My sperm donor has been dead to me since I was 16. He used to beat my mom in front of me, His gf at the time kids pushed me in front of a moving transport and thankfully they did it where I had time to jump back. I told him and he called me a liar. Unfortunately for him, my grandmothers sister was witnessed to it and she spoke up to my grandmother who fiercely defended me. He would lie, steal and break promises to me. So at 16 I said I wanted nothing to do with him for the final time (there were times early on I would refuse to go to his house on Christmas, so she showed up with unwrapped barbies in a garbage bag at my grandmas and I refused to come to the door. I was 12. I shook my head because he didn't know me enough to think I wouldn't want those??? He disrespected me by showing up at my grandmothers funeral (moms side…never met his again after I was 4 due to restraining order my mother filed) and making me feel uncomfortable. He knew he wasn't wanted there by either my grandfather or I.
It took me a lot longer to remove my mother from my life. Textbook narcissist. She literally has told me I wasn't wanted. She just didn't want to have another abortion and he knocked her up so she would stay home and not "drag the strip", She made me eat food on a plate off the floor because I ate with my fingers. She kicked open my room and didn't know I was behind it and bashed my head open. When I bled, she threw me on the bed. When I was 8 and got my first period, she told me I had to clean any leaks in the toilet, how to dispose them and if I didn't do it correctly, she would hang them out the window so all my friends could see how dirty I was. When I lost my virginity, she says "well guess you can wear tampons now (she said it would break my hymen and I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. I told her about a sexual assault that happened to me. 4 guys pulled him off me while his fingers were inside of me and I was screaming for help. I told her and she said that's what happens when you hang out with only boys. What did you expect? She called me a slut because I was going to college and tried to rent a room but asked for a place I could have friends sleep over. She took that as I was gonna get a train ran on me nightly. Said if I was gonna fuck around, to not waste a chair from someone who actually wanted to learn. Constant belittling, silent treatments. I had a rule that I couldn't get phone calls after 9, if I did, I was grounded. It happened when I had a friend sleeping over and she yelled in front of my friend and grounded me. That was the last time any friends would come to my home. No one wanted to be around that so I always went to their homes after. When I was 17, she moved back to my grandmas and the bf at the time said I could just stay. He knew how I was treated. She stated that I was her kid and he could only keep me until the semester was over. One of my friends mom offered for me to move in so I didn't have to go with her. My mom freaked out, because again, I was her possession. Whenever she was mad at me, I would get the silent treatment, different length periods depending on how mad she was at me, and then would write me letters cutting me down, but I always had to give them back because she didn't want me to keep them.
I got married in 2008. She ruined it. Made me cry. My aunt told her I said she was being a bitch because my MOH and I wanted to sleep in a bit and she lost it on me. She told me I was to no longer get ready for her. I cried and begged. She gave in. On the way to the wedding, she tried to talk me out of it. I went through with it in spite of her (wrong choice, this was one time she was right). When we got home from the wedding, I had a note waiting for me about how awful I was and selfish because her husband and his son had to get ready in my aunt and uncles room (which literally was the whole plan) because my MOH and I got ready in her room. She wanted space from me. Since we got married in Niagara Falls with just a few friends and family, we had a party a month later. She didn't show, went camping instead with her boss. I left my marriage after 9 months, but 6 months pregnant. I fled my ex but had no where to go. I wasn't working, I was on bedrest. My MOH took the day off and moved me out. My mom was pissed I was pregnant because she didn't want to be a grandmother. She finally came around and her goal had become trying to take him away from me anyway she could. She constantly didn't listen to what I said or would undermine me to my son, in front of me. He would stick his tongue out at me, so she knew what she was doing.
We went to Disney for my sons bday one year (my partner wasn't invited because she hated him, he stood up to her. They had promised that we would get some Princess signatures for me. I had never been to Disney, it was truly a magical place. I was in awe and then she screamed at me in the middle of the park because I pointed out they promised. She said do whatever yourself. So here I am, crying in line to see princess alone….as a 30ish yr old woman. How creepy. People in line were so nice and supportive and took the pictures for me of me with the Princesses.
Before we left the trip, we went shopping. She told me she doesn't understand how I'm depressed….I have a good life. (I've been depressed since 14, self harming and suicidal tendencies and attempts had been had….which she knows, an old bf had called her the one time and told her it was her fault….she also hated him).
She got cancer and I took off time to help her and take her to radiation. At first she was so mean after being diagnosed and treated me and her husband like literal trash. She told everyone at her work that no one helped her and she was on her own. I found out because I ended up getting hired there too after her one coworker quit (mostly because of her bullying). Her coworker loved me and suggested me to the company. They hired me on the spot. Eventually her side was becoming non-existent except for minor repairs. Company decided to lay off and they laid her off (which I agreed with, she's a bully, it was her side essentially closing up and she made the most per hour). At the time she was hardly talking to me but asked me to help her pack. She decided to sue because they kept me and I was the last hired so I should have been the first to go. There was no union. I almost lost my job, but my manager had become really close - daughter/dad close. I was his daughters ago so there was nothing creepy. He seen how I was treated and told the owners I was nothing like her and if I went, so did he. I was really good at my job at the time (I've since quit and went back to school. The way they treated me was the kindest I had been treated in a long time. They owner bought me a massage gift card to use after I graduated, the guys from the yard and owners pitched in money for gas gift cards for my car because I would be a travelling home care psw. The owner sent a mass company email and the loveliest of emails kept pouring in. I'm sure if I left for a competitor it would have been different but I went a whole new avenue and to school.
I had finally cut off ties mid-pandemic but my son was still going. He's since cut her off and she blasted him and I online saying we were "users"
Honestly, there is so much more, but this is just a snippet.
((Hugs)) OP
they can both go suck each other's cocks I'm jumping in front of a train if I can't get it together by myself. And I can't! The fucking world is impossible for me to navigate. I'm surely retarded. I fucking hate my parents so much that at one point I thought I might actually harm them seriously, but I'm past that. I really want to just take what's left of my soul and get out of here, or make the best of life if I can.
