What was your method before joining SS?

[mediocre]

So if not the Exit bag now, then what have you decided on? That was my route shortly before SS as well.

SN as my main and amitriptyline cocktail as a backup just in case. Ideally I'd like N but I'm not taking any risks.

 

[Mud.]

N. and nothing has changed. It's still my method.

I came here for more background research because I definitely don't want to screw it up and this board is a great resource.

The only thing I found is that it can built up certain fears too. The taste for example. I read hundreds of posts about it.
By the time I was in a position to taste N. myself, I fully expected to puke out even the tiniest drop. To my incredible relief this wasn't the case.
The quantity is the main problem. The taste is awful but bearable for me.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

N. and nothing has changed. It's still my method.

I came here for more background research because I definitely don't want to screw it up and this board is a great resource.

The only thing I found is that it can built up certain fears too. The taste for example. I read hundreds of posts about it.
By the time I was in a position to taste N. myself, I fully expected to puke out even the tiniest drop. To my incredible relief this wasn't the case.
The quantity is the main problem. The taste is awful but bearable for me.

Tastes don't really deter me away. I wish I could use N. I think they're using it on me when I get a scope down my throat lmao. I'll be going with SN as it's the most affordable for someone in my position. Good luck, @Mud. !

 

[Mud.]

Tastes don't really deter me away. I wish I could use N. I think they're using it on me when I get a scope down my throat lmao. I'll be going with SN as it's the most affordable for someone in my position. Good luck, @Mud. !

I didn't even know SN existed until I landed here.
It seems like a reliable alternative to N.
Good luck to you too.

 

[NotGoneButNotHere]

My first planned attempt was supposed to be a drug cocktail OD. I took a bunch of clonazepan, oxy and vodka. At the time I hadn't known how hard ODing actually is so I ended up vomiting and just getting really fucked up

 

[Conker]

So if not the Exit bag now, then what have you decided on? That was my route shortly before SS as well.


Jumping is scary to me. Have you gone through some resources and possibly decided on one?


Things change and make people the way they are. It happens and it isn't your fault. N would be perfect if I could afford such a thing.

I want to go through jumping, actually I may end up combining both of the methods as long as carrying my other tool up with me to the rooftop will be feasible.

 

[Élégie]

The method I had chosen before joining SS was hanging/full suspension (although I thought it was pretty scary and violent). After browsing this forum for quite a while, I have decided to use SN instead, which is a lot more peaceful.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

The method I had chosen before joining SS was hanging/full suspension (although I thought it was pretty scary and violent). After browsing this forum for quite a while, I have decided to use SN instead, which is a lot more peaceful.

Yeah, I could never hang but originally I was just going to OD on all of my medications, but now, thanks to SS I've chosen SN as well.

 

[Rdc]

My methods of choice were carbon monoxide and firearm. I had never heard of sodium nitrite prior to joining SS and like many others have decided to go with SN as my preferred choice. I have the sodium nitrite however obtaining the metoclopramide has been a challenge as it is by prescription only in the USA and I'm hesitant to order from shady online sources.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

My methods of choice were carbon monoxide and firearm. I had never heard of sodium nitrite prior to joining SS and like many others have decided to go with SN as my preferred choice. I have the sodium nitrite however obtaining the metoclopramide has been a challenge as it is by prescription only in the USA and I'm hesitant to order from shady online sources.

Yeah, I totally understand where you're coming from. Firearm is pretty scary, for me. Only because I want to be intact, but that's about it. Or it going wrong. I'm sure you will find what you need.

 

[toomuchgrief]

plunge terminal velocity to my death always been my prefer method, that was before I joined SS, and still is. But since I joined SS, now it a shotgun to my temple. So still debate back and forth between these 2 methods.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

plunge terminal velocity to my death always been my prefer method, that was before I joined SS, and still is. But since I joined SS, now it a shotgun to my temple. So still debate back and forth between these 2 methods.

How come you'd like to go with these methods over others?

 

[toomuchgrief]

How come you'd like to go with these methods over others?

Because I need something that guarantee my death, and I want something quick. I don't want to lay in bed putting N or SN in my body and wait for it to work, I'm scare of turn blue and deprived of oxygen and gasp for air. Depends on your body weight and tolerance, it might be hours and hours before I pas out. Not talking about fail, I end up in psych ward. Yeah, it sound all dandy that it gonna work, but I don't want to risk me vomit out N or SN. My goal is something fast, like BAM, done.

I want a shotgun to my temple, that would be super fast, rack rack, pull trigger done. It be so quick that your brain wouldn't even register what happen, let alone laying in pain.

Free fall sound even more nice, injuries all over your body, from your organs yank out to head injuries. My goal, get my heart yank out. At terminal velocity, it be quick. You heard a loud thud, BAM, all black, done.

I guess my goal is the quickest way to go. So last thing I want is laying in bed waiting for whatever I drink to work.

Tbh, I think those who take poison are brave, because the thoughts of me laying in bed waiting for it to work, it just sound painful for me. Throw up, overdose, these scare me, too slow to die.
I'm a chicken, so I need something fast like lightning, so a shotgun would probably give me what I want.

How about you Ms/ SuicidalSymphonies, I'm guessing you go for N or SN right? I would go for N though.

eta: oh btw, there a news about this Russian boy, who saw his head off with an electric saw. Now, that is BRAVE. It a painful way to go, picture saw your own head off. If that the case, please just give me a gun so I can blow to my temple.

 

[gothfairy]

definitely cutting or hanging. ive attempted both in the past and neither had close effects

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Because I need something that guarantee my death, and I want something quick. I don't want to lay in bed putting N or SN in my body and wait for it to work, I'm scare of turn blue and deprived of oxygen and gasp for air. Depends on your body weight and tolerance, it might be hours and hours before I pas out. Not talking about fail, I end up in psych ward. Yeah, it sound all dandy that it gonna work, but I don't want to risk me vomit out N or SN. My goal is something fast, like BAM, done.

I want a shotgun to my temple, that would be super fast, rack rack, pull trigger done. It be so quick that your brain wouldn't even register what happen, let alone laying in pain.

Free fall sound even more nice, injuries all over your body, from your organs yank out to head injuries. My goal, get my heart yank out. At terminal velocity, it be quick. You heard a loud thud, BAM, all black, done.

I guess my goal is the quickest way to go. So last thing I want is laying in bed waiting for whatever I drink to work.

Tbh, I think those who take poison are brave, because the thoughts of me laying in bed waiting for it to work, it just sound painful for me. Throw up, overdose, these scare me, too slow to die.
I'm a chicken, so I need something fast like lightning, so a shotgun would probably give me what I want.

How about you Ms/ SuicidalSymphonies, I'm guessing you go for N or SN right? I would go for N though.

eta: oh btw, there a news about this Russian boy, who saw his head off with an electric saw. Now, that is BRAVE. It a painful way to go, picture saw your own head off. If that the case, please just give me a gun so I can blow to my temple.

Understood. It's not for me, I'd like to go quietly, peacefully and intact. I can tell you that when you hit the ground, it probably won't hurt. If you survived, you'd feel the pain badly the next day or after waking. The initial blunt force doesn't hurt if you relax. I was hit by a car I didn't see coming and flew over it. I felt nothing.. I stood up soon after and just asked about where my shoes were. The next day, I was a bruised mess and couldn't dress or bathe myself. So just be careful.

SN should not cause you to suffer, however, but it's up to you what you do. x

definitely cutting or hanging. ive attempted both in the past and neither had close effects

So your method is now SN, if I'm correct. Both of those previous methods.. Well, cutting is not a guarantee at all, and hanging, if you do it just right, it will work but it's hard to follow those instructions and be exact.

Edit: My apologies. It looks like you haven't wrangled a method just yet! Sorry for assuming. x

 

[azucaramargo]

Yes, that was one of my methods as well, but the first time I tried to ctb, I DIDN'T take insulin for a few days, ate lots of sweets and nearly died on the bathroom floor but my mum heard me, rushed in and took me to the hospital. I was laying on the floor in my own puke and an arm on the toilet bowl. I had 10 mins left to live when they took me in. Had a NDE. It was the most peace I ever felt. Then I woke up full of IVs, fluids and morphine.

Now I've chosen SN. After I move out. Simple enough.


Oh, that sounds wild.. So you're sticking to hanging? I hope it goes in your favour.

@SuicidalSymphonies, I kind of love your mom after you told me that story. She sounds loving and kind just like you. Did you get "in trouble" when you woke up? I mean, did your mom and or the doctors find out that you had purposely not taken insulin and eaten a lot of sweets for a few days?

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

@SuicidalSymphonies, I kind of love your mom after you told me that story. She sounds loving and kind just like you. Did you get "in trouble" when you woke up? I mean, did your mom and or the doctors find out that you had purposely not taken insulin and eaten a lot of sweets for a few days?

She is a bit of an overbearing helicopter parent, but she cares and loves me. They had no idea it was on purpose. I was young, 16. My excuse was I just wasn't taking enough insulin and caught the flu which progressed into DKA. (Diabetic keto-acidosis).

 

[azucaramargo]

She is a bit of an overbearing helicopter parent, but she cares and loves me. They had no idea it was on purpose. I was young, 16. My excuse was I just wasn't taking enough insulin and caught the flu which progressed into DKA. (Diabetic keto-acidosis).

I see. I picture you living in Japan because of your avatar. Not trying to get you to reveal anything you don't want to. I'm just picturing your life as a Japanese one. You are actually a good advertisement for being a helicopter parent. Look how sweet you turned out to be!

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I see. I picture you living in Japan because of your avatar. Not trying to get you to reveal anything you don't want to. I'm just picturing your life as a Japanese one. You are actually a good advertisement for being a helicopter parent. Look how sweet you turned out to be!

I'm actually Canadian but always loved Japanese culture and anime. It's one of my favourite things. I really wanted to visit Japan one day.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Yew tincture.

 

[azucaramargo]

@SuicidalSymphonies, I picture you and your mom like this. This is an excerpt from a children's book called "The Runaway Bunny"; this story -- even though it's about a mother and child -- basically encapsulates what I'd like from a romantic relationship. Sorry for the digression.

I'm actually Canadian but always loved Japanese culture and anime. It's one of my favourite things. I really wanted to visit Japan one day.

You will go there; it's waiting for you.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Yew tincture.

Will this still be your method?

@SuicidalSymphonies, I picture you and your mom like this. This is an excerpt from a children's book called "The Runaway Bunny"; this story -- even though it's about a mother and child -- basically encapsulates what I'd like from a romantic relationship. Sorry for the digression.

You will go there; it's waiting for you.

Those are beautiful.. And I won't be able to go. I don't get enough money and my date is in May. But I can dream.

 

[azucaramargo]

Will this still be your method?


Those are beautiful.. And I won't be able to go. I don't get enough money and my date is in May. But I can dream.

Please do not go. Please. Please. Please. We can get you to Japan. There's no need to give up. You have so much promise!!! Why can't we persuade you otherwise?

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Please do not go. Please. Please. Please. We can get you to Japan. There's no need to give up. You have so much promise!!! Why can't we persuade you otherwise?

Have you read my reasons for ctb? And "we"? I will never be able to afford a trip there. It can't happen unless some random person with money hands it over to me like it doesn't matter, which is highly unlikely. It's unfortunate, but I have to ctb eventually.

 

[azucaramargo]

Have you read my reasons for ctb? And "we"? I will never be able to afford a trip there. It can't happen unless some random person with money hands it over to me like it doesn't matter, which is highly unlikely. It's unfortunate, but I have to ctb eventually.

I have been trying to look for your ctb reasons. You're so damned young and sweet, I just think it's a travesty that you feel no hope. By we, I meant the SS community. I feel like the people on this site can, could, and would really help each other.

I have been trying to look for your ctb reasons. You're so damned young and sweet, I just think it's a travesty that you feel no hope. By we, I meant the SS community. I feel like the people on this site can, could, and would really help each other.

Could you please help me find your CTB reasons? I'm woefully inept at navigating this forum.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I have been trying to look for your ctb reasons. You're so damned young and sweet, I just think it's a travesty that you feel no hope. By we, I meant the SS community. I feel like the people on this site can, could, and would really help each other.

Yes, I am young. I'm too young to suffer how I do. I live with daily agonizing chronic pain. I am a severe fibromyalgia sufferer, type 1 diabetic, I suffer from nerve damage/cognitive issues, I shake bad when I use utensils or try to drink from a cup or glass, my wrists hurt, my knees, hips and especially my back hurt. None of the meds I'm on help me at all. I usually only sleep if I take over the recommended dose of medication or black out from pain. I hallucinate moments in my life. I relive them entirely. The ones I don't want to relive. I have PTSD, depression, I go through psychosis, my body is frail and weak. I can't even eat solid food. I am a mess. I won't make it to Japan.

 

[azucaramargo]

Yes, I am young. I'm too young to suffer how I do. I live with daily agonizing chronic pain. I am a severe fibromyalgia sufferer, type 1 diabetic, I suffer from nerve damage/cognitive issues, I shake bad when I use utensils or try to drink from a cup or glass, my wrists hurt, my knees, hips and especially my back hurt. None of the meds I'm on help me at all. I usually only sleep if I take over the recommended dose of medication or black out from pain. I hallucinate moments in my life. I relive them entirely. The ones I don't want to relive. I have PTSD, depression, I go through psychosis, my body is frail and weak. I can't even eat solid food. I am a mess. I won't make it to Japan.

How do you eat? Is it inappropriate to ask about the source of your trauma? How have you been able to become so well-educated?

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

How do you eat? Is it inappropriate to ask about the source of your trauma? How have you been able to become so well-educated?

I drink Boost, water, gatorade and soups. Sometimes I can eat solids if they're soft. But I usually choke or feel sick early in the meal.

My trauma came from a handful of things over the years. I'd rather not share that information.

As for education, I'm not sure. Probably my father and the people around me including the internet. I didn't get to finish highschool because I spent more time hospitalized than anything else.

 

[azucaramargo]

I drink Boost, water, gatorade and soups. Sometimes I can eat solids if they're soft. But I usually choke or feel sick early in the meal.

My trauma came from a handful of things over the years. I'd rather not share that information.

That's fine, My Sweet. I'm sorry for prying. I wish you would not give up. I do not live with chronic pain, so I can't pretend to know the burden you bear. I just know that you are remarkable.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

My first planned attempt was supposed to be a drug cocktail OD. I took a bunch of clonazepan, oxy and vodka. At the time I hadn't known how hard ODing actually is so I ended up vomiting and just getting really fucked up

Yes, I had planned to try this too, but there was never an attempt made. Sorry for the late reply! I missed your post. So many here now.

What is your method now, if I may ask? x

That's fine, My Sweet. I'm sorry for prying. I wish you would not give up. I do not live with chronic pain, so I can't pretend to know the burden you bear. I just know that you are remarkable.

I appreciate that you think that of me. It means a lot. I know you're just trying to help, but if doctors and expertise cannot, I don't think someone from here could. I'd love to recover and get better but I don't really have that option.