vak
In recovery 🤞
- Feb 13, 2024
- 238
My happiest moments were with Ginny, as pictured below. We ran around in a park, and I taught her hide and seek with toys, which quickly became her favorite game. She broke her leg when she was little and needed to be carried a lot. When I carried her up the stairs to our home in my arms and asked if she wanted to play, I could feel her heart start beating like crazy. I was afraid she'd get a heart attack from the excitement.
But she wasn't mine; she belonged to my flatmate, who, after several years, left to marry a guy she had just met. I was heartbroken for the dog, but I can't blame her owner for leaving. She had a difficult life, having been captured by terrorists. My country had to pay them a hefty ransom, and people were angry when they heard about it, as if money mattered that much. She was very kind; her job involved helping schizophrenic individuals find and maintain employment, trying to teach people that they are not to be feared.
She was the sort of person whom I, if I were not aromantic, imagine I would and should have fallen in love with. And I think it was even expected of me, so the three of us could live together. But the only thing I could feel was a firm, heart-shaped hole where others have hearts. The only way to be together would have been to lie to her and everyone around me that I loved her, which would have been the cruelest thing in the world. So, I live with people perpetually leaving me for something I cannot follow them into, being heartbroken without it being compensated by genuine love. Any fantasy that would be meaningful to live remains unattainable, only leaving me with the realization that I'm broken and something profound and precious was stolen from me.
Thank you for reading these ramblings. I had to write it down somewhere, and it made me feel a little better.
When were you truly happy? Is there something you feel that will remain out of reach for you?
But she wasn't mine; she belonged to my flatmate, who, after several years, left to marry a guy she had just met. I was heartbroken for the dog, but I can't blame her owner for leaving. She had a difficult life, having been captured by terrorists. My country had to pay them a hefty ransom, and people were angry when they heard about it, as if money mattered that much. She was very kind; her job involved helping schizophrenic individuals find and maintain employment, trying to teach people that they are not to be feared.
She was the sort of person whom I, if I were not aromantic, imagine I would and should have fallen in love with. And I think it was even expected of me, so the three of us could live together. But the only thing I could feel was a firm, heart-shaped hole where others have hearts. The only way to be together would have been to lie to her and everyone around me that I loved her, which would have been the cruelest thing in the world. So, I live with people perpetually leaving me for something I cannot follow them into, being heartbroken without it being compensated by genuine love. Any fantasy that would be meaningful to live remains unattainable, only leaving me with the realization that I'm broken and something profound and precious was stolen from me.
Thank you for reading these ramblings. I had to write it down somewhere, and it made me feel a little better.
When were you truly happy? Is there something you feel that will remain out of reach for you?
it was very bittersweet and also heartwarming. It's sad that your flatmate had to go through so much horrible hardship, and even though you couldn't fall in love with her I'm sure she was grateful to have such a kind and cool person like you around 
. I used to have a very special tri-colour border collie.
