Discussion where are you at the ctb-o-meter?

[Elbarado]

8,5

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Today 7-8. More than yesterday

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Yes.

 

[Folie]

Thanks for replying. Sorry to hear you have to deal with all that. I'm not an expert, but I have read stories of remission for conditions like interstitial cystitis, so there is always hope, though I understand it's very frustrating if you've been dealing with things for years.
You said you are at 7 or 8 on the ctb scale..What would it take for you to go down to 3 or 4? Like, if your pain was to drastically diminish, would your desire to ctb automatically disappear or is it more complicated than that?

Sadly, I've had this condition for 15 years. I've only ever experienced one day of remission in those 15 years, and I don't even know if I'd call that remission.

If my pain was less, then the desire to ctb would go down for sure, but I don't know if that will ever truly go away totally because of all the psychiatric conditions. I worry about not being able to work, money, etc. so it definitely goes beyond just the pain. I hate being a burden to the ones I love the most... It's so sad...

 

[foreverlikethestars]

currently spending time with my partner and we have some difficulties but it's helping a lot to hold onto some sort of future. typically around an 8 but around a 3 lately

 

[Bct]

About 9. Just need to get rid of survival instinct.

 

[Deleted member 19817]

8-9 I go to sleep at night hoping I wake up in my next life.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

10 right now. I'm on the edge. Don't care about anything

 

[esse_est_percipi]

About 9. Just need to get rid of survival instinct.

The most difficult part of the whole thing.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

7-8...I just feel my time is almost here. I have distanced myself from those I consider family. My wife knows I am having a hard time. My very best friend thinks everything is in the past..just holding everything close so I won't fail

 

[Brillet]

8.5

 

[Isadeth]

Today feels about a mix between a 6 or a 7. Leaning more towards 7.

 

[dysfunctional]

8. The memory of when life was good and si hold me back.

 

[trouble]

Currently? A 4, I'd say. I'm not feeling too suicidal at the moment, but it tends to get worse at night which is also where I tend to become paranoid.

 

[unwell lady]

It sounds like you have rushed things. Please take care. Try to take a deep breath.

Thank you

It sounds like you have rushed things. Please take care. Try to take a deep breath.

Thank you for the advice.means a lot

 

[rata1]

5 - to ctb would be the thing to do with most sense in my life. but it seems that i learned to forget. no pain today so i am at something below 10. it is more a 5 on the "i am not conscious about my life situation scale"

 

[Varstraben]

It oscillates between 7 and 10, when I take a look on how the world doing or think about my personal/professional situation, I'm jumping to 10, when I play video games or drink, it fall to 7-8.
At this moment every time a use a knife I want to stab myself with it.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

8.25

 

[Eternity]

My number changes daily, even multiple times a day. Mostly solid 7-8, but a few moments each day it raises till 9-10.

 

[catsarecool]

Probably about 9. I'm probably not gonna CTB instantly I get my things but the waiting game is hell. I think my rating will probably even go down a bit when my preparions are complete, knowing that the back door is there anytime if need be.

 

[RRH]

10. Have my method but I'm too riddled with anxiety and can't think clearly enough to plan something properly.

God, just let me go already...

 

[Walilamdzi]

Good description. I feel the same.

 

[all_pointless]

9 just need to get along with the plan soon

 

[liverpoolfan]

yesterday was 5.5-6, today a solid 8, where are you at today?(0:life is beautiful -10: where is my <insert method item(s)> )

Love this question. Got to have a sense of humour about this stuff, I think.

Anyway, I don't know where I'd put myself on your scale as most of the time I'm not actually that far from "Life is beautiful" whilst simultaneously being totally ready to drink the Dignitas Chaser if it was available.
Is that weird?

 

[ManWithNoName]

I tend to fluctuate. Sometimes I'll be close to the edge, then back off, turn go forward. The issue for me is my confidence factor in my current ctb method which right now is via hanging, and my concern it could fail. My first choice would be via Dignitas but I do not have the resources for that, even then it could prove impossible to get approval for my existentialist issues, as opposed to having a terminal illness.

Second choice for me would be a dual method of KCN and a shotgun—,but much like Nembutal, KCN is difficult to acquire.

So hanging is my third choice. It is very common method used from everyday people to celebrities. This is of course the rope does not break anywhere and the point of support stays strong.

Love this question. Got to have a sense of humour about this stuff, I think.

Anyway, I don't know where I'd put myself on your scale as most of the time I'm not actually that far from "Life is beautiful" whilst simultaneously being totally ready to drink the Dignitas Chaser if it was available.
Is that weird?

Sometimes I feel the same way. Indeed life can be beautiful, like the sea, but both the sea and life fluctuate. Beautiful one moment, violent and ugly the next minute. Nothing wrong with remembering the beautiful things about life, but also the ebb and flow of it can be simply too much, and a Dignitas chaser is just the thing.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

10
For 4 months and have to wait 2 months.

At first I thought that it would be a funny 6 months in which I knew exactly that I was killing myself in September.
But I don't work and I am on sick leave. Waiting has become hell. I have only one thought left in my head for 24 hours.

I even dream of suicide. They are wonderful beautiful dreams in which I am at least happy for a short time.

 

[bigdog]

9
Waiting for Sn and have to test Seroquel for passing out

 

[AwokenToReality]

8-9 I guess. Have SN and everything ready to go, just picking the time. Kinda done with everything.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

For once, a 3. I'm not even thinking about it now. Though I still plan to build my cocktail.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Yesterday was a 10, but my mother-in-law intervened. Today, I'm at an 8 or 9. I still expect to ctb soon, in all honesty.