Discussion What is Your #1 Reason for Not Wanting to Live?

[BirdWithoutWings]

Having nobody in my life and knowing that won't change. Not much point in sticking around if I have nobody to stick around for.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

How ugly I am. I am so starved of affection, yet even when I get some it's never enough, it'll never be enough.

Virtual Hugs

Having nobody in my life and knowing that won't change. Not much point in sticking around if I have nobody to stick around for.

Neurodivergence

Having nobody in my life and knowing that won't change. Not much point in sticking around if I have nobody to stick around for.

 

[blacksand]

existential depression mainly related to time passing, aging, and never getting to meet certain people again. Life feels worthless when the only connections or experiences you want are in the past and that time and place is gone forever.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

Well, mostly because of my mental disorders, I am schizophrenic and having cognitive decline, it gets worse, I forget a lot more, I even forget language, words, people that I once used to know and even places I had been.

 

[the_summoning]

My main reason is because I'm depressed, lonely, and don't have anyone depending on me for survival (no children, no spouse, no disabled family member). At this point, I don't really see the point of being alive anymore so why bother?

 

[DesolateSouls]

the biggest one is that I received an injury to my sexual organ when I was younger and am essentially a eunuch.

 

[juna]

So many reasons. I am depressed since years and on top of that very weird person(perhaps because I might be autistic). I am almost 30 and I have never been in any relationship. Last year, a guy asked me to date him so many times, that I said yes. And ended up deeply hurt. He just slept with me and hurt my feelings so much that I want to kill myself even more. Today he has a new girlfriend. It kills me to see him happy. I guess that is a character fault I have but I can't help it. I have no friends near me. And I can't make new ones because I am so stupid. Overall I live alone, lonely, have been sad since childhood, emotionally hurt due to last year, and have no chance of having a relationship since I am not mentally okay for one.
I see no reason to live. Things are never going to change. And the emotional pain kills me everyday.
I see people I know having fulfilled lives, getting married, buying houses and here I am, crying almost every day.
I am so useless I see no point in life. Sometimes I feel okay for a few days and then I start going crazy crying all day. I m so tired of these emotions.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

So many reasons. I am depressed since years and on top of that very weird person(perhaps because I might be autistic). I am almost 30 and I have never been in any relationship. Last year, a guy asked me to date him so many times, that I said yes. And ended up deeply hurt. He just slept with me and hurt my feelings so much that I want to kill myself even more. Today he has a new girlfriend. It kills me to see him happy. I guess that is a character fault I have but I can't help it. I have no friends near me. And I can't make new ones because I am so stupid. Overall I live alone, lonely, have been sad since childhood, emotionally hurt due to last year, and have no chance of having a relationship since I am not mentally okay for one.
I see no reason to live. Things are never going to change. And the emotional pain kills me everyday.
I see people I know having fulfilled lives, getting married, buying houses and here I am, crying almost every day.
I am so useless I see no point in life. Sometimes I feel okay for a few days and then I start going crazy crying all day. I m so tired of these emotions.

Be gentle on yourself.

 

[KANCEL]

Get out before I am in an even worse position than I am now

 

[catnowmeowmeow]

My reason is that I've actually lived a good life, I've done everything I wanted and honestly I have a lot of things going for me but I sabotaged and lost the one person I care about and I can't imagine going another 30-40 years like this and just looking back also it's just downhill from here as well as your physical deteriorates.

 

[Yaka]

I know it's never just ONE reason, but it can definitely FEEL like it.

What is your #1 reason that pushes you over the top for not wanting to live anymore?

Thank you for sharing.

the people within this house I am forced to live within

 

[denjiwillsaveme]

I don't have anything to look forward to, I've lost all connection to living. My parents.

 

[Labyrinth]

I waited all my life for things to be different, but they never changed. I believed that I was important, that life had meaning and that I would get somewhere. It was all a daydream, it was all an illusion. Nothing I did was worth it. I live only to consume... and prolong my suffering.

You are alone because you will die sooner or later. Even if you deny this truth it will resurface.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

existential depression mainly related to time passing, aging, and never getting to meet certain people again. Life feels worthless when the only connections or experiences you want are in the past and that time and place is gone forever.

I felt this in my soul.

 

[spentspirit]

A cycle of neverending psychological self harm.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Loneliness.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

My own body turning on me.

 

[LunarLight]

My brain is flawed and tortures me. Meds don't work. Therapy doesn't work. Nothing works. And I'm a hard pro-lifer according to SaSu standards. I'm just tired. I feel like I am 75 whereas I'm only 26.

 

[Endless_suffering]

Terrible memories I can't erase or escape. I relive my past every night. Prazosin did nothing to alleviate the nightmares so now they've put me on seroquel which simply TRAP me in the nightmares. I want to make them stop forever

 

[DraicKin]

I've always struggled with making friends and important relationship. I feel so alone and that's how I spend most of my time. It all just feels so pointless. All the responsibilities and bullshit in life with no good and fun things to make up for it. No one to love, no one to help me get through this shit.

 

[paredler]

Work. Most workplaces are over violent. Customers, bosses and co workers humiliate you, harass you, insult you, throw objects at you and practice their aggression at you. It's a mentally (and physically) unsafe place and it's very harmful for my well being and my every day mental functioning. I need to escape to death to avoid such very undesirable fate. The pain such life entails is just as miserable as a debilitating chronic illness. I already have psychiatric disorders from past experiences. I'm broken beyond recovery.

 

[Perdition]

No matter what, I can't feel ok while being an active participant of this world. It's overstimulating and cruel. I can survive for a while, but things always fall apart again…

The cycle repeats endlessly. It gets better, it gets worse. It is exhausting, to say the least - after 3 decades now, and several highly traumatic experiences, my physical body is starting to protest the constant stress. I just want to sleep all the time, now.

As the price of housing and food go up, I realize that this rest I need so badly to recover will soon be impossible if I want to eat and keep a roof over my head, which is already barely affordable.

For now, it's this prospect coupled with an extremely unhealthy long term relationship that I need to remain in if I want to remain housed. Also, anytime I have escaped briefly I always return because of my own stupidity and naive belief that he will be kind to me "this time".

Tl;dr I have spent enough time on earth to know I hate it here and do not wish to fight to stay.

 

[AveMori]

My family are the most despicable individuals that have ever roamed they planet, so all I was taught from my childhood one was hate and anger. When my life started falling apart and my depression forced me to end my career that was going pretty alright until then, they reacted by calling me a loses and shaming me constantly. I still don't have the strength to cut them out of my life. Every other relationship I had fell apart very quickly, because I am unable to handle my emotions and show love.

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

Hurt and drove away the person who cared the most about me, who used to love me like I loved them until I ruined it by being horrible and sinking into depression. A person I've accepted I cannot live without. And there is no escape from the memories of all the insane and stupid and thoughtless decisions I kept making.
No way to know how they're doing. No way to help them if it's bad. Probably because of me.
The thoughts and memories and regret are 24/7, I don't even need the tiniest connection to remind me anymore, it just plays by default on a perpetual loop, all day, all night, forever. And there is nothing that distracts from it or quiets it. I have tried everything. I don't deserve an escape from them anyway though.
My only choice is to CTB now because it will only keep getting worse. The more time passes, the worse I feel. Healing doesn't exist for me. No one can help me. I only resent the ones trying to get me to cling to life despite me explaining clearly why it's not worth it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because having the ability to exist is a torturous, futile and unnecessary burden that I never would have wanted or chosen, I find it so immensley tragic how life even exists at all, I view existence as a horrific mistake that causes endless amounts of meaningless torment and senseless cruelty. I personally see no value in existing as a conscious being capable of feeling such extreme agony destined for nothing but to decay and deteriorate. I'm just not meant for this burden and I don't want to suffer in any way, rather I just wish for the peace that only eternal nothingness can bring, existence itself is the problem for me.

 

[WantThisToEnd]

Lack of a career. I feel worthless without being able to make a living. And there are so many smart people out there who are actually contributing to society. Doctors, scientists, engineers, etc. How are people so smart and I am unable to do anything?

 

[rebelnow111]

my lifes ruined so bad theres no hope of fixing it and uncomfortable health problems that will kill me eventually regardless.

 

[lovedread]

Ppl dont treat me like a human being

 

[catnowmeowmeow]

I drove away someone that I loved and I can't accept the fact that I don't have them in my life like before also, people always say we were born alone and die alone, well I don't want to be alone and also I think I've experienced enough already. Im happy to close the chapters of my life now.

 

[a.hamza.13]

Pain and suffering