I'm still here, unfortunately.
A couple months ago, I posted a (rather retarded) plan I had on consuming the manchineel plant to ctb. After I failed to locate the plant, I came to my senses and decided that ligature strangulation was a more viable method.
I planned it for about 2 weeks. I took a shoelace from an old shoe. I left for school (I just turned 18) earlier than I normally do to decrease the chance of someone catching me. I hid behind a building about 3 hours before class started and attempted.
I choked for a few seconds, got scared, and gave up. It was my best shot - a relatively quick, non-painful method. But I must have done something wrong because it still hurt. I could try again, but I'm too scared. I had to walk around with the mark on my neck for the better part of the day. Luckily it faded before I got home, and I'm an absolute ghost at school so as long as I kept my head down nobody noticed.
Fast forward to now. I just got back my exam results. Big surprise to everyone, especially me and my mom - I passed. I passed every test I did. I was so worried and I actually made it anyway. I was euphoric for a good 4 days. I had accomplished something. I could get into college. And best of all, I proved to mom that I'm not retarded.
But since my mom is also a narcissistic bitch, she quickly went back to her old ways after exactly 4 days of peace. She went back to calling me a bitch, a retard, a waste of air, a failed abortion. She punched me in the face a few days ago because I didn't smile at her when she came home from work. She hasn't hit me in so long. I thought she finally stopped.
But I don't get it. I passed the exams. I did what you told me to do. Retards don't pass exams. I did what I was told to do and she still hates me.
Now I'm back to being stuck. I'm out of high school now. With luck I might be able to get into some kind of further education, but right now I'm stuck with her and her constant hurtful words and bad attitude and hitting. I can't leave because I have no house, no experience and no money. I'm still stuck.
I may try to ctb again, but I may need a better method than LS. I've said enough for now.
A couple months ago, I posted a (rather retarded) plan I had on consuming the manchineel plant to ctb. After I failed to locate the plant, I came to my senses and decided that ligature strangulation was a more viable method.
I planned it for about 2 weeks. I took a shoelace from an old shoe. I left for school (I just turned 18) earlier than I normally do to decrease the chance of someone catching me. I hid behind a building about 3 hours before class started and attempted.
I choked for a few seconds, got scared, and gave up. It was my best shot - a relatively quick, non-painful method. But I must have done something wrong because it still hurt. I could try again, but I'm too scared. I had to walk around with the mark on my neck for the better part of the day. Luckily it faded before I got home, and I'm an absolute ghost at school so as long as I kept my head down nobody noticed.
Fast forward to now. I just got back my exam results. Big surprise to everyone, especially me and my mom - I passed. I passed every test I did. I was so worried and I actually made it anyway. I was euphoric for a good 4 days. I had accomplished something. I could get into college. And best of all, I proved to mom that I'm not retarded.
But since my mom is also a narcissistic bitch, she quickly went back to her old ways after exactly 4 days of peace. She went back to calling me a bitch, a retard, a waste of air, a failed abortion. She punched me in the face a few days ago because I didn't smile at her when she came home from work. She hasn't hit me in so long. I thought she finally stopped.
But I don't get it. I passed the exams. I did what you told me to do. Retards don't pass exams. I did what I was told to do and she still hates me.
Now I'm back to being stuck. I'm out of high school now. With luck I might be able to get into some kind of further education, but right now I'm stuck with her and her constant hurtful words and bad attitude and hitting. I can't leave because I have no house, no experience and no money. I'm still stuck.
I may try to ctb again, but I may need a better method than LS. I've said enough for now.
