Discussion What needs to change in your life to stop making you suicidal ?

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Nothing .

No objective reason to exist / live anyway.

Much less to be under constant threat of extreme pain , suffering, or torture

 

[cosifantutti]

The absence of mental illness. Everything else is fine.

 

[haibane]

Nothing, i just want to die. I never experienced true happiness in my entire life. There's nothing i want more than stopping existing

 

[HollowDrop]

If I was an actually functioning human being and not this sad excuse of one. But even then who knows what this depressing reality would throw at me, human beings are very good at breaking one's spirits for their amusement.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Owning property, no property tax on it. And a home. Not having to be dependent on the grid for anything. At the moment I feel trapped in this system in slavery with no way out. High rent each month just to exist. I can't work more than part time and depending on how much u make it makes it unaffordable to live.

 

[Hahem]

Friends
Social support
Love
Family

 

[MeltingBrain]

Friends
Social support
Love
Family

It's so sad so many people are here due to lack of affection/love. I feel sad for you .

What do you want the most ? #33

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You can find previous polls here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meltingbrain-all-polls.123887/ Part of ...

sanctioned-suicide.net

If you don't mind me asking , why do you think you can't have those things ?

 

[Darkover]

left arm dislocated shoulder 10 times go weak and limp needs fixing
my teeth need fixing most of my molar teeth have completely decayed because my parents never took me to the dentist
damaged stomach lining from a paracetamol overdose
brain injury needs fixing along with tinnitus
schizophrenia needs fixing
no gf for 19 years

 

[nozomu]

I need the support to not become homeless later this year and lose everything.

I will still be feeling suicidal, but I won't act if someone saves me.

 

[Morgengrauen]

Suicidality in general - a miracle cure from chronic mental illness.
For me to not act upon the ideation would need a complete overhaul of disability aid and mental health care system over night in my country.

My only options being either working myself until breaking point hopping from minimum wage dead end job to another or going back to NEET life where the financial aid you get plunges you into poverty all while struggling to find just okay treatment that isn't either getting send in circles because nobody can deal with anything worse then mild depression/anxiety or getting retraumatised....this just isn't a life i'd like to continue.

 

[larastoned]

To be honest, right now, just $5000.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Undoing past mistakes that I'm ashamed of.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Love

 

[SpencerSees]

it's not anything in my life, it's me

 

[wheezle42]

Someone I can hug and that loves me back.

 

[mehdone]

What needs to change in my life to make me not want to ctb?

Simple. Life needs to end. That's it, there's nothing else.

Over 25 years of wanting to ctb no matter the circumstances of life throughout those years, no matter how up or down, how good or how bad- yeah, when you just don't like life, there's not really anything that can be changed to fix that.

If life could be magically be made to be something that doesn't have to be survived, well, that might do the trick- but even when I've been thriving, I've still wanted to not wake up.

 

[lostnfound]

feeling and being shown more love, loss of internet addiction, motivation, winning the lottery, ending the climate crisis (what's the point of dying a slow, painful death when it's much more efficient to CTB when we're going to the same place in some unknown amount of years?), better family(?), no more mental illness, confidence and lots of friends. maybe just a factory reset of everything, to be honest.

 

[Wkoncuodejde]

remove all my memories

 

[jbear824]

To not end up homeless for the rest of my life and to not be separated forever from my loved ones due to said impending homelessness.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Undo past traumas. It has fucked up every part of my life. Can't have casual relationships. Especially sexual. Prone to disassociating because of it. Not having extreme guilt for past actions. Lack of alcohol dependence. Destroying the little thats left in my life. And preferably not being atrocious looking. I'd kill for pretty privilege. Seems like attractive people can just coast through life for a few decades before they age

 

[Done_Surviving]

That's the thing. IDK. It all sounds so stupid and so attention-seeking. I have a nice job opportunity, I go to a prestigious school, I have a loving family, and friends that even though I shut them down from time to time they are still there whenever I need them. I have a good psychiatrist, and a little guinea pig that I love more than anything in the world. And even though I have a chronic illness it is relatively easy to live with it. So I don't know, I don't know why I just can't be happy and enjoy my life. I'm supposed to do it, I have everything I need to do it but I don't know how to. And I believe that that makes me the worst person ever, doesn't it? I could solve everything, I have all the support I could ask for and a lot of opportunities that many people don't. But I can't, I don't know what's wrong with me, the pills aren't working, the treatment for me is pointless, and I cry myself to sleep every single night begging whatever entity that listens to kill me, to not let me waste another day. Because that's what I am a waste, I waste of time and energy for my loved ones, a waste of money for my parents and a waste of resources that could go to someone else who could be better. I'm broken, and I don't know how to fix myself.

 

[DarkRange55]

I want an attachment figure to securely attach to and to hug and that won't leave me and tell me i'll be okay

I think that is indeed what many people are missing

 

[brokeandbroken]

To be honest I could say. Legal help to help restore my life. But let's be honest that isn't going to happen. That would require someone caring. Outside of Sasu I'm not sure really anyone does. All I know is misery, loneliness, despair, hopelessness.... Rebuilding your life from homelessness, with extreme debt, no family, no irl friends makes it impossible to be honest. Especially when you can't get hired... Everyday I wake up I regret I didn't end my life the day before... I know that despite working to help people for nearly a decade a third of my life. Virtually all of my adult life. In my day of need.... No one was there. I looked at hell, it looked back at me, I begged for help and no one was there, I was Unfortunately dragged in, and I'm not sure but I could swear someone gave me a little push... I know the only thing in hell for me is more hell.

I could say love. But because of the above that's even more unlikely. To be honest. I'm so screwed up from this and prior traumas that I'm not sure I'm capable of believing someone cares let alone loves me... I'm a tremendously broken human being. Unfortunately, I'm also apparently not someone society, the world, etc... Deems with putting back together. Otherwise they would've.

Meaning. But that would be my career which was stolen from me or family who left me for dead. Future family rendered impossible because of the above...

To be honest I think there's a line where you are so broken you have too much of you in death to recover. No matter what I'll have suffered immensely and been abandoned. Basically left for dead by people (family) who claimed to love. Life simply isn't worth living anymore for me. And I'm not sure there's a scenario where I could. I think there's some things you don't recover from... There's no pathways out of hell for me. And I don't want to live here forever.

 

[Iamtired]

Undo past traumas. It has fucked up every part of my life. Can't have casual relationships. Especially sexual. Prone to disassociating because of it. Not having extreme guilt for past actions. Lack of alcohol dependence. Destroying the little thats left in my life. And preferably not being atrocious looking. I'd kill for pretty privilege. Seems like attractive people can just coast through life for a few decades before they age

No you don't. Because pretty privilege still cost me my life. Had a predator destroy my sense of self worth and made a terrible mistake in my health in happines due to the manipulation. And now I'm ready to take my life. You do not want what you think is so amazing. It is not that amazing. I wish everyday I had a brain that functioned properly before all this happened.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

No you don't. Because pretty privilege still cost me my life. Had a predator destroy my sense of self worth and made a terrible mistake in my health in happines due to the manipulation. And now I'm ready to take my life. You do not want what you think is so amazing. It is not that amazing. I wish everyday I had a brain that functioned properly before all this happened.

Well I'm sorry for what happened to you, but I'm also traumatized as hell and ugly as sin. I do want what I think is so amazing. Would be a lot easier to live with this burden of being SAed by a family member when I was 14 because at least if I wasn't fucking ugly. someone would a) believe me and b) would probably be more willing and patient enough to help me move on and accept the fact that I need a lot of reassurance and checks in because I'm going to disassociate while I'm with them. Instead of being pumped and dumped like the us uglies usually are. I'm ugly and I have no brain. It's not a competition. I still wish I was attractive and had pretty privilege. Being ugly didn't stop me from also planning to CTB

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

For my eyes to stop hurting. It hurts every day. The pain is constant from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep at night. I feel exhausted and ready to fall asleep in the middle of the day. I want it to stop feeling like my head and eyes are being clamped down on while someone pours acid on me. I want the blurriness to go away and to see clearly again. It doesn't matter if its with glasses or not, I just want to see clearly. Ever since I turned 12 life has been hell and it's only going to get worse now that I'm 21. Fuck the medical establishment and fuck insurance companies. No one gives a shit and no one wants to fix it when the insurance companies make their wealthy CEO's and their bought politicians too much money.

To be independent and capable of living by myself, instead of being a failure. To have succeeded in school when it really mattered. Maybe to have some friends who aren't all far away and already moving far ahead of anywhere I could ever hope to reach. A relationship would be great too but I look like shit and despite all the worthless platitudes of "it's the personality that counts", looksism is alive and well and it affects everyone. No matter how great your personality, if you look terrible you will always just be a friend, nothing more. Online dating and social media just make it even worse.

To be a different person because I hate myself. I have seen many people in my life and unfortunately none of them were nearly as morally bankrupt, lazy, or useless as I. The boomers were wrong about generation z, but they were right about me.

Maybe to have some sort of purpose, but purpose for what? So some wealthy multi-millionaire can extort me to grow their own wealth while I scrape by barely having the money to pay rent for a shitty apartment and food? So I can wake up everyday in pain? So I can forever be alone? There is no point in staying alive for me. I'm tired of getting dismissed with cheap platitudes about some vague meaning in life, when the only meaning that can be found is working my ass off to sustain a miserable existence.

 

[Iamtired]

Well I'm sorry for what happened to you, but I'm also traumatized as hell and ugly as sin. I do want what I think is so amazing. Would be a lot easier to live with this burden of being SAed by a family member when I was 14 because at least if I wasn't fucking ugly. someone would a) believe me and b) would probably be more willing and patient enough to help me move on and accept the fact that I need a lot of reassurance and checks in because I'm going to disassociate while I'm with them. Instead of being pumped and dumped like the us uglies usually are. I'm ugly and I have no brain. It's not a competition. I still wish I was attractive and had pretty privilege. Being ugly didn't stop me from also planning to CTB

Well, I won't deny people who are attractive sometimes "get more" in certain situations. But it's just one piece of the puzzle. Usually a small piece because there's billions of people in the world, and one of you. And that doesn't mean anything if the other things don't line up, too. And usually, they don't.

 

[ikadasui]

White skin, different family, basically only shit a genie could solve

 

[IBM0000]

Can't undo past mistakes unfortunately sometimes. So nothing.

100% agree with you. I am a lost cause, and it's best that I don't live.

 

[MeltingBrain]

For my eyes to stop hurting. It hurts every day. The pain is constant from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep at night. I feel exhausted and ready to fall asleep in the middle of the day. I want it to stop feeling like my head and eyes are being clamped down on while someone pours acid on me. I want the blurriness to go away and to see clearly again. It doesn't matter if its with glasses or not, I just want to see clearly. Ever since I turned 12 life has been hell and it's only going to get worse now that I'm 21. Fuck the medical establishment and fuck insurance companies. No one gives a shit and no one wants to fix it when the insurance companies make their wealthy CEO's and their bought politicians too much money.

To be independent and capable of living by myself, instead of being a failure. To have succeeded in school when it really mattered. Maybe to have some friends who aren't all far away and already moving far ahead of anywhere I could ever hope to reach. A relationship would be great too but I look like shit and despite all the worthless platitudes of "it's the personality that counts", looksism is alive and well and it affects everyone. No matter how great your personality, if you look terrible you will always just be a friend, nothing more. Online dating and social media just make it even worse.

To be a different person because I hate myself. I have seen many people in my life and unfortunately none of them were nearly as morally bankrupt, lazy, or useless as I. The boomers were wrong about generation z, but they were right about me.

Maybe to have some sort of purpose, but purpose for what? So some wealthy multi-millionaire can extort me to grow their own wealth while I scrape by barely having the money to pay rent for a shitty apartment and food? So I can wake up everyday in pain? So I can forever be alone? There is no point in staying alive for me. I'm tired of getting dismissed with cheap platitudes about some vague meaning in life, when the only meaning that can be found is working my ass off to sustain a miserable existence.

My god that sounds awful, What happened to your eyes ?
Looks matter a LOT. Personality also matters but anyone who says otherwise on looks is a liar , very naive or an aromantic who sees the world through his eyes .
I am sorry for your situation.

White skin, different family, basically only shit a genie could solve

Why do you want to have white skin ?