Discussion What is Your #1 Reason for Not Wanting to Live?

[Mebius]

It's the fact that I'm already 30 and have had zero dating or relationship experience. I know my reason is stupid and shallow compared to everyone else's and that also fuels my other reason for wanting to CTB which is the fact that I'm petty and evil and feel like the moral thing to do is eliminate myself because even if I did have a girlfriend I'd probably ruin her life or something.

So I guess in summary, myself is the actual cause of my need to CTB.

Brutally over and wizardfuel

 

[F@#$]

Life itself. I just don't like the way it is.

Me neither

 

[Randy Savage]

Self hatred and loneliness

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

I am filth. There is no place in the world for me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Brutally over and wizardfuel

Sure is

 

[BRAINWORMS]

I'm desperately lonely and can barely afford therapy.

 

[pthind94]

I have a health condition that will slowly take my abilities away from me leaving me a burden to everyone around me, who would likely throw in a trash bin if they could. I'd be alone in this world. I can't live knowing I could end up like that

 

[Nephy]

Just no reason for this life .. isn't this enough to go?

 

[mpk]

I have a health condition that will slowly take my abilities away from me leaving me a burden to everyone around me, who would likely throw in a trash bin if they could. I'd be alone in this world. I can't live knowing I could end up like that

I am in the same boat with a progressive incurable disease, in my late 20's and pretty much losing everything I worked so hard for, while dealing with trauma from an Asian family household. Even if my family would want to take care of me, I couldn't bear living with a body where I can't enjoy life, it would be like living in a prison (which is my body). Neither do I want to become a burden and make my loved ones suffer and sacrifice their happiness to keep me alive, I want them to move on and be happy.

 

[L0neW0lf]

Looks like all the legends are here.
Everyone already brought the causes of me.

For you >

im useless and a constant burden to others. i have nothing to show for the life ive lived

I'm tired... Physically and mentally exhausted.

me being a lazy piece of shit to not grind and build a good life

Complex mental illness

My mind not allowing me to form a connection with people, whilst craving a connection. Mental health & ideation

being completely dead inside , no heart or soul, no conscience anymore, just existing - not feeling anything, and not being able to connect with people. my loneliness and unhappiness has driven me to this point. my zest for life is gone and i'm tired of waking up with a broken brain.

Don't understand why life exists. Don't understand people. Don't understand why people like life. I don't like being alive. That's the whole reason. I don't like it here.

There's something wrong with me, and the only way to fix it is to kill myself.

anhedonia and cognitive dysfunction

I don't think the joys of life have ever been able to erase the misery everyone is forced to go through.

All of this just feels so pointless

Why put so much effort into surviving in a world full of suffering ?

I simply don't have the drive and wil to live which some seem to have and are adamant on forcing it down your throat

have had zero dating or relationship experience

even if I did have a girlfriend I'd probably ruin her life or something.

So I guess in summary, myself is the actual cause of my need to CTB.

 

[L0neW0lf]

This universe (including life and humans) is too imperfect for living.

The life I want is impossible to achieve, and I'm struggling to deal with the one I have instead.

i have nothing that makes me happy and i have no purpose

Underlying everything, the reason I want to ctb is that I hate everything about myself and who I am had given me a shit life. And I can't change being me. So there's no hope.

I'm defective and not made for living in this world. I can't form connections with other people or achieve anything that is important to me because I'm a useless black void of a person. I want to kill myself primarily because I hate living as the person I am.

Social anxiety for me, being around people is tough. I've been living the hermit lifestyle for the past 2 years (to manage the anxiety/embarrassment), but this isn't working for me either.

I just feel worthless to everyone and useless to anything. Everytime I get that feeling, I'm reminded that it's not going anywhere and that I've never going to be good enough for anyone or anything. Like I just feel like there's no reason to be here and it makes me miserable

My inability to interact with people has made my life a horrorshow. I can't do basic things like go to the doctor, stay at a hotel, etc. Holding a job or meeting new people is impossible.

I find people boring and most of them are stupid. I just don't fit into this world. I have no idea how I made it this far.

for me theres just no point in living a life i dont even want to live. not to mention i honestly just find myself unbearable and want to be gone forever

Tired of living in this world where I'll never be enough. I'm tired of feeling alone and dead while everyone around me moves forward. There is no rock bottom, its a constant spiral downwards that never ends.

heartaches. i feel so alone and misunderstood, like nobody will truly understand what ive gone through, what ive done, and who i truly am, and my heart always hurts. it feels like its getting ripped apart every day and i can never make it stop. ofc i have ways of numbing it down (vaping, smoking, sh, and drinking) but it never stops hurting. its so hard to live in constant pain and i just want it to stop.

i just don't deserve to live. all i do is burden others

Having nobody in my life and knowing that won't change. Not much point in sticking around if I have nobody to stick around for.

existential depression mainly related to time passing, aging, and never getting to meet certain people again. Life feels worthless when the only connections or experiences you want are in the past and that time and place is gone forever.

I see no reason to live. Things are never going to change. And the emotional pain kills me everyday.
I see people I know having fulfilled lives, getting married, buying houses and here I am, crying almost every day.
I am so useless I see no point in life. Sometimes I feel okay for a few days and then I start going crazy crying all day. I m so tired of these emotions.

I've always struggled with making friends and important relationship. I feel so alone and that's how I spend most of my time. It all just feels so pointless. All the responsibilities and bullshit in life with no good and fun things to make up for it. No one to love, no one to help me get through this shit.

As the price of housing and food go up, I realize that this rest I need so badly to recover will soon be impossible if I want to eat and keep a roof over my head, which is already barely affordable.

Lack of a career. I feel worthless without being able to make a living. And there are so many smart people out there who are actually contributing to society. Doctors, scientists, engineers, etc. How are people so smart and I am unable to do anything?

tired of rebuilding my life over and over again

the many attempts have sucked the life right out of me

i don't like the chaos of life, nor my own chaos. I know that within my soul I am looking for a tranquility that I can only obtain through death

I don't have hope over the future and my life don't have sense

I mostly just feel like a waste of space honestly. All I am is a burden to people around me

Self hatred and loneliness

 

[catmanandrobin]

Guilt. And shame. The only 2 emotions I feel anymore.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Don't understand why life exists. Don't understand people. Don't understand why people like life. I don't like being alive. That's the whole reason. I don't like it here.

I agree with that.

I have hundreds of reasons.

Just some

Suicide to avoid extreme pain , extreme suffering or extreme torture. boggles my mind that humans think they are immune to all the horrible things that can happen. why take risks when life is meaningless suffering just waiting for the really bad extreme pain pain or extreme suffering to hit. Is that clickbait youtube video that "good" that important , is eating that sandwich worth all the suffering and threat of extreme pain extreme torture? will that activity i do some supposedly "enjoyable" garbage or some
"good" or "pleasurable" fleeting crap or some thing they say is important t matter in 200 years, a trillion years? nothing matters . we all die anyway.

Life is an evil imposition , prison , slavery .

 

[L0neW0lf]

I'm older than you and still haven't experienced my first kiss yet. Under 30 is still young.

should not compare, be compassionate

 

[mrtime87]

I neglected my health and am now dealing to with the consequences.

 

[michibella]

it mostly stems from gender dysphoria, i feel awful about my body and i think its impacted my sense of self greatly, i almost feel like people dont understand just how important it is to have that, and my ego is too big to feel like im no one. its like a part of me were missing and i know ill never be able to find it
i dont have any friends, most of my days i dont talk to anyone, i dont think ive ever had a real relationship, and i feel like im in a hole too deep to get out of. i still yearn for life and wish i could live it, since i do think its beautfiul in its own strange way, but i dont yearn to fix this life, i wish to have had another life in which i could have been happy.
i dont feel like im entirely alive and i just need to let go since there will never be anything worth living for

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Life is horrible....
Many more reasons to die than suffer through this unnecessary bullshit !!!

 

[anopenwound]

Because of mental illness, I always end up feeling so much pain for things that shouldn't cause it. It's so unbearable and, most of all, unescapable, that it drowns out every possibility of happiness there could be there waiting for me. The embarrassment of knowing these feelings are so disproportionate and definitely not linked to anything that's actually happening in my life doesn't help either.

It's all a game of pretending to be ok. Eventually you do feel a lil ok, but it's some wicked form of emotional bankruptcy. You give your everything to feel good again but the expenses are too high and the profits are too low. You're overworked all the time. You're miserable all the time. You can't afford to have a second of rest. Eventually, you close the store. Eventually, you CTB.

I'm unbelievably tired. People may see me struggling sometimes but they have no idea how this feels. It's so fucking lonely. Not only I gotta feel all this, but I also have to be burdened with the knowledge that nobody around me is even remotely equipped to understand this. They constantly say the ineffective thing at best, the very annoying thing at worst. If you get angry you lose them. You become the friend that has to be sent to the hospital. Your support network shrinks. Nobody likes crazy, not that much anyway.

I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired. I wanna scream it until there'll be no air left in my lungs. I wanna close my eyes and not wake up ever again. I can't think of anything in my life that is soon to happen to cheer me up enough. A lot of what should feels so painful to even think of. It's humiliating. I can't even be happy about things people tell me I should be proud of. I'm not. I feel dead inside. I feel nothing but sorrow.

I need help. I need someone to take it all away. Please.

 

[landmine]

im a stupid girl that needs to be euthanized

 

[BetterInTheory]

i just feel like i'm not suitable for living. i force myself not to think about it too much but every time a single thought crosses my mind, i start craving not existing even more

I relate too hard to this
There's a deep well if sadness in me, and I don't know where it comes from. Nothing bad has happened to me, nothing traumatic. But I'm simply not happy. Not in the way everyone else seems to be.
Ever since I can remember I've struggled to understand life. I find the whole idea of working to live, to simply exist, so bizarre. And I have no interest in slaving away at some job simply because people say I MUST do so to stay alive.
I feel like I'm not of this world.

 

[belomorski]

For me it's the mistakes I made and how much I screwed everything up. I just don't see a way to fix things and feel trapped with no way out.

 

[Darkover]

Below are the reasons I will be ctb:
(1)no sex for 20 years no love or care from anyone only one sexual relationship between the age of 16 and 18
(2)broken left shoulder dislocates 10 times goes weak and limp at 18
(3)decay teeth 4 molar teeth completely decayed, 22 cavities at 18
(4)damaged stomach lining from a paracetamol overdose at 22
(5)tinnitus in both ears caused by weed and headphones at 30
(6)brain injury caused by weed and headphones at 30
(7)schizophrenia and depression at 18
(8)no friends all my life
(9)going to jail for a crime i didn't commit at 18
(10)no job or work
(11)left school with no gcse i didn't go for the most part
(12)neglect and abuse my parents didn't take me to the dentist my sister was giving me weed from age 11or12
(13) crappy housing

 

[abyss@fmPf1KVp6]

It's because life and its societal expectations are extremely frustrating and unappealing and I personally generally hold very little power to change my life for the better especially when trauma and mental illness ensures that you will have even more of a hard time than the average person

My life is just trying to distract myself from just that, my own life. I distract myself from the boredom that mundane life brings, the fact that individualism kills any chance of deep connections, the fact that because I'm aro I'll likely be left out behind and alone because society prioritizes romantic relationships above anything, and the reality that if you carry unresolved trauma through your adulthood most of the world would rather find reasons to look down on you and make life increasingly difficult because you need to be productive and keep your shit together. Beyond all of that, I don't see the point so why bother

 

[I wish to be happy]

I know it's never just ONE reason, but it can definitely FEEL like it.

What is your #1 reason that pushes you over the top for not wanting to live anymore?

Thank you for sharing.

I live a joyless existence, it's been this way as long as I can remember and I don't think it'll ever stop.

 

[atdusk]

I've lost hope in the future.

 

[Blooper]

I've lost hope in the future.

Same. I don't have a #1 reason.

 

[Lo$t95]

I know it's never just ONE reason, but it can definitely FEEL like it.

What is your #1 reason that pushes you over the top for not wanting to live anymore?

Thank you for sharing.

Being adopted not sharing blood with anyone I know. Abuse when I was young. Addiction depression anxiety stress self harm eating disorders not sure which is worst. Frankly I'm just fucking exhausted with life.

 

[WantThisToEnd]

Haven't got a job yet despite trying for almost 2 years, i keep learning new things just so i can gain new skill but it hasn't paid off yet.

Being a burden to my parents and also unable to be financially independent, im planning to at least buy my own car after getting a job but it also failed as well

Aren't you scared of what will happen when your parents aren't around to financially support you? I'm in the same boat as you and that's my biggest fear.

 

[WantThisToEnd]

I just don't see myself living a proper life. I know everyone suffers. I know I suffer a bit more because of mental illness and so do many people, but there are so many factors in my life that are just waiting to blow up in my face as I go on.

My family and the trauma they've given me is something I'll always carry. I've been abused and I know people leave their abusive homes and find better places but I'm stuck. I can never leave unless someone throws a million dollars on my lap and help me change my name. Even then I don't know if I'll be able to live a peaceful life because of the guilt I'll feel for leaving these horrible people alone in their horrible lives.

I'm not responsible but I was born into it and I've been conditioned to feel horrible for trying not to care. If I don't CTB by thinking I'm a horrible person I'll end up CTBing anyway by thinking my life brings me too much pain. I don't know. Sorry if this sounds confusing or stupid. I'm crying as I type this because nothing hurts more than realizing again and again that I have no way out. No chance at a good life. Just pure bad luck.

"…nothing hurts more than realizing again and again that I have no way out." I felt that so much. If only CTBing was painless and accessible. Not everyone was made for this world.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

Reading through these is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for everyone's suffering. There's just so many.