fleurdelune
New Member
- Jan 14, 2025
- 2
title... there are plenty of other things that contribute to my feeling like an alien on the wrong planet, but not experiencing what seems like such a fundamental aspect of being a human (i.e., any interest whatsoever in sex and romance) is really lonely at times (all the time, actually). i just saw someone liken the asexual/aromantic experience to being the only person who isn't in on a species-wide inside joke, which is a darn good analogy, imho. and now i'm sad again.
it feels like i lack the one passionate human thing that some other depressed people seem to retain despite the anhedonia. i know depression often comes with a reduced libido, but even a tiny bit of sexual or romantic desire is still *something* that might keep someone going... and i have absolutely none of any of that and i don't think i ever really have, even now that i'm at the normally horny (?) age of 21. i just fucking hate it sometimes. it's just one more part of me that is defective.
it's also weird because i think i do desire some kind of deep human connection, but it's not what everybody else seems to experience. since i was in middle school, i've had these really, really intense fixations on women and men (always authority figures -- when i was younger it was teachers and therapists; now it's professors, superiors at work, etc.) that just about take over my life all while not being sexual or even romantic in nature. it's more like i just want to be their friend really bad... or maybe their child, to be honest. i think i have mommy and daddy issues. i want to be comforted and heard by people who i perceive as kind and caring and safe, as pathetic as it is for me to type out :**) and it's kind of silly because deep down i don't believe having people like that around will fix me. fuck!!
anyways, the point of this incoherent rant is for me to maybe commiserate with other aces on here (if you're out there). please do let me know if you, too, feel developmentally stunted due to your lack of sexual or romantic desire... although i'd also like to hear from people who've come to peace with being aro and/or ace because i'm curious as to how you got to that point. i don't knowwww. my fuckass sexual orientation (or lack thereof) has just been bothering me a lot lately. it's so isolating
thank you for taking time out of your day to read my word vomit :)
it feels like i lack the one passionate human thing that some other depressed people seem to retain despite the anhedonia. i know depression often comes with a reduced libido, but even a tiny bit of sexual or romantic desire is still *something* that might keep someone going... and i have absolutely none of any of that and i don't think i ever really have, even now that i'm at the normally horny (?) age of 21. i just fucking hate it sometimes. it's just one more part of me that is defective.
it's also weird because i think i do desire some kind of deep human connection, but it's not what everybody else seems to experience. since i was in middle school, i've had these really, really intense fixations on women and men (always authority figures -- when i was younger it was teachers and therapists; now it's professors, superiors at work, etc.) that just about take over my life all while not being sexual or even romantic in nature. it's more like i just want to be their friend really bad... or maybe their child, to be honest. i think i have mommy and daddy issues. i want to be comforted and heard by people who i perceive as kind and caring and safe, as pathetic as it is for me to type out :**) and it's kind of silly because deep down i don't believe having people like that around will fix me. fuck!!
anyways, the point of this incoherent rant is for me to maybe commiserate with other aces on here (if you're out there). please do let me know if you, too, feel developmentally stunted due to your lack of sexual or romantic desire... although i'd also like to hear from people who've come to peace with being aro and/or ace because i'm curious as to how you got to that point. i don't knowwww. my fuckass sexual orientation (or lack thereof) has just been bothering me a lot lately. it's so isolating
thank you for taking time out of your day to read my word vomit :)
