Discussion where are you at the ctb-o-meter?

[ManWithNoName]

I even dream of suicide. They are wonderful beautiful dreams in which I am at least happy for a short time.

I think I know what you mean. I recently did a post about a YouTube channel that visits famous gravesites. These are celebrities from the very early era to contemporary famous people, presented in random order. But many of these celebrities I have admired and see their headstone as an achievement—they achieved their exit. Yes some had horrible harsh lives....but are at peace now. And one day I dream there will be something remembering me—having been declared dead in absentia—that I have achieved my exit.

 

[Sensei]

I'm at 1 with occasional spikes at 5. When I get my next bipolar depressive episode I expect to be back in the 5–10 spectrum again.

 

[LonelyNick]

I'm at a solid 7-8 tonight. Tied a noose on my poster bed. Been staying at it since.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Constant 6 or 7 lately, with spikes to 9. Alcohol makes me extremely suicidal after the buzz wears off. Which is partially why I've decided to stop drinking.

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

9.
Only thing stopping me is fear of another arrest. Trying to lure serial killers to me to do the job.

 

[ERASED]

All ways at 10

 

[peacefully31425]

7-8. I know what 10 is and it's not fun.

 

[l053r]

Solid 10, getting my affairs in order before I CTB.

 

[TAW122]

Been anxious lately, so 6.5-7 with times going up to 7.5 occasionally. I don't have my method available directly, so this drives up a lot of anxiety and it's hard to just move about when living at home with parents. I really miss living out on my own, or even with roommates as they are less nosy than my parents and would not nag me or eavsedrop as much on my day to day life.

 

[all_pointless]

10 it's going up if it could

 

[Isadeth]

Today is about a 2. It's my husband and I's ten year anniversary. Today has been a fairly decent day. ♡

 

[SipSop]

3.8 today I went with the train to a big city. And I ate a very goos cheeseburger with french fries and a bottle of tonic water. I was quite envious at the couples that I've seen and I felt lonely and useless. But I was happy that I had that good meal. A emotion I seldom feel.

 

[Gladtogo]

Feel like a 7-8. Still holding on, but i feel like it would only take a little shove to push me over.

 

[Vault of Memories]

At this moment a 8-9. Lowest it's ever been in the past 13-14 years would probably be a 5. If I lived alone and had AEs I'd do it at this very moment.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

9

 

[Woodnote]

10..

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Yesterday 9. At this moment i am only a 7. This place has actually brought me some peace. People who understand the pain of this life.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

15, but I still have to wait

I am at the bus station and am not allowed to get in yet. I have the ticket in my hand, but I can't get on yet. Honor forbids breaking my promise

 

[weird_wannabe]

5, there are so many things I love, but I still want to die. I want to enjoy these things a bit more before I go.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Strangely today I am a 5. All do to finding SS and everyone here. I have always felt so alone and that no one understands and being able to talk openly about my need to ctb, it is comforting.

 

[omsoc]

6 right now because I've popped a Valium

 

[_Minsk]

9,5 today i think:c