How do you guys deal with things like going to work/school, dieting, brushing your teeth, etc

[KatalinaKrimson]

It's a weird situation because there are certain activities that I would have no reason to do, like going to work, if I knew that I was going to be successful in my suicide attempt within, I don't know, a week or so.

BUT, these same activities are also things that would make my life significantly worse if I went without doing them for like a week or two before eventually failing in my suicide attempt.

And thus, I continue to do a bunch of "maintenance" type habits and activities while I'm planning to kill myself. Can anybody else relate to this?

 

[countingclocks]

I don't always consciously think about this, but yeah, it always feels a little absurd to keep up with regular routine things. I think personally I'm primarily motivated by immediate feelings of fear. The idea of dealing with certain consequences can be enough to get me to do things, I hardly ever do anything out of desire unless I'm intoxicated lol. Maintaining communications, brushing my teeth, and eating are the most difficult recurring tasks for me.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I just push myself I'm not depressed to be fair but deeply frustrated and extremely dreadful about my horrible vile life. I just push myself to my limit and get exhausted, cry, zone out and visualise beautiful suicide.

 

[FF777]

you really don't ever 100% know for certain how long you are going to end up living.. last month i had planned to CTB (H2S method) and then i got super scared and realized i'm too scared to CTB even though it is a very easy method i was going to use.. so i'm not sure what to do now..

but you definitely need to keep brushing your teeth like twice a day (when you wake up and before you go to bed).. tooth pain from cavities is one of the worst pains in my opinion.. and dentists are scary..

 

[hevnsfall]

I go to work everyday because it brings money on the table. I try to keep my clothes clean. I try to brush my teeth once a day otherwise i feel very nasty. I barely eat.. always keep a protein bar in my purse so i won't collapse during the day. My main issues are washing my hair, shaving, and keeping the house clean.. especially with 2 cats.

 

[NickyKymJelly]

Yeah, it's hard. I mostly do it to fit in with others. I'm afraid of others knowing about my severe depression and SI. When I first attempted I remember not doing any of those basic things a few days before my attempt.

 

[itsgone2]

I'm overwhelmed. Car needs maintenance. Grass rarely gets cut. I barely eat. Hate showering. Washing clothes. Anything really.

I used to be the opposite. Crushed this stuff every day. All gone.

What's the point?

 

[ardea]

a big part of my depression is due to me failing at college, and having to keep up with classes makes me miserable. however, I can't just stop because I'd rather die. studying is depressing and not studying is depressing, so I just have to keep trying and failing.

this is a bit off topic but nice username!! I love katalina krimson wants to try human flesh :D

 

[Preh1storic_Rib]

If I am to be miserable either way, I would rather have this routine version than the unpredictability of what happens when I let myself fall.
Also, sometimes a spiteful part of me wants there to be no clear 'reason' for when I cbt. It feels rude being reduced like that.

 

[think.like]

I honestly don't care anymore. I don't shower, brush my teeth or eat healthy anymore. I don't leave my house, I don't take care of my health and I eat junk food all day. I don't have energy to care anymore because no matter what I do I always end up in the same shitty place anyway. Maybe it's my depression, maybe i just accepted that i will die soon so why should I care about anything or maybe I'm just a lazy bitch

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

As a 57f, who has suffered severe bouts of depression all my adult life, I can totally relate. I am officially labeled "disabled" now as menopause basically destroyed my brain even further, and I collect SSDI. At least its my own money I put into the system so I don't feel like such a loser. I got approved on the first try, so that tells you how bad I am. My psychiatric chart is like an a couple inches thick with all the treatments and hospitizaions I have had. When I did work and things were really bad, I just wore my hair in a ponytail or bun. I used dry shampoo and barely washed or brushed it.
I no longer cared about my appearance and it became too difficult to put an outfit together. I tended to wear the same clothes over and over, with like 3 outfits I would just rotate. I don't think anyone really noticed.
Even though I never thought I would make it to this age, unfortunately I have because I am a coward, even though I really want to cbt. So my advice is, #1 brush your teeth once a day and floss. Because dental work costs a fortune and dental infections can wreak havoc on your body if bacteria gets into the blood stream. Don't worry about showering so much, if you can't do it. Just wipe your self down in pits and privates. If you can do any type of exercise even better. Although, I never found it helpful for my depression and was often bedridden and could not move for very long periods of time except to use the bathroom. When my depression is at its worst I have zero appetite and I don't cook. I force feed myself simple things like fruit, yogurt, oatmeal, soup, toast, nuts, meal replacement shakes, protein bars and will pick off a rotisserie chicken for days. That way at least if you do get better it is not like you have been eating total junk to survive making you physically unhealthy too. I hope this is of some help and even moreso I hope you do recover from your depression and don't end up like me. It is very difficult to cbt, survival instinct is hard wired in our brains and hard to overcome.

I'm overwhelmed. Car needs maintenance. Grass rarely gets cut. I barely eat. Hate showering. Washing clothes. Anything really.

I used to be the opposite. Crushed this stuff every day. All gone.

What's the point?

Exactly how I feel..I see no point in any of this.

 

[crashinout]

i think i stopped maintaining most things.... its fucked up. i am still "living" for now. i have to get my phone plan. i am destroying everything while im alive. im destroying my credit for 0 reason. im always on drugs, i dont brush or comb my hair. my appearance just got super disheveled. idgaf about my life and im destryoing my teeth too.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

If I am to be miserable either way, I would rather have this routine version than the unpredictability of what happens when I let myself fall.
Also, sometimes a spiteful part of me wants there to be no clear 'reason' for when I cbt. It feels rude being reduced like that.

You're lucky you can be somewhat functional and keep your head above water. I used to be able to as well until it all came crashing down. What is predictable is it's not pretty when you let everything go. I am living the repercussions. I wish you well.

 

[fleurdelune]

for me, going to school and work is what pushes me to keep up my hygiene and go outside. i can't stop going to work or school forever because that would leave me with no structure and when i don't have something like that forcing me to leave the house i neglect myself again. as we speak, i don't have work or class tomorrow and because of that i'm putting off washing my hair because i fucking hate washing my hair i hate being wet i hate having to get into the shower and also i hate brushing my teeth and washing my face and AAAAAAAAAAGHH why are these things so hard

try your best to at least keep yourself comfortable because you deserve it

oh and i also hate flossing. i can't fathom being able to floss every day like it's second nature :( it's just so annoying. maybe i should just get a water flosser...

 

[ctb_warrior]

you really don't ever 100% know for certain how long you are going to end up living.. last month i had planned to CTB (H2S method) and then i got super scared and realized i'm too scared to CTB even though it is a very easy method i was going to use.. so i'm not sure what to do now..

but you definitely need to keep brushing your teeth like twice a day (when you wake up and before you go to bed).. tooth pain from cavities is one of the worst pains in my opinion.. and dentists are scary..

You are right, tooth pain is the worst thing one can have..i had it last month and it was really horrible. I just couldn't bear it. I had to get that tooth extracted. It was 10-15 days of torture.
The way dentist had to pull the teeth out, i was wondering thankfully 5 days after the extraction, all discomfort had gone.

H2S is fast I guess, i want to use it but i live with family so neither can i bring it nor can I risk their lives.

How did you create H2S or arrange H2S? Do you live alone?

 

[NonEssential]

I don't think I'd ever be confident in being able to go through ctb to stop doing my chores like going to school. Otherwise if I fail to go through with it I'd just make my life a lot worse.

 

[ctb_warrior]

It's a weird situation because there are certain activities that I would have no reason to do, like going to work, if I knew that I was going to be successful in my suicide attempt within, I don't know, a week or so.

BUT, these same activities are also things that would make my life significantly worse if I went without doing them for like a week or two before eventually failing in my suicide attempt.

And thus, I continue to do a bunch of "maintenance" type habits and activities while I'm planning to kill myself. Can anybody else relate to this?

I find going for job really useless. But, i can't ctb at the moment, as neither do i have a method, nor can I ctb easily while living with my parents unless I have a super solid method that requires minimal setup. So, due to that, I don't know how long I'll have to live so i need income to manage my expenses hence i have no option but to work as a lead in my company

I don't think I'd ever be confident in being able to go through ctb to stop doing my chores like going to school. Otherwise if I fail to go through with it I'd just make my life a lot worse.

True.. keep continuing with your regular life even if it feels tough..

 

[tomame]

with my mental illnesses it's terribly hard to cope .. went from drug induced psychosis to anxiety induced ..

i'm currently in a terrible relationship because i have nowhere to go .. and i applied for disability.

my mother is homeless because of mental illness and i'm terribly similar to her. i'm afraid a God intervention may be my only saving grace if i don't end up ctb and succeeding next time

it's so hard ):

 

[violetforever]

i go fucking insane over it. im always in a state of stress because having to deal with small things like this on top of my already existing main and bigger issues sends me into insanity. i just cant do it anymore. this has to be like a sign that my time to ctb is near and im meant to finally end it all. basically everything about existing makes me want to do some act of violence onto myself.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Dieting? These are all my last meals & I may as well enjoy them as much as I can while I still have taste buds.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I'm able to keep my hygiene up to par and still work out and clean, but hat's all I have the energy for really. I wish I wouldn't wake up already exhausted

 

[Pluto]