Venting Why haven’t you done it yet?

[ZwartHartje]

Still trying to figure out a meaning and answer to it all, I guess.
Waiting for something to happen or change that probably won't come. Or a sign that it's time.
Working out until my last day, doing moves that most people can't - it seems so wasteful to throw it away.
But I don't want to go through another winter.

 

[smirks00ts]

false hope, mostly.
though also fear and SI. and also not wanting to hurt anyone, specifically my parents or family. I fear that if I die, my parents will die too or things will change badly for my siblings. even though suicide is taboo and barely happens or not reported where I live.

I did try once in june. but I just kept stupidly freezing until I decided to leave. it was the last exam for me at the time. and I had to leave for my dad to pick me up ( dont have a license. yet.)

 

[GoldenTicket]

I fear any method has SI. I finally purchased a gun yesterday, after months of wanting fsh. It's just one day but i couldn't do it.
I'm also slightly in a state of disbelief. Even after ten months of anxiety and trauma. Knowing it's the only way out. I still wish this was some nightmare to wake from.

Oh yeah I agree with you, I'm not saying my chosen method will be a peice of cake, I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for this specific method for a while other over methods, but SI will definitely pop up, I guess I can't guarantee it won't mess up my attempt until I try it, I just feel like I'm more prepared for that one method. I'm sorry you've gone through so much pain, I wish you find your peace one day.

 

[limenlux]

I'm currently struggling with very limited available methods, working out the logistics of said methods, and the occasional bout of slow, roiling religious dread.

 

[lacedup]

well, i want to be skinny and i don't want my pets to be alive when i do it.

but also, i want to be loved. i want to tell this boy how i truly feel and its tearing me apart. but im also thinking about just scheduling a message. the unknown of it all is keeping me going.

 

[cry.lily]

I have family that love me, and that gives me a reason to live. Unfortunately, mental illness prevails, and I do feel that I'm likely to succumb to it in the future

 

[coolliontigerragged]

Its complicated.. on one hand I do think that life is some sort of cruel joke, but on the other hand I have things I can look forward to. I'm swimming through college, even if some people dont like me, I'm getting into a relationship, I am saving money with my parents, I have a cute sweet baby cat- I've even done TMS therapy!! I just finished today! But through all of that, I still find myself almost fantasizing about going outside and freezing to death after 2 bottles of strong alc and some ambien.. just watching the snow flurry around me while I succumb to the weather around me. Honestly doing TMS, while it has now shown me I have things I look forward to, has just confused me even more. I dont know what I want.

 

[AgathaChristieLover]

Fear

 

[Die.A.Ria]

Since i was 8 Years old wanted to do it by jumping but i didnt know where to do it and to be honest when i was younger i didnt have much empathy for what my family would feel i just wanted to get it done but the thing kind of stopping me now is my family but im tryna make me think that its alright

 

[SomewhereNew]

Don't really have a great place to hang it up just yet. I'm 31 life isn't getting better I need to stop procrastinating honestly

 

[sotomie]

I still haven't figured out the logistics for the SN strip/blood test. I live with someone and am being monitored almost 24/7, which has made it difficult to find an opportunity to do it without raising an alarm.

 

[TiredAndBurntOut]

I want to make sure I get it right. There's too much uncertainty with my method. I plan on using a plastic bag with no gas (because I'm poor) but I need to make sure I have a good plastic bag and learn how to tie it in a manner to where it will be effective enough with very little air coming in. I have heard conflicting information, so I want to get the facts straight before my attempt.

 

[whgfb29200]

Can't get my hands on SN as I am not a particularly resourceful dude...also inertia. Lastly, there's a lot of administrative/practical shit I need to get done before I die. I don't want to leave a whole mess for my family to clean up. Now there's a cruel irony: the amount of energy it takes to prepare one's death.

 

[Kabalite]

Scared of being caught before the deed is done and my SI keeping me at bay for now, though the despair is getting worse and it's seeming more and more possible all the time.

 

[angel164]

I want to make sure I do it right this time. killing my body and mind slowly, making my self guaranteed to die no matter what actual method I use.
I have failed too many times, that it spawned some sort of story that requires me to do specific things to finally succeed.
and specific things meaning, taking my time to prep for it, mentally, physically and situation wise.
plus this time until my actual death, will be almost a gift to myself, I want to make sure my last days satisfy my non sensical desire to make something of my suffering, I want to give it meaning before I go.
I feel like why I am still here, is because my suffering is trying to have a life of its own and I have been denying it all these years.
to be friends with it, is how I will finally be able to successfully pass.

 

[Surek]

False hopes mixed with SI... I gave myself a chance after the first failed attempt, but nothing worked out for me and I quickly gave up

 

[AgathaChristieLover]

Hope that things will get better, even though they just keep getting worse

 

[qw3rty259]

As we grow older we get all kinds of social ties. Mine are my cat and mom who's getting older. I think I still can help her with some things. But I have heath issues, so if those get worse to the point when it's unbearable I'll off myself in no time. But as for now the fact that it's still bearable is the reason I'm not dead yet

 

[DoomedDarkCircles]

Because I have to graduate. I want at least that

 

[binkie]

Whenever I smoke my last smoke I realize I don't want it to be the last one. So I'm just living one pack to the next

 

[Enyan]

I wanted to wait till it's sunny and over 30°C because I wanted to die while it's hot and with my fan on, but the weather seems to continue to be rather meh for the next two weeks, so I might just have to do it without waiting for the perfect day.