Discussion What’s Your Top Reason For Being Suicidal?

[ijustwishtodie]

Life just simply isn't worth living for me. Life, even at its best for the average person, isn't good enough for me to want to choose it over death. Sometimes something's or someone's best simply isn't enough and, in this case, life's best simply isn't enough for me. I deserve more than this and that "more" can be found in permanent non existence for me

 

[feelinggloomy]

Depression and grief along with intense emotional pain, profound sense of failure, tremendous guilt and regret

 

[targz]

More generally, the belief that consciousness itself is a mistake, that nothing animate should ever exist where there is otherwise no suffering in the universe. Beliefs of nihilism, atheism, materialism, promortalism, etc.

Strong Anthropic Principle be damned.

 

[Lost Magic]

Mental illness, death of family members (support group) and society sucks. There are other reasons but the ones I listed are most pertinent.

 

[AdamOndiAhman]

im a wicked person

 

[sserafim]

Capitalism and society. Work is modern day slavery and I'll eventually have to become a slave to the system just to survive (if I don't rope). I want to commit suicide to prevent myself from having to submit to wageslavery. I don't want to participate in or contribute to society at all

 

[derpyderpins]

If I had to some it up: I'm tired.

Going deeper, I never ended up doing anything special or worthwhile, and I'm tired of living a normal, grindy life. I'm not cut out for the painful existence of wageslaving. It's not interesting enough. It's not worth it. I like a lot in life, and I try to be appreciative, but the equation doesn't add up. But there are always consequences if you try to take a break. I'm tired of the work. I'm tired of the fear. I'm tired of the emptiness. I'm tired of the routine. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in a different world than the people around me who function the in the normal grind. I'm tired of being unfulfilled and suppressing desires. I'm tired of feeling small and powerless. I'm tired of dissapointment. I'm just tired.

 

[Nlis2244]

I hate the world + loneliness

 

[sserafim]

If I had to some it up: I'm tired.

Going deeper, I never ended up doing anything special or worthwhile, and I'm tired of living a normal, grindy life. I'm not cut out for the painful existence of wageslaving. It's not interesting enough. It's not worth it. I like a lot in life, and I try to be appreciative, but the equation doesn't add up. But there are always consequences if you try to take a break. I'm tired of the work. I'm tired of the fear. I'm tired of the emptiness. I'm tired of the routine. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in a different world than the people around me who function the in the normal grind. I'm tired of being unfulfilled and suppressing desires. I'm tired of feeling small and powerless. I'm tired of dissapointment. I'm just tired.

Wageslavery is cucked. It's not even a life, just an existence

 

[derpyderpins]

Wageslavery is cucked. It's not even a life, just an existence

See, the thing is it's not that absolute. I do have a life. I have things I care about and like and am interested in and I don't want to lose through ctb. It's just the proportion v. my capacity for work. I know other people do it and still have energy and time after work. It's possible to be content in wageslavery without it being due to brainwashing. I'm just failing at it with how much of my life has to be work.

 

[Username1359751]

Mine was Anhedonia caused by psych meds, whilst not being able to enjoy anything for months I realized that life was pointless which is now probably the top reason but I include both because one caused the other.

Can you take a stimulant for "alertness" aka a dopamine antagonist? When I first started I convinced Provigil waa going to change my life, but I'm an exception.

 

[lostintheloop]

I'm my main reason. Huge waste of space, defective, just wasn't made for this world and is error that I'm here

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Lonely, chronically ill guy in constant pain who never experienced romance and never will.

I can cope and distract myself during nice weather, but I don't expect to make it through the winter.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

Nothing ever really feels right for me. I always feel uneasy or broken about everything.

But I've felt like this for a while now. For over 2 decades.

I've been dealing with depression since I was a kid since I was probably 7 or 8. I couldn't really describe it then what I was feeling at that age. Alone? Always alone. Never felt like the other kids. Spent my time wanting to be alone while I felt alone because people were too much this or that. Annoying. Youth was annoying. I hated it. I felt trapped by it growing up with a bipolar mother who tried to love me the best she could be it was never always love sometimes it was hate and anger and a lot of the time I was afraid of her and that made me afraid of people too.

As I got older my skin just got worse and worse. I get it from my father. His skin is terrible. HAHA. Makes me laugh. Bad skin from my father terrible cystic acne and bipolar disorder from my mother. I really won the genetic lottery this time around.

I'm just tired of never feeling like I ever could be who I felt I was. Always feeling so gross and misshapen like rotten fruit. I've spent thousands of dollars thousands upon thousands of dollars on my skin and my health and for my bipolar disorder. It makes my cry thinking about it. Always feeling so ugly and deformed. Hating myself every day for so long.

I tried to fix it I worked hard to try and fix it but I can't cure my bad genetics. I can't peel my skin off and throw it away. It follows me everywhere. It's inside me. Eating away at me. Now I have diabetes from having eating disorders for so much of my life never ever being able to be too skinny or this or that. Never the right weight.

It's hard for people to understand when I tell them I'm just tired and I am bored. Tired of feeling miserable and bored with this stupid absurd world. We all die. Nothing crazy about it. I'm just done pretending survival is the best I can do and that it's enough. I'd rather be dead. I've already been surviving these last few years letting time drag me forward. Step by step my body just feels heavier and heavier the older I get. I could probably live a while longer but why? For what reason? I'm sick of feeling like a monster. A freak. Some abomination. Always feeling uneasy and filthy.

My reason is I am tired and I am bored.

 

[slamjoetry]

Loneliness and financial problems/debt. Made much worse by severe bipolar disorder, making it difficult to keep friendships and jobs.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Autism and the commonly associated loneliness. I have "moderate support needs" but don't have access to that level of support. I built a career in social services, then lost it because I'm too fucking disabled to hold a full time job and function in the workplace. I would be homeless if my parents didn't let me live with them. I've stopped talking to everyone. I don't speak except at work (part time job at autism friendly workplace). I don't text anymore. I never see anyone outside of work because people only want to go to bars and concerts which I can't do because I'm a fucking retard. I'm perpetually single and have never been able to maintain a relationship lasting longer than a few months. I'm 32 and haven't dated since my 20s and at this point no guys will even go out with me unless they're super unstable and in the market for a counselor rather than a girlfriend. I'm so lonely I can't bear it. I just want to have sex with someone I love for once.

Also, newly diagnosed chronic pain. Yay.

I've reached a point where death is my choice even when things are going okay. I'm completely clear about it. I understand the consequences and that it's an extremely harmful decision. I feel bad, but I'm done. I can't take it anymore.

 

[Defenestration]

-my mental illness
- death of my boyfriend
-illness of my mother

 

[fleetingnight]

Always in pain, always tired, doomed to wageslavery, can't learn to act normal and earn acceptance among normal people, can't stay sober without having a panic attack, can't talk to people without having a panic attack, can't do fucking anything without having a panic attack lol. Also, bad self contorl

 

[kikewolf900]

I was not born the gender I wanted and I hate myself for it, I'm ugly as fuck, I don't do anything, I have a shitty personality, I don't have friends, and I dont have a life outside
my phone. I do not have a SINGLE experiencie in my life as I am an antisocial shut in and I will never succes in life. I just want to reincarnate as the person I always wanted to be...

 

[lifeneedssavepoints]

I lost my mum to cancer in my teens.

Lost the sport i loved in my 20's due to a back injury.

Lost the woman i loved to her best friend in my 30's.

Then before turning 40, i went to a dermatology clinic to get advice for something minor...really fkin minor (ingrowing hairs) and i got talked into laser hair removal..."totally safe"...
...which then resulted in my manhood being bbq'd, and left me in chronic pain and inflammation. Turned my skin to leather. Butchered me in the most intimate way possible.

That last one was the thing that pushed me over the edge...i managed to push through with the other losses, heartbreaks and setbacks..."that's life, pick yourself up and try again" etc... but now i'm finding things too hard...it's unlikely that i'll ever be able to enjoy life or find love ever again. Something in me just snapped. I'm not the same person that i was. I feel like i'm existing in a nightmare that i keep waking up to. Reality doesn't feel real anymore. It's like i'm a computer game character that had it's stats capped.

I just wanna reset the game now.

 

[combatcuteness]

good question

 

[Cinnamorolls]

Loneliness is the primary reason. I'm in the unique position of truly having no one, not even family. Going through life completely alone, without a single person to lean on in hard times is so much more painful than I can express.

 

[kyhoti]

My health problems are getting terminal, and I'm a shite human anyway. It's just a matter of time.

 

[avalonisburning]

I'm at the point where all I can feel is "Bleh. Who cares?" it's not even from depression anymore. Life seems fundamentally unappealing to me. On some level, I think it always has. I don't like what humanity did with their one shot on this planet. I don't care where all of this is going or how it ends. I'm tired of being treated like a little jerk-off who's twisting everyone's arm by even being here when I'm fast running out of reasons to live. I'm personally sick to death of the machinations of man and the hundreds of millions of years of evolutionary trauma that motivates it all.

I'm not buying rotten fruit and enjoying it like it was fresh just because it would mean a lot to the shopkeep if I did. I also understand that I'm in the minority, everyone else just likes rotten fruit, and neither of us are going to back down from our stance, so it seems like less of an assache to just remove myself and be done with it.

 

[MisterOGBongWater]

If you asked me 6 months ago. i probably wouldnt have a real answer for you compared to right now

ive wanted to kill myself for about 11 years now. and only up until the last 2 weeks have i truly understood how emotional and dumb i was being, because now a reason has truly presented itself. and its because i was going about myself in pity for years. the love of my life is gone, she will never return to me. i dont want to move on, i dont care to move on. fuck every single person that even suggests the idea, that was the love of my fucking life, not a one night stand. not a situationship. not a friend i kind of knew and then started dating. no. we fucking grew up together. we loved for 6 years and knew eachother for 10. and its all my fault. thats the worst part. shes gone and im alone and shes happy because im gone. i ruined 10 years of love. 10 yearrs of memories. 10 years of effort and moments that felt like a fucking movie god. my love for you was so strong alyssa. i will love you until i die. im so sorry

 

[bFre3]

I feel like a puppet. To my parents, to society, to everything in general.

Imagine you get a puppet made for doing a silly little dance. Then you try and force it to climb a tall mountain. It'll go somewhere, but sooner or later, it'll fall down. That's me. I'm short, ugly, skinny, not even kind at heart. I'm so lazy that I don't even try to try.

I'm a fraud. Sometimes I try to live up to expectations but I know I'll just fail in the end. Heck, sometimes I wont, except the bar for the expectation just keeps rising before I ever get to reach it. Eventually, I just kind of gave up.

 

[untothedepths]

Live my life in my battered brains and find out.

 

[permanently tired]

Bpd. I run through ppl after they inevitably fall short of the idealized person I wanted them to be. I can begin relationships often, but I can never form a healthy attachment. It's always quick, shallow even if the person does cares abt me. It feels like a deep love, but after lying to myself all this time I know it's really just temporary obsession bc relationships don't crumble on a whim. Once the idealizing and devaluing cycle of the person ends, I'm emotionally detached from them. It happens so quickly that person may not know I no longer care. Any friendships I maintain is for formalities, I know they haven't done me wrong so I don't end things, but emotionally I don't feel anything for them. I'm alone. I can never have a healthy relationship however much I want to. It's just smth wrong with me, and it does hurt to know there is nothing I can do about it.

 

[ecliptic]

Incurable disease

 

[ADBoy777]

I find life meaningless can't really get a satisfying answer for why to exist