about partners in the forum? I hope I don't get thrown off, I didn't know that

I didn't know we weren't allowed to talk about partners in the forum? I hope I don't get thrown off, I didn't know that


I guess just try to message me this time tomorrow or vice versa

Okay no problem.

 

[Ironborn]

Been thinking about it for years, finally got pushed over the edge mentally and attempted to drown myself at the start of the year.
Not sure why I haven't tried again yet, quit my job after my attempt and just using my savings atm.
Also limited options being in the UK.
We'll see I guess

 

[sserafim]

I'm a little worried what comes after this.

Wdym? Like what happens after death?

 

[LunarGirl]

I don't have the equipment I need yet. I think after that I will probably wanna tie up some loose ends.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

I've been on and off considering it for almost a decade. The first time I thought about it was back in high school, when I realized I had been there 3 and a half years and had made zero friends. The second time was at the end of earning my university degree, again in the same boat without any friends and this time no job prospects. And now being here almost a decade later from when I first thought about it, I'm just waiting for a few things to fall into place so I can finally be done with this life. (Shouldn't be longer than a month or two now, thankfully.)

Every time I've seriously considered it, I always get hope that things will improve, I make a plan, and I desperately try to change my life. But no matter how hard I work or what things I try, I always end up back in the pit, wanting to die.