B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
276
I spend so much of my time here and I really feel safe talking to everyone here about the very difficult things that I am experiencing. However, it bothers me that the people in my life whom I am closest to will never know. I love them, but I am also afraid of them. I live alone so it's not that hard to hide it from everyone, but I wish I could share some of the incredible things that I have learned here. So many of you have shared such thought provoking insights into humanity and life that I would love to discuss with the people in my life, but I know they would be so worried and possibly angry if they knew I was here at all.

Does anyone else feel this massive disconnect between life on SaSu and irl?

Also, feel free to move this to Offtopic if it doesn't belong here, mods.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: LostLily, TheHolySword, etherealspring and 19 others
Helween

Helween

This is this and that is that.
Apr 13, 2024
106
they would say that's stupid, life isn't that bad, it's gonna be okay.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Yay!
Reactions: Epilogue, Mayfly, etherealspring and 16 others
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Illuminated
Jan 1, 2024
3,268
They would tell me to get a hobby 😆
 
  • Like
  • Yay!
Reactions: myusername890, etherealspring, Ignorant7879 and 12 others
sserafim

sserafim

brighter than the sun, that’s just me
Sep 13, 2023
9,013
I think they would be surprised that I'm "famous" lol. They also wouldn't like me wasting my time on this forum and would instead tell me to be "productive"
 
  • Like
  • Yay!
Reactions: etherealspring, Crash_Bash_Dash, Little_Suzy and 15 others
B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
276
  • Like
  • Yay!
Reactions: etherealspring, TaffyFlounder, Alexei_Kirillov and 7 others
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Illuminated
Jan 1, 2024
3,268
"tHiNgS wIlL gEt BeTtEr" God I hate that quote so much. I just wanna tell people to shut up when they say that to me.

SaSu is my hobby :ahhha:
Researching death is a hobby
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Yay!
Reactions: PlannedforPeru, LostLily, turnaround and 12 others
INTJme

INTJme

Epeolatrist
Mar 22, 2024
336
Does anyone else feel this massive disconnect between life on SaSu and irl?
Absolutely! It's like I'm living two different lives but neither of them with full integrity or self-expression and that sucks.

They would tell me to get a hobby 😆
Hobbies are just distractions. They don't help with recovery, only suppressing. I have/had many hobbies and I'm still here ready to ctb.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: LostLily, etherealspring, DyingToDie123 and 7 others
P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,503
Idk what they would tell me. Maybe the same things. *LOL*
 
  • Like
Reactions: etherealspring, bugs_for_brains, marchshift and 1 other person
B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
276
Absolutely! It's like I'm living two different lives but neither of them with full integrity or self-expression and that sucks.


Hobbies are just distractions. They don't help with recovery, only suppressing. I have/had many hobbies and I'm still here ready to ctb.
Yes, some of the people I know who suffer the most are the ones who have the most hobbies.

I feel like I started this thread after reading your thread earlier so I'm glad to see some of your insight here! You got me thinking :)

To add on about two different lives and neither of them being able to be full, I agree. I love that I can share my darkest thoughts and feelings here, but I also can't share my personal information. I'm a full person split in two. It's almost like this forum is a place for my disembodied suicidal thoughts to live, while the shell of my body exists in reality.
Idk what they would tell me. Maybe the same things. *LOL*
What do you mean by the same things? Like the same as other members here or same as in "things will get better"?
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: LostLily, etherealspring, Alexei_Kirillov and 2 others
maidens

maidens

" more dead than alive, I endure it "
Aug 27, 2023
143
several of my online friends know and they don't care. a few of my friends are on here too actually. if any of my family found out though it would be game over
 
  • Like
Reactions: etherealspring and bipbapbop
D

Deleted member 65988

Guest
That im just a part of a community of sad people who've got nothing better to do with their time except discussing ctb methods thinking they'll work while the world moves on and the fact that I'm here means that I've gone off the edge and need serious help, oh and that things get better and that I need to get out more.

Wouldn't change a thing about it though.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: etherealspring, Little_Suzy, Sageiois and 3 others
sickgirlzis

sickgirlzis

the most optimistic pessimist
Apr 17, 2024
51
probably try to force me to go to church and shame me or something like that
 
  • Aww..
  • Wow
Reactions: bipbapbop and divinemistress36
Blue Elephant

Blue Elephant

Mage
Sep 22, 2023
519
several of my online friends know and they don't care. a few of my friends are on here too actually. if any of my family found out though it would be game over
What do you mean "game over"? Would they kill you?
 
  • Wow
Reactions: bipbapbop
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Illuminated
Jan 1, 2024
3,268
They would tell me to get a job
Tell them you are a "Social Media Influencer"
Absolutely! It's like I'm living two different lives but neither of them with full integrity or self-expression and that sucks.


Hobbies are just distractions. They don't help with recovery, only suppressing. I have/had many hobbies and I'm still here ready to ctb.
I admire your bravery and determination a lot
 
  • Yay!
  • Like
Reactions: ijustwishtodie, INTJme, bipbapbop and 3 others
B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
276
several of my online friends know and they don't care. a few of my friends are on here too actually. if any of my family found out though it would be game over
That must feel so great to be able to talk to friends about it! I'm so jealous. Unfortunately, I'm a terribly private person even irl so I have never been able to make online friends.

Game over? Like they would section you or cut off access to SaSu?
 
  • Like
Reactions: ijustwishtodie
Blue Elephant

Blue Elephant

Mage
Sep 22, 2023
519
I love that I can share my darkest thoughts and feelings here, but I also can't share my personal information.
Your personal information is not that important. That is just a front, here we look beyond that to the real person. Do you guys realise how honest we are with each-other? At this point if I met with any of you in real life I would still be just as honest as I am here. Not so much with my family though, they wouldn't understand.
 
  • Like
Reactions: etherealspring, Crash_Bash_Dash, ijustwishtodie and 1 other person
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,154
I don't think any of my friends or family would have anything to say about it besides "Uh how about maybe don't???" when it comes to this site. They wouldn't be surprised by my high post count though since I'm known to be very wordy sometimes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: bugs_for_brains and ijustwishtodie
B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
276
Your personal information is not that important. That is just a front, here we look beyond that to the real person. Do you guys realise how honest we are with each-other? At this point if I met with any of you in real life I would still be just as honest as I am here. Not so much with my family though, they wouldn't understand.
Yeah, I think I'm just a very private person. I don't feel like I'm in danger if I share, but I do live with huge amounts of shame that I hide. Because of that, I won't share the circumstances that got me here even though I know no one would judge me or be able to identify me. That's what I mean by personal information.

I appreciate the honestly here. It's something so rare in the outside world.
I don't think any of my friends or family would have anything to say about it besides "Uh how about maybe don't???" when it comes to this site. They wouldn't be surprised by my high post count though since I'm known to be very wordy sometimes.
I, too, am a fellow yapper irl. That's why it's even crazier to me that no one has noticed that I've stopped communicating and withdrawn from everything. Oh well, they'll figure it out soon enough.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dr Iron Arc and divinemistress36
goodoldnoname923

goodoldnoname923

Wanting to find peace
Mar 28, 2024
834
"their doing it for attention" nough said
 
  • Like
  • Aww..
Reactions: etherealspring, bugs_for_brains, thenamingofcats and 2 others
Blue Elephant

Blue Elephant

Mage
Sep 22, 2023
519
Yeah, I think I'm just a very private person. I don't feel like I'm in danger if I share, but I do live with huge amounts of shame that I hide. Because of that, I won't share the circumstances that got me here even though I know no one would judge me or be able to identify me. That's what I mean by personal information.

I appreciate the honestly here. It's something so rare in the outside world.
I'm not saying you should and I respect your wish for privacy.

You say that you live with shame, maybe you did something? maybe something was done to you? I don't think anyone would judge you harshly for it. If it's the former and you're sorry about it then people would be supportive, if it's the latter people would be supportive. I mean, I would. Regardless, maybe you shouldn't live with it, as in maybe you should let it go.
 
  • Love
Reactions: bipbapbop
B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
276
"their doing it for attention" nough said
I hate that so much. This is why people don't open up and this is why people CTB. Sorry you have to deal with that kind of mentality around you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: etherealspring, divinemistress36 and goodoldnoname923
goodoldnoname923

goodoldnoname923

Wanting to find peace
Mar 28, 2024
834
I hate that so much. This is why people don't open up and this is why people CTB. Sorry you have to deal with that kind of mentality around you.
In all fairness i've sorta done it to myself i've talked about wanting to CTB alot over the years and only a decent portion of the time is there an genuine consideration or attempt or sorts so again I can't fully blame people nowadays though yea as i have hit a breaking point
 
  • Like
  • Aww..
Reactions: etherealspring, bugs_for_brains, bipbapbop and 1 other person
WoNkEy_DoNkEy

WoNkEy_DoNkEy

As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot 🫖
Apr 6, 2024
187
Probably secretly call the nearest psych ward to come and assess me 🙄
 
  • Like
  • Aww..
Reactions: etherealspring, bugs_for_brains, Sageiois and 3 others
Raven2

Raven2

Specialist
Dec 1, 2022
359
Some of my family know I'm on here, I got asked if I needed to go to see a doctor and how long I felt suicidal for, when I said a few years they said 'oh you havent attempted' so seemed to soothe them at least. I declined the doctors.
 
  • Like
  • Aww..
Reactions: etherealspring, bipbapbop and divinemistress36
Linda

Linda

Member
Jul 30, 2020
1,685
My husband knows. So long as I don't ctb while he is alive - and I won't - he has no problem with it. A few other people know too, and they don't care either.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: LostLily, Alexei_Kirillov, bipbapbop and 1 other person
turbomightbegone

turbomightbegone

🎣
Nov 13, 2023
183
I feel like my mother would just slap my fresh s/h wounds again if she found out I was on here instead of making another artwork that she can show off to her friends.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: bipbapbop, Linda and divinemistress36
B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
276
I'm not saying you should and I respect your wish for privacy.

You say that you live with shame, maybe you did something? maybe something was done to you? I don't think anyone would judge you harshly for it. If it's the former and you're sorry about it then people would be supportive, if it's the latter people would be supportive. I mean, I would. Regardless, maybe you shouldn't live with it, as in maybe you should let it go.
I was watching Hannah Gadsby's Nanette last night and there was a quote that I think embodies my life very well.

"When you soak a child in shame they cannot develop the neurological pathways that carry thoughts, you know, thoughts of self worth."

When I had the energy to keep going, I was really optimistic that I could learn to live without shame some day, but now I am just tired.

I really appreciate your kindness. This is what I love about this place. :heart:
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: LostLily, Nobodi, Blue Elephant and 2 others
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Illuminated
Jan 1, 2024
3,268
In all fairness i've sorta done it to myself i've talked about wanting to CTB alot over the years and only a decent portion of the time is there an genuine consideration or attempt or sorts so again I can't fully blame people nowadays though yea as i have hit a breaking point
Same
 
  • Like
Reactions: goodoldnoname923

Similar threads

M
Replies
3
Views
156
Offtopic
Myforevercharlie
Myforevercharlie
evilnkaa
Discussion Hey sasu!<3
Replies
1
Views
205
Offtopic
LostLily
LostLily
TheHolySword
Replies
7
Views
316
Suicide Discussion
been__ready
B