Discussion What’s Your Top Reason For Being Suicidal?

[DeIetedUser4739]

Mine was Anhedonia caused by psych meds, whilst not being able to enjoy anything for months I realized that life was pointless which is now probably the top reason but I include both because one caused the other.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Mine is that I'll never be able to get a romantic relationship and even if I did have one, I'd probably lose it quickly due to my complete lack of experience at 30 years old.

 

[SuicidalTiger]

• I am autistic, and have incorrectly wired neural circuitry such that I can't socialise without some form of agony.
• I was abused as a child, my brother beat me as a child physically, and my mother neglected me, I still rely on them for housing
• I am mixed-race and hate myself for it, I am hideous, but people try and hugbox me and say I am not.
• I am unable to keep a job, I am a Ph.D. in computer science, yet still spent large amounts of time unemployed due to the aforementioned autism. If I can't keep a job, one day I will end up homeless.
• I was cut from bad cloth, my father attempted to murder his sister, and I truly believed forced my mother into having me (she had two miscarriages before me, why fucking try again?)
• I was bullied, I was badly bullied as a child for weight, poverty and racial heritage, and this bullying has not been punished. They got away with it, people hurt me and keep getting away with it, even on places that I think are safe.

People here will dislike me if they got to know me, but I guarantee I hate myself, more then you could ever hate me. I hate myself more then any single person could ever dream of hating me, and that is why I am taking steps to CTB on my own time, alone.

 

[UKscotty]

Treatment resistant depression.

 

[iloverachel]

Its a pick between severe loneliness, crippling anxiety and depression.

Loneliness - having nobody and nothing to do makes life painfully boring and miserable. Been an outcast for my entire life, still not used to the isolation
Crippling anxiety - I get severe panic attack around crowds and people, this makes it even harder for me to connect with others and make friends or meet people. Can't function around places with people, which is pretty much everywhere so no choice but to rot at home
Depression - battled depression for 8 years. Depressive episodes are so intense and the sadness and despair and low moods becomes unbearable at times. Depression also drained me of any joy and pleasures in life, and i have anhedonia as a result.

I don't know which one of the three is the top reason, they are all equally bad

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

knowing that it'll never get better

 

[foreverfalling]

Loneliness and the fear and anxiety it causes. If I break my leg what will I do, will someone help me recover? If I'm in pain will someone put me out of my misery? Will someone be on my side when push comes to shove? Basically knowing there's no one covering my back, there's no help at all. Just a system that abuses me.

 

[Raven_Nevermore]

I HATE MYSELF !! SHAME AND GUILT FOR WHICH THERE IS NO CHANCE OF ANY KIND OF REDEMPTION AND ABSOLUTION FOR!!!! Although'they' don't see and don't want to admit to themselves, they're (going to be) so much better when I'm permanently eliminated from their lives.

 

[Kish]

I'm ugly
I'm useless
I'm failed 10th grade in 2020 after that i left school now I don't know what to do
I have stuttering problem
I don't have courage
I'm addicted to p*rn
I have social anxiety
I fear to talk
I don't have any talents
I'm a bad son
I run away from my responsibilities
I don't have any friends
I hate myself
I don't know what to do I'm confused

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I am a misfit and a failure. Either due to autism, cptsd, bdp or all of them.
I can't function at workplaces long term, which creates a myriad of problems for me.
Also my physical health has been declining.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case wanting suicide is certainly all that makes sense. I'll always see non-existence as preferable to suffering in this cruel, meaningless and dreadful existence, in general I just see existing as something completely undesirable, I'm tired of being burdened with this existence. I never would have chose to exist in the first place, for me suicide is all that feels rational as it's the one escape from the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human.

I see no benefit in having the ability to suffer just to inevitably be tormented by old age and die anyway, I don't want to suffer in any way and in existence there is endless potential to suffer, I just wish to permanently not exist instead, I wish I never existed and instead stayed eternally unaware of the abomination that is existence.

 

[Boller Bryant]

Honestly...
In simple words...

I'm not what I supposed to be, What I'm supposed to be isn't what I am and I have a mental illness that caused me to unable to be what I supposed to be.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In more complex way

When I was young, my family always pressured me to perform absurdly high in math even though I'm bad at math, it got so bad up to a point where they became manipulative to me. They tried and still try to gaslight, guilt trip and even threatening to abandon me just because of my math score. I'm also a weirdo in my childhood and even till this day, I always drawing stuffs and skipped class to read book and even once got stucked on my elementary school's library because it got locked while I'm still inside reading a book. But even with all of that, my parents still pressing me to perform excellent in math. I'm not a dumb individual, I can think, I have my own passions and hobbies and yet my parents kept pressuring me, citing that every job imaginable needs an advance mathematic skill and they also never acknowledge or begrudgingly acknowledge my passions or hobbies. And for someone who think why I value my parents so much? It's because I was young impressionable young kid back then, my only world was my parents only. Now, I'm old but that incident left a scar on me with how I view myself and the world. My parents also extremely hostile when they found out about my self harm scars, they threatened to evict me out, even though I was 15 years old back then. And I also have nobody to talk about, my passions and hobbies are more than complex for the average Joe in my area. Honestly, I don't know much since I had been on under impression of I'm who's wrong here and also because I never speak up or express myself out of shame. I hope I can at least explain my problems, even though it has running for years and deep. My parents are usually aren't that shit but when they do, I hope they die sometime, always acting like they're never wrong and manipulate me into believing I'm wrong, even though they kinda aware of my mental situation. They never embraced me as who I am, and keep on pressuring me to be what they want even though I can't, because I have ADHD. Today, I'm living with the aftermath, broken confident and nonexistent self esteem.

 

[Forveleth]

Spent my 40 years doing whatever would make everyone else happy due to pressure and manipulation. I could get a divorce, change careers, and cut my family out of my life, and I would be happy. However, I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted and ctb is the only thing I have any strength left to do.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

A big failure in life followed by financial problems.

 

[bwerner]

Debt

 

[ColorlessTrees]

A nasty combination of having my future stolen from me as a child, rather being set up for failure by authority figures, a dysfunctional family, & disabling health condition(s) that keep me from climbing out of it time and again.

 

[CPT_Snake]

* Autism

* Low intelligence

* Being useless outside internet

* Dysthymia

* No positive future

 

[statbasedthinking]

Health problems.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't want to live a long life. That's kind of it. Bye bye!

 

[Mebius]

20 and I've already seen enough lol

 

[DeadManLiving]

20 and I've already seen enough lol

Twenty is Plenty

 

[Shimidori]

Autism and gender dysphoria mixed with body dysmorphia. Even my own reflection only serves to heighten my desire to CTB at this point.

And even if I could help the latter in this life, we still live in a world where transgender people are seen with skepticism at best by a lot of cisgender people, and I would not be able to live knowing that I am seen as nothing but a "faker". Even with autism has been rough enough already, because people see me as something I'm not.

 

[Heartaches]

Having no faith in my future, the future of the world or life in general. I have little sense of worth and I consider myself weak. I have no purpose in life and I don't understand how life works in general. I've tried a lot of things to get better, but underneath everything, these feelings never go away.​

 

[Maggiemags]

Probably the fact im not me. MtF Im just broken biologically I cant know if everything in my head would actually make life right but I want a child. I want to be a mother. Im broken in the fact im a type 1 diabetic so this body doesn't even perform basic functions to sustain itself. Ulcerative colitis makes this body also tear itself apart. My mother had miscarried 9 children before me, had to have her uterus medically stitched shut to carry me, needed some heavy drugs because the rh factors of our blood were different and her immune system tried to kill me. When I was born I needed to be intubated and the hospital used the wrong size tube and broke cartilage in my throat permanently causing deformation. Being trans and not having my voice from testosterone sucks but knowing my throat was broken too just adds to that. So yeah a lot of biological shit is one of my major issues. Im allergic to a lot of things too which leaves me feeling perpetually sick.

 

[LostinTime24]

For me had a really troubled middle - high school years thought I escaped a depressing life in early adulthood. Lost everything this last year and half because of mental illness and have no chance to recover what I've lost. I also find myself in declining physical health now.

 

[pocket7]

Life ruined by antipsychotics.

 

[CTB Fella]

In my case wanting suicide is certainly all that makes sense. I'll always see non-existence as preferable to suffering in this cruel, meaningless and dreadful existence, in general I just see existing as something completely undesirable, I'm tired of being burdened with this existence. I never would have chose to exist in the first place, for me suicide is all that feels rational as it's the one escape from the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human.

I see no benefit in having the ability to suffer just to inevitably be tormented by old age and die anyway, I don't want to suffer in any way and in existence there is endless potential to suffer, I just wish to permanently not exist instead, I wish I never existed and instead stayed eternally unaware of the abomination that is existence.

Your pain resonates.

I'm a suicidal motherfucker, who tries my hardest to exit this place.

But they just won't let me go.

Life support, SO MANY TIMES, yet when I reach out for help, they claim I have "capacity" and just fuck me off.

Make your mind up up, you "professional" cunts! Either let me pass peacefully, or fucking help me!

I fucking hate ALL OF THEM!.

 

[Hotsackage]

No brain, and no look after meself

 

[jarik]

because I'm not mentally well and I have problems with lots of people, family, and also I have no friends and I'm tired of living the same life

 

[burntboy]

living is a burden and life is a prison.