Discussion when you fantasize about CTB, what do you think of?

[chronicdissosiation]

my go to thoughts are always some variation of
- doing it in front of my loved ones (or a crowd of people) so theyre able to see how depressed i actually am
- shooting myself like ronnie mcnutt because i hate my face
these thoughts are my ideal way to go out, but i plan on blocking my carotid arteries for CTB because its easier for me to access the items

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Going to the beach, getting an ocean view room, and leaving the balcony door open so I can hear the waves. Then drinking N and peacefully drifting off to sleep.

I can't actually do this though. I don't live close to the beach, and I don't want my family to have to deal with getting my body back home.

 

[beelzebul]

the other day i took a 4 hour shower and for a majority of it i daydreamed about shooting myself. idk if it's a neurodivergent thing but i feel extremely safe and comfortable in the shower... so my ideal place is to do it there. i just kept thinking about how nice it would be to finally be fucking dead and people that don't think i'm serious would finally understand how serious i am.

other times i daydream about hanging. i romanticize it, but it's quite an ugly death in reality. yesterday night i realized i could try to od on oxycodone (found 2 full containers of it in my mothers bathroom). it's daily at this point tbh. i'm trying to hang in there until my moms pass, but it feels like that's so far off.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

about it finally being over & being gone. not having to be a person anymore.

 

[chronicdissosiation]

the other day i took a 4 hour shower and for a majority of it i daydreamed about shooting myself. idk if it's a neurodivergent thing but i feel extremely safe and comfortable in the shower... so my ideal place is to do it there. i just kept thinking about how nice it would be to finally be fucking dead and people that don't think i'm serious would finally understand how serious i am.

other times i daydream about hanging. i romanticize it, but it's quite an ugly death in reality. yesterday night i realized i could try to od on oxycodone (found 2 full containers of it in my mothers bathroom). it's daily a this point tbh. i'm trying to hang in there until my moms pass, but it feels like that's so far off.

no i understand, sitting in the shower is so relaxing, its like my safe place

 

[Joker2003]

I think about finally being free.

No more thinking, no more stress, no more failure, no more depression, no more pain, no more disease, and no more regret over what my life could've been.

It will be an eternal rest where nothing can harm me anymore.

 

[Rev346]

When I fantasize about CTB, it's usually me stabbing my carotid artery and the blood just gushes out. Like kill Bill style gushing out. Nothing else though, no location, time, clothes, etc. All I see is the blade going in and blood erupting out. It's not a way I want to go though. Too messy and I don't want my family responsible for cleaning up all that blood.

 

[throneofdispair03]

just like you said, i envision a shot to the head, alone like ronnie.

 

[realname]

I watched a bunch of stuff on physician assisted dying so I fantasize that I'm approved & a physician is next to my bed..

they ask me if I know what happens when I press the button. I say yes, they ask if I'd still like to go through with it, I say yes & press the button and die, peacefully. I watch myself become unconscious and feel the stoppage of all my organs and insides.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I imagine how comforting it would feel for all of my anxious emotions and stress to simply cease. Sure sometimes I imagine survival instinct kicking in first but then when I go back to imagining how it must feel for that to stop too I go back to feeling relief.

I also imagine the aftermath where people are safe and free knowing I'm no longer existing to ruin their lives.

 

[livinginafog]

I have a persistent ctb ideation so i cant even look at a tree without thinking about a rope and have attempted 13x so far
Here are my top three though
1. Hanging
2. Jumping off a bridge in front of a train overpass with a rope around my neck
3. ODing on something

 

[Dliena]

Just to be free from this prison reality. Craving for the ultimate liberation.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think about the eternal peace of non existence that I'd get after death

 

[Doemu]

With this:

 

[FuneralCry]

My personal most ideal method would be Nembutal and I wish to fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is finally forgotten about, all that sounds ideal to me is the peace of death erasing everything.
The thought of this existence permanently disappearing into nothigness is all that comforts me, I only see non-existence as desirable and I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what. It's beyond cruel and unnacceptable how the option to die in such a peaceful way isn't there.

 

[fleshgarden]

sometimes it's difficult to grasp that I'll kill myself. but when I do, I imagine that when I die, I'll have no pain anymore, I'll die in all forgiveness as I imagine all others who die do. I imagine myself flying to a place of peace into the light, and then I'd cease to exist.. maybe there is no place when we die, that's okay, because when I'm dead, I'm dead.

 

[SoulofSteel]

I always think about renting an apartment for a few days, contacting someone I love for the last time ane poisoning myself in a dark room.

 

[kawaiiphantom]

With this:
View attachment 129093

For some reason this is oddly comforting

 

[vak]

Just gently falling asleep under the stars with no worries at last.

I will be very upset if it turns out to be cloudy, which is quite likely in April And whoever practices the rain dance that night will be forever cursed!!

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Just dreaming of quick painless death and eternal peace.

 

[Iwanttokillmyself]

I always think about hanging myself in a beautiful place in some forest far away where the sun is shining.
As if nature and I are one and I go where I came from, in peace.
A nice long trip to Japan, for example, and to do it in the Aokigahara forest.
I tell nobody about it, I just take money and go. After some days/months they will search my body but they will never find it. The forest is so big and there are books how to ctb and disappear lol

 

[cold_severance]

like other fantasies its mostly about how other people ruin it, its so annoying.

 

[WeirdGirlAnon]

I don't dream about the actual act so much as the aftermath. I know my family and people who care about me would be sad but I also think that it would open up so many new avenues and opportunities, especially for my mom. If the people I care about most didn't have to worry about me they could do so much more and they deserve that. Hopefully I'll work up the courage eventually lol.

 

[sserafim]

Finally having freedom from life, society, money, capitalism and my flesh prison/the chains of existence. Being liberated from the prison planet. Finally leaving the soul trap.

Never having to eventually work for a living just to survive. Never having to become a slave to capitalism and society for the rest of my life.

I dream about falling into an endless sleep, never to wake up again. It would be so nice to have eternal peace.