Discussion where did it all go wrong for you?

[mojabaka]

Woah, what happened?

After taking my second vaccine in July I developed chronic urticaria, burning in my hands and feet (later turned out to be small fiber neuropathy), POTS and chronic insomnia. Never had a single health problem, now I can't even stand for more than 10 minutes and I need a ton of sleeping pills every night to knock me out. All of this is probably life long (there's like a small chance everything will resolve, but after 10 months I don't really believe anymore). The only thing that finally resolved after 7 months was the urticaria, but everything else is unchanged.

I'm extremely angry with myself for destroying my own life by taking that poison. My life may have not been perfect, but I was never suicidal or anything. Now I just want to die everyday.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

I guess probably in three different years:

— 2.010: made a cringy mistake, one that at worst, could've ended up with turning me into an internet meme, and gave my high school class a reason to bully me.

— 2.013: bullying reached its worst, became depressed ever since, and developed suicidal thoughts in that year as well.

— 2.017: told people I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I never had it, and as a result, I ended up being seen as an r-word, people stopped talking to me or taking me seriously, and it messed up my adult life.

 

[Cryptonite]

After taking my second vaccine in July I developed chronic urticaria, burning in my hands and feet (later turned out to be small fiber neuropathy), POTS and chronic insomnia. Never had a single health problem, now I can't even stand for more than 10 minutes and I need a ton of sleeping pills every night to knock me out. All of this is probably life long (there's like a small chance everything will resolve, but after 10 months I don't really believe anymore). The only thing that finally resolved after 7 months was the urticaria, but everything else is unchanged.

I'm extremely angry with myself for destroying my own life by taking that poison. My life may have not been perfect, but I was never suicidal or anything. Now I just want to die everyday.

it makes me think how stupid I was to mock "antivaxxers"
this is absolute sh*t

my life has been screwed up in the last year as well, although for different reasons

I guess probably in three different years:

— 2.010: made a cringy mistake, one that at worst, could've ended up with turning me into an internet meme, and gave my high school class a reason to bully me.

— 2.013: bullying reached its worst, became depressed ever since, and developed suicidal thoughts in that year as well.

— 2.017: told people I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I never had it, and as a result, I ended up being seen as an r-word, people stopped talking to me or taking me seriously, and it messed up my adult life.

My friend was bullied as a child and thought it was horrible, but now he works as a teacher and says that the situation with bullying is MUCH WORSE than he ever thought

It's omnipresent, it's basically like a freakin' jungle

 

[ambiendreams]

After taking my second vaccine in July I developed chronic urticaria, burning in my hands and feet (later turned out to be small fiber neuropathy), POTS and chronic insomnia. Never had a single health problem, now I can't even stand for more than 10 minutes and I need a ton of sleeping pills every night to knock me out. All of this is probably life long (there's like a small chance everything will resolve, but after 10 months I don't really believe anymore). The only thing that finally resolved after 7 months was the urticaria, but everything else is unchanged.

I'm extremely angry with myself for destroying my own life by taking that poison. My life may have not been perfect, but I was never suicidal or anything. Now I just want to die everyday.

That's terrifying I'm so sorry

 

[Darkover]

2016 pickup a brain injury everything been shit ever since

 

[hanax.]

my pain is nothing compared to all of you but there is a certain limitation to what i could and could not handle. i am just currently living my life as it is and i dont event care if i die anytime soon. i have no plans of the future. i became suicidal when i was 13, thinking i would always lack on something. my mother chose her other lover instead of me and left me at a very young age. my father left me with my grandma— the reason was acceptable but i think he's refusing any sort of communication towards me now. i am financially unstable and i am ugly. i could never win to anyone with good looks and a perfect functioning brain with supportive parents. i would have at least appreciated it had my parents actually fixed their financial stability before having me then i would have lived a better life that does not constantly worry about money. fck this life.

 

[RagingCat]

Probs around the age of 6 when my dad died. I was a pretty weird kid since then. Refused to talk to classmates and spent days at school reminiscing about dying. I didn't actually go into the normal grieving process as I would now so it fucked up my lil brain. Went on with teen depression and I was somehow always sure it was just a hormonal thing and I would grow out of it. But I am an adult now and it has been on and off for a while now. I'm always lowkey depressed, sometimes it gets unbearable and sometimes I become functional.
I have been thinking about killing myself since age 12.

 

[surface2007]

After taking my second vaccine in July I developed chronic urticaria, burning in my hands and feet (later turned out to be small fiber neuropathy), POTS and chronic insomnia. Never had a single health problem, now I can't even stand for more than 10 minutes and I need a ton of sleeping pills every night to knock me out. All of this is probably life long (there's like a small chance everything will resolve, but after 10 months I don't really believe anymore). The only thing that finally resolved after 7 months was the urticaria, but everything else is unchanged.

I'm extremely angry with myself for destroying my own life by taking that poison. My life may have not been perfect, but I was never suicidal or anything. Now I just want to die everyday.

i'm sick since cripro (antibiotic) + vaccin i have a lots of cognitive issues + a lot of body issues (guts issues, skin burning...). I wasn't sucidal too at all but i'm living in my worst nightmare since December so i feel you. I just wait a last examen for my parents (i would like they have a proof of my disease before i ctb but i don't if we'll have a proof after that but i least i'll try everthing.) after that i hope that i will ctb in the night at my home still live with my parent since sick so i don't have the choice i can't go anywhere.

 

[Maxivee]

I thought I was a trans man. I was very wrong. Now I have reverse dysphoria about my voice

 

[Painless_end]

When I could not make a huge sacrifice many years ago that would change my life forever and could potentially have let me live the life that I actually should have lived.

As opposed to the current hellish nightmare I live in.

 

[depressedmaniac]

when I was born. always hated this life.

 

[Zzzzz]

I'd have to say when I was born also. But I had some happiness in my ignorance growing up.

 

[dredd1981]

I was fine until December last year…..for some reason I started getting less and less sleep. First I was down to 6 hours a night then 4 hours then 2 then none. By Boxing Day I was fucked mentally….I wasn't eating, I was constantly tired and dizzy and was just walking around in a daze. So on boxing night I 100% intended on eating my own gun, said goodbye to my pets, texted my wife goodbye but when it came to actually pulling the trigger I just beefed it. Next thing I know the cops have arrived, my gun is taken off me and I'm being taken to hospital. My wife kindly decided to kick me out of the house and tell me I wasn't allowed back in until I was better….then a couple of weeks later she splits up with me. So yeah, to say I'm gutted is an understatement. I went from being happy and content to depressed and suicidal. Now I spend my days researching painless ways to ctb. I'm hopefully zeroing in on a source of N. When I get it I intend to take some sedatives and anti sickness tablets….then maybe 30 minutes later I'm going to park up somewhere discrete that will afford me a pleasant view, send a few farewell messages then drink the N….then have a nice glass of cognac and wait for the pain and misery to end. It's really fucking amazing how you can go from happy and content to miserable and suicidal in such a short period of time. If someone had told me 6 months ago that I'd be actively plotting my own death I'd have said they were mad……weird the way life works…

 

[alexlondon365]

i quit my well-paid job without having a new one lined up and moved to a new town in a different country. i realised too late i couldn't stand it there, developed severe depression and had a nervous breakdown and was in a psych ward for 2 months, which was completely useless. now i can't move back to my old town since i don't have a job and permit there anymore.

so i'm stuck in a place i can't stand without a job, and the worst part is i made my partner move there too even though he liked our old life :( until recently i never thought of myself as a fuck up but it really can't get much worse than destroying your own life and future on a whim (as far as it concerns being a fuck up).

i have ctb thoughts every day but leaving my partner behind would be the worst, i'm just not sure how long i can keep going like this.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

Last year i put an immense amount of stres on myself for stupid reasons.


Wasnt able to process some decisions i made which ended up turning into a spiral of insomnia and severe depression

 

[Deadlyrelapse]

I Guess its a construction, but i guess that start wit the traumas and some the abuses as a kid,
i started talking with strangers when a lot young, really lot young
And a kid wants love, not sex, not at that age
And then sex, it was what they say its love
Then love was sex
And if you love someone, is sexual attraction
If you give me attention then i may like you, and think i'm loving you
The fact that when someone stays with you and loves you,is not only for sex, love isnt sex
Is still very Confusing to me, yk

It makes sense bcs no one wants to feel used, even tho people say its love
Then my family.
Well, my dad did run away bcs of them, he kinda did run away from me too, but he couldnt stay, he wanted to not khs

And also my sexuality, gender wich i dont even feel like ????
liking someone no matter body still feel harmfull as it is?

Dad's part of the family
making me think if i'm not in the way they want,was'll be not worth enough for anyone then
Treating you like a child and supressing you to be an adult
The fights with mom, the fact that her bipolar mom and addicted and alcoholic was extremely abusive and then it reflecys on her, then on me
The momey problems, for years and years, since mom is she only one taking care of everything

Also, i was born at 5 months and half, so it got a ytauma for me and my mom
Even tho i dont see it, it wasnt even there for me
I was born close to death, almost died times and times and she gor depression after
She did passed it all, but had a cost
And well, i dont feel nothing about this
Or what i feel
Its like if they ask if white is happy or sad
Its just white

Sh is part of my life, as an anxious i am very sensible
Not only sensorial, but as a person i think everything Just fucking affects me so much

depression starting at 11, then the lost memory, the rough fight to get meds bcs of mom, some parts of school when i was really young
Thr anxiety attacks, the feel of losing your mind, the fact of trauma that desintegrated me
I also passed years thinking defending myself wasnt worth

Sometimes i still think it is

And after, its mental health, its suicide, its depression anxiety, the feeling youre not real and no one is, everything and everyone is a lie


I've been a while on this
5 years
And well, the memory issues destroyed me
Every part of my life destroyed me
I dont think anything is real


I wrote a fucking bible, i'm sorry
Never said a word in this site
English is not my first language

 

[MementoMori81]

I wish I could pinpoint it to be fair. I didn't always feel like this, I think it just crept in years ago, and then it's just been an accumulative thing over the years.

If I were going to stick my neck out, though, I'd say my mind really started going around ten years ago or so.

Wishing you all well with whatever you're all going through.

 

[Mythyis001]

I have been in a long distance relationship (she is in another country) for about 2 years. We recently got engaged. We were both so happy. Our family's were in full support and I thought all of the hard work of keeping a long distance relationship going was finally paying off. Then she got pregnant on my last visit. At first we were both very happy. It is sooner than we wanted but we both wanted a family. Then suddenly almost over night she changed. We have fought every day this week. All for dumb things too. All for things that could have been handled simply by talking. She is even blaming me for things that I haven't even done but she thinks I might do. Each time we fought her answer has been to block me. Withholding all communication. We only talk when she wants to now. Right now I am sitting here blocked on everything. Wondering where it all went wrong. She tells me she wants to call off the engagement and wants me to have no role in our child's life. How do we go from being so happy 1 week ago to this? I am at a lost.

I have always been suicidal, perhaps just a imbalance in my brain. For the most part I have kept it in check. But now how do I go on? I am losing the woman I love and my child all in one go and there is nothing I can do about it. She just won't listen to reason. I fucked up. I picked a woman that I thought loved me but instead used me for everything I had. Now I am sitting here trying to work up the last of my courage to end it all.

 

[MementoMori81]

I have been in a long distance relationship (she is in another country) for about 2 years. We recently got engaged. We were both so happy. Our family's were in full support and I thought all of the hard work of keeping a long distance relationship going was finally paying off. Then she got pregnant on my last visit. At first we were both very happy. It is sooner than we wanted but we both wanted a family. Then suddenly almost over night she changed. We have fought every day this week. All for dumb things too. All for things that could have been handled simply by talking. She is even blaming me for things that I haven't even done but she thinks I might do. Each time we fought her answer has been to block me. Withholding all communication. We only talk when she wants to now. Right now I am sitting here blocked on everything. Wondering where it all went wrong. She tells me she wants to call off the engagement and wants me to have no role in our child's life. How do we go from being so happy 1 week ago to this? I am at a lost.

I have always been suicidal, perhaps just a imbalance in my brain. For the most part I have kept it in check. But now how do I go on? I am losing the woman I love and my child all in one go and there is nothing I can do about it. She just won't listen to reason. I fucked up. I picked a woman that I thought loved me but instead used me for everything I had. Now I am sitting here trying to work up the last of my courage to end it all.

Sorry to hear that mate. Life really does turn on a sixpence sometimes. It's like a hurricane, turns up from nowhere, and leaves devastation in its wake.

My best wishes are with you, for what it's worth. Hate to see people have a rough time.

 

[Mythyis001]

Sorry to hear that mate. Life really does turn on a sixpence sometimes. It's like a hurricane, turns up from nowhere, and leaves devastation in its wake.

My best wishes are with you, for what it's worth. Hate to see people have a rough time.

Thank you. You are right things can change so fast. I just wish I could understand why she is so angry. I wish I really did deserve it so I could just blame myself or try to fix it. But this all seems so random. The amount of anger and the lengths she is going to punish me for things that seem so small are crazy. It is like she got what she wanted from me. She wanted a baby and now she doesn't need/want me anymore.

The best part is I told my parents today that they get to be grandparents. They were so excited

 

[Lullaby]

I have been in a long distance relationship (she is in another country) for about 2 years. We recently got engaged. We were both so happy. Our family's were in full support and I thought all of the hard work of keeping a long distance relationship going was finally paying off. Then she got pregnant on my last visit. At first we were both very happy. It is sooner than we wanted but we both wanted a family. Then suddenly almost over night she changed. We have fought every day this week. All for dumb things too. All for things that could have been handled simply by talking. She is even blaming me for things that I haven't even done but she thinks I might do. Each time we fought her answer has been to block me. Withholding all communication. We only talk when she wants to now. Right now I am sitting here blocked on everything. Wondering where it all went wrong. She tells me she wants to call off the engagement and wants me to have no role in our child's life. How do we go from being so happy 1 week ago to this? I am at a lost.

I have always been suicidal, perhaps just a imbalance in my brain. For the most part I have kept it in check. But now how do I go on? I am losing the woman I love and my child all in one go and there is nothing I can do about it. She just won't listen to reason. I fucked up. I picked a woman that I thought loved me but instead used me for everything I had. Now I am sitting here trying to work up the last of my courage to end it all.

It's incredibly insane how people can switch up on you so quickly. It hurts a lot when you've grown to trust and love someone, and then suddenly they turn into a person you don't know at all.

I've experienced this just recently with someone myself, but your situation is a lot more worse and I just can't imagine how hard it is dealing with this. I'm so sorry.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Thank you. You are right things can change so fast. I just wish I could understand why she is so angry. I wish I really did deserve it so I could just blame myself or try to fix it. But this all seems so random. The amount of anger and the lengths she is going to punish me for things that seem so small are crazy. It is like she got what she wanted from me. She wanted a baby and now she doesn't need/want me anymore.

The best part is I told my parents today that they get to be grandparents. They were so excited

Nothing worse then betrayal from one you love

 

[Mythyis001]

It's incredibly insane how people can switch up on you so quickly. It hurts a lot when you've grown to trust and love someone, and then suddenly they turn into a person you don't know at all.

I've experienced this just recently with someone myself, but your situation is a lot more worse and I just can't imagine how hard it is dealing with this. I'm so sorry.

Being betrayed and used by the ones you love is the worse. I am so sorry you are going through it now as well.

 

[Hurt]

Some years ago. Wrong decisions, bad luck. Now I'm at a point of no return and life is not interesting anymore.

 

[an_alias]

But how did those allergies prevent you from having friends if its ok to ask?

couldn't go outside - it was a risk to my life and still is. since i can't and couldn't go outside, i've basically been alone for a majority of my life

 

[RN12]

i'm sick since cripro (antibiotic) + vaccin i have a lots of cognitive issues + a lot of body issues (guts issues, skin burning...). I wasn't sucidal too at all but i'm living in my worst nightmare since December so i feel you. I just wait a last examen for my parents (i would like they have a proof of my disease before i ctb but i don't if we'll have a proof after that but i least i'll try everthing.) after that i hope that i will ctb in the night at my home still live with my parent since sick so i don't have the choice i can't go anywhere.

maybe you can apply for FQAD

Fluoroquinolones-Associated Disability: It Is Not All in Your Head

Fluoroquinolones (FQs) are a broad class of antibiotics typically prescribed for bacterial infections, including infections for which their use is discouraged. The FDA has proposed the existence of a permanent disability (Fluoroquinolone Associated Disability; FQAD), which is yet to be formally...

www.mdpi.com

sorry you're pharma injured.
#metoo

 

[Thequietone]

Birth too I think. Because I was born 10 weeks earlier and in this time there was also family trouble and my grandfather died when I was 1. Would have been a pleasure if I would have died.

 

[Shadowlord900]

1. My dad mostly being an asshole
2. My mom dying of breast cancer
3. My dad not getting esophageal cancer soon enough

 

[StolenLife]

Back in 2012 when I cut off contact with my childhood best friends and I've been alone ever since.

 

[fightingforchoice]

10 years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Before that I was happy and healthy. I'd never even been in the hospital, aside from having my son. They destroyed the cancer, but they destroyed me as well. I lost myself, my family, the whole future I had planned with the person I loved. Now I have to watch him living a new life and pretend to it doesn't bother me, pretend I don't miss what we had. And I'm stuck here, in a body I hate, living a life I don't want, alone in a city I don't even like. I'm still suffering from side effects of treatment and am riddled with pain and chronic illness. And on top of all that, my brain is constantly trying to kill me. There's no way to come back.

Oh y god you poor thing. Do you still have a relationship with your son?