Discussion What was the one mistake that ruined your life and has you about to ctb?

[Canon1]

I don't understand this
Do you have an email?

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I don't understand this
Do you have an email?

[email protected]

 

[GoneGoneGone]

For me it was a series of mistakes. It's like whenever I had a major decision to make, I had the ideal scenario and the "this is very unsafe and risky" scenario, and I always picked the latter.

First, after college, after being in a 5-year relationship with someone who provided absolutely everything for me, I found out I was being cheated on. Instead of digging my heels in, taking the loss, and moving forward to build a family, I went the high horse route and ended the relationship. But didn't just end it, I was so hurt by being around this person, that I moved countries. There was no reason to move countries over a heartbreak. Three months after the break-up he met his current wife. She never worked a day in her life, and he is providing everything for her to this day.

The second time is when I finished my master's degree, I was in a fairly shitty relationship and couldn't find a job. Instead of moving back home I stayed in that shitty relationship for 7 years. The guy was making me pay for stuff, and my parents had to send me money from home...

The third time I was feeling extremely tired, and I was told I was spoiled, lazy, hypochondriac. Instead of investigating this issue properly medically, I chose to quit my job and then do the medical investigations, only to find cancer. Then my parents and I had to pay for treatment myself, when my former company's insurer should have. I'm a genius!

I had two topping points...Getting into a relationship that messed me up, and getting on antipsychotic medication.

Would you mind please pm-ing me the name of the antipsychotic? Thank you

 

[BridgeJumper]

Getting involved with people who abused me.


Thats all. Before it all happened I was perfectly normal. Unfortunately, I had no way of knowing in advance that my friends were psychopaths.
Also, my ear condition brought on by too much loud music in headphones. My ears hurt all day and all night, normal everyday sounds sound like nails on chalkboard. I loved music, and going out to concerts and other loud places. So now, it really is no life to live.

 

[Deathcabforugly]

I ended up abandoning or being ghosted by any friends I had. I haven't texted anyone or been texted by anyone I know in over a month now. That loneliness is one of my main reasons.

I can totally relate
My negligence was the cause of my wife's death back in July.

 

[cant cry]

I should have avoided my sociopathic, sadistic older brother completely. He had a way of acting nice and getting my trust again and again.
He gave me super low self esteem and I developed social phobia in high school, leading to friendlessness, deep depression, and started a chain of events that has hurt me for decades.
Fun fact: He's just as evil now and has six kids he is fathering by himself after driving his wife to alcoholism. The CPS have been useless whenever called. Great world we live in!

 

[rebelsue]

Moving with my parents to another state when I was 22 instead of staying at my university and forcing myself to be independent. That decision had a cascading effect on the rest of my life, where I became incompetent and emotionally stunted so that now I have no hope of ever supporting myself independently and being happy with who I am and getting along with other people. But i feel somewhat at peace now because I have decided that I will determine my own safety. If my current life falls apart I don't have to go out into the world and start over again. I will just CTB here...I am glad I get to at least decide where I will die. That is now determined and it gives me some peace knowing that I don't have to keep riding this rollercoaster anymore. I don't have to keep being a victim to uncertainty.

 

[GoBack]

Taking the medication, then not taking the medication, it just has me in bits with or without it now

 

[Good4Nothing]

I fell in love.
Then completely destroyed what could have been a beautiful relationship.
In 48 years of trying and failing at love I have never fucked up this badly.
Goddamn BPD is turning me into a raging psychopath.

 

[moonchild]

Looking back, it's so obvious I shouldn't have gone to university. I did it because I wanted a degree and a good job, because I felt like that was what I should want. Well, now I'm in debt and failing my degree. Cherry on top: I don't even want it anymore. The kind of jobs I could apply for are not appealing. I used to work at a gas station before uni, and it wasn't the best but it wasn't bad at all. I'd be happy to have that sort of job again. Maybe a grocery store, I did that for a short time as well.

If suppose I would've regretted not going to study as well, but it shouldn't have taken me so long to realise that there's nothing wrong with having a "simple" job.

 

[niloc]

I had a job offer that I accepted and had a start date this January.. Would have been good too.. We'll, my fucked brain thought it would be worth staying at my current job and told them the night before I was to give my two weeks notice to my current job I wouldn't be able to take it.

Why did I fucking do that??????? It's on my mind every fucking minute since about a week after. I'm so burnt out and done with life that I've had several instances where I have sat down with my loaded gun and just been a few seconds from finishing it. I've been mentally destroyed for months and I just want to end it.

 

[chopan]

Suffer from a autoimmune disease.

 

[willitpass]

I see multiple people say how one mistake ruined there life and now has them about to ctb

If this is you, what is it? I'm genuinely curious because I can't imagine just one thing going wrong and you can't bounce back from that

Different situation from someone like me who's main reason for ctbing is a cumulative of events.

not seeking help early in my mental health issues. i feel like if i had gotten help earlier then the issues would have gotten as bad as they are today. i just feel like i let them take a deep root and now there's not turning back. who knows though, maybe i was born to be fucked in the head

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Standing up for myself after years of being harassed and mentally abused. Should have let it consume me. I'd be where I am anyways psychologically, but maybe the rest would be different.

 

[Erase.myself]

Starving myself and purging for the first time when I was 16, leading me to develop Anorexia Binge Purge Subtype and suffering with it for the last 16 years.

Not getting back together with my soulmate when he wanted to. (He died 12/24/19.)

 

[Imamistakendumarsse]

I attempted to drop out of med school to try and start my own company. Go cheated out and wasted four years while all my friends have finished college and are going to pursue higher education

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Being born. Basically anyway, lol.

I feel the same way.

"And then suddenly everything started to fall apart too quickly to fix".

 

[HeartbrokenViking1]

A breakup

 

[ghostgirl1995]

Social media, ruining my relationship, becoming toxic to everyone online and in person :(

 

[SipSop]

I had become suicidal because of my ex. I loved her so much even if I knew she was NPD and she made me suffer. I deluded myself thinking that I can go back to the good times, but that was a illusion. It triggers me so bad as songs remind me of her, couples on the street, memories and my dreams of having a family with her. She made me or triggered in me BPD. We would have been a couple made in hell but I still wanted it. It was so difficult to give up on her. She felt familiar, I feel that I sticked around so much because she felt like my abusive father. Like I pursued some unfulfilled love from childhood. She damaged me. Right now I begin to have hope that I can put my life back on track and find somebody to love and love me back. This is my motivation to live at the moment.

 

[acute]

get tinnitus at age 25

 

[OnlyBuilt4Linxs]

Standing up for myself after years of being harassed and mentally abused. Should have let it consume me. I'd be where I am anyways psychologically, but maybe the rest would be different.

I'm genuinely curious as to how standing up for yourself was a mistake that ruined your life. For most, not standing up for themselves ruined their life. Genuinely curious on this new perspective

 

[Kain10th]

Getting my sense of morality from TV movies and video games instead of from my own parents

 

[leapyourbar]

Not ctb when I was younger and had my first bout of suicidal thoughts. I'm in a situation now where I can't ever do it. A whole decade of debilitating trauma and pain that could have been avoided.

 

[nerve]

Being sexually abused as a child.

I know it Wasn't My Fault and all that, but it would have been cool if I'd said no.

 

[meerpasta]

Listening to people who didn't like me in the first place, if I had stood up for myself and what I felt was right throughout life maybe I could've achieved a bearable existence, but now that I finally stand up for myself I have been abandoned like a broken toy even by my family and it's too late to do anything about all the wasted years.

But I've realised that life as a concept is garbage anyway, for there to be winners there have to be losers and I'd rather quit than do anything that keeps it going.

 

[SipSop]

Listening to people who didn't like me in the first place, if I had stood up for myself and what I felt was right throughout life maybe I could've achieved a bearable existence, but now that I finally stand up for myself I have been abandoned like a broken toy even by my family and it's too late to do anything about all the wasted years.

But I've realised that life as a concept is garbage anyway, for there to be winners there have to be losers and I'd rather quit than do anything that keeps it going.

It happened the same to me. I stood for myself and I was abandoned. It is better to begin without too much attachment. It is more difficult to act than to say though.

 

[meerpasta]

It happened the same to me. I stood for myself and I was abandoned. It is better to begin without too much attachment. It is more difficult to act than to say though.

Yeah, it takes being born strong to be able to stand up for yourself when young, otherwise you end up attracting all the people who love abusing the weak. Life isn't a good deal for everyone, I wish people could understand and let us quit this hell in peace.

 

[Schweppes]

My ex girlfriend

 

[Bct]

The most recent one is taking my current job. It's within my passion but in the hindsight (which is always 20/20), it's just better to keep hobbies just for hobbies. At least in my case, I would still having a better life financially though that means I need to stay with my family.

Not to mention if I still stayed, perhaps I wouldn't be tempted to contact an ex-coworker which led me to an intense broken heart.