My friend who I met on this forum successfully ctb'ed yesterday 4/6/2024 5-6pm

[Mi Mi]

She's a kind soul. Just had a really difficult life. She was extremely smart-she went to MIT and worked as a software engineer for one of the big tech firms. We've been talking for a year now. We encourage each other during difficult times. I can feel her pain and suffering and it pains me. She got N and she was on the phone with me during her last moments yesterday. She was a bit scared I can tell and I tried my best to calm her down. I can hear her when N went down her throat as she was drinking and talking to me. I asked her how she felt, she bursted into tears and said"finally relieved....I will for sure tell you......" she drank two bottles and a half, that's roughly 250lm which is alot and it sure kicked in fast. she started mumbling and I asked "tell me about what?" " Tell you about the other side" as she continued to cry. I said"ok, it's ok, you are ok now! everything is going to be ok now. Sorry life did this to you but you will be in a better place now....sending you love and lights" it was less than 5 minutes and she was out. I know she didnt suffer at all. As I repeat over and over "you are ok now, sending you love and lights, tell me how the other side went" and her side went silent.

I lit a candle for her, and sprinkled rose pedals for her later the night. My parents went to a buddhist temple and offered her a candle in my name, and prayed for her. Hope that she will never come back to this world again.

I will update her username later once I find out so mod can cross out her name.
update-mod if you are seeing this, her username is miserabletires9 and she's out.

I will miss her, and I know she's in a better place now.

I will keep that in mind
You remind me there are a few good people left in a world where you have absolutely nothing

 

[Iamtired]

How did she get N

 

[Dliena]

Very sorry for the loss of your dear friend OP she seemed way too sweet for this bitter Earth and I really do hope she can be in eternal bliss without anymore agony again I also hope that you can find your own peace/closure and be reunited together whenever your time comes

 

[LadyApple]

Nice sentiment and photos but I would remove the one of your view out the window.

Some people are ridiculously good at geological location games and could work out exactly where your room is.

oh that's a great advice thank you! good thing is this is only a rental and I'm checking out in two days. We were in two countries when she ctb'ed. I just thought that rooftop view was so beautiful. and thank you I will keep that in mind next time!

How did she get N

with the help of an user from here. She went to Mexico.

Very sorry for the loss of your dear friend OP she seemed way too sweet for this bitter Earth and I really do hope she can be in eternal bliss without anymore agony again I also hope that you can find your own peace/closure and be reunited together whenever your time comes

thank you for the sweet kind words.

 

[nivis...]

She's a kind soul. Just had a really difficult life. She was extremely smart-she went to MIT and worked as a software engineer for one of the big tech firms. We've been talking for a year now. We encourage each other during difficult times. I can feel her pain and suffering and it pains me. She got N and she was on the phone with me during her last moments yesterday. She was a bit scared I can tell and I tried my best to calm her down. I can hear her when N went down her throat as she was drinking and talking to me. I asked her how she felt, she bursted into tears and said"finally relieved....I will for sure tell you......" she drank two bottles and a half, that's roughly 250lm which is alot and it sure kicked in fast. she started mumbling and I asked "tell me about what?" " Tell you about the other side" as she continued to cry. I said"ok, it's ok, you are ok now! everything is going to be ok now. Sorry life did this to you but you will be in a better place now....sending you love and lights" it was less than 5 minutes and she was out. I know she didnt suffer at all. As I repeat over and over "you are ok now, sending you love and lights, tell me how the other side went" and her side went silent.

I lit a candle for her, and sprinkled rose pedals for her later the night. My parents went to a buddhist temple and offered her a candle in my name, and prayed for her. Hope that she will never come back to this world again.

I will update her username later once I find out so mod can cross out her name.
update-mod if you are seeing this, her username is miserabletires9 and she's out.

I will miss her, and I know she's in a better place now.

are you okay? must be hard for you.. I wish for you nice days

 

[Kit1]

LadyApple, I am so sorry that your friend has died - death might be the release that she wanted and it was kind of you to stay with her during her last few minutes of her life. How are you feeling? Howbare you coping?

 

[LunarLight]

Godspeed to her! May she rest in peace.

 

[Z-A]

Thanks for supporting your friend and comforting them in their last moments. I wish everyone could get that same chance.

 

[hopeless08]

She's a kind soul. Just had a really difficult life. She was extremely smart-she went to MIT and worked as a software engineer for one of the big tech firms. We've been talking for a year now. We encourage each other during difficult times. I can feel her pain and suffering and it pains me. She got N and she was on the phone with me during her last moments yesterday. She was a bit scared I can tell and I tried my best to calm her down. I can hear her when N went down her throat as she was drinking and talking to me. I asked her how she felt, she bursted into tears and said"finally relieved....I will for sure tell you......" she drank two bottles and a half, that's roughly 250lm which is alot and it sure kicked in fast. she started mumbling and I asked "tell me about what?" " Tell you about the other side" as she continued to cry. I said"ok, it's ok, you are ok now! everything is going to be ok now. Sorry life did this to you but you will be in a better place now....sending you love and lights" it was less than 5 minutes and she was out. I know she didnt suffer at all. As I repeat over and over "you are ok now, sending you love and lights, tell me how the other side went" and her side went silent.

I lit a candle for her, and sprinkled rose pedals for her later the night. My parents went to a buddhist temple and offered her a candle in my name, and prayed for her. Hope that she will never come back to this world again.

I will update her username later once I find out so mod can cross out her name.
update-mod if you are seeing this, her username is miserabletires9 and she's out.

I will miss her, and I know she's in a better place now.

Edit:

People have been asking me how the process of taking N went for my friend. Here's what happened:

She had fasted for 24 hours prior, then took meto. I heard the liquid going down her throat as we spoke on the phone, with no hesitation, just like chugging a bottle of water. My heart ached for her there. I knew she was out. I asked her what it tasted like. She said it was just bitter and she chewed a chocolate afterward, so nonchalantly, and made my heart ache more. Chocolate, the last sweet she had during her time here on earth. She jokingly said, "How come I don't feel anything? What if this is fake?" Then very quickly, she's out. No sign of physical suffering.

Kind people on here who cared also asked how I was doing, and here's how I felt:

When we were communicating back and forth while she was alive, when she needed advice for the plan, I felt indifferent and almost wanted this to be over with soon for her, and didn't think I'd be sad at all after she's gone, until she really was gone. It felt numb at first, you know, like when you first got into a car crash, you don't feel the pain just yet; and then, it hits like a tsunami. You start to bleed until you are hollow inside. This profound deepest sadness comes in waves—waves that swallow and suffocate you. The sorrow and pain I've never felt at this dimension—not when I lost my child, not when I lost my love. It felt like part of me was dead. No, not accurate, it felt as though I was dead. We connected, and I resonated with her so much as if we were all one, then if she's dead, I'm dead, right?

It's been 32 hours I couldn't sleep. I then went through her old messages on this forum; I was trying to hold on to the last piece of her. It just hit me that I didn't even know her last name, her birthday, or her favorite food.

I asked where she was now, and the cards were showing me she's with her dog (passed away a few years back), now marching to the light. I asked if she would like to be my spiritual guide from now until I cross; she showed me a dog card, that she will always be my best companion.

She always pined for a loving family of her own, but that never happened for her. I wanted the same thing but we were having the worst luck and encountered the darkest vampires and demons of this planet earth. That's why we resonated so much. She showed me that in my future, she sees these things happening for me and that she will guide me to get there. I guess I will have to stay and try a little longer now, not just for me, but for us.

I hope that one day if I do get to have a beautiful wedding of my own, she will be there too, to witness that I have achieved the dream for both of us.

I know wholeheartedly that no more sufferings for her and she's in a better place now.

Your heartfelt story is both beautiful and sad, sad that you lost such a special person with whom you shared such a beautiful bond but I'm glad that it comforts you to know that she is at peace and know that she will always be with you. May she rest in peace

 

[Circles]

May they finally have found the peace they couldn't find in life. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Euthanza]

Peace be upon her.

 

[LadyApple]

LadyApple, I am so sorry that your friend has died - death might be the release that she wanted and it was kind of you to stay with her during her last few minutes of her life. How are you feeling? Howbare you coping?

Thank you Kit1 I'm feeling a little better now after caught up on some sleep. I think the sadness and pain will come again I'll just have to deal with it.

I've been keeping to myself since joining here, not quite ready to post stuff, ask questions etc - been reading a lot and "liking" comments. But I came across yours this morning and it hit me pretty hard - in a good way - so I wanted to and respond...

No one should have to be alone in their final moments. You're a very kind, unselfish human being and such a good friend to have loved her enough to be there with her.

I want nothing more than to have my bff with me this fall when I ctb but I don't think I can ask that of her. It brings me to tears just thinking about it.

I have such little faith in humanity but knowing there's a proper decent person like you in the world... I wish I could form my thoughts better, but I guess I'll just say "thank you" for doing what you did.

Thank you for your kind words. Im here if you need someone to talk to

 

[DreamEnd]

Peace to you and her

 

[Final_Choice]

Wow, I relate a lot to what she's gone through. Reading all of that was really emotional. I'm glad that she's now at peace. Thank you for being such a kind friend to be there with her in the moment and also for being such a good friend to her in general even before she left.

 

[sukiduki]

you are a kind soul! the story was bittersweet, i'm happy your friend found her peace, but i feel for your pain as well. i hope you are also able to find your peace and i hope to have support like yours as well.

 

[hi1738]

you are an angel for being there for her

 

[LadyApple]

you are a kind soul! the story was bittersweet, i'm happy your friend found her peace, but i feel for your pain as well. i hope you are also able to find your peace and i hope to have support like yours as well.

You have my support. If you need someone to talk to I'm here

 

[Silent_cries]

Do you mind saying who it was in case I knew her? (I know alot of ppl in here.) You don't have to ofc. no pressure! I'm glad she got to rest, and I'm sorry you went through that. I envy her so, so much! I wish I had access to N or SN as ctb by od/poisoning would've been so much easier for me as it's easier to override SI when ingesting stuff. (it is for me atleast) Reading this gave me closure that I truly do want to ctb bc when I read this I felt every single emotion she went through as if I was the one who was finally ctb-ing and it felt amazing. I felt a sense of relief I've never felt before. It's the best thing I've felt in a while tbh. Sorry for your loss btw. Must she forever rest in peace <3

 

[Timothy7dff]

So nice of you to help her like that!

 

[Parnate]

She's a kind soul. Just had a really difficult life. She was extremely smart-she went to MIT and worked as a software engineer for one of the big tech firms. We've been talking for a year now. We encourage each other during difficult times. I can feel her pain and suffering and it pains me. She got N and she was on the phone with me during her last moments yesterday. She was a bit scared I can tell and I tried my best to calm her down. I can hear her when N went down her throat as she was drinking and talking to me. I asked her how she felt, she bursted into tears and said"finally relieved....I will for sure tell you......" she drank two bottles and a half, that's roughly 250lm which is alot and it sure kicked in fast. she started mumbling and I asked "tell me about what?" " Tell you about the other side" as she continued to cry. I said"ok, it's ok, you are ok now! everything is going to be ok now. Sorry life did this to you but you will be in a better place now....sending you love and lights" it was less than 5 minutes and she was out. I know she didnt suffer at all. As I repeat over and over "you are ok now, sending you love and lights, tell me how the other side went" and her side went silent.

I lit a candle for her, and sprinkled rose pedals for her later the night. My parents went to a buddhist temple and offered her a candle in my name, and prayed for her. Hope that she will never come back to this world again.



I will miss her, and I know she's in a better place now.

Edit:

People have been asking me how the process of taking N went for my friend. Here's what happened:

She had fasted for 24 hours prior, then took meto. I heard the liquid going down her throat as we spoke on the phone, with no hesitation, just like chugging a bottle of water. My heart ached for her there. I knew she was out. I asked her what it tasted like. She said it was just bitter and she chewed a chocolate afterward, so nonchalantly, and made my heart ache more. Chocolate, the last sweet she had during her time here on earth. She jokingly said, "How come I don't feel anything? What if this is fake?" Then very quickly, she's out. No sign of physical suffering.

Kind people on here who cared also asked how I was doing, and here's how I felt:

When we were communicating back and forth while she was alive, when she needed advice for the plan, I felt indifferent and almost wanted this to be over with soon for her, and didn't think I'd be sad at all after she's gone, until she really was gone. It felt numb at first, you know, like when you first got into a car crash, you don't feel the pain just yet; and then, it hits like a tsunami. You start to bleed until you are hollow inside. This profound deepest sadness comes in waves—waves that swallow and suffocate you. The sorrow and pain I've never felt at this dimension—not when I lost my child, not when I lost my love. It felt like part of me was dead. No, not accurate, it felt as though I was dead. We connected, and I resonated with her so much as if we were all one, then if she's dead, I'm dead, right?

It's been 32 hours I couldn't sleep. I then went through her old messages on this forum; I was trying to hold on to the last piece of her. It just hit me that I didn't even know her last name, her birthday, or her favorite food.

I asked where she was now, and the cards were showing me she's with her dog (passed away a few years back), now marching to the light. I asked if she would like to be my spiritual guide from now until I cross; she showed me a dog card, that she will always be my best companion.

She always pined for a loving family of her own, but that never happened for her. I wanted the same thing but we were having the worst luck and encountered the darkest vampires and demons of this planet earth. That's why we resonated so much. She showed me that in my future, she sees these things happening for me and that she will guide me to get there. I guess I will have to stay and try a little longer now, not just for me, but for us.

I hope that one day if I do get to have a beautiful wedding of my own, she will be there too, to witness that I have achieved the dream for both of us.

I know wholeheartedly that no more sufferings for her and she's in a better place now.

H

She's a kind soul. Just had a really difficult life. She was extremely smart-she went to MIT and worked as a software engineer for one of the big tech firms. We've been talking for a year now. We encourage each other during difficult times. I can feel her pain and suffering and it pains me. She got N and she was on the phone with me during her last moments yesterday. She was a bit scared I can tell and I tried my best to calm her down. I can hear her when N went down her throat as she was drinking and talking to me. I asked her how she felt, she bursted into tears and said"finally relieved....I will for sure tell you......" she drank two bottles and a half, that's roughly 250lm which is alot and it sure kicked in fast. she started mumbling and I asked "tell me about what?" " Tell you about the other side" as she continued to cry. I said"ok, it's ok, you are ok now! everything is going to be ok now. Sorry life did this to you but you will be in a better place now....sending you love and lights" it was less than 5 minutes and she was out. I know she didnt suffer at all. As I repeat over and over "you are ok now, sending you love and lights, tell me how the other side went" and her side went silent.

I lit a candle for her, and sprinkled rose pedals for her later the night. My parents went to a buddhist temple and offered her a candle in my name, and prayed for her. Hope that she will never come back to this world again.



I will miss her, and I know she's in a better place now.

Edit:

People have been asking me how the process of taking N went for my friend. Here's what happened:

She had fasted for 24 hours prior, then took meto. I heard the liquid going down her throat as we spoke on the phone, with no hesitation, just like chugging a bottle of water. My heart ached for her there. I knew she was out. I asked her what it tasted like. She said it was just bitter and she chewed a chocolate afterward, so nonchalantly, and made my heart ache more. Chocolate, the last sweet she had during her time here on earth. She jokingly said, "How come I don't feel anything? What if this is fake?" Then very quickly, she's out. No sign of physical suffering.

Kind people on here who cared also asked how I was doing, and here's how I felt:

When we were communicating back and forth while she was alive, when she needed advice for the plan, I felt indifferent and almost wanted this to be over with soon for her, and didn't think I'd be sad at all after she's gone, until she really was gone. It felt numb at first, you know, like when you first got into a car crash, you don't feel the pain just yet; and then, it hits like a tsunami. You start to bleed until you are hollow inside. This profound deepest sadness comes in waves—waves that swallow and suffocate you. The sorrow and pain I've never felt at this dimension—not when I lost my child, not when I lost my love. It felt like part of me was dead. No, not accurate, it felt as though I was dead. We connected, and I resonated with her so much as if we were all one, then if she's dead, I'm dead, right?

It's been 32 hours I couldn't sleep. I then went through her old messages on this forum; I was trying to hold on to the last piece of her. It just hit me that I didn't even know her last name, her birthday, or her favorite food.

I asked where she was now, and the cards were showing me she's with her dog (passed away a few years back), now marching to the light. I asked if she would like to be my spiritual guide from now until I cross; she showed me a dog card, that she will always be my best companion.

She always pined for a loving family of her own, but that never happened for her. I wanted the same thing but we were having the worst luck and encountered the darkest vampires and demons of this planet earth. That's why we resonated so much. She showed me that in my future, she sees these things happening for me and that she will guide me to get there. I guess I will have to stay and try a little longer now, not just for me, but for us.

I hope that one day if I do get to have a beautiful wedding of my own, she will be there too, to witness that I have achieved the dream for both of us.

I know wholeheartedly that no more sufferings for her and she's in a better place now.

Hope your friend is at peace now. Hope her suffering has been ended. Can you tell more about reading the cards. Can anyone do it ? I want to do it . Can you please guide me. Thanks.

 

[LadyApple]

Do you mind saying who it was in case I knew her? (I know alot of ppl in here.) You don't have to ofc. no pressure! I'm glad she got to rest, and I'm sorry you went through that. I envy her so, so much! I wish I had access to N or SN as ctb by od/poisoning would've been so much easier for me as it's easier to override SI when ingesting stuff. (it is for me atleast) Reading this gave me closure that I truly do want to ctb bc when I read this I felt every single emotion she went through as if I was the one who was finally ctb-ing and it felt amazing. I felt a sense of relief I've never felt before. It's the best thing I've felt in a while tbh. Sorry for your loss btw. Must she forever rest in peace <3

miserabletires9
do you know her?

 

[Silent_cries]

miserabletires9
do you know her?

I don't think so, no. But I feel like I might have seen her around. I'm glad she's at peace though. I hope you're ok. Take care <3

 

[billie]

I'm so sorry

 

[madasco]

Wow, what story! So nice of you to accompany her in her last moments. It's comforting to hear that she went fast, painless and with someone talking to her. May she rest in peace and you be at peace for your good deed.

 

[Umua]

Rip and sorry for your loss

 

[gorexzxz]

Rest In Peace to your friend. Great that you were apart of her life.

 

[Ernest1964]

Hello Lady Apple, Yes, it is me, Ernest1964. I am glad that your friend was able to find the peace that she sought. I helped her and I helped you as well last year. I'm sure that her having you there for her in those last moments was a great comfort to her. Though I no longer live in Mexico City, I remain willing to help others if need be. I truly believe that we as human beings should have the right to CTB when we choose and why we choose, that is no ones business but our own. Take a few deep breathes and relax the anxiety you are probably feeling and truly accept that what your friend did was the ultimate act of courage.

I had another thought and maybe no one else has considered this. The friend that Lady Apple wrote about flew from San Diego to Washington State with the two bottles of N in her checked suitcase. She then flew to CHINA with the bottles of N in her suitcase! She ended up CTBing in China. So what? What does this mean? Maybe flying with N in your checked luggage is not as difficult as some people on this site make it out to be. Paranoia is almost ubiquitous on this site. Give this a bit of thought.

 

[LadyApple]

I had another thought and maybe no one else has considered this. The friend that Lady Apple wrote about flew from San Diego to Washington State with the two bottles of N in her checked suitcase. She then flew to CHINA with the bottles of N in her suitcase! She ended up CTBing in China. So what? What does this mean? Maybe flying with N in your checked luggage is not as difficult as some people on this site make it out to be. Paranoia is almost ubiquitous on this site. Give this a bit of thought.

I can attest that this information is correct.

 

[Esokabat]

I can attest that this information is correct.

I am just wondering, did she remove the labels from the bottles?
I have travelled around globally, and when I would fly to the US from Europe, often there was a label on or inside my suitcase indicating that US customs opened and inspected the suitcase. I never had any similar label for any other country. Not sure if other countries customs don't routinely open bags, or they open it but don't put a label on it indicated it was inspected. As the inspection label only happened to me from Europe to US flights and I flew around internationally quite a bit

 

[Leiden]

You're friend got to go peacefully. She is one of the extremely lucky ones and let that bring you comfort. May she rest in beautiful peace. I'm sure it gave her great comfort knowing that she wasn't alone in her final moments. How lovely of you to honor her memory like you did.