xi0ni
way out of here
- Apr 8, 2023
- 18
what is driving you to suicide? what is your biggest issue that causes you constant stress and anxiety?
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Loneliness
Anxiety
Being tortures by my mind
Sometimes depression hits me out of nowhere and for no reason
Not sure which is my top problem they are all equally horrific
Anxiety
Being tortures by my mind
Sometimes depression hits me out of nowhere and for no reason
Not sure which is my top problem they are all equally horrific
xi0ni
way out of here
- Apr 8, 2023
- 18
what? you don't have to answer if you don't want to?
what are you anxious about? if you don't mind me asking
kilowatt
A gun is the greatest negociator
- Sep 9, 2023
- 317
xi0ni
way out of here
- Apr 8, 2023
- 18
The future
Not having anything to look forward too
Crowded places
Anxious ill never get better after 8 years of trying
Financial issues
Z-A
Let me go
- Mar 3, 2024
- 164
Anxiety and panic disorder. Basically mental conditions paired with physical symptoms. It has negative impact on my daily life. Dependant on drugs to battle this unfortunately.
heisenberg
pile of skin and bones
- May 18, 2020
- 155
not doing anything productive in my life
agoraphobia
bpd
agoraphobia
bpd
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that's just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 7,369
ASD and having to eventually work for a living in order to survive. I want no part in society. It's a pyramid scheme, and I don't want to enter it. I just don't see the point. I also don't want to get old or become a shell of my former self. I would hate to see myself get old and wrinkly. I'm not going to live out middle age or old age
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FuneralCry
She wished that she never existed...
- Sep 24, 2020
- 34,109
Because I don't wish to suffer for decades just to be tormented by old age in this pointless existence, simply being conscious and aware is tiring. What I have a problem with is existence itself, it disturbs me how there is no limit as to how torturous existing can get, all I wish for is the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is finally erased and forgotten about. Existing causes me anxiety as in existence there is endless potential for suffering and so much harm, in my case I really wish I never existed. I have no interest in the futile, meaningless and torturous imposistion that is human existence, I just don't believe existence to be desirable in general.
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 2,406
My biggest issue is that I'm alive despite only suffering in existence and not experiencing any joy. I don't have any interests so there's nothing that I like. I'm permanently too fucked up developmentally to make friends which means that I'll have to live the rest of my life without a single friend. I never wanted to be anything in life nor did I want to live through life so the studies that I'm doing in university all feels so pointless, painful and dreadful. Reading my previous sentence would automatically make some, or most, people say something along the lines of "maybe what you're doing in university isn't for you, perhaps there's something better for you" etc but, in my case, there isn't anything better for me. No matter what I do, I'll always feel the same because my brain has automatically been wired to not really want to do anything within life and there's nothing I can do to change this.
All in all, my brain was just made to not want to like life at all and to only suffer through the moments in which I'm awake. I want to kill myself so that I can save myself from decades of decades of suffering and also because I never really belonged in life in the first place. I could never relate to humanity when they had passions, hobbies, entertainment, happiness etc etc. Why are they all so insistent on wanting to do stuff in life? I don't get it and I never will because my neurotype is simply incompatible with life whereas it's highly compatible with permanent non existence. Always was and always have been
All in all, my brain was just made to not want to like life at all and to only suffer through the moments in which I'm awake. I want to kill myself so that I can save myself from decades of decades of suffering and also because I never really belonged in life in the first place. I could never relate to humanity when they had passions, hobbies, entertainment, happiness etc etc. Why are they all so insistent on wanting to do stuff in life? I don't get it and I never will because my neurotype is simply incompatible with life whereas it's highly compatible with permanent non existence. Always was and always have been
When I was young I never thought my life would end so abruptly and I would be the one to kill myself.
But thanks to my mental health issues, I've become an irreparable piece of crap now
But thanks to my mental health issues, I've become an irreparable piece of crap now
leavingthesoultrap
(ᴗ_ ᴗ。)
- Nov 25, 2023
- 1,006
Autism, inability to be casually social. Every problem in my life stems from that.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that's just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 7,369
pthnrdnojvsc
Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
- Aug 12, 2019
- 1,778
That they birthed me into this evil world .
That a sentience / consciousness developed in this brain that can suffer unbearable constant unending unbearable pain
That life is meaningless suffering
That I like every human imo is a cells monster with 30 trillion human cells and 30 trillion more bacteria, fungi , parasites , face mites inside and on this decaying animal body they call a human body
www.sciencealert.com
That's just some thousands more reasons
That a sentience / consciousness developed in this brain that can suffer unbearable constant unending unbearable pain
That life is meaningless suffering
That I like every human imo is a cells monster with 30 trillion human cells and 30 trillion more bacteria, fungi , parasites , face mites inside and on this decaying animal body they call a human body
Here's How Many Cells in Your Body Aren't Actually Human
If you've ever read anything about the colonies of bacteria that live on and inside you, you'll no doubt have come across the neat little 'fact' that microbial cells outnumber human cells in your body by a ratio of around 10:1.
www.sciencealert.com
That's just some thousands more reasons
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Basically, Im not able to find a meaning for life.
I dont have strong reasons that motivate me to endure my daily suferrings.
"Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose." - Victor Frankl
Flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation. Complex PTSD, Autism, CFS. Surviving child sexual abuse and every form of child abuse throughout my childhood. Homelessness as a teenager 14/15 onwards - though I was safe from rape and beatings from that point. Loneliness (I just don't feel that anyone can ever know the real me). Feel like a child sometimes despite being in my 40s and hold down a responsible jobs. Being a brilliant mum abd still feeling extremely suicidal and feeling like crap for feeling suicidal or for the suicide attempts and not being abke to access NHS treatment as NHS rules and staff and I appear to be on different planets. Would probably be dead on 20 June anyway. End of story. Gone. Just need to stay alive till then as my youngest has exams. Then will be gone - and will not look like suicide. No more flashbacks, nightmares, rejections even by medics - end of misery. Flying solo without contact with any medics and happy to continue to hide and mask and just die in 3 months time
Davit Gugushvili
Peace
- Mar 22, 2024
- 2
no money and no friends. everything i do in life i have to do alone. every challenge i face i have to solve on my own. very little gives me pleasure. most of my life is consumed by work.
natthebrat
only help i want is with ctb
- Jul 9, 2023
- 129
The realization that no matter what I do for a living, it's going to involve talking to people and thus be extremely stressful for me.
divinemistress36
Enlightened
- Jan 1, 2024
- 1,528
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 2,406
The point of my entire post was that I don't want to major in anything to begin with. There just isn't a single thing that I enjoy or want to do
3/4Dead
This Body Needs An Overhaul
- Feb 27, 2024
- 119
Mental illnesses, trauma and the deepest running casual self loathing i've ever seen. Its like living with a shitty roomate, but I'm also the roomate.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that's just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 7,369
Final_Choice
Mage
- Aug 3, 2023
- 511
All my illnesses with no cure, but they're not terminal just very life-debilitating so it can't kill me directly.
Throwawayacc3
Freedom
- Mar 4, 2024
- 978
Can I ask what happened? Im not trying to pry I just like to hear what the individual has to say (something I get when people say "what is cancer like").
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that's just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 7,369
I'm not doing anything productive in my life either, but I don't see this as a problem. Why are people expected to be productive? Maybe my burnout has changed me…I was a driven, hardworking and motivated student but I failed to launch after college. I see no point in participating in this pyramid scheme of a society
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