my mom died 1.5 years ago.. my dad doesn't care about me so he wasn't there to help me through it.. and i have no siblings.. so i just had to deal with my mom's death my self and also be the one to decide what to do with all the junk in her apartment and in the multiple storage units she had more junk in......... it's pretty tough when you aren't even expecting your mom to die and then suddenly she is dead and now you have to hurry and clean out all of her apartment and storage units while crying at the same time..
i couldn't do it, so i just took what i wanted from her apartment and left the rest there for the apartment people to clean up.. and for the storage units i didn't even bother checking those, so i assume the storage place probably auctioned off the units to random people to search through before cleaning them all out..
you DO get over it over time but it's slow.. i still sleep every night with her light jacket thing she wore.. and i have a little shrine i made for her in the living room on her cedar chest thing with pictures of her and other stuff of her's, and of course her urn with her ashes..
i had a lot of dreams about her after it happened too, dreams where she hadn't died yet, or dreams where she is like "yeah i died but i'm back now" etc..
i'll tell you some thing kind of weird/freaky.. she died in winter.. i have a clock with blue neon numbers on it in a room in my house.. about a month after she died i had a dream where she was showing me that clock and it had the time of 12:08 on it, and she said like "8 means i love you" or some thing (i don't remember the exact words, but she was showing me 8 means she loves me).. i didn't think much of it besides "that's a nice comfy dream i had of mommy"...
The months went by.. spring, then summer, then autumn.. i still missed mommy a ton and still had some dreams of her some times.. Eventually winter rolled around again.. Winter is a slow month for income for me, and usually mommy financially helped me through winter, but she wasn't here to help me any more.. One thing i decided to do to save energy was not run the central heater to heat the whole house, but instead just run a little space-heater only for my bedroom (it has my computer in it) where i'm at 99% of the time any way and let the rest of the house be cold as heck..
i already knew that blue clock was sensitive to cold a little because i've seen that when it gets a little bit cold it resets to 12:00 and blinks on/off constantly with 12:00 on it (it starts counting again (starting from 12:00) when it warms back up)....... and so when the house started getting cold in winter the clock started doing the 12:00 blinking thing... i could have just unplugged it all winter since it wasn't going to show me the correct time any way, but i was lazy and just kept it plugged in and blinking 12:00......
... as it got further in to winter the house (except my bedroom) got colder... i noticed that the colder the clock got the faster it blinked for some reason... eventually when it got cold enough it just stayed on 12:00 solidly and no longer blinked any more.. but then when it got even colder the LED segment in the middle of that right 0 messes up and turns on, making it display as an 8..
And so i walked out of my room one time and saw the clock....... stuck at 12:08... permanently..... exactly like how it looked in that dream.... i got the frisson effect happening when it instantly made me remember that dream i had almost a year before of my mom showing me that clock.. that has to be some wickedly astronomical coincidence that i see the clock like that in the dream and then later that same clock ends up with some weird glitches like that from the coldness and ends up exactly like how the dream showed.. that's not only my mom telling me that she is still here, but some how knowing i'll see that damn thing some time in the future.. "when you see the 8 it means i love you"........ it was beyond freaky for me..
This next thing is less freaky, but still kind of weird.. sorry for yapping so much i always feel like i'm hijacking some one's thread when i yap so much.. she was a big star trek fan and we watched all of the TNG episodes together tons of times (she also liked babylon5 which we watched too).. her favorite episode was that one where they loop infinitely and then Data ends up showing the number 3 in lots of various places.. Since she has died i see 3s some times, not constantly or any thing but um, i can't even remember every time now but two of the times i recall now are: while i was going through her boxes of junk (ones i had in my house) one box was my baby stuff from when i was a baby.. i pulled out a red baby shirt that i guess was mine, and it had big 33 numbers on it..
while mommy was alive she would some times order groceries on internet and have them delivered to my house about once a month to help me out.. a few months after she died one of my clients (some nice old guy) just started giving me tons of free groceries every month that he didn't want any more (he said him and his wife always get too much and can't eat it all).. i thought maybe it was my mom sending me food help to me some how.. One of those months he was giving me tons of bags of free food, i noticed one of the plastic bags, for no reason i could tell, had a white label stuck on it and all it had written on that label in thick red marker was "333"........ i have no idea if it was an order number from some place he got a grocery delivery from or what, but i still have that bag and am never throwing it away.. it's just weird.. none of the bags even have labels or a number written on them usually, and then when one finally does then literally what are the chances from 000 to 999 that it would have 333 on there.. some thing is going on here..
any way, it's hard losing your mom.. at least you have your dad still unlike me who has a dad that is technically still alive but doesn't care about me and never sees me.. my mom wasn't perfect either, and we had plenty of political debates and arguments over money and stuff, but she was very kind and we loved each other a lot..
my stories are real but they don't super shock me because i've always believed strongly in spirit world already.. the weird things that happen like that just make me miss mommy and know that she is still watching me be a complete dork in my life lol..
but so, your mom is with you still.. the sucky thing is just that we can't communicate easily with the other side..
try to love what ever family you have left too (your dad and who ever else).. i (effectively) have no dad, no siblings, my grandparents are all dead, and the only family i even have left at all are 2 uncles: 1 that i talk to every few months, and an other one that i talk to like only once a year.. i don't have any friends any more either (we all went our separate ways)..
i some times yap about financial advice to people but i won't do that too much here, but make sure you and dad are managing your money wisely and not spending it on expensive things you don't need.. and have some savings money as a buffer in case an emergency happens so you don't have to quickly look for money to borrow from some one..
i know people like to say you never get over some one dying, because it kind of seems discourteous to seem like you "got over" some one, but it does get easier over time, even if it takes a long time.. it probably took me like a year to stop the crying i would do some times over it..
any way, despite not being able to communicate like normal, she is still here, she can see and hear you, she knows what you are going through, and she loves you, and you will eventually be back in spirit world your self and with her again..
